


how do you talk to an angel?

by yournabi



Series: spirit of 1998 outtake [1]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: 90s, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Read at your risk, This is what happened before
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 108,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25839940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yournabi/pseuds/yournabi
Summary: Spirit of 1998 Mihyun Backstoryor,Dahyun lives a relatively uneventful life until the new students came along. In the blink of an eye, everything changes.
Relationships: Kim Dahyun/Myoui Mina
Series: spirit of 1998 outtake [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1893778
Comments: 201
Kudos: 1161





	1. apgujeong's most dangerous student

**Author's Note:**

> MIHYUN BACKSTORY HELLO!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kim Dahyun, Student Welcoming Committee, at your service.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for the duo @penguindubu and adie @manobunnyx and for everyone else who wanted to find out about how spirit of 1998 mihyun came to be HAHAHA

Sometimes Dahyun wonders what kind of ceiling René Descartes was staring at when he came up with the Cartesian plane.

Was it just like the one she was staring at right now?

A dirty white pockmarked surface with visible water stains and fissures helplessly covered up by layers of dilapidated waterproof sealants, accumulated through time and time again roof leaks that a multi-million won-endowed private school somehow cannot find a solution to?

If René was here, would he be able to imagine a Cartesian plane on this too?

Dahyun squints at the obnoxious white, trying to get a hold of the intense boredom (and curiosity) the mathematician must have had to be able to come up with a two-line graph for data pairs from a bland surface.

She doesn't have any idea why Yves asked to meet here when they could have just met at the diner or any other cooler place that isn't _school._

_Meh. She's weird but I'm weird too so that's okay. We're already here so..._

"You're gonna snap your neck if you don't stop that."

“Unnie.” Dahyun breathes out, unwavering in her stare down with the cracks of the ceiling. “When do you think will they ever move us to a new room?”

It was a helpless fit when the maintenance staff turned the small worn-down storage room at the end of the west wing hall into the official Student Welcoming Committee office early last academic year.

The only difference between the old storage room and the so-called office now is the old sofa Yves and Jiwoo contributed, brought over from the old journalism club's newsroom. It comes in handy when no one wants to use the creaky (and dangerous) table and when Dahyun just wants to sleep in peace because nobody ever goes to this end of the hall. Nowadays, however, it looks like it's two butts away from falling apart so Yves just drapes a white cloth over it and settles for the hazardous small dining table-turned-meeting desk as their new workplace now.

Aside from the creaky furniture, there are also the busted lights that always feel like Dahyun's in a rave party, the lone window in the room that never seems to open wider than half its ability to, and, of course, the leaky ceiling.

Everything about the Student Welcoming Committee screams half-assed by the frugal school, much to the honor Dahyun knows she's somehow obligated to feel considering how this organization was built in her concern, fought to existence by the great Student Council President Park Jihyo, so that Dahyun's sad welcoming (or lack thereof) will never repeat again, and to also help guide the new students of the esteemed (stingy) Apgujeong Private High School.

The entire summer break has flown by and yet the school still _hasn’t_ decided to spare their tiny office room any attention and saving.

Dahyun feels really dejected now.

“Stop that. You need to stay alive if they ever do move us to a new room.” Yves, the oldest member of the Student Welcoming Committee (a pretty junior everybody else somehow ends up being too afraid to talk to), settles down on the head seat of the worn-down meeting table.

“If you continue staring at the ceiling, your blood’s gonna rush over to your head. Or you’ll just just snap your neck.” She shrugs. “You die in both ways.”

“That’s…" Dahyun gulps, craning her neck back to place. Okay now she gets why everybody else is afraid of Yves Ha. "That's scary, unnie…"

“It’s stupid.” Yves focuses on fixing a clump of papers, aligning the edges with the help of the table. She slides the clipped stack over to Dahyun.

“Now sit down properly. I only have a few minutes before my parents find out I snuck out. _Again._ I just have to talk to you about the new student arriving in a few days.” 

Dahyun does what she's told without sparing a second. She's known to be a good kid and the only student scary junior Yves doesn't bluntly ignore unlike everyone else. Dahyun would very much like to keep it that way and try not to ruin her chances with the only organization that's going to help make her college applications look spotless and perfect.

Yves nods her head to the clipped stack of papers in front of Dahyun. "Those are from the Principal Park."

It's a black-and-white photocopy of a slam book page, colorful and decorated with stickers of Kim Wansun and Michael Jackson, among other things, torn off at one side.

Dahyun immediately recognizes it from the Guidance office's, with how she used to stay over there during her freshman year answering Ms. Kwon's slam books. They make new students go over and answer. Judging from the unfamiliar scribbles of what seems to be shaky but neat handwriting, in one of those glittery pens Ms. Kwon collects, this must be the new student's slam book page.

"Mina Sharon Myoui?" Dahyun reads the first line. Her lips learn the unfamiliar name like a prayer, reciting over and over again until it slips off in such a graceful, wealthy sound, her slam book page's very own **k!M dü3u** sounds and looks like a disgrace now.

When Yves corrects her faulty pronunciation with her very own sultry, airy, and elegant voice, reading Mina Sharon Myoui with a slightly-off and intimidating Western accent, Dahyun feels even more awe-struck.

_Can someone actually be named that beautifully?_

"Principal Park asked if I could show her around at the start of the school, but I still have things to do with the talent show so I thought of giving you this one." Yves is normally in-charge of the older new students, considering how Dahyun is a squirming ball of nerves and the personification of embarrassment whenever she’s near a senior, let alone a senior with a pretty sounding name.

“You think her name sounds pretty?” Yves smiles.

_Did I just say that out loud?_

“Wait ‘til you see her then.”

Dahyun feels her breath hitch.

So here’s the thing: Girls are a hard topic. Confusing. It’s like approaching a ticking bomb and picking through the colored wires for the one to cut off, to stop the explosion. An intricate and fatal experience.

With girls, Dahyun is a mess.

Ever since transferring to this prestigious (cheapskate) school, all she’s ever got herself entangled with is a bundle of trouble and confusion because somehow, the girls in the city are far different than the ones she grew up seeing in the province. Suddenly, Dahyun's no longer a Tony Ahn and Andy Lau fangirl, and her Walkman has only ever played Kim Wansun and Mariya Takeuchi ever since. She likes to blame it on the city's upbeat lifestyle but everyone knows it's the people.

The girls in the city are always trouble.

"Why is she coming in so late?" Dahyun asks, interest caught when it dawns on her that this is the first student who’s decided to enroll so late in her high school years.

As far as she’s concerned, people usually try to avoid transferring schools in their senior years. Adjusting and adapting is a different kind of challenge when it’s high school and education isn’t your only obstacle to face. It’s even harder when you’re transferring to a school like Apgujeong High, whose students (seniors) only take into account all the superficial aspects of your life and use them as the deciding basis on whether you’re a _Cher Horowitz_ or a _Tai Frasier._

"I have no idea", Yves shrugs nonchalantly. She’s a Cher, it explains. Always has been. "All I know is that she must be pretty fucking loaded to enroll here so easily. She has dorms all sorted out and even has an entire room all to herself."

Dahyun's jaw drops. "The entire room?!"

Yves nods with a lopsided smirk, impressed herself.

"Woah…"

The dorm situations are pretty normal and sufficient for a province girl who lived sharing the same room with her parents and older brother for the entirety of her growing-up life.

The rooms are big at the dorm, enough for two to three residents. Dahyun shares hers with Jihyo–which is fucking cool–and their space is neat and clutter-free all the time. It's what you get when the Student Council President is your roommate.

Dahyun doesn't know much about how things work at the dorms but for this new pretty-named student to get one entire room for herself...she must either be really wealthy to afford the hefty rent (seeing as she isn't a scholarship-admitted student unlike Dahyun) or she just doesn't like sharing her own space with others.

Either way, this new kid is interesting.

Dahyun is already excited to meet her when the school year starts.

* * *

Fuck this shit. Dahyun wants to back out.

She’s normally a resilient person. Kim Dahyun never exits a fight unless when she needs to and someone’s already dying. Other than that, she’s able to withstand everything thrown her way. She falls down and stumbles a lot, but that doesn’t stop her from finishing whatever it is she has to finish.

It’s what Kim Dahyun is known for–other than the more obvious things she’s famous for (i.e. her eagle dance in the freshman orientation week last year that’ll probably make its way to the school yearbook, her glaring blonde hair that makes her stand out among all the other brunettes and colored streak clip-ons, so on and so forth).

This, however...Dahyun isn’t known for this.

* * *

(It starts with Jackson Wang. Because of course it does.)

It was pretty much an uneventful day, like all the other days when you live far away from home and all your other friends are older, _more important_ people.

Dahyun spends her days out in the streets, looking for new places to hang at or cheap arcades to play in. By the afternoon, she goes with her Jeongyeon and Momo unnie to school for their summer training sessions, watching from the bleachers and just chilling with the latest volume of Neon Genesis Evangelion to read. 

This is the entirety of Kim Dahyun’s day, a consistency in her life that is somehow a source of steady comfort and assurance now.

The bleachers by the open field are empty this summer afternoon. The only people present are a few teachers and staff preparing for the academic year opening next week and the student athletes in their pre-season training sessions staying around.

Dahyun feels at peace the most during these times of solitude.

The sunset spreading by the horizon, past the outlines of the school buildings and behind the cotton clouds fanned out by the afternoon breeze; the sight of the soccer team training by the lush green field, her Jeongyeon and Momo unnie spearheading with their amazing athletic abilities. The final touch of perfection is her Walkman right beside her, flimsy lightweight headphones on the sides of her head, blasting the familiar intro of Sweet Caroline to her soul.

Dahyun bobs her head to the happy beat.

She decides to read her manhwa while waiting, to save time and be able to watch Sailor Moon without any hindrance when she gets back to the dorms later.

When she fishes for her thin comic book inside her bag however, the casualties left by the hurricane movements of her time-pressured haste has her pulling out the wrong clump of papers.

Mina Sharon Myoui’s pretty cursive handwriting greets Dahyun’s eyes, just when the chorus of Sweet Caroline plays.

It suddenly feels like she’s in a field of flowers.

Dahyun ends up forgetting about her manhwa. There’s something even more interesting, quite enthralling, with what she’s seeing, the brave answers from the likes and favorites page of Mina’s slam book entry.

Unlike the first few pages that only ask about general info like contact details (which Mina left blank, unfortunately) and home addresses (again, blank), this page is adorned with pretty cursive handwriting and scientifically-questionable, perfectly-drawn circles over the _Choose Your Favorite!_ questions.

Dahyun finds out a lot about Mina Sharon Myoui even before meeting her. 

Her job as a welcoming committee member didn’t entail that she had to study every bit of information about the new student, let alone a senior. When Yves did this, she was all professional and outwardly friendly, never too warm to get personal but just enough to be acquaintances.

Dahyun didn’t need to know that Mina liked Jasmines and Angels Breaths, preferred Gap’s Grass over the Dream’s scent, watched the Love Letter more than once a month, and was head-over-heels in love with _the two_ Itsuki Fujii in the film.

She didn’t need to waste her time knowing these, but she stays reading nonetheless, smiling at every heart drawn at the end of a name, at every unusual pick and interesting answer.

She hasn’t met Mina Sharon Myoui, yet somehow, Dahyun already likes her.

At the bottom part of the page is the most interesting portion of the entire slam book. A question of ideals and the likes.

_What is your ideal type?_

She’d probably describe someone from the boys’ basketball team, Dahyun thinks. With their virility overhyped by television, everyone suddenly thinks high school boys from private schools are like Asian counterparts of Leo, Devon Sawa, or Rider Strong when in reality, they’re really just a bunch of disgusting big babies. 

Dahyun’s nose scrunches at the sour taste of the idea.

She looks down at Mina’s answer, hoping she won’t be fooled like the rest.

(Spoiler alert: Dahyun doesn’t get to find out.)

Before she can even read a single word, however, an arm is thrown around her shoulders roughly, almost sending her falling down the bleachers and _perfectly_ knocking off her headphones.

It’s sweaty and hard, as heavy as a bowling bowl from Park’s Alley, biceps the size of a compact disk. A wisp of strong men’s perfume blows its way to Dahyun’s face, sending her nose scrunching with a burning kind of sensation. Her nostrils feel like they’re on fire.

She already knows who it is.

“Oppa, ew!” Dahyun tries to move away but Jackson practically headlocks her in place, ruffling her hair.

“Is my Dahyunnie grossed out by her hyung now!?” Jackson pouts, feigning offense.

“Oppa, get off. You’re sweaty!”

There’s a glint of mischief in the basketball captain’s eyes, his fake kicked puppy act unable to hold down the cackle that slices through the peaceful stillness of a few minutes ago. Even a few of the cheerleaders and soccer players training on the field look up at them, attention caught by the rather boisterous laughter of the notorious Jackson Wang.

As if the unwanted attention isn’t enough, Jackson’s mischievous eyes notice the paper in Dahyun’s hands, the cause of her stern focus and sought privacy.

He grabs it quickly, because Jackson is just like that. Always has been _the most_ _annoying_ older brother friend in Dahyun’s entire life, and Dahyun’s naturally poor ability to react unsurprisingly leaves her frozen and jaw-slacked, because she’s also like every unfortunately pestered little sister in this narrative.

“What is this?” Jackson singsongs, eyes brightly scanning the paper.

Dahyun fights to get it back when it dawns on her, because no one is supposed to know there’s going to be a new student at least before the school year. Because no person also deserves to have their personal slam book pages in _the wrong hands_.

But Jackson is at least two heads taller, three times bigger, and a thousand and more ways faster and stronger than Dahyun, so she obviously loses the battle and only gets effortlessly–humiliatingly– shoved away with just _one hand._

That goes on for about a few more _embarrassing_ minutes before Coach Solji starts moving towards their way and Jackson decides he’s had enough fun tormenting his _little sister._ He gives it back with a sheepish smile. 

Dahyun doesn’t have the heart to punch his arm for the humiliation. She stomps on his foot instead.

Jackson doesn’t feel anything through the thick protection of his Reebok pumps but he pretends he does for Dahyun’s bruised ego, yelping and stumbling back.

It looks too scripted for Dahyun to care. She slumps back down on her seat with a huff, shoulders lagging when the exhaustion from getting the slam book pages back kicks in.

Jackson, unfortunately, continues to stay to keep her company.

(Any other day Dahyun would appreciate this. Jackson Wang is a big name in school, and everyone would _love_ to be pestered by him. But now, this is the last thing she wants. Jackson is a big name but he’s also a _big, loud mouth._ )

He snoops over Dahyun’s shoulders. “That’s the new student?”

 _Ugh._ Dahyun doesn’t answer.

Jackson lights up in amusement. He playfully begins poking at Dahyun’s shoulder, as if that would get her to give him the answer he already knows.

“It is then.” He gives in when Dahyun doesn’t. “You better be careful, okay?”

The change in his playful tone is uncanny, especially because it drifts to a tenor that sounds as if Jackson Wang is actually _serious_ about something.

Dahyun can’t help but fall into the bait. “Be careful of what?”

Jackson is sitting with his muscular arms stretched out behind him, leaning back leisurely as his smirk drifts off to midair.

“The new kid. My boys know all about her already.”

Dahyun narrows her eyes skeptically at the basketball captain. Jackson’s little spies were all over town, doing errands for him. He was a mafia boss in the making.

“What are you talking about, oppa?”

“One of my boys told me she’s fucking loaded.” Jackson cocks an eyebrow up, playing Dahyun into his game. He knows getting one trivia detail correct is the only key to gaining Dahyun’s attention and trust.

Dahyun hates how everyone knows she’s that easy.

“And your point is…?”

Jackson faces her altogether, lopsided smirk infuriatingly cheeky when he leans a little bit closer to whisper, “The new kid? She’s the daughter…of a Yakuza boss.”

Dahyun blinks. “A what?”

“You know? Those big crime syndicates in Japan? She’s Japanese, right?”

Dahyun isn’t sure but the surname kind of gave it away. “Um…yeah?”

“Then, yes. Yakuza Princess.” Jackson sits back up, certain. “My boys never do me wrong. Be careful, Fake Little Sister.”

The gears in Dahyun’s head move rather slowly, trying to grasp the information she’s just heard. Jackson Wang is a man of his words, according to her Jeongyeon unnie (given that only applies when he owes her something like mocha buns or a free ride with his sports car, never about Japanese crime syndicates) this, however, is something Dahyun just can’t comprehend properly.

Nothing about what Jackson said makes any sense in her head. She’s not left with anytime trying to understand it even more, when the shrill sound of the whistle blowing breaks through her muddled thoughts.

A few minutes later Jeongyeon joins them already, attractively rugged-looking and mildly disordered from her rigorous training session. Sweat sticks the fabric of her shirt against her stomach, outlining to-die-for toned abs.

Even through her disheveled glory, hair tied up in a ponytail and a towel wrapped around her neck, Dahyun’s Jeongyeon unnie is still as cool as ever, every girl and boys’ crush.

“Wangwang! What are you doing out here? Training done?” She asks towards Jackson, doing some sort of bro-shake with him. When she sees Dahyun’s little frown, it dawns on her. 

“Messing around Dahyunnie again, I see?”

Jackson snorts, waving his hand in dismissal. “Nah. I was just telling Dahyun about the new senior coming in.”

“Oh. Next week?”

Dahyun forgot. The new school year starts next week so Mina will also be coming in then. 

Suddenly, her throat dries up at the thought of meeting the new student, now a different reaction from _before_ Jackson poisoned her mind into having double thoughts about the pretty-named senior.

“Kid? Are you okay?” Jeongyeon’s warm, fond-trickled voice snaps Dahyun out of her reverie. The esteemed soccer captain is already sitting down on the bleachers next to her gym bag, kicking off her shoes unceremoniously.

“Did Jackson say something stupid again?” She huffs, brows furrowing at the basketball captain standing in front, shrugging his shoulders innocently. 

“Uh, yeah…”

“It wasn’t stupid!” Jackson rebukes. 

“Something about the new student, I’m guessing?” Jeongyeon ignores his cries. 

Big surprise: Jeongyeon is an honorary member of the Welcoming Committee. Jihyo made her join as an unofficial school ambassador of some sorts—because parents like seeing students like Jeongyeon, all sporty, smart, and pretty, and more parents equals more profit for the school—but that doesn’t mean Jeongyeon joins the meetings or anything. She never does, to be honest. Her training schedules collide with team meetings and Yves has, more than once, expressed her desire to just set Jeongyeon free from the shackles of low-budget school org duties.

Despite that, oddly, Jeongyeon lowkey stays and keeps up to date.

“What did he say now?” Jeongyeon slips on her slippers, wiggling her toes in glee at the newfound liberty away from the confines of her socks. 

“Something about a Yakuza…” Dahyun puts the slam book pages back in her bag. 

“Yakuza!?” Jeongyeon exclaims, eyes throwing daggers at Jackson standing behind Dahyun. “And do you believe him?”

Dahyun _hates_ that a part of her is questioning a lot of things now, connecting dots without her permission.

Her silence makes way for Jackson’s rebuttal. 

“What’s _not_ to believe?” He says with much exasperation. He holds up his hand and begins counting his conjectures.

“One, she’s fucking rich. Dirty money from Yakuza business. Two, entire room for herself?” Jackson snorts. “Secrets! Yakuza things too! She probably has a knife set hiding under her bed. And three?” he trails off, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. “Isn’t it unsettling how she’s moving all this way to a new country, so _late_ into her high school year, when she could’ve just...oh, I don’t know, _transfer_ to some other better school there in Japan?” 

“Bullshit, Jackson.” Jeongyeon scoffs, breaking the noir tension between the jokester basketball captain and iffy little Dahyun. “You’re scaring Dahyun with your shitty jokes again.”

“I’m really not kidding!” Jackson looks like he’s on the burst of laughing and crying at the same time. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t believe him even more. “You know what? Just go back to your boys, Wang. I’m seriously going to kick your ass if you scare Dahyun off even more.” 

Jackson tries to say something else but Jeongyeon coils her fist to prepare a punch at his self-proclaimed perfectly-sculpted face, eventually sending him running off with a laugh. 

Dahyun’s too busy zoning out the entire time to notice anything, gulping a boulder down her parched throat as Jackson’s words finally strike her–the possibilities that pretty-named _Mina Sharon Myoui_ might actually be a _Yakuza Princess..._

_Oh no._

“Unnie.”

“Mm?” 

Dahyun stands up, walks besides Jeongyeon when they begin trudging down the bleachers.

“Can you come with me next week?”

“Where?”

“At the welcoming.”

Jeongyeon snorts. She pulls Dahyun close when they exit the field. “You’re seriously believing Jackson?”

Dahyun doesn’t answer. Her trembling shoulders when Jeongyeon wraps an arm around them are enough of one.

“He’s just joking around, Hyun. Don’t believe that clown.”

“Still.” Dahyun snuggles closer to her unnie. “I’ll buy you mocha buns for an entire month in exchange.”

Jeongyeon drifts off to pondering silence for a few seconds, contemplating the unfair negotiation. “You do know that you’re just putting yourself up for the shorter end of the stick, right? You don’t need to buy me mocha buns for an entire month because there’s nothing to be afraid of, Dubs. Jackson’s just messing with you.”

Dahyun stays firm, however. “I’ll do your homework too.”

 _That_ , Jeongyeon can’t decline. “Ooh....you’re good at this.”

Jeongyeon may be smart, but she’s a little bit lazy too. They’re all humans here (more like, messed up teenagers).

“So?” Dahyun looks up at the older, taller girl with bright hopeful eyes. “Please come with me?” _And protect me just in case? Hopefully the need never rises…_

Jeongyeon rolls her eyes with a defeated sigh. “Sure. Whatever. Mocha buns and homework for a month?”

“Deal.” Dahyun offers a handshake to seal everything close.

Jeongyeon reluctantly accepts with a shrug. “You do know you’re not the favorable one in this situation right?”

“It’s okay.” Dahyun knows. Somehow, it already feels like she’s losing way too much. _It’ll be okay._

She pushes down the bitter feeling with a tight hold around her Jeongyeon unnie’s arm. “I have you.” _You’ll be the one for Mina._

* * *

Jeongyeon’s innate valor is contagious. 

It helps knock a little sense into Dahyun’s timidity. 

_Maybe this is why almost the entire school has a crush on unnie…_

The courage sets its peak the night before their first day back in school when–obviously overlooking the fact that she’s going to meet the new pretty-named senior tomorrow morning as well–Dahyun realizes that she’s going to be a sophomore now. Not as ideally naive as her freshman self but also not as defeatist as the juniors and seniors. 

Sophomore year just hits right. Something tells Dahyun it’s going to be different this time. 

Exactly what kind of different? Dahyun hopes it’s the good one. 

She doesn’t have the heart and energy to deal with any more drama. All she wants for now is a lighthearted year, one where she can learn and enjoy herself, and hopefully still have all 206 of her bones intact by the end. 

_UGH._ Dahyun is promptly reminded again of her important obligations tomorrow. 

The small spark of courage inside of her is like a precarious pole standing alone in the middle of a heavy storm, unguarded and exposed. All it takes is a reminder of what’s to happen for it to come burning out.

“Unnie?” Dahyun mumbles, eyes still fixed on the latest episode of Sailor Moon playing in front of them. 

Jihyo sits right next to her on the floral chintz sofa, one leg tucked underneath the other that hangs limply on the edge of the cushion. Her attention briefly leaves her script for tomorrow's opening remarks, eyes drifting to her golden-haired roommate for a short warm glance, "Yes?" 

Dahyun feels bad for dragging her unnie here when she's clearly busy with other things. They're really not supposed to be staying up and watching a rerun of the new Sailor Moon episode in the dining hall. It's a big day tomorrow and they– _she–_ will need all the energy in the world to survive it.

“Have you heard of the new senior?” 

Still, Dahyun couldn't sleep or even close her eyes for a single second. Her mind continues involuntarily trying to assess the situation and coming up with possible escape tactics–should the need rise (currently she's in Strategy #13, the one where she uses her nonexistent and clearly exaggerated martial arts skills to twist her attacker's arms and throw them over her shoulder)–to the point where even Jihyo had noticed her younger roommate's concerning sleepless and uneasy state. 

Mission Get Dahyun To Stop Overthinking had to be implemented by means of dragging the younger girl down to the dining hall to watch some TV, Dahyun’s go-to stress management routines.

Jihyo doesn’t watch much, especially when it’s curfew time and it's a clear breach of dorm rules _and_ an abuse of her Hall Monitor duties for them to be lounging at the dining hall so late at night, but this is Dahyun and the sunshine girl had always been a soft spot in Jihyo’s heart. 

For her, Jihyo would do anything. 

“Ah…” she trails off with a nod, closing her binder with a soft flap. Jihyo had been waiting for Dahyun to realize they weren’t watching Sailor Moon anymore–at least, _she_ wasn’t–and that she had been zoning out the entire time.

“Is this why you couldn’t sleep?” 

Dahyun feels _really_ bad now. 

“I’m sorry if I got you worried, unnie.” She hangs her head low, unable to hold back the downward tug at the corners of her lips. 

Dahyun absolutely _hates_ having people concern themselves over her. To be a burden is the last thing she’d want and for all Dahyun cares, her only role in everybody else’s life is the bubbly side character or, to others, a nondescript prop in their show. 

“Hey, look at me.” Jihyo lifts Dahyun’s head up with a finger, softly brushing her thumb against Dahyun’s trembling chin. “It’s okay, Dahyunnie. If you’re comfortable to, you can tell me what’s bothering you.” 

Dahyun feels like drowning in Jihyo’s full, caramel eyes looking at her warmly, patiently. She waits in hopeful silence and Dahyun honestly thinks the world got too generous letting her path cross with such a wonderful person like her Jihyo unnie. 

“It’s just that…” Dahyun can’t find her own words. 

Talking isn't linear. Outside, everyone knows Dahyun is exceptional at it. Class presentations, music recitals. If talking was a talent, she would have been a professional by now.

But the thing is, talking used to be easy because there was a _script._ There was a fixed topic to explain, information already sewn together perfectly. All Dahyun had to do was interpret the information in her own elementary way.

Talking is easy, until you have to explain. How it happens and why it came to be... Outside, everyone knows Dahyun is exceptional at talking. Inside, however, she can’t even understand herself enough to know where to begin explaining. 

“Can I just ask…” Jihyo’s calm words interrupt the turmoil happening inside Dahyun's head. It helps that she interrupts. Dahyun doesn’t know how to talk all of a sudden. 

“Does this have any, even at the slightest, involvement of Jackson Wang?”

Dahyun’s eyes feel like rolling out of their sockets. 

Her reaction is enough for Jihyo to understand. 

“So it does…” she rolls her eyes, already imagining more than ten ways to kill Jackson the next time she sees him. “I should have known that jackass had something to do with this…”

“Unnie, he said...he said that the new student was…” Dahyun just wants the ground to swallow her whole. She feels stupid for believing, but also scared. “... _dangerous…_ ”

“Sweetie”, Jihyo’s natural _mom_ voice manifests itself. Her hand rests on Dahyun’s cheek, caressing it. “Don’t believe that son of a bitch.” 

Someday, Dahyun thinks, Jihyo would make the best mom ever

“Just because someone’s rich and from Japan doesn’t automatically mean they belong to a family of elaborate crime syndicates.” 

Dahyun sighs, feeling stupid because _of course_ , she knows that. The rational part of her is absolutely sure Jackson’s just messing with her again. She’s always been the easier target especially when left without the protection of her unnies. 

It’s just that...hearing Jihyo say it clearly to her now, Dahyun feels even more foolish.

“From what I know, the new student used to be a ballerina.” Jihyo smiles, pulling her hand back. “She also came from a Catholic all-girls prep school in Japan. Those don’t scream _heiress to a Japanese Crime Syndicate family_ to me.”

“Wha—how do you know all those stuff?!” Dahyun exclaims, confused because _those weren’t in the slam book._

Jihyo shrugs, smiling playfully. “Jackson’s not the only one with connections, Hyun.” 

“Unnie!”

“Fine, fine.” Jihyo stands up and stretches her arms out. “Yves mentioned them.”

Dahyun huffs bitterly, feeling betrayed that her Yves unnie didn’t mention those to _her_ , the one actually meeting the new student tomorrow. 

“Anyways, contrary to how Jackson probably made you imagine the new senior is like, I actually see her as a sweet girl. You’ll have a _blast_ showing her around. You know all the cool places in town!” Jihyo exclaims giddily and for once, Dahyun is actually sure of herself because that _is_ true. 

“You can take her to Park’s Alley and go bowling or down at the funky roller skating rink and teach her how to roller skate. Show her the arcade at Deux too! Everyone _loves_ it there. Or, you know, if she’s more of the chill kind, just take her to your favorite music store. The one selling the vinyls. She’ll probably fall in love with you if you do that.” 

“What…?” _Fall in love?_

Jihyo chuckles sheepishly, realizing how much she had been gushing. “I mean, I gotta be honest, Dubu, you seemed _so_ cool and adorable when you brought me there before. You were talking all about The Beatles, Neil Diamond, Depeche Mode... it was _so_ cool. If only I... _swung your way_...I would have totally had a crush on you.” 

She means it so platonically now, with a pat on Dahyun’s head to finish, that Dahyun doesn’t see anything beyond a supportive older sister in Jihyo, always trying to cheer her up when she needs it the most. 

“Thank you, unnie.” _For everything._

Jihyo smiles, one hand moving down to grab at Dahyun’s own. “No prob, kiddo.” 

“We should probably call it a night though.” She pulls her up to a stand, using her other hand to reach for the remote and turn the TV off. “We have a _big_ day tomorrow.”

Dahyun sighs, feeling her chest all easy and light again. Jihyo’s company is _always_ a breath of fresh air. 

When they return back to their room and separate ways to unite with the soft covers of their respective beds, Jihyo turns on Dahyun’s nightlight in the middle nightstand and wishes her younger roommate goodnight. 

“Sleep tight, Dahyunnie.” Jihyo mumbles, acknowledged with a soft, sleepy hum. “Tomorrow’s going to be the start of something exciting for us all.” _I can feel it._


	2. take my breath away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not supposed to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might not mean much but i just want to thank the people i've talked to through this story and everyone who cheered me on!!

Dahyun presents her best self. 

Her favorite Benetton sweater is creaseless, neatly smoothen down to the T. The pleats of her uniform skirt are tightly folded and locked in place. Her loafers have been polished more than once, squeaky clean and shining. Her golden hair is down it’s natural waves, cascading squared shoulders. 

Outside she looks like the model student she always wanted to imagine herself as. Not _Eagle Kim_ who _eagle danced_ in front of the entire freshman year students on her first day at school; Not _Dubu_ who makes the best facial expressions in the whole wide world (self proclaimed); Nothing of those. 

Today she’s _Kim Dahyun,_ prim and proper, standing tall with her head held high, plastering on her brightest, most welcoming smile, ready to meet _Mina Myoui._

“Are you still breathing in there…?” Compared to Dahyun, however, her Jeongyeon unnie looks just about as relaxed and easygoing as her usual self. 

The only unusual thing on her right now is the sweater tied around her neck like a makeshift cape. Dahyun will probably never understand just how _unfair_ the world is for making it seem so easy for her Jeongyeon unnie. All she had to do was add a sweater to look preppy and respectable. 

“I’m just _really_ nervous right now, unnie.” Dahyun replies under her breath, trying to refrain from getting another scolding glare from Principal Park.

It’s weird and amusing how he’s the one getting annoyed when he looks the most nervous out of all of them waiting in front of the main building’s tall doors. 

Jeongyeon clearly doesn’t care whether Principal Park gets mad or not. 

“Is she _this_ important that we’re really waiting for them to arrive?” She huffs bitterly, fanning herself with her hand. “It’s _really_ hot outside, Principal Park. Can we not wait in the foyer instead? Where there’s air conditioning?”

“Hush, Ms. Yoo.” Principal Park, of course, doesn’t relent. He stands tall, shoulders squared back and head held up high. He looks more like an in-command soldier than an overpaid principal. 

“They’re probably right around the corner—OH! THERE THEY ARE!”

Dahyun’s lagging shoulders snap back up again. A rush of adrenaline fills her system as a black vehicle looms by the school’s gate. 

Her hands suddenly feel clammy now, the nerves settling in like a bitch. 

The only thing keeping her grounded is the echo of the cheerleading team’s training music blasting from the PA systems by the field. Right now Irene Cara’s What a Feeling is nearing its end. 

Dahyun never had perfect vision, so when the car rounds the driveway and stops a few steps away from them, it’s only then she realizes it’s one of those rich-people cars owned by the villains in television soap operas (a black Mercedes Benz E500), a little off-putting when Dahyun remembers about the entire _Yakuza Princess_ thing. 

A sophisticated middle-aged woman with a short dark brown bob cut hair steps out from the passenger’s seat first. She’s clad in a white blouse and loose trousers, quite a casual look compared to the one Dahyun had in mind of–presumably–Mrs. Myoui. 

(Later on Jeongyeon will ask her exactly what exactly did she expect to see from the wealthy Japanese matriarch and patriarch. In Dahyun’s mind she remembers of big, scary-looking armed bodyguards and a very old couple in obnoxiously wealthy clothing. Not _this_ )

A pair of those small flimsy-looking sunglasses shade Mrs. Myoui’s eyes from view when she circles the car and opens the backseat door just as a middle-aged man steps out from the driver’s side. 

There’s a moment of silence while everyone waits calmly. 

Everyone but Dahyun. 

She’s already unable to keep her heart at bay, pounding hard against her chest. 

It takes about a second when the new student steps out of the car. 

In that exact moment, a gust of breeze blows by, sweeping long dark brown hair back. When Dahyun catches a glimpse of _Mina Sharon Myoui_ , she feels her breath hitch. 

Mina walks towards her– _them_ _–_ and suddenly, the beginning of Berlin’s Take My Breath Away plays in the distance. 

(The world couldn’t get any weirder at that moment.)

It’s like a classic. She was a classic. Every first love embodied. Mina walks with light steps, beside her mother and father, eyes looking far into the distance, avoiding Dahyun’s own that can’t seem to find anything else worth looking at but _her._

Principal Park shakes hands with Mr. and Mrs. Myoui who share their sentiments and greetings in timid Japanese. Somehow, the attention drifts over to Jeongyeon and Dahyun who stand in silence together, one in envious calmness and the other in chaotic nerves. 

For Dahyun, nothing seems to be working out. While Principal Park talks to Mr. and Mrs. Myoui, they’re left in awkward silence with the actual new student who turns out to be the most beautiful girl she’s ever seen her entire life.

_Is this even possible?_

Mina Myoui has long, wavy, dark hair parted to the side with a pretty bedazzled hair pin clipped on the smaller half, holding it down. She’s already donned in the school uniform, Dahyun only realizes a little later on, after spending at least an entire minute just _staring_ at Mina Myoui in utter awe. 

Now get this: the Apgujeong High school uniform for girls is a simple black plaid skirt strictly trimmed to the mid-thighs _only_ , a white short-sleeved blouse tucked inside, and a black bowknot brooch clipped in between the collar leaves. For a year and a half Dahyun’s studied in the private institution, the uniform has been notoriously named a _bland_ combination. While other schools get colored blazers and better patterned skirts, they get this. 

Naturally, the students exercised their bright and creative minds and began a youth movement of self-expression through their choice of accessories and extra layers of tops. It also became an excuse to flaunt their wealth of course. The popular girls began wearing sweaters and accessories from brands and designers like Benetton, Marc Jacobs, GAP, Ralph Lauren, all hoping they’d look like Miss Korea at the end of the day. Compared to them, the jocks couldn’t care less for their appearances. They wore their varsity jackets like armors and overly-sprayed themselves with Davidoff fragrances. 

Bottomline is, Dahyun has seen almost every kind of style pulled off with their school uniform. Chic? Grunge? Name it, she’s probably seen it _and_ attempted to try it on. So it’s only shocking to see now Mina Myoui donning _nothing_ but the plain and simple uniform in all its boring glory. It’s been so long since Dahyun last saw a student with just the uniform on and no sweater, cardigan or vest whatsoever. 

With Mina, however, she effortlessly pulls everything off. She looks like she’s more expensive than the entire school with the way she carries herself, calculated steps and gestures but a soft touch with her movements. 

There’s a ghost of a shy smile lingering on Mina’s lips when she catches Dahyun’s eyes for a split second. 

Dahyun, the ever hopeless little loser that she is, looks away too swiftly to notice. 

“Why don’t you girls show Mina around? We’ll be at the office if you need anything.” Principal Park says, breaking the silence shared between the three. Mr. and Mrs. Myoui share a smile directed towards them, nodding encouragingly at their daughter. 

Jeongyeon shrugs nonchalantly, leading the way when Mina smiles willingly and follows behind. Dahyun doesn’t leave without a ninety degree bow at Mina’s parents, in her head thanking them for giving the world their daughter. 

She walks behind Mina, feeling intoxicated whenever a gust of wind blows by and brings with it the faint scent of expensive flowers and sweet vanilla. 

If Dahyun could control the mixtape of the universe, Stevie Wonder’s Isn’t She Lovely would be playing by now. 

“So…” Jeongyeon turns to face them. Mina stops in her steps abruptly and Dahyun almost collides with her. 

“Are you okay?” Jeongyeon laughs sweetly, noticing the surprised yelp Mina lets out along with a little jolt of her body. 

Dahyun’s standing behind Mina, unable to see her face. She tries to lean forward a little to catch a glimpse of it but a breeze blows by and something gets caught in her right eye, immediately sending it in prickling tears. 

With one eye down and the other barely able to function well, Dahyun logically arrives at the fact that the world might actually hate her. 

Because she doesn’t see what happens next. Doesn’t get to do anything about the hand Jeongyeon offers, and her ridiculously attractive smile when she introduces herself, “I’m Yoo Jeongyeon, by the way. Senior too.” 

Dahyun doesn’t get to do anything but listen from behind when a soft chuckle resounds and fills the silence with something mellow and sweet, and Mina takes Jeongyeon’s hand with her own soft one, mumbling back, “I’m Mina. But I guess you already knew that?” 

A trail of silence follows after that, light but meaningful that it feels like the two are still talking. When Dahyun _finally_ gets the freaking dust particle out of her twitching eye, she sees it. 

Jeongyeon smiles fondly at Mina with the smile Dahyun _knows_ . It’s the chic one. It’s the statement smile that explains the _school girl crush_ nickname she has. It’s the one snap of a finger that gets everyone swooning. 

_It’s unnie’s checkmate move._

Dahyun feels her heart drop.

_And Mina’s smiling right back._

* * *

It oddly feels like she’s interrupting a moment. _Their moment._

Jeongyeon walks with a jump in her steps Dahyun only ever sees whenever they walk together after another soccer game win. She talks with an excitement Dahyun only ever gets to hear whenever Jeongyeon rambles about the soccer jargon and her insights on Star Wars. 

When she shows Mina around, she dives right into telling her all about the secret passages and halls without student monitors, the weekly cafeteria menus and who to befriend whenever Mina wants something specifically done (answer: Jihyo). It’s not even part of the _tour_ Dahyun’s grandly planned out for days. 

She excuses the crease on her brows and the pout of lips for the waste of her effort and sleepless nights, but everyone knows it’s not because of those. 

(The reason why is a jumble of words in Dahyun’s head, something she can’t make out and won’t be able to understand until a few more months later.)

Dahyun doesn’t even notice she’s been frowning at Jeongyeon and Mina walking ahead of her until someone roughly throws an arm around her shoulders and practically headlocks her. 

“Yo, why the sad face, little tofu?” 

On a different day, Dahyun would have totally _attempted_ to push Jackson away for pressing his manly-stenched self too close to her, but today isn’t that. To be frank, she feels slightly thankful for his company despite the inflammation of her nostrils from his heavy cologne. 

“I can feel your glaring a mile away, sunshine ball.” Jackson says, concern in his tone despite the shit-eating smile on his face. “Care to tell your favorite hyung why you look like a kicked puppy?”

Dahyun doesn’t answer, because she doesn’t exactly know why herself. She just lets out a defeated sigh, realizing how she’s been wearing her emotions out on her sleeve so carelessly, very unlike her.

Jackson, however, has always been too smart for his own good. He just chooses not to use his brain power over frivolous matters such as his academic studies. 

(To be frank, Dahyun thinks her annoying Jackson _hyung_ is probably the smartest guy in the entire school. He has the ability to understand past the shallow layers of human expression and actions. That’s why he has friends from everywhere. He’s like a leprechaun leaving trails wherever he goes.)

Eventually, his eyes drift off to the new person in front of them, leisurely chatting with Jeongyeon. Although their only view is Mina’s backside, Dahyun can already see Jackson’s eyes go wide, jaw dropping _annoyingly._

“Who’s _that?”_

Dahyun rolls her eyes. This time she successfully removes Jackson’s heavy arm around her shoulders with a bitter huff. “ _That_ is the new student. The one you _totally_ scared me about!”

Jackson ogles at Mina first. It’s annoying. He looks like he’s a wolf eyeing his prey. 

“Oppa!”

“Oh?” Jackson doesn’t even spare Dahyun a look. He’s just smiling at Mina stupidly. “Are you telling me _that’s_ Yakuza Princess? Apgujeong’s Most Dangerous Student?”

At the mention of the nickname, Dahyun feels her blood boil a little. It’s that nickname that started it all, her bad impression of Mina who eventually turned out to be this angel. Had she overcome her initial fear of the sweet senior, Dahyun wouldn’t have been _this_ out of herself.

“Oooooh. I get it now…” Jackson squints his eyes and smiles cheekily, altering his shit-eating grin between the two girls ahead of them and Dahyun’s kicked puppy face. “Is my little sunshine tofu jealous the new student is snatching all of her unnie’s attention?”

_What._

“What?” 

_That’s not it..._

“No worries, little kid!” Jackson waves off. “I’m actually here to steal Jeongyeon away from you.”

Dahyun looks over to Jackson’s other side and sees the gym bag hanging from his shoulder. “You guys already have training?” 

Jackson nods. “And a meeting with the athletic head. It’s gonna be a busy day for us and it’s not even the start of the season yet.”

Guilt fills up Dahyun’s system, the old little flame (of jealousy? Who knows) inside of her dying down. It kind of feels like, for a split second there, her better judgement had been clouded. Quite literally, Mina Myoui _was_ intoxicating. 

Now, she’s back to her rationality. The old Dahyun. _Jeongyeon unnie isn’t the bad guy here. So what if she’s more interesting and fun to be with? And she’s spontaneous and cool? And a lot of people love her because she’s just that wonderful? No one’s the bad guy here but me._

Before Dahyun could even do something, Jackson’s already launching himself over at Jeongyeon, pulling off his suavest smile. “Jeong! You didn’t tell me you had a _new_ friend…” 

Jeongyeon looks like she’s just about ready to throw a punch at the basketball captain’s face. She makes up for it with her introduction, “Mina, this is Jackson. The first face you should walk away from when you see it.” 

Mina lets out a shy laugh.

Jackson is unfazed, too entranced.

"Mina, right?" He grins cockily. "Aren't you tired?"

"What...?"

Jackson smirks. "Cause you've been running in my mind all night…"

A beat.

Dahyun thinks Jackson might have actually just traumatized Mina now. 

“Good job, Fresh Prince of Belair. Are you done now?” Jeongyeon flatly eyes the idiot in question. 

Jackson must have felt his own embarrassment (all Mina does in reply is chuckle awkwardly and look away) because he answers with a cringing smile, “Yup. Never doing that ever again.” 

“Good.” Jeongyeon rolls her eyes. “What are you doing here anyways? Besides terrorizing the new student, that is.” 

“I come picking you up.” He wraps his arms around Jeongyeon’s, pulling her close. “Meeting with the athletic board now. Team captains assemble.”

Jeongyeon groans. “Now? Really?” 

“Yup. Now come on before Coach whoops your ass.” He turns to Mina, smiling while he tugs at Jeongyeon’s arm. “Mina, I’m really sorry but I have to steal your tourist guide for a while. You have another one anyways. Little dubu–I mean, _Dahyun!_ Come here!” 

It oddly feels like when her mom forces her to meet her friends from the neighborhood, the other _ahjummas_. Dahyun can’t help but feel a certain kind of warmth rush up to her cheeks, something inside her stomach coiling in knots. 

“H-Hello!” She stammers. 

The frown on Jeongyeon’s face morphs into a proud smile, reflecting the grin on Jackson’s own, and for a second there, Dahyun feels a surge of encouragement inside of her, willing her to _get. her. crap. together._

Said confidence lasts for a record of one and a half seconds before Mina turns to face her and meets her eyes, smiling the same beautiful one from earlier but now directed at Dahyun. 

_At me._

Dahyun feels like her heart just stopped beating.

_Lord, honestly, you can take me now._

Mina offers her hand shyly. “It’s nice to meet you, Dahyun.” 

Dahyun doesn’t even know if she’s worthy enough to accept it, but seeing Mina waiting is sacrilegious, she relents with a trembling hand.

 _Never mind, Lord._ Dahyun thinks and decides: _No, don’t take me yet._

_Can I hold a hand like hers for the rest of my life first?_

“Okaaay…” Jackson speaks up, ruining the moment and snapping Dahyun out of her _unusual_ behavior. “That was probably the most unnecessarily long handshake I’ve ever seen my whole life.” 

Jeongyeon hits him. She looks between Dahyun and Mina, and then smiles somewhere middle. 

“We’re gonna go now then. See you guys later!” She hops off with Jackson beside her, dragging him away and leaving the two in different kinds of personal silence (Mina finds it comfortable, Dahyun feels like she’s about to vomit)

The moment Jackson and Jeongyeon are out of sight and Mina looks at Dahyun with an expectant little smile, all confidence in Dahyun's system flies out of the window. This is _not_ the way she pictured meeting the new student. Not even close. 

Her mind is a jumbled mess and all it remembers is how soft Mina's hand was and how heavenly she smelled like, and how her hair looks so perfectly smooth, it could stand next to the most expensive silk in the world and no one would even notice a difference.

_Oh my god. What am I even thinking about?_

"So…" there's a shift in the silence they share that wasn't there when Jeongyeon was around. Dahyun can see Mina fiddling with the side of her skirt, the weight of her upper body shifting from one leg to the other. 

Dahyun hates that her mind is short-circuiting right at the exact moment she’s with Mina. A few nights ago she had everything all planned out. She was going to show Mina all around school, tell her all about the weird and cool history of the campus (how there’s probably a ghost in the girl’s C.R. down the west wing and that _no_ , _you can’t ask the lunch lady to change the menu because she’s really grumpy most of the time)_ but now she’s all clammy and trembling inside and out, and this isn’t _Kim Dahyun!_ This isn’t her! She’s cool! She has her crap together! 

“Uh...do you have anywhere in mind you...uh...wanted to see?” Dahyun manages to cough that one out despite the dryness in her throat when Mina’s smile widens a little more. 

“You’re the student guide, right?” She asks playfully. 

“Yeah, but…” _Come on, Dahyun. Be cool._ “The customer’s experience is more important.” She ends with a wink. 

That gets Mina laughing _heavenly_ , eyes crinkling when she smiles. Dahyun feels like all the air inside of her was sucked out. 

“Mhm. In that case…” Mina purses her lips in thought. 

Dahyun unknowingly holds her breath in anticipation. 

“Can you take me to the garden?”

* * *

To be honest, Dahyun didn’t even know they had a garden. 

The thought never occurred to her because she didn’t have any home economics classes to use an excuse to garden. Her freshman year in school was also spent adjusting herself and adapting to the new, elitist environment. Don’t get her wrong, Kim Dahyun _absolutely loves_ flowers and trees and nature in general, but life had become the biggest _bitch_ lately, there was no choice but to set her interests aside. 

What had been planned a short while became the entire freshman year until Dahyun realizes she hasn’t had enough time for herself anymore, and the world is just moving too fast for her to get a grip and take a breath. 

Back in her hometown, their house had a pocket garden where she used to stay a lot just to get some air. With everything happening in school, the constant pressure to do well because she’s a scholar and the pressure to stay this effervescent bubble of sunshine because a lot of people depend on her, Dahyun always felt like she was slipping away.

In Mina’s company, it feels like a part of her old self is coming back. 

* * *

Dahyun’s lack of knowledge about a school garden ends up with them in the open field instead. 

Mina doesn’t seem to mind how “lost” her tour guide appears to be. She strolls behind Dahyun leisurely as they cross a section of the freshly-manicured field, making their way towards the only person Dahyun knows would be well informed enough about a certain school garden. 

The cheerleaders radiate their high spirits all over the field. The younger members are scattered about, playing and laughing around, while the others–the seniors and leaders–are busy going through what looks like choreographies. The freedom in their movements, Dahyun guesses, is possibly the result of one specific _evil_ leader's absence. 

"Dahyunnie!" A certain high-spirited tall girl waves her hand over at Dahyun from where she stands, in the middle of a huddle with the other cheer team members. 

Unlike the other gorgeous athletes in their expensive cycling shorts and bralettes, Sana dons a well-coordinated and heavily-patterned leotard and leggings set, complete with a thick headband matching her high ponytail perfectly. _All very retro and Sana-like._

Other than her, Dahyun can only recognize Jennie from the huddle. The feisty cat-eyed senior co- _co captain_ , who may or may not be out to snatch the throne from Im Nayeon, is already eyeing her up and down with a dirty look. 

It’s only when Dahyun sees the other athletes out on the field also looking at her weirdly when she realizes what’s happening: No one approaches the cheerleaders in their territory so easily and here she is, freely doing just that. 

Dahyun suddenly feels the urge to have the ground swallow her whole. 

This much attention is too much and too uncomfortable. It feels like a thousand prying eyes watching her every move, relishing the great entertainment they’ll witness once the cheerleaders do to her what they’re great at doing to everybody else: asserting their dominance. 

This is why Dahyun absolutely doesn’t like these browbeating barbie dolls. They’re bullies behind their alluring perfectly-sculpted faces and well-built bodies. 

Thankfully, all but one. 

Sana Minatozaki is arguably the nicest person Dahyun has met her entire life. She’s like a walking candy cane, sweet, pretty, and _everybody loves her._

When Dahyun sinks into the embrace of her favorite cheerleader, she feels safe and protected from the dirty looks and prying eyes around her. Like no one can lay a finger on her when she’s in Sana’s hold (probably because no one really can; Sana Minatozaki is _that_ powerful and amazing). 

Beside Dahyun’s strawberry-scented golden hair, Sana catches a glimpse of Mina.

“Oh! Are you the new student?” She asks eagerly, not at one bit pulling away from hugging Dahyun. 

Mina nods with a small, shy smile. “I’m Mina—”

“Myoui!” Sana cuts too excitedly. “Mina Myoui, right?”

When she pulls away to take Mina’s hand and shake it, introducing herself exuberantly, Dahyun takes her time to look around and see no one is giving her the dirty looks anymore. The invisible protective shield of Sana Minatozaki’s friendship is up and running. 

Dahyun feels a little surge of confidence. Feels safe. _Sana unnie’s a savior._ She looks over to where Sana is gushing at Mina’s _perfectness_ , pouring all sorts of flowery compliments at the new girl. _And she doesn’t even know it._

Sana talks all about how Mina’s face reminds her of constellations, with her freckles and moles she refers to as marks of perfection. Mina blushes away shyly, unable to hide the pinkness of her cheeks. 

Dahyun thinks it’s cute. 

Somewhere in the middle of Sana singing high praises for Mina’s ballet history (of which Dahyun proudly takes acknowledge that she already knew before everybody else did), Mina waves her hand at someone over Sana’s shoulders, a small, shy smile gracing her lips. 

Dahyun and Sana look over. 

It’s Jeongyeon with a wide, goofy grin plastered on her face, flailing her arms like those inflatable tube men in car wash fronts, jumping up and down beside Jackson who’s busy scowling at her weirdly. They’re standing by the soccer side of the field, probably waiting for the boys’ team captain. 

Dahyun stands in silence, witnessing the little moment shared. Sana, however–smarter than how she lets on–glances between the two, drawing an imaginary line to connect the dots, and then looks at Dahyun with a change of expression. 

It’s a small frown–a dip in between her brows that is gone within a second–unnoticeable on other faces but on Sana’s it’s quite almost impossible to dismiss. Her face is like a perfectly chiseled sculpture, the tiniest dent or change in her expression is visible to the naked eye. 

“I’m guessing Dahyun brought Jeongyeon along for you to meet earlier?” She has a knowing smile on, a twinkle of mischief Dahyun can’t pinpoint the reason to. 

Mina must have not gotten it too. She keeps her smile, shy and pure. “Yes. They showed me around.” 

“Ah…” Sana nods, trailing off. She turns to Dahyun with a skeptical look. “I’m guessing you’re also here for another reason?”

And then Dahyun remembers the garden. 

“Ah! Yes, unnie!” She exclaims. “Mina wanted to see the garden but I don’t have any idea where that is,” She lets out a sheepish laugh. “Would you happen to have an idea where it is?” 

Sana’s eyes shine like a thousand stars when she looks at a person. When she listens, she _listens_ with all her heart, her ears, her mind. It kind of feels overwhelming at first, having all this attention to yourself. No one’s ever truly paid that much care to what Dahyun had to say. 

She treats every breathing person like they were rare flowers, needing all the care, love, and support in the world. And what’s even more amazing about it? It’s just really how she is. 

Sana thinks everyone is worth her time and space, and although before Dahyun pitied her about it ( _how can you offer the world your whole heart, leave nothing for yourself, and think they’d return it back?_ ) this innocence and hopefulness, this lasting idea that the world _deserves_ her heart, Dahyun admires Sana even more. 

It takes a different kind of strength to be kind. It’s hard to do it and even harder doing it out of heart, not expecting anything in return. _Sana unnie is doing this every single day. She’s the strongest out of us all._

“There’s an old garden behind the dorm building.” Sana shrugs. “I don’t think anyone pays it a visit anymore though…” 

“Don’t we have a garden here inside?” 

“A greenhouse. But it only opens after lunch hours.” 

Mina looks at her leather wristwatch. At a closer inspection of the luxurious-looking timepiece, Dahyun gasps.

“Is that the mood watch!?” 

She’s unable to hold her excitement at the sight of the limited edition Fossil timepiece. “I’ve been saving up to buy one but they were out of stock before I could even have enough money! _Oh my god.”_

Just looking at the simplicity of the design, the color–Mina’s at the moment is black, _anxious/excitable_ _–_ and the way Mina effortlessly wears it like it was made for her, makes Dahyun wonder if she was ever fit to wear the thing in the first place, let alone buy one. 

“Anyways”, Sana clears her throat. “We’ll be starting practice soon. Would you girls be up for some drinks at the diner after school? To celebrate the first day of the school year and…” she smiles over at Mina. “To welcome you too, Mina! My treat.” 

(Sometimes Dahyun thinks she owes it to her Jeongyeon unnie for “adopting” her into their friend group. She gets social protection _and_ free food too! In return they have her to laugh at when the going gets tough. It’s really a win-win situation, if we’re being honest here…)

“Uh...okay…?” Mina isn’t sure if it’s a question she’s asking herself or not, but Sana takes it. 

“Okay then! We’re set for Deux later!” She blurts out happily. “I better get going now! This training won’t start without me!”

Before Sana can leave ultimately, Dahyun brings up the N-word. 

“Is Nayeon unnie not around?” 

“We have no idea but she hasn’t shown up since a few days ago.”

“Is she at her boyfriend’s again?” 

Dahyun is asking this for the sake of her Jeongyeon unnie, no matter how the information presents itself useless to her (and no matter how much Jeongyeon tries to convince Dahyun she’s perfectly capable of being by herself) Dahyun _knows_ sleeping alone gets lonely too. Jeongyeon gets lonely too.

Unfortunately, Sana nods. “It’s been a while, Dahyunnie. She’s used to it by now.” 

_She_ , Dahyun knows, means her Jeongyeon unnie.

“So she won’t show up later?” There’s a certain type of hopefulness and tremble in her tone. It’s more like she’s wishing for it to happen and not asking for certainty. Who can blame Dahyun though? The last time there was a new student near Jeongyeon, Nayeon managed to get Yerin Baek kicked out. And Dahyun doesn’t want that to happen to Mina. 

“I can’t say she won’t, but the chances are very unlikely.” 

Dahyun nods, holding down the little complacency inside of her. “Okay then, unnie. Thank you!” 

Sana smiles, heart out on her sleeves. “Welcome, Dahyunnie!” She waves over to Mina standing a few feet away. “It was nice to meet you, Mina! See you later, okay?”

Mina nods with a wide smile from her place. It’s enough to send Sana giggling when she waves them goodbye one last time and joins her team to begin their usual rigorous afternoon training sessions.

Dahyun walks back to Mina with an apologetic smile. “So, a trip to the garden might not be possible for now but...do you have anywhere else you want to go?”

“Actually”, Mina mumbles as they walk out of the field. She keeps her eyes on her feet, watching the sunlight glimmer on the polished tips of her Haruta loafers. “I was just wondering if I was required to attend classes for today?”

“Well. No, actually. It’s kind of like your orientation-slash-welcoming day so you’re kind of exempted.”

They make their way to the main hall. “How about the introductions?” 

“Everybody sort of knows you already, unnie.” 

Mina looks at her. It takes about a moment for Dahyun to realize something. 

“Uh...I...I’m Sorry…” She stutters, feeling bad all of a sudden. _Oh my god Dahyun. Can you get any more embarrassing?_

“Is it okay if I call you that?” 

“Call me what?” Mina doesn’t stop looking at her. There’s really nothing significant about her expression now. It’s unreadable. She looks like she’s amused and expecting something with the way the corners of her lips tug up a little. 

Dahyun feels like an organism under a microscope. _So freaking exposed._

“Unnie.” 

It’s weird. Dahyun’s been using that honorific for so long now because most of her friends are older than her, but it feels a little bit more meaningful when it’s Mina. Like a little bit more important.

And when Mina smiles, wide and perfect, and laughs, feathery and sweet, Dahyun thinks it also feels a little more enchanting than the others. 

“Of course you can, Dahyunnie”, Mina says. “Can I call you that too? What everybody else does.”

“Well, they also call me Dubu, Dubs, Tofu, Eagle, Eagle Kim, Little Golden-haired Walking Porcelain Doll, Sunshine Girl, The Next Gandhi, Tupac’s Biggest Rival—”

“Tupac’s Biggest Rival?” 

Dahyun sees the amused little smile on Mina’s face. The way she says it makes it sound incredulous but the entertainment on her face makes up for the slight tinge of embarrassment Dahyun feels.

"Yeah… they call me that too." _I can play the rap game well. So what._

“I’ll just call you Dahyunnine, would that be okay?”

“Yes! That’s okay! Very much! I’d love that!” Dahyun only realizes her excitement when Mina laughs afterwards. 

When someone else mentions her name, it sounds pretty much like every other name. But when Mina says it, all sweet and elegant and feathery, Dahyun feels like being called by the heavens. She feels _star-strucked._

By the time they arrive at the grand hall that connects all of the other buildings of the school, Dahyun asks where to. It’s almost lunch time and the cafeteria will be packed later because they serve special menus on opening weeks. If they want a good seat, they’ll need Jeongyeon or Sana. It won’t be a good idea to venture out to the arcades too because they might get in trouble for loitering in school hours despite their exemption. 

Dahyun is running out of fun ideas. She blames it on the way her head can only manage to focus on anything related to Mina. Mina’s beautiful smile. Mina’s silky hair. Mina’s soft voice. _Mina, Mina, Mina._

_Oh no._

“Dahyunnie? Are you okay?”

In her Mina-induced haze, Dahyun doesn’t realize the aforementioned was talking all this time. 

“O-Oh. Sorry, unnie. I...I was just thinking.” She shakes her head and plasters on her biggest smile. “So? Have you thought of where you want to go next?”

They’re in the main hall now. Under the giant crystal chandelier, the warm white illuminating the room and the shimmering reflection of the crystals, Mina looks ethereal. And she’s just standing there, not even doing anything. 

_Dahyun. This is bad._

“Is it okay if I spend the day in my dorm?” 

"Well it's not _not_ okay…" _You can ask for the sun and the universe would still give it to you._

Mina smiles. "Then, can we go there…?"

"Yeah. Of course."

_You can ask me for the world, and while I won't be able to give it to you so soon, I'll offer you mine instead._

* * *

"So...you like flowers?" 

It's a hopeless starter, quite awkward if you ask Dahyun, but her mind just wants to hear Mina's voice again.

They're just around the corner of the dorm building. It's been comfortably silent the entire walk. 

Mina looks down on shoes a lot. Or maybe her steps. Either way, it gives Dahyun a view of her profile. When she smiles, her cheeks bunch up. It's adorable.

"I love them. Back home, we used to grow all kinds of flowers in our backyard. We even had our own cherry blossom."

Dahyun’s knowledge of flowers is as lacking as her height, but she _does_ enjoy the sight of them and the feeling of calm and beauty they radiate. Hearing Mina talk so wonderfully makes Dahyun want to fall in love with flowers too. 

“Do you grow flowers, Dahyunnie?” 

_Dahyunnie. Oh my god. Am I dreaming?_

“Uh...no.” She laughs sheepishly. They finally enter the building, walking through the lobby, past the unmanned front desk. _Yumama must be out._

“But Sana unnie makes paper flowers and teaches us from time to time. Is that enough?” 

“Paper flowers?” Mina repeats with a soft chuckle. “That sounds pretty too but real flowers are better.”

“Yeah? But Nayeon unnie has a pollen allergy and she isn’t allowed anywhere near one...” 

They begin climbing up the stairs. Mina’s dorm room is on the second floor. 

“Nayeon…” She repeats the name without much of a thought. Just trying to get the feel of saying it. “Is she...a senior too?”

It’s only around the time they’re standing in front of Mina’s door when Dahyun realizes what she’s done. She just accidentally revealed the name of the one person Mina should probably ignore for the rest of the school year. Mentioning _her_ name will spark curiosities and curiosity killed the cat.

_Oh no. I don’t want Mina to be killed._

“Uh...who?” _Feign ignorance, Dahyun. Internalize your role._ “I didn’t say anything?” 

“But you just mentioned—”

“Oh, unnie.” Dahyun shakes her head in pretend-pity. Mina unlocks her door. “I think you’re just exhausted from the walking we’ve done. You’re hearing things now. Good thing we’re here. You should rest.”

“But I—”

Dahyun didn’t mean to lightly push Mina inside. “I’ll be upstairs if you need me! 4th floor! Door with many stickers!”

“Dahyun! Wait—”

She begins walking away. “Bye unnie! See you later!”

Mina’s voice fades with Dahyun’s hasty steps, running down the staircase as if the ballerina would be willing enough to chase after her. 

She doesn’t look back, afraid she’ll trip and afraid Mina won’t be there. 

When Dahyun reaches the ground floor, breathless and clutching at her chest, it’s only then she realizes she’s just ran down the stairs when she’s supposed to be on her way up to the fourth floor, ultimately wasting her time and energy. 

What makes it worse, when she looks back, Mina isn’t there. 

“Talk about weird, Dahyun…” Dahyun huffs bitterly to herself, stomping her way over to the elevators. It’s climbing down from the third floor. 

When the doors open and an empty ride presents itself, Dahyun steps inside and presses the button. It takes a few seconds for her to reach the quiet floor. She walks down the empty hall and unlocks her door, making her way to her bed and plopping down on it face-first, just to muffle the frustrated scream she lets out on her covers. 

_Lately it feels like I have to face everything alone._

Dahyun wishes to protect Mina for as long as she can. 

She wishes to stop her from getting involved with the wrong people. 

When she witnessed how Nayeon had Yerin Baek kicked out of school under the pretense of _personal difficulties_ –she made it sound so shallow–Dahyun knew the formidable cheerleader, all perfect and deceivingly beautiful herself, was the last person she should be hanging out with or being near to.

But it’s never as easy as it sounds like. Because Jeongyeon is someone to Nayeon, and Dahyun is...well, she doesn’t know what she is in that narrative but Jeongyeon’s someone to her too, in a complete _she’s-my-unnie-and-I-got-her-back_ way. 

And Mina… 

Dahyun thinks she’s gonna be someone too. 

Exactly whose? She doesn’t know yet. 

(A part of her wishes she’ll never know, if that _someone_ isn’t going to be her.)

But at that moment, as the doors of the elevator open and a specific cheerleader passes by in heavy stomps, still clad in the familiar hot pink cheer uniform and an oversized varsity jacket, Dahyun feels like she’s about to find out soon. 

_She’s back?_

Dahyun had just gotten juice boxes for her and Mina from the snack store across the dorm building. She was going up to her room to grab a jacket for heading down to the lobby to wait for Mina. Classes had just ended and the street was packed with students on their way to hang out after school, to have their own small celebrations with friends to commemorate the beginning of the year. 

The cheerleaders and soccer athletes won’t be finished with their after-school training sessions until 5PM. So why the heck did Dahyun just see Nayeon pass by, _clearly_ looking like she’s just about to kill someone? 

Dahyun’s spider senses tingle in a bad way. 

She may not be right for most of the time but her weird, unexplainable and probably-extraterrestrial senses are _never_ wrong. 

_Something bad always happens after this._

Dahyun gets her answer in the form of her biggest nightmare. 

It feels like history repeating itself. 

“Excuse me? Who are you?” Nayeon’s voice is pointed and laced with a sort of venom that’s not enough to scare someone off, but just enough to know she doesn’t mean anything good. 

Dahyun runs over to the scene. 

The door to Jeongyeon and Nayeon’s room is open, and Mina has just walked out of it.

Of all the sights Nayeon can be greeted with, it just happens to be Mina and Jeongyeon together she sees first. 

Dahyun watches from over Nayeon’s shoulders, the local university’s name printed on the back of her (boyfriend’s) jacket obnoxiously. 

Dahyun feels rooted in her place. There’s an urge to run over to Mina and shield her away from Nayeon, like pretend there are bullets and knives for her words (because knowing Nayeon, there probably are) and she’s like a flimsy little armor shield protecting Mina from getting hurt. 

But it almost never goes out the way Dahyun wants it to go. Because the fear and anxiety inside her prevails, and Dahyun’s lived a relatively uneventful life, managed to keep herself away from trouble for most of the time, and the bigger part of her now, the one that stops her from running over to be Mina’s knight-in-the-shining-armor, wants to keep it that way. 

Dahyun hates herself for it. 

Instead of being just like her Jeongyeon unnie, she cowers and forces her eyes close when Mina tries to speak but to no avail, in fear of seeing her little fantasy collapse so fast, in front of her very eyes.

It works a little bit in the end. Nothing happens. 

Nayeon doesn’t shout or curse at Mina, or throw knives with her words and burn holes with her glare. There’s an intense, heavy silence longer than anticipated, longer than necessary, and when Dahyun opens her eyes a little bit, she figures it out. 

She’s not anyone’s knight-in-the-shining-armor. Jeongyeon is.

Nayeon doesn’t start a fight. She looks at Mina up and down, as if trying to imprint every fiber of her being into her mind (for future purposes, probably), and lets out a bitter scoff before walking past her, making sure their shoulders roughly brush, and into the room she shares with Jeongyeon, closing the door with a loud thud. 

The three of them are enveloped in deafening silence, much like the aftermath of surviving what would've been a catastrophic storm.

Jeongyeon looks like she's having a bad headache, eyes shut tight and forehead creased. Mina's face remains unreadable, a mix of shock and confusion.

Dahyun clears her throat. "Unnie…" 

Jeongyeon looks up at her, a little surprise from seeing the sophomore so suddenly. Mina looks just about the same.

Dahyun's eyes naturally dart over to Mina, softening at her gaze. "Unnie? I thought we were going to meet at the lobby?"

That was the plan. Meet at the lobby and walk together to Deux's where Sana will treat them with very nice food (and probably some games too if Dahyun charms her unnie enough). The plan didn't include Mina emerging from Jeongyeon's room, Mina getting seen with Jeongyeon, and Mina getting seen emerging from Jeongyeon's room _with_ Jeongyeon _by_ Nayeon. Im Nayeon. The last person Mina should be getting entangled with.

"I went down early and tried looking for your room." Mina explains, avoiding Dahyun's soft gaze. She points at Jeongyeon's door. "You said the one with lots of stickers. When I knocked, it was Jeongyeon."

 _Snap. It was my fault._ Dahyun feels like shi– _poop._ She feels like trash. She feels bad. Instead of being there for Mina, she's the one who throws her in front of the bus.

Pins and needles of hot tears prick at the back of her eyes, threatening to well up. Everything's _definitely_ not going her way, no matter how hard she tries to keep it together.

_Does the universe really hate me that much?_

"I got off the meeting early and didn't join training anymore." Jeongyeon speaks up, snapping Dahyun out of her self-chastising. "Sana mentioned eating at Deux. I figured you guys are about to head there too?"

"Uh...yeah…" Dahyun stammers.

"I'll join then!" 

The blank look on Mina's face morphs into worry. "But what about—" _her?_

Jeongyeon waves it off. "Don't worry about anything, Mina." She smiles over at Dahyun. "We got you."

Dahyun wants to believe that. Mina looks like she's about to. But it's too hard believing it when they couldn't do anything the first time it happened. And Nayeon, _god knows_ she's an untamed lioness, ready to devour anyone at the cost of her unconventional happiness.

Dahyun wants to _badly_ believe her Jeongyeon unnie. _She'll be the knight-in-shining-armor._

"Besides", Jeongyeon shrugs. They start making their way down the hall like nothing happened. Like they didn't just open the door to their (Mina's) doom. 

"Nayeon probably won’t show up later. She'll be too busy this entire season with the cheer team to bother any of you guys. Don't worry too much. Nothing bad will happen."

At the last part, she smiles over at Mina. 

(A little later on, Nayeon _does_ show up.

Mina meets Momo, the quirky soccer co-captain who tries to impress her with french-fry fangs, and Jihyo, who plays all too well the great antithesis to Im Nayeon, grabbing Mina's attention whenever her eyes catch Nayeon's glare at the slightest. 

The night is fun and filled with laughter because of Dahyun, Momo, and Sana's burst of energies. Dahyun manages to convince Sana to treat them to the arcade too. 

It's all fun and games, and Dahyun tries to take Mina's worries away by showing her around the diner’s arcade area, all retro vibe and neon-lit, with Deux playing vibrantly in the muffled stereo system. 

“Unnie, do you know how the highest scorer in Donkey Kong got 872,300?”

Mina stands shyly by the side of the machine. She shakes her head no. 

Dahyun grins, flexing her hands in front of the pixelated screen. 

“Why don’t you find out from her yourself?” 

Mina doesn’t get it, tilting her head in confusion. It dawns on her once Dahyun points at the name on the topmost stand of the scoreboard, **DUB.**

“You?” 

Dahyun feels a swell of pride in her chest. Pretty-named senior Mina Myoui acknowledged her most prized achievement in this lifetime: Donkey Kong royalty. 

“Yep.” 

She spends about the entire first half of the game trying to teach Mina her secret (and no, she does _not_ use cheat codes; Kim Dahyun is a woman of all sorts but she is _never_ , in a million times _never_ , a cheater) and the second half of the game getting too immersed in beating her own high score. 

By the time Dahyun achieves 875,000 and erupts in celebratory hollers, she realizes Mina is no longer there.

When she follows the trail of Mina’s soft laughter and little surprised yelps, she sees her seated beside Jeongyeon, jamming on buttons and controllers and trying to beat Jeongyeon in an intense battle of Mortal Kombat. 

Somehow, getting the highest score doesn’t mean so much anymore. 

Dahyun returns to their table, shoulders slumped and face trying to fight a defeated pout away. Jihyo and Momo are busy talking about dropping by the video rental store to rent Love Letter (again) and watch when they get back to the dorms. Sana’s by the cashier, paying for their food and arcade. 

No one notices the gloomy _sunshine girl_ sliding inside the booth. In her little bubble of misery, she doesn’t even notice Nayeon sitting right in front of her, chin resting on her hand, body facing the outside of the booth, staring at a direction of which Dahyun had just come from. 

It dawns on Dahyun there, as Nayeon stares far with an unimpressed frown at exactly where Mina and Jeongyeon are playing together, she and Nayeon have something in common after all. 

They were both reaching out for the flame that would burn them alive. 

In a painting of clear, detailed faces, Nayeon’s eyes can only make out Yoo Jeongyeon. Everything else is painted in motion-blur strokes, unreadable, unrecognizable, unimportant. _Just Jeongyeon._

Dahyun is far from identifying Mina in a painting of faces, but she’s there, in vibrant colors and beautiful soft strokes, while everyone else is dull in shades of grey. 

Dahyun doesn’t know why she’s feeling this way. Flustered at every proximity, breathless when Mina smiles, melting when she laughs. It feels like her favorite ice cream on a hot, summer day. A cup of hot chocolate on a cold, winter night. Little, mundane things but the impression is there. The little comforts, the little happiness, all building up until it’s so big, Dahyun can’t just ignore it anymore. 

_This is bad._

It proves to get worse, the situation it’s building up to be, when Nayeon stands up from her seat and all eyes turn to her. A flicker of worry reflects from Jihyo’s eyes as she looks up at the girl beside her. Dahyun sees the calm and composed leader grab Nayeon’s arm under the table, ready to hold her back. 

Momo watches in her own bout of worry, french fry in midair, halfway to her mouth. Everyone’s frozen, left waiting in bated breaths for the chaos that’s about to unfold. 

(At the back of Dahyun’s mind, she realizes she doesn’t like this version of herself. Out of control with her emotions and thoughts. This isn’t her. This isn’t how she’s supposed to be.)

Instead of a storm, Nayeon does the opposite. She leaves. 

It takes about a minute before everyone realizes what just happened. 

Nayeon _never_ walks out. 

It doesn’t take much for Jihyo to understand whatever _this_ was going to be, what was going to happen between Jeongyeon, Mina, and Nayeon. It wasn’t going to be like the past. It’s just like that with Jihyo. She isn’t the _best girl in the world_ for nothing. 

This might be worse than before. 

What just hurts Dahyun a little bit, stings a little harder than it’s supposed to, is the fact that, in that narrative, she wasn’t even considered any part. _Jeongyeon and Nayeon._ _Mina and Jeongyeon._

The last part shouldn’t have hurt the way it did. Dahyun shouldn't have been affected even. 

Mina likes Jeongyeon more. Everyone does. Because if you have the best, why would you settle for anything less? 

Dahyun takes a deep breath to calm the hurling waters of her soul. She closes her eyes for a brief second; thinks of all the beautiful things in the world to focus more on. When Mina’s smile is all she sees, the hope for a calm is blown away like the spark of a candle on a windy night. 

This isn’t going to be easy. 

_If I can’t be someone to her, would it be too much to ask for something else instead?_

Dahyun doesn’t have any idea who she’s talking to but she hopes the universe will hear. 

_Can I have someone for me too?_

* * *

A month later, another new student arrives. 

_She keeps talking about a girls’ generation?_

She’s small with a rebellious stance. She looks like she’s lost most of the time. She doesn’t even know S.E.S.

She’s weird, Dahyun thinks. They pick her up in the alley beside Deux.

Her name which means colorful flowers, _Son Chaeyoung._

(The universe _does_ grant wishes after all.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think a lot of little details from Spirit of 1998 were reflected here? i hope you guys noticed *wink wink* share them through the tag if u found 'em *wink wink*
> 
> #Twicein1998
> 
> THANK U GUYS FOR WAITING PATIENTLY HUHU SCHOOL IS AN ASS


	3. the angels in her universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weeks that follow are filled with evading tactics that would humiliate even James Bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back huhu i hope u guys still want to read this story

Here’s the thing about being the sun: 

You have to shine all the time. 

In all the ways possible, little or not, a lot of people depend on you. For your jokes to bring up the downest of moments; for your encouragement to those who feel like giving up in their battles; for your clumsiness to light up the tension. 

They don’t know, the almighty source of light can die inside too. 

They don’t know, you need a little head’s up too, someone to encourage you and make you laugh. Someone not to lift your weight for you but to walk with you while you handle your troubles. Someone to make everything a little less lonely, to make everything a little less overwhelming. 

_Because they don’t know, it gets tiring shining for everyone too._

* * *

In the weeks following Mina’s arrival and Dahyun’s surprising _crush_ , the golden-haired sunshine girl spends her time wallowing in guilt for feeling the way she does and forcing herself to get over whatever it is she’s _feeling_. 

Mina helps, in a way. She probably doesn’t even know she does.

It helps that the person you want to get over with unknowingly favors someone else’s attention and company. It helps that she doesn’t want to spend her time with you because she’s with somebody else, that she doesn’t look for you during breaks and doesn’t ask for you to come with her to places she can’t seem to remember or find. It helps a lot. 

It hurts a little bit but it’s okay. It works in Dahyun’s favor after all. It makes everything easier. It makes getting over her silly crush on Mina faster. 

It _doesn’t_ help, however, that the _someone_ Mina spends her time with is Jeongyeon, the same person Dahyun is attached to the hip to. It _doesn’t_ help that they eat together at lunch, on the same table, or walk down the same hallways, and wait by the bleachers at the same time for the same person. 

So yeah, Mina helps but at the same time, makes the situation even harder for Dahyun. 

Being with Mina has become a rough game of tug-o-war, constantly pulling and getting pushed. She’s a wonderful person, beautiful inside and out, graceful and regal and ethereal and amazing. But Dahyun _just can’t breathe_ in her space. 

She wants to stay away and cut herself some slack, but Dahyun is nothing without her Jeongyeon unnie.

Her days have always been spent with Jeongyeon, making jokes with her, going to the arcade with her, watching her training sessions, waiting for her afterwards, walking to the dorms with her. Now with Mina in the picture, always doing those with Jeongyeon, Dahyun isn’t even needed in the narrative anymore. 

(In hindsight, she really should have known. 

If her sole purpose with her unnies is to make them happy and laugh, then she’s not going to be needed for long. 

There are a lot of funnier people, a lot of people who can make them laugh louder, who can make them smile brighter. One day her jokes will run out, her presence will burn out, and Dahyun will no longer be part of the story.

In the first place, she probably never _was_ meant to stay for long.) 

Therefore Dahyun decides on the ultimatum. She won’t _die_ if she doesn’t spend her whole days with Jeongyeon, the coolest senior to exist, her free pass to a bully-free high school life, her safe haven.

Yeah, she’s more likely to be made fun of now that she isn’t under the protection of her almighty unnies (because Momo has her own different schedule and they barely overlap, and Sana is with Nayeon a lot nowadays) and she’s most likely to look like a loner because _oh my god it just occurred to me, without the unnies I basically have no other friends_ , but Dahyun will do with what she has. For the sake of figuring out this unusual feeling blossoming inside of her. 

_For the sake of crushing it down and blowing it away._

Dahyun just has to get used to being alone now.

She just has to last being with herself for the meantime.

* * *

Dahyun doesn’t last a week being alone.

Thankfully, Jackson Wang comes to her rescue. Sort of.

* * *

Because it’s a school for the rich, of course when Nokia launched the colorful models of 5110, everyone was buying one. Dahyun has herself borne witness to her entitled schoolmates filling up the malls to get their own 5110. 

She’s a little stuck in time, however, because while her classmates parade their colorful new phones, she is still trying to navigate through the complexities of her Jazz pager. It’s the best thing she can afford for now, with the miniscule amount she’s saved from her monthly allowance. 

Everyone seems to be attracted to notice the social outcast situation because the moment Dahyun’s pager blares out an all-too-familiar beeping sound while she’s walking down the hall on her way to the library, all eyes glue to the small _jurassic_ device clipped on the waistband of skirt, chain lanyard dangling with every step. 

It feels momentous for a split second, having all this attention to herself. 

The last time this happened, it was during the first day she walked down the hall beside Jeongyeon and Momo. The two seniors handled it so much better, not even batting an eyelash at the admirable gawking they’re getting, while Dahyun refused to meet anyone’s eye after noticing them the very first second, keeping her head hanging low the entire walk to her locker (she found out a little after that, Jeongyeon and Momo _did_ notice the attention. “It was kind of hard not to, you know?” The soccer captain laughed sheepishly. They only didn’t act on it for Dahyun’s comfort and instead, walked her to her locker in safe silence.)

Now, however, it feels different. The attention isn’t of admiration and a slight tinge of envy anymore. The halls aren’t lined with students wishing they were Dahyun, the ones walking side-by-side _the_ Yoo Jeongyeon and Hirai Momo. Now they’re of unpleasant looks and ostracizing hushed whispers, judging every step. 

Dahyun hears someone mention Jeongyeon’s name, ask why the hell is the _sunshine girl_ without her sun, and that’s about all it takes for her to rush out of that hall, to whatever false sanctuary her feet take her.

The shrill beeping of her pager sounds like it's getting louder and louder and it feels like her ears are going to bleed any second now. Everything around her motion-blurs and all Dahyun can see are the metal doors leading to the gymnasium open like a beacon. 

In the wave of sweaty bodies trying to exit, Dahyun pushes herself through. To hell with her uniform getting all ruined and creased with the lack of spatial intermediates. There’s a heavy lump clogging her airways and a painful hammer trying to pound itself through her head. Wherever is okay as long as it’s a place no one can see her as _her:_ _the s_ _unshine girl without her sun._

The sounds of basketballs dribbling and rubber shoes squeaking against the wood planks fill Dahyun’s ringing ears. She runs without much care in the world, paying no heed to the basketball boys in their water break, bewildered at the sight of the blonde-haired girl rushing over to hide in the dark space below the bleachers. 

Dahyun falls on the floor, bottom burning at the hard collision. She thinks she just sat on her _damned_ pager with the little shattering sound she hears, but that’s a problem to resolve for next time. 

Now, Dahyun simply focuses on clearing her head out. And getting rid of the painful twist in her chest. 

She closes her eyes and thinks of her parents who work hard to afford sending off an allowance for her every month– _I’m here to repay them–_ she thinks of her brother who’s probably out working too just to bring her out to a sibling date every once in a while– _I’ll bring him to a cool date too when I have my own money–_ she thinks of... _come on Dahyun, think..._ a cute smile. Lips pressed softly together. Saccharine laugh as calm as a tranquil river on a beautiful day. _Mina._

A loud thud resounds. Dahyun opens her eyes abruptly. 

“Ow!” Jackson Wang rubs frantically on the side of his head, eyes shut tight at the pain spreading out. 

On a normal occasion Dahyun would’ve laughed. Or probably worried about a pending lump on the basketball athlete’s head. Now, however, she feels like all the energy had been drained out of her. 

She just looks up at the taller guy and follows him as she chooses to sit beside her, all while rubbing his head and whispering out random expletives under his breath. 

Akin to a miracle, _finally_ at the company of someone not involved in the tumult of familiar faces and _breathtaking smiles_ going on in her head, Dahyun feels like a gust of fresh air come along with Jackson’s appearance (a shocking feat considering that it’s _Jackson Wang,_ troublemaking king). 

“Hey, kiddo”, Jackson greets. He’s all sweaty in his muscle tee, biceps in vain display. There’s a white towel wrapped around his neck and a basketball held under his arm. “The boys saw you running in here. What’s the matter?” 

When Jackson finally opens his eyes, blinded after the complete darkness he’s engulfed his vision in when the pain spreaded out, he squints at first to adjust and then sees the unusual look on Dahyun’s face. 

Unusual because it’s not her normal smile, all toothy grin and helplessly bright, nor her frequent quizzical frown reserved just for Jackson Wang. Right now it’s just a flat expression, dulled out. Very unlike his little sunshine friend. 

“Is something wrong?” 

Funny. Dahyun’s asking the same thing to herself. _Is something wrong?_ So what if Mina prefers Jeongyeon? So what if she’s no longer as pivotal as she was before in her unnie’s life? So what if she...has taken a penchant over just about _everything_ concerning Mina Myoui? 

Is something supposed to be wrong about that? 

“I don’t know, oppa.” Dahyun sighs just because. _I just don’t know anymore._

The knot in her chest is no longer there but it’s just empty inside now. She doesn’t know which one is better. Feeling something or feeling nothing at all. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jackson offers, so unlike him and alike all at the same time. He adds, sheepishly, “But it’s okay if you don’t want to! I’m all for comfortable silence if that’s what you prefer, kid.” 

Dahyun feels a small smile tug at her lips. Jackson can be useful too when it’s needed. He just opts not to be in situations where it’s warranted. Dahyun understands why. It’s hard being in the company of someone with muddled thoughts. She wouldn’t want to be in her own company too, if that was allowed.

“Thank you, oppa.” In these times where neither one of them has anything quite comprehensive to say, Dahyun chooses silence. “But I’d rather just...sit here. I don’t know how to talk about it.” 

(Odd, really. An average person knows 20,000 to 35,000 words by the time they reach their adulthood, yet in those numbers and words, none can suffice to express the disorder of thoughts going on inside Dahyun’s head)

“That’s okay too.” Jackson lets out an awkward laugh. “Can I just ask you something then?” 

Dahyun quietly nods. _It might help focusing on talking to him instead of indulging my thoughts..._

“Does this involve, even at the slightest bit, Jeongyeon and that new student?” 

_Oh._

The silence answers his question. The slight pang at Dahyun’s chest returns. 

“They’ve been asking around for you, you know.” 

“What?” That, however, captures Dahyun’s attention. 

“Yeah.” Jackson nods, focusing on rolling the basketball around in the space between his lady legs stretched out, looking like a toddler playing on sand. “Yesterday, the other day, earlier today...they’ve been asking around like you were a missing person.” 

_They’ve been looking for me?_ Why would they be looking for someone as insignificant as Kim Dahyun? Easily replaced, minor character Kim Dahyun? 

“Jeong would’ve dispatched the entire soccer team to look for you if only Coach Solji didn’t interrupt…” Jackson chuckles. Dahyun can see it, Coach Solji probably scolding her unnie for even thinking of disrupting practice. 

“You’re like a little ghost, my friend”, Jackson smiles and decides awfully to wrap a sweaty arm around Dahyun’s shoulders. She tries to push him off but Jackson is naturally _stubborn to a fault_ and a pain in the ass.

“I should’ve told Jeong to put up a wanted sign for you. Probably throw in a cash prize while she’s at it.” He frowns playfully at the missed opportunity. 

It’s a cringey attempt at making a joke–because why the hell would Jackson Wang, easily one of the richest students in Apgujeong High, want to make money out of looking for someone as unnoticeable as Dahyun–but it’s enough to make Dahyun laugh a little. 

“Did you...ask why she was...um...looking for me?” It’s kind of too vain for someone like her, Dahyun thinks. _But it never hurts to try, right? To seek for validation? Because it’s only been a few days but Dahyun’s never felt this lonely and useless in a long time._

Jackson purses his lips in an action of trying to remember. Dahyun waits in agonizing silence. 

“I think it was…” Jackson taps on his chin _annoyingly_ , like some kind of knock-off Sherlock solving a riddle. 

“...because they miss you, kid.” 

Dahyun lets out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding. 

“They miss me?”

It’s a question she’s asking herself, but Jackson bothers to answer, “Of course they do!”

He ruffles her hair like an (annoying) older brother would to his younger sister. “Why wouldn’t they?” Then he smiles, oddly, familiarly. “It’s kind of easy to notice when it’s cloudy, you know?” 

Dahyun pauses. “What?” 

“It’s cloudy when the sun’s not out.” Jackson says matter-of-factly. “Like it has been without you, Dahyun. You _are_ their sun.” 

It doesn’t sit right with her, as much as it should. _You’re their sun._ Dahyun doesn’t know why she feels the prickling of her own tears rush from the bottom of her eyes, displayed for the whole world to see. Weakness worn on her sleeves. 

“But I…” She looks down, unable to hold Jackson’s pitiful gaze any longer. Dahyun sees her own teardrop soak the fabric of her skirt. It breaks her even more. “I don’t want to be their sun.” 

Being the sun means constantly being happy and bright and perpetually okay for everyone. Dahyun knows her heart isn't strong enough for that. _She_ isn't strong enough for that.

"If you don't want to, then that's fine."

Underneath Dahyun's puffy nose, she can see Jackson hold out his towel for her. She hesitantly grabs it, only after the risk of wiping snot on her uniform occurs to her. It's okay. Jackson's towel reminds her of the one she used when she was a baby. Those curity gauze towels. 

(Funny how someone as _manly_ and big as Jackson Wang uses baby gauze towels. Another thing Dahyun can probably use against him one day…)

"You can be whatever you want to be, Dahyun…" He pulls her closer in a side hug that isn't as uncomfortable as Dahyun expected. "Whichever you prefer, as long as you guys are together, I think Jeong will manage."

 _Together?_ Suddenly, _happily_ coexisting in the same space as her Jeongyeon unnie and Mina, and simply bearing witness to their little blossoming romance, sounds just as torturing as sitting in a room and helplessly watching all the puppies in the world cry. It also sounds just as far-fetched as the idea of Mina ever reciprocating Dahyun's feelings back. 

"I don't think I can…"

"Hm. Well, that's okay too…" Jackson trails off. "Whatever decision you make, as long as you're comfortable with it, I think Jeong and the girls would understand."

He unwraps his arm off Dahyun's shoulders just in time as the basketball coach blows his whistle in the far distance, signalling the end of the team's water break.

"Tell you what", Jackson jumps up on his feet, holding a hand out for Dahyun. "Whenever you need someone to talk to or just a towel to blow snot on, tell me. Coolest fake brother Jackson _oppa_ to the rescue!"

Dahyun can't help but chuckle at the senior's antics. It sounds like a completely impossible idea, an empty promise made just for her to stop crying like a child, but Jackson's smile says a lot even when it looks just as sly as his troublemaking grin, and that guy–for the mischief he's made out of–has never fallen short of his promises to Dahyun, his fake little sister.

"Thanks, oppa." Dahyun stands, puffing the dust she had managed to gather from her stay off of her. She picks up the shards of the pager squished from her earlier fall and places them in her pocket. "I just might take you up on that offer…" 

"It'd be my pleasure", Jackson responds with an earnest smile, walking her out of the area underneath the bleachers. "Youngji would absolutely _love_ seeing another face other than mine. She keeps on saying she's had enough of this _pretty—"_

"Okay, okay. I got it." Dahyun laughs, interjecting before Jackson can even go on and on about his enamoring looks and how Youngji unnie _mysteriously_ doesn't appreciate it. She takes a deep breath and just lets it all out when she adds, "Thank you, oppa. Really."

_Really._

"No problemo, kiddo." Jackson ruffles her hair again. "I'm serious, okay? Just a call–" he sees the hanging chain from her skirt, its end flailing helplessly without the pager holding it down–"Or even just tell someone you're looking for me, I'll rush over." 

"Okay, oppa. I understand. Thank you." 

Jackson doesn't linger for long, not when the coach blows his whistle again just for him and Jackson decides no, today's not gonna be the day he's going to run another few laps as punishment (spoiler alert: he does) so he jogs over right after bidding Dahyun a quick farewell, all goofy smile and obnoxious wink. 

When Dahyun exits the gym, the halls are no longer cramped with students on their Nokias, ready to ostracize her and her lack of Jeongyeon unnie protection. Now it's just Mr. Lee, the hallway janitor, running his mop on the same portion of the corridor again and again, the walkman blaring an ear-piercing volume of Ben E. King's Stand by Me.

Dahyun lets the song play in her head as she walks down the empty corridor. She turns at the end of the hall and pushes open the doors to the library, feeling a lot better and less lonelier than before. 

* * *

For someone who believes that the greatest invention to have assisted in the evolution of mankind was the Tickle Me Elmo doll, Jackson sure was using a lot of headspace when he proposed his company to Dahyun. 

Normally, Dahyun would have just given him her thanks and went off, putting the offer at the back of her head, under a file that’s probably named “Someday, for emergencies” (because _god knows_ how much Jackson Wang is capable of doing with his wealth and social power) but now, with all things considered, Dahyun feels like she’ll actually consider it. 

_I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to be in the company of new faces, right?_

After much debating with herself, Dahyun does it. 

_It’s never too late to begin anew._

She wakes up extra early every morning, right before the sun can take its first breath, before Jihyo’s 5AM alarm could even go off, just to get ready for the day and avoid stumbling upon any of her unnies. 

It’s a different kind of challenge having to tiptoe around the dorm to prepare herself for class when her roommate is Park Jihyo, who, even at her sleeping state, is hyper-aware of everything around her, senses easily triggered by something as microscaled as a pin drop. 

In spite of everything, Dahyun miraculously makes it work. It’s a hard task but she manages with her light steps and ghost-like movements, clothes and bag always prepared the night before, placed underneath her bed for convenience (even the task of preparing everything is done at a calculated pace; she goes home right after her classes end and readies everything for the next day within the time frame of her arrival and Jihyo’s, because being Student Council President requires so much of her unnie’s free time after class hours, especially with the talent show coming up).

A part of Dahyun wonders in hindsight if she expected this to happen a long time ago, with how everything comes so instinctively to her. So easy, like second nature. Had she known all this time she was just a temporary fixture in her unnies' lives? Was she just blinding herself from the truth and praying it would never knock on her door? Hoping that the world would be so kind enough to give her this one time to be part of something special? 

_Yeah._ Dahyun thinks, as she slips her arms into the straps of her school bag and bids her sleeping Jihyo unnie another silent goodbye. A goodbye she's counted as her first this past week ever since the confrontation with Jackson; a goodbye that means she's finally coming into terms with the heartbreaking reality that _she was never meant to stay with them for long._

She was never really a part of their story.

It’s okay. She’ll just have to get used to this new _life_ of hers. For what it’s worth, her curiosity as a freshman and all the times she’s spent going around the campus instead of socializing with her peers are finally paying out. 

Avoiding her unnies is _no_ easy task, especially when all of them are these popular kids with a web of connections that are practically akin to hounds hunting for Dahyun inside and outside of campus. 

The most useful help Dahyun once considered a big inconvenience on her part is the gap in their schedules. On Dahyun’s breaks, her unnies were in class. Despite their afternoon training sessions that overlap Dahyun’s lunch break, she manages to dodge them effortlessly. 

The weeks that follow are filled with evading tactics that would humiliate even James Bond. 

There are days Momo and Sana would fossick through the halls and every corner and aisle of the library to look for Dahyun (thankfully, Dahyun is _intelligent_ enough to know _of course_ they would look at the places she frequents at when alone, so she avoids them at all cost and stays somewhere else); Then there were those particularly _more_ challenging times when it were Jeongyeon and Jihyo who would look for her. _Those days were the hard ones._

Jihyo and Jeongyeon would look for her at Deux after classes, or visit the welcoming committee headquarters and ask around for her. One would think avoiding those two would be the ultimate challenge, and Dahyun thinks they’re not wrong. _Of course_ it would be hard evading them when Jihyo is literally her roommate and Jeongyeon can just barge in at their dorm whenever she wants to. 

But, to Dahyun’s surprise, the only way out of this predicament is _sleeping early,_ or pretending to at least. Because if there’s one thing Jihyo respects the most, it’s sleeping time. And whether they like it or not, they don’t bother Dahyun when she’s asleep. 

A part of Dahyun wishes they would wake her up, because then that would mean she’s important enough to be an exemption, but a bigger part of her, the one that just can’t face everything yet, wishes they’d just continue to leave her alone. Just allow her to easily slip through their fingers like sand. Then it would make this whole fiasco a lot faster to finish. 

_Then Dahyun would be erased from their lives a lot less painfully._

_Then it would be so much easier to let go._

* * *

Everything follows through smoothly. Life goes on for everyone. 

Dahyun’s evading tactics improve day by day until she’s established a temporary routine for herself. Long gone are her specific corner at the library and her table at the cafeteria during break. She can’t risk hanging out there anymore, not when her unnies know about them. 

Lunch breaks at the cafeteria are spent underneath the bleachers in the gym. None of the athletes in their afternoon training sessions notice her coming in and out. She’s already there before they even begin, and out before they even finish. 

When her classes end early and she has no choice but to look for somewhere else to hang out because Jihyo is at the dorms, Dahyun crashes over at her Youngji unnie’s place, a new territory she’s come to make a temporary home out of. Youngji is nothing short of kind and hospitable. Honestly, Dahyun thinks she’s too good to be true. _Jackson oppa is really too lucky…_

Youngji studies in a different school, a senior as well, in a town about thirty minutes away from Apgujeong. Dahyun’s fortunate enough that the older girl doesn’t ask anything about her situation and how odd it is that she’s been third-wheeling a lot. 

In an odd and almost too-good-to-be-true way, things work out. 

It does, until it doesn’t anymore. 

Dahyun _really_ should have seen it coming. The world doesn't have enough creativity these days. 

_Of course_ it would be Mina!

Mina, who is the beginning of everything, of the chaos in Dahyun’s heart and the disorder in her head, and Mina, who will be the end too. 

* * *

It happens on a fairly sunny and normal day for Dahyun, as far as _normal_ concerned her nowadays. 

It’s fifteen minutes until the end of her lunch break and she’s just finished packing up and cleaning after herself, wary to not leave any trace of her in her little safe haven underneath the bleachers in the gym. 

The girls’ restroom area in the gym is normally empty during this time because only the basketball boys use the gym in the afternoon and there are a lot more accessible restrooms scattered around the campus. Dahyun opts to do her lady business there, avoiding tactic and all that. 

She’s found great humor in her time there. Because the restroom is a lot less used, it’s more marred than the frequented ones maintained every once in a while and kept neat for visitors. This also means the walls are adorned with vandalism. 

Dahyun, in spite of her good school girl reputation, entertains herself with these forms of expression. Of course, old habits die hard. She brings with her a marker every visit at her favorite stall and rectifies incorrect grammar structures or missing parts in a drawing (the other day she just added a nail to what looked like a middle finger…at least, she _hopes_ it was a middle finger) and today, she’s correcting grammars. 

In the middle of finishing her third ‘you **’re** ’, the doors of the restroom burst open, a loud thud resounding from the impact of the door and the wall behind it meeting in a hard collision. 

Out of instinct, Dahyun freezes and immediately holds her breath. 

Off-putting dainty laughter echoes in the room, followed by the sound of bags dropped on the floor and shoes squeaking against the tiles. When the speaking begins, Dahyun counts two girls and surmises they’re from the cheerleading team, just because of the almost obnoxious way they carry themselves (and because they’re outwardly talking about the cheerleaders’ afternoon training). 

Dahyun doesn’t recognize the two therefore allows herself to breathe again and resume correcting the structural errors of the words vandalized on the walls of the stall she’s in. 

It’s only on her fourth ‘we **’** re’ when a name is brought up and Dahyun freezes. Literally. 

“I feel sad for her, really…” The girl with a deeper, huskier voice says. The sound of a perfume spraying fills the short pause afterwards, followed by the strong whiff of Bath and Body Works’ Sassy Strawberry cologne. “She’s caught up in Nayeon’s inability to separate personal troubles and professional duties. Collateral damage.” 

_Nayeon?_ Dahyun really shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but if she’s thinking right, then there’s only one person in the world–as of the moment, really–that can possibly get into Nayeon’s nerves _this deep._

Dahyun gets her answer when the other girl, with a deceivingly lighter voice, counters, “She should’ve known better than to get entangled with Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s mess. No one comes out of that hellhole unscathed. Remember Yerin?” 

A snort resounds albeit not obnoxious. It’s pitiful. Dahyun remembers too. 

“I just think it’s unfair that Mina’s getting treated like this just because Jeongyeon didn’t choose Nayeon…”

_There it is._

A bag zippers up. The girl with the lighter voice remarks, “Well, we can’t do anything now. Nayeon’s made up her mind and I _really_ don’t want to lose my chances at being center flyer just because I feel sad for the new kid. Mina’s just gonna have to _suck it up_ , you know? No one ever said it was going to be easy around here.” 

“That’s _something_ coming from you, Miss-Jennie-who-got-into-the-team-because-her-mom-had-connections.” 

“Excuse me. I got in because I was just as talented as everybody else was, Jisoo.” Dahyun could vividly imagine a roll of the eyes coming from Jennie. 

“Whatever. We should get going.” There are some shuffling sounds and the squeaking of rubber shoes again. “I bet Nayeon already sabotaged Mina’s tryouts. Her spirit’s gonna get crushed later when the results come out, with Jeong not around to protect her anymore. Poor kid.” 

“Yeah. Nayeon told us beforehand to not accept her to the team. That or face the consequences when she comes back.” 

A small chuckle echoes around before they’re gone, door closing again with a thud and silence engulfing the restroom. 

Dahyun waits for a few more seconds before she comes out of her stall at the farthest corner of the room. Her thoughts are all over the place, even more disordered by the surfeit of (unnecessary) concern and...that bitter feeling of anger again. 

Anger for injustice, she reasons out. She had always been a person for equity. This anger, the hot, burning feeling of it, is unfamiliar to her and absolutely _not_ provoked by, even at the slightest bit, Mina’s unfair involvement in the mess of someone else’s life. 

_It’s anger for abuse of power,_ she thinks to herself. For condemning someone who’s never done anything wrong but to pay kindness back with a gentle smile and a laugh that could melt everyone’s soul. 

Dahyun blames it on her desire to fight for the victims of injustice when she marches out of that restroom with a renewed sense of vigor and unparalleled confidence (very unlike her). All thoughts of avoiding her unnies are discarded, blurred away by one specific name taking up the forefront of her mind: **_Mina unnie, Mina unnie, Mina unnie._ **

When she marches down the hall that opens to the field, students of familiar faces finally catching a glimpse of the sunshine girl who had been practically _wanted_ for weeks now, Dahyun still continues. 

Amidst the uncomfortable stares she’s getting, the nerves that are finally settling in, she marches. _Mina unnie, Mina unnie, Mina unnie._

It’s only when the scorching afternoon sunlight hits her pale lithe body that the realization kicks in. 

At the far distance–not so far now considering how Dahyun’s body suddenly forgot how to stop itself from moving forward–Toni Basil’s Hey Mickey plays while a freshman waves around her pom poms in what looks more like an interpretative dance than a tryout routine. 

She stops _finally,_ catching her breath. 

A few steps in front of her, over by the bleachers, seated on the first row, are her Sana unnie and the seniors from the restroom earlier, Jennie Kim and Jisoo, with Coach Hyojin and Im Nayeon nowhere to be found. 

Behind them are the other cheerleaders and the hopefuls scattered about, talking and laughing in groups. 

It’s easy to spot Mina even from afar, even if Dahyun doesn’t have the best eyesight in the world.

Generally, it’s hard _not_ to notice her when she’s the only one all by herself, shoulders slumped and seated two rows above the panel of tryout overseers. Personally, on the other hand, Dahyun’s eyes are just naturally attracted to looking for Mina in a sea of strangers and unfamiliar faces. 

It’s not a trait to be proud of but— _wait._

A whistle is blown somewhere on the other side of the field, to the boys’ soccer team practicing for afternoon training. It catches Dahyun’s attention and snaps her out of her momentary surge of confidence. 

It’s like a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped over her head. 

_What the hell am I doing here—_

But trying to gather her thoughts then and there proves to be the wrong time because when her eyes drift back to the bleachers and the cheerleaders and no one’s dancing anymore, burning, she feels and sees, all eyes are actually on her now. 

“Dahyunnie!?” Sana’s voice rings. She’s always been the loudest and sweetest. But at that single moment, the rise in her voice was neither for relaying her affection nor expressing her sweet disposition; it came from shock and... _worry?_

Dahyun also only realizes it then. She’s out in the open, unprotected from the invisible walls of her little safe haven, and everyone sees her. Everyone is _looking_ at her. 

She feels like she’s been stripped bare and defenseless for the whole world to see. 

_For Mina to see._

“Kim Dahyun!” Sana shouts again. She never calls Dahyun by her full name. 

When she stands up from her seat and attempts to walk over to the shell-shocked girl, Dahyun’s fight or flight response kicks in. At the face of danger–or in this case, _Mina and her unnies_ –she makes a run for it. 

Sana’s shouting from behind, followed by distant sounds of running and more shouting her name. 

Dahyun doesn’t hear anything else. She just runs and runs, and hides away from her fears and the _angels_ that haunt her. 

When she reaches back to her hideout, engulfed in the temporary protection of her safe haven, Dahyun falls on the floor, unable to hold back the intense wave of clenching and prickling pain in her chest and behind her eyes. 

She hugs her knees close to her chest and hides her face from the world. 

_Kim Dahyun, you’re all alone again._

* * *

The events that unfold afterwards fall in a chain reaction following Dahyun’s momentary lapse in judgement. 

Misfortune continues to play with her throughout the entire day. 

After classes, neither Youngji nor Jackson are available to hang out (Youngji is sleeping over at a friend’s and Jackson is pulling all-nighters at the local gym to train for the season) and Principal Park calls for an emergency early dismissal for all levels because of a leaking repair job to be done at the storage room down the hall of the west wing (also known as the official headquarters of the Student Welcoming Committee).

The worst news comes a little later: Scheduled after-school meetings and practices are also postponed for the day, and all students are advised to go home straight. 

Dahyun, in all the pitiful glory of her puffy eyes and red nose, hastily rushes out of her class the moment the last bell rings. 

It’s a stampede down the main corridor. Dahyun opts to use the Fire Exit in the opposite direction instead. Stairs aren’t a problem. Two flights of stairs would be a _breeze_. 

The apprehension that’s gnawing at Dahyun’s insides is caused by the possibility that her unnies beat her into arriving at the dorm, then that would narrow her chances at fake sleeping and she’ll be forced into a confrontation with, worst case scenario, _all_ of her unnies _—and god knows how scary Jihyo unnie is at interrogations!_

The backdoor of the high school building is far less crowded than the main one but a lot of students still rush to get out. Dahyun is squished in between two freshman girls talking about passing by the video rental store to grab a copy of some American movie. 

The moment they finally get out and fresh air finally circulates in Dahyun’s lungs, she takes a deep breath and makes a run of it. A run for her life. 

As expected, the dorm building’s lobby is packed and there’s a small line of students waiting for the elevator. 

Dahyun, bless her quick thinking, looks at the parking space beside the building first, scanning for any familiar-looking Porsche owned by her one and only Sana unnie. There’s none, but that doesn’t ultimately rule out the possibility that her unnies are together right now, _especially after what happened earlier._

The route back to the building is different when you use the backdoor. It’s a little longer because it’s at the south side of the campus, and a lot more intricate with its alleys and turns, estimatedly taking up about five more minutes than the average time. 

(Whenever Dahyun experiences a bout of crying, her mind oddly works a lot better afterwards. 

Her mother used to say it was because crying made the heart feel lighter and the brain to worry less. Like a magic oil to ease the process of the bolts turning in her head. That’s why she’s able to think more clearly after crying. 

As a five-year-old kid who just lost her Cabbage Patch doll, Dahyun was prepared to believe everything her mother said.) 

Dahyun’s _absolutely_ sure her unnies are already in her dorm, waiting for her like parents prepared to scold their child for coming home late. 

_In that case, I probably shouldn’t go up?_

Dahyun looks around. She’s standing in a less crowded corner in the dorm building’s lobby, away from the bunch of students waiting for the elevator or just chit-chatting around. 

There are a few students eyeing her oddly. Dahyun assumes it’s only either one of the two: a) her entire face still looks puffy from the crying she’d done, or b) because she’s _Kim Dahyun_ , probably wanted _again_ especially for causing such a scene earlier. 

When she sees her reflection from the elevator doors sliding close in front of her, Dahyun thinks it’s probably _both._

A tap on her shoulder pulls her away from her self-pity and also scares the living daylights out of her. 

“AH!” 

“O-Oh, Dahyunnie?” Thankfully, it’s just Yumama. “Are you okay, dear?” 

Dahyun’s probably overreacting when she says this but Yumama’s appearance is deus ex machina. 

She might just cry again then and there. 

“Hey…” Yumama reminds her of her mother. They’re probably the same age too. They don’t look alike that much but if a person with imperfect vision was subjected to look at them from about, ten to fifteen meters away, they’d assume they were twins. 

That’s why when Dahyun feels homesick, she goes to Yumama and imagines it’s her mother she’s hugging. 

“Yumama…” Right now, looking at Yumama is like looking at her mom, and her mother wouldn’t want to see her like this. The thought itself is enough to send Dahyun’s lips quivering though, despite how hard she tries to nibble them to stop. “I...I’m sorry…”

“Hey, kiddo. Why are you crying?” Yumama holds Dahyun’s hands and pulls her into a _suffocating_ embrace. “Shhh. Yumama’s here already…” 

It’s like Dahyun is drowning in the comforts of refuge once again, sought in the arms of someone she forces herself to think is her mom because only that would make this entire situation better. That, and probably chocolate. 

“Come on”, Yumama keeps one arm slung around Dahyun’s shoulders in a protective side-embrace. “I have some chocolates for you in my office. Let’s talk there.” 

Yumama’s appearance is deus ex machina.

_Divine intervention._

* * *

_Or not._

It only occurs to Dahyun a few minutes later, in the (personally, awkward) silence suspended in the air of Yumama’s office, as she drowns in the equally awkward and quite _intense_ looking from Yumama herself, that in here, within the four corners of this room, one way or another, she’ll have to come in terms with what’s been bothering her these past weeks. 

Unfortunately for Dahyun, it’s quite harder elaborating on her emotions than trying to solve the Riemann Hypothesis, and that speaks volumes when there’s a million dollar reward for the latter’s solution. 

The only reward she can get from trying to understand herself is a peace of mind. And for now, that’s actually better than a million dollars (keyword: **for now** ).

“Can I make a quick guess?” 

Of course, give it to the adult in the room to make a _guess_ out of the teenager’s emotional collapse.

Dahyun relents, wary but thankful nonetheless. The free choco pie makes up for the 1% battery her better judgement is holding on to. 

“Is this a teenager thing?” 

_Talk about quick guess…_

The way Dahyun stops munching on her choco pie and just sits back with wide eyes kind of confirms the question to Yumama. 

“Ah...so it is.” She nods. 

Dahyun thinks it’s a different thing but it’s the same as well. The grasp of the _teenager thing_ is quite broad if you ask her. 

Small crumbs of the choco pie fall from Dahyun’s mouth when she tries to speak. No word comes out and she’d rather not make a mess on the soft chintz sofa in the small receiving area of Yumama’s office, so she just closes her mouth again and shuts up. 

Mothers have their way of figuring things out, whether it’s to the T or not. 

“Are you doing…” Yumama inches closer, “... _drugs?”_

Of all the speculations they could arrive at, she thinks of _that._

Dahyun is _this_ close to just flipping off the whole universe. 

She feels _scandalized_ but more concerned at the fact that Yumama isn’t even, at the very least, executing an appalled frown. She’s smiling. Mischievous at that. As if they’re just talking about simple crushes and unrequited feelings–exactly what they’re _supposed_ to be talking about–and not a minor’s potential involvement in recreational drugs. 

“What? How did you arrive to that conclusion—” 

“Jeongyeon and Jihyo have been _awfully_ worried about you lately.”

At the mention of her unnies’ names, Dahyun’s throat dries up. Words begin to evaporate in the air. 

Yumama continues, “They’ve been telling me that you were hanging out with a senior boy recently. Keep an eye out just in case.” 

“They...they thought I was...I was doing _drugs_ with Jackson oppa?” If Dahyun were to be a robot, this would be the point where her system is malfunctioning and she’s about ready to self-destruct. 

“Oh no. That’s on me.” Yumama chuckles sheepishly. Dahyun lets out a deep breath. “A lot of kids mention that senior boy for troublemaking. The other day I had to scold a few of his friends in front of the building for doing it there. I’m all for recreation but don’t do it where the cops might see you, kids!” 

_Yumama sure is something huh?_

Dahyun’s admiration for the older woman grows even more. Her mother would’ve handled the situation just the same. 

“I’m not doing drugs, if that’s what you’re thinking, Yumama.” She laughs, cheeks tear-stained and eyes, nose, and lips all puffy and red. “I won’t be a bother. You’ve got enough headache for a lifetime managing the dorms as it is.” 

Yumama smiles, warm and all motherly. If Dahyun cries again, she’ll blame it on the homesickness. 

“I have no troubles taking care of all you girls. Especially you and your unnies.” Yumama whispers the last part because of bias _,_ much to Dahyun’s amusement. 

“You should go and enjoy your life right now.” She sits back with a wider smile. “Crash parties. Sleep in the morning. Go on an adventure. Fall in love. Get heartbroken. Don’t waste your time trying to make sense of things because it’s never always going to _make sense._ Life is a peculiar thing, my love. But it’s not a mystery for you to solve.” 

Behind her, Dahyun catches a glimpse–a _blurry_ one–of a picture frame angled towards her, on Yumama’s desk. She makes out two women in high-waisted shorts and crop tops, posing by the back of a Volkswagen Kombi. 

Yumama always talked about life as if hers had already passed by. Dahyun thinks she understands why now. 

“You know, Dahyunnie…” Yumama stands up from her chair. She grabs another pack of choco pies (Dahyun’s betting she has one whole box of it under her desk, an unusual thing to have in an office but it's Yumama so…) and hands it over to Dahyun with a warm smile, going back to her seat. 

“You shouldn’t sacrifice your youth trying to grow up so fast.” She pats Dahyun’s head. It reminds Dahyun of her mother again. “You have your entire life ahead of you. Love and live every single bit of it.” 

Feeling all enlightened, Dahyun thinks she just encountered Gandhi in the body of Yumama. 

It’s like the air around her has been untangled and the weight in her chest has been removed. She can breathe, her heart can beat again, in a rhythm that doesn’t sound like it’s always running a marathon 24/7. 

“Oh, by the way, Dahyunnie.”

Dahyun only hums in acknowledgement, eyes staring at a far distance while her hands unwrap another pack of choco pies. 

“Choose the people you want in your life and keep them there.” Yumama smiles kindly, motherly. “Life’s a journey you shouldn’t traverse all by yourself.” 

“Got it.” _Mom._ Dahyun smiles for a split second before shoving the entire choco pie straight into her mouth. “Thank you, Yumama.”

"Don't be such in a rush, Hyun. Your Jihyo unnie's not gonna be like it if you finish the entire box of choco pies in one go."

Dahyun stops chomping on the food entirely. "Jihyo unnie?" 

_What does she have to do with my choco pies?_

"Yeah." Yumama nods, reaching her arm over to her desk to grab something. It's a post-it note. "She gave me this last week? Told me to give it to you when I see you...um...sad." 

Dahyun, cheeks all puffed and filled with the choco pie, takes the note.

Her Jihyo unnie's handwriting is distinguishable, all precise and neat, unlike her other unnie's whose penmanships are often compared to chicken scribbles.

In a remarkable strawberry-scented red glitter pen (Unnie's favorite, Dahyun remembers. She knows because she was the one who bought that for her Jihyo unnie), the note reads:

**_Mama, this is for Dahyun when you see her._ ** **_  
_** **_Please don't let her be sad too much._ **

**_-Jihyo_ **

"Something tells me you guys are in a rough patch?” 

Dahyun thinks the _rough patch_ is overstating it. The problem is really just with herself. Like it always has. 

"I just noticed how your unnies have been...coming home a lot with their shoulders slumped. Like they just lost an important game every single day. Then I also noticed you weren't with them lately, and then Jihyo gave me the box of choco pies…" Yumama trails off, wary. "I just put two and two together and assumed you guys are...not okay with each other lately?" 

Dahyun wants to tell Yumama _no._ This isn't the group's problem. Not her unnies. This is a matter for herself to resolve. But she can't quite say it out loud, not when the situation is exactly what Dahyun didn't _intend_ for it to become.

She’s hurt her unnies. She’s been selfish. 

“Dahyunnie?” 

The weight of compassion and sympathy in Yumama’s words is like a needle poked at a balloon filled with water. The thoughts in Dahyun’s head is the balloon, and the water that splatters everywhere is her tears. 

She blames it on the motherly feeling Yumma radiates; how she looks at Dahyun with all the understanding and love in the world; on the fact that Dahyun never lies to her mom and she just misses home; on how lately everything has just been really, _really_ hard. 

Dahyun looks down on the plastic rapper in her hands, crumpled and folded. 

Ultimately, she blames it on the _damned_ choco pies. 

* * *

It takes about an hour more until a knock resounds from the door of Yumama’s office, and Dahyun’s little therapeutic heart-pour session comes to an end. 

She makes do with what she has, her sudden elementary vocabulary and the redundancy of the words “sad”, “I don’t know”, and “sorry” in her rant all about what has transpired these past weeks, everything about her unnies and Mina, and _nothing_ about her feelings concerning the latter.

Speaking her heart has never been Dahyun’s best strong point, in spite of her prodigious mastery of the Korean language. Thankfully, Yumama seems to understand every bit of the _verbal diarrhea_ she lets out. 

One of the juniors assigned to manning the front desk of the dorm lobby peeks inside the room and tells Yumama the boys are at it again in front of the building. 

Yumama sighs and utters an exasperated curse under her breath.

“Would you look at that…” She stands up and stretches her torso in a twist, body facing the wall clock behind Dahyun. “It’s almost dinner time. Will you eat alone, Dahyunnie?” 

Dahyun shakes her head, despite the fact that she _will_ probably eat dinner alone. She’s already burdened Yumama with so much of her troubles. The best she can do is give the old woman her space to eat. 

Yumama nods at the girl by the threshold, who leaves them right after. 

“You should go eat _real_ food when you go up, Dahyunnie. The choco pies won’t be enough for dinner.” 

“Thank you, Yumama.” _For listening._

Dahyun grabs the wrappers of choco pies she’s eaten (a total of five; the box contains a dozen) and folds them neatly. Just so her hands can fidget with something. 

They both walk over to the door, Yumama leading. 

“You and your unnies”, she suddenly speaks up. It’s loud enough for Dahyun to get startled a little (she expected the conversation to be done) but not enough for the people they pass by to hear. 

“You guys should talk.” 

_Talk._ Dahyun can’t promise anything but she’ll definitely try. That’s probably where her night’s going to go as well. She can’t _fake sleep_ her way _now_. Her unnies are probably upstairs in the dorm room as they speak, and even if they’re not, there’s still Jihyo unnie left to face. 

_Yep. Talk._

“Don’t let miscommunication ruin something so special like your sisterhood.” The heavy weight in her words tells Dahyun the lady in Yumama’s picture frame earlier isn’t _just_ some lady. 

“Yes, Yumama.” Dahyun smiles. Small but baby steps. “I’ll apologize to Jihyo and Jeongyeon unnie later.” 

She hopes she’s hearing things when Yumama asks, “Just them?” 

But unfortunately, she’s not. 

Dahyun pretends she didn’t hear anything. She has strength to face her unnies now, but not enough just yet to face Mina.

They’re in the lobby now. Dahyun focuses on that instead. 

“Oh, Yumama. Where can I throw these?” Dahyun remembers the wrappers of choco pies in her hand. It’s strange how she hasn’t spotted a single trash bin down the hall they passed through. 

Yumama points to the back door at the opposite end of the hall. “We moved the garbage bins to the back for the morning collectors. You can throw them there, sweetie.” 

Dahyun only nods and then bids Yumama one last thank you before going on her way to throw the choco pie wrappers.

* * *

Much to how she’s navigated through every nook and cranny of the school, Dahyun hasn’t quite begun her adventure around the dorms yet. The back area of the building is new territory to her. She makes a mental note to remember in the future, should the need to _not_ pass through the main entrance arise. 

The universe makes up for the hot summer days with the chilly nights. These days, Dahyun’s found great enjoyment in just wandering around with just the moon and the cold night breeze as her late night friend. 

In different circumstances, Jihyo would probably tell her it’s not safe outside so late, but it pays having someone as muscular as Jackson Wang to walk with at times. 

(At this point, Dahyun thinks it’s a miracle no one from school thinks there’s something between them, from how they hang out a lot. 

_Whatever_. A miracle’s a miracle. Unexplainable. And right now, Dahyun’s got too much in her head to even bother dwelling further.)

It takes a few more steps away from the back door to spot the color-coded garbage bins, placed right across the long wall of barbed wires and the growing bushes and climbing plants. 

Plastics are disposed of in yellow, Dahyun remembers. She throws them perfectly inside, mimicking a sad basketball player. Right after, she begins walking back. 

Until she hears _it._

It doesn’t take a genius to know that hearing a woman’s crying at night isn’t a good thing, whether in the context of horror or just plain morals. If her mother was here, she would have told Dahyun to go check it out. Because she’s a good kid and the Lord will be with her in the face of danger. He will not let her get hurt. 

But because her mother is _not_ around, Dahyun continues to walk away. 

Unfortunately for her, the whimpering gets louder, and she can imagine her mother’s 6-inch-tall angel version standing on her shoulder, probably telling her right now to go help out a poor soul. 

(Whether the _poor soul_ means literally a _poor_ soul of a person who’s departed or just figuratively a poor soul suffering an emotional breakdown, Dahyun will just have to find out.)

She makes the sign of the cross before going through the bushes, following the sound and walking (probably, most likely) to her own demise.

After what felt like an eternity getting poked at by twigs and shrubs, eventually, the _wailing_ leads Dahyun to a torn down portion of the wire gate. 

She wished it was a dead end, then she’d just have to turn around and head back, forget there was ever an experience like this to think about. But no, there’s a pathway on the other side of the human-sized aperture cut through the wire gate, perfect for Dahyun to pass through. 

_Oh dear Jesus. Today really isn’t my day, huh…_

She lets herself debate for a good minute or two, whether she’ll be a good person now or not and just forget about it, but the 6-inch version of her mother is as loud as the real one, and before she could even _think_ of avoiding death by stupidity, Dahyun’s already marching her way through. Reciting the Lord’s prayer as she walks.

She’s halfway through the Nicene Creed when the narrow path lined with bushes, shrubs, and pointy twigs come to an end. 

Dahyun gulps down a boulder in her throat. Her hands are clasped together in a praying position, eyes shut tight. The whimpering is louder now. 

Dahyun feels like her heart’s going to break through her ribs. 

_Lord, if you’re listening to me right now, please let it be an angel._

She turns to face whoever it is and opens her eyes. 

“Dahyunnie?” 

_Oh. It is an angel._

“Mina unnie?” 

* * *

It’s a small space enclosed by the tall shrubs Dahyun thinks are the same ones that lined the path she just passed through. There’s a big tree in the middle, surrounded by untrimmed grass and more bushes. 

It’s awfully eerie but Dahyun in her current situation probably wouldn’t be able to take note of that. Not when she’s seated beside Mina Myoui–a safe hand’s length of a space in between them–and all her mind could think of are a thousand and one ways to humiliate herself. 

In an effort to shut her mind up, Dahyun thinks of how pretty the tree is behind Mina. 

The attempt is futile. The split second her eyes land on Mina– _accidentally,_ mind you–her mind just goes _Mina, Mina, Mina…_

“Um...do you...uh…” _Freaking speak, Dahyun!_ “Uh...want a tissue?” 

Mina’s sniffing and wiping at her tears with the back of her hand–that looks _too soft and pretty_ to be humanly possible–when she nods and– _o_ _h my god–_ looks at Dahyun in the eyes. “Y-Yes please.”

Dahyun averts her gaze. Looks at the _interesting_ unmanicured bush in her other direction. She digs her hand in the pocket of her skirt. Feels the side of her uniform. The back and the front. Every nook and cranny. 

“Oh. Uh...I don’t have one.” _Oh my god, Dahyun._ “Sorry.” 

Dahyun might as well just disappear then and there. She’s now officially the biggest humiliation in the universe. 

Thankfully, Mina only chuckles softly. Sniffs again. “That’s okay. Thank you for offering.” 

Dahyun is running on nothing but the near-unconsciousness insensibility from having Mina around, so she doesn’t stop humiliating herself even though she’s _begging_ herself to already. 

“You can have this”, she offers her uniform sleeve instead.

Mina looks at her incredulously, a miniscule pinch between her brows. 

Dahyun wants to pull her arm back but all of her limbs just feel numb right now. She doesn’t take back the offer and just waits, arm still raised. 

_This is worse than encountering a ghost, oh my god._

Dahyun internally begs for Mina to just turn down the hand. Because her body and her mind aren’t on working terms and the only way for her to give up–and _stop embarrassing herself_ –is if Mina declines it herself.

But Mina doesn’t _freaking_ turn it down. 

“Thank you. But I’d rather…” Instead, she grabs Dahyun’s hand and holds it with her own. “Is this okay with you?” 

_No,_ Dahyun wants to say. _Please let go of my hand._

“I’m sorry. Did that startle you?” It’s cold when Mina lets go. 

Dahyun ( _Just take me now, please)_ looks for her hand again and holds them together. 

“It’s cold, unnie.” 

_Don’t go._

“We can hold hands.” 

Mina smiles at her for longer than she should. Longer than necessary. Like she wants to say something but she can’t. 

Dahyun tears her eyes away before she says something she knows she’ll regret.

A minute of silence ensues, and all Dahyun can hear are the sounds of the crickets and the gentle blow of the breeze moving the bushes and leaves around.

Dahyun is satisfied with this. Just this. Her heart can’t handle another round of Mina. Her head is praying Mina doesn’t think of anything else. Their hands holding purely for the sake of _body contact warmth_ is already causing detrimental effects to Dahyun’s heart. 

If Mina’s as nice as she portrays herself to be, then she wouldn’t do anything more to further break Dahyun apart. 

“Dahyunnie.” 

Still, Dahyun prepares her heart for the worst. 

“Do you hate me?” 

Unfortunately, it wasn’t prepared for that. 

Dahyun can hear her own heart stop beating. “W-What?” 

She makes the worst decision of her life when turns and faces Mina, who’s already looking at her back with sullen eyes.

“Unnie, I—” 

“Please don’t hate me.” 

Dahyun lies through gritted teeth, guilty. “What makes you say that?” 

Mina looks away. She thinks to herself and then glances down at their hands together. Dahyun prides herself for her interpersonal skills and her prodigious ability to read people, but Mina is just...a puzzle. Too hard to solve. _Probably because it’s for me to._

“Please just tell me what I did wrong.” Mina’s voice is soft and painful. Like rubbing salt on an open wound. 

Dahyun isn’t strong enough for this. “You didn’t do anything unnie.” _It was me._ “I was just...busy lately.” 

“Really?” 

Dahyun just nods quietly. Uncertainly. She won’t look anymore. It’ll only hurt worse if she faces the older girl, knowing to herself she’s lying shamelessly.

"Then why were you avoiding the others too?"

But Mina is setting herself up for her own heartbreak, Dahyun thinks. Because the more she prods, the lesser Dahyun is able restrain herself from just spilling all over.

"I figured it was because of me." The older girl whispers, soft and barely there. "Jeong said you guys were inseparable before I came into the picture."

Dahyun makes the mistake of looking again, but thankfully Mina is busy glancing down. She tries to rack her brain for any excuse but it's like a fire has been set, and all papers filed under _excuses and reasons to use when your crush thinks you hate her_ have been burned to ashes and blown away.

"Like I said, unnie. I was just busy. That’s all." 

With the ashes of her better judgement come her manners too. Dahyun's voice sounds too pointy at the edges for her own liking and she hates that she couldn't even control herself. It's like everything is just slipping from her reach. Internal Chaos.

Mina glances over at Dahyun again. Their eyes meet and stay on each other for a good few seconds, with two different intentions. 

Dahyun's is a white flag being raised. A sign of giving up. She can no longer control herself and she _hates_ it. Mina's is calculating and observing. Like a judge examining a performance, a cryptologist trying to decipher an ancient language. She's trying to read through Dahyun and Dahyun, _for heaven’s sake,_ just can't look away. 

"I’m not... _angry_ at anyone, unnie.” Dahyun chooses her words carefully. It’s like trying to tear apart the layers of a bomb just ticking to explode. “I was just...thinking of a lot of things lately. And I...I didn’t mean to make you guys think you did anything wrong. I just thought...it’s unfair to the unnies if they...if they saw me like this.” 

“Like what?” Mina, however, might just be the _most challenging_ bomb to defuse. 

Dahyun feels like melting under the older girl’s gaze. Like ice cream out in the day, under the summer sun. 

“All not...very Dahyun like.” _Not their sunshine girl._

In the soft glow of the moonlight, Dahyun sees _and hears_ Mina laugh. It piques at her attention. _Did I say something funny?_

Mina smiles at her. “You don’t have to be a ball of sunshine all the time just to be _their_ Dahyun.” 

“What?” 

“We all have bad days and good days, Dahyunnie.” Mina doesn’t realize her power, really, when she rests Dahyun’s hand on her lap and holds it in place. “And believe it or not, there are people out there willing to be there for you through all of that. Jeongyeon and the others don’t expect you to be this positive, happy, and trouble-free girl all the time. You’re their sun, but we’re all just human too.”

“Is that why you're here?" 

When fear strikes, we do what we can to save ourselves. Dahyun knows she's spilling everywhere, layers of her soul pared one by one to the world. In order to keep what's left together and to herself, she doesn't hold back anymore.

"What?" 

"You were crying, unnie. I found you here by listening and following the sound of you crying." Dahyun tucks her hand away from Mina's hold. Softly, with all the gentleness that's left in her. "Is that why you're here too? Because you had a bad day? Because we're all just human?" 

“Yeah.” Mina answers without any pause, instantly. The emptiness in her hold makes everything colder. She tucks her hands under her legs instead, hugging them closer. 

“A bad day. A bad start. A bad performance. A bad character...in my life...bad...but she’s just human too. So I couldn’t stay mad. I couldn’t get angry at her for being mean. And unfair. And _bad._ So I just cried.” 

There's a fraction of a second where Mina's voice, all soft and mellow, cracks. Like a small portion a whole had been chipped. Like a tiny speck almost unnoticeable. Because it's her, _Mina unnie,_ the fog over the surface brought about by Dahyun's anger, is wiped clean. She can see again. She can feel again something that's aren't just bitterness and anger towards the universe's unfairness.

"Is that why you’re suddenly here?” Dahyun, in an attempt to forget about her bitter feelings from no longer than a minute ago, smiles and jests, “Did you horrifyingly hear a woman weeping too and followed the sound ‘til it lead you here, in this miraculously maintained-unmaintained _secret_ garden no one probably knew ever existed until now?” 

It seems to work. Mina chuckles shyly, looking down on her knees. “I remembered Sana mentioning a garden behind the dorm building. Back in Japan, whenever I was sad, I liked to stroll in gardens and just be with myself to think. That’s why I looked for this place and found it.” 

“Like a secret hideout?” 

“Yeah. Like a secret hideout.” Mina smiles, playing with her shoes on the unmanicured patch of grass beneath them. “Sometimes facing the world gets tiring too.” 

Dahyun briefly wonders if Mina’s cheeks ever strain from smiling so much. She’s curious to know, does Mina’s heart ever get tired of understanding the universe too? 

“Was Nayeon unnie _that_ bad?” It’s a joke that isn’t as well. They meet halfway. 

Mina chuckles but it’s not happy. She just sounds tired. “It hasn’t even been a whole month and she’s already out to get me. I’m almost certain it’s because of Jeongyeon?” 

“That’s the only explanation possible, yes.” 

“Figures.” Mina snorts. “Speaking of them...Dahyunnie, they’ve been worried about you.” 

Dahyun lets a breath out. “I knew that, unnie.” 

“Will you...talk to them?” 

Dahyun knows what to do now. She nods in certain silence. 

“If that’s the case, we should get going then.” Mina unwraps her hold and stands up gracefully. It’s only then Dahyun notices the older girl is still clad in jersey shorts and an oversized shirt. 

“It’s too cold here for us to stay out late.” Mina chuckles as she offers Dahyun a hand in getting up. 

The walk back to the dorms is blanketed by comfortable silence with the both of them talking every now and then. Mina tells Dahyun all about her attempt at cheer tryouts, where she danced a very passionate performance to Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance with Somebody. 

(“Everybody seemed to like it but when the voting came, it was only Sana who voted me in.”

Dahyun has half the heart to tell Mina all about what she heard in the gym bathroom, the very reason for her most embarrassing lapse in judgement the public had to witness.

She ends up just telling Mina, “It’s Nayeon unnie. Don’t let her get to you.”) 

They eventually end up in front of Mina’s dorm room on the second floor. It’s the first time Dahyun gets to properly see its inside after the last time she’s been at the place. 

She doesn’t go inside, despite Mina’s invite to. 

“I have hot choco here if you like?” 

Dahyun shakes her head. Mina’s been doing a lot of things to her heart lately and Dahyun thinks no amount of preparation can ever allow her the heart and head pragmatic space to ever accept an invite inside her crush’s room. 

“I’ll head up, unnie. I feel like the unnies and I will be up all night catching up with each other."

“Oh…” Mina nods. “Good luck then, Dahyunnie.” 

Dahyun smiles, small but sincere. “Thank you, unnie.” 

Mina stands by the threshold of her room, holding the door open. They look at each other for a confusing bout of about ten seconds, ten _agonizing_ seconds that feel like an eternity of torture to Dahyun, before Mina clears her throat and stammers, “Uh...I’ll close the door now…?” 

Dahyun just nods with a patient smile. She doesn't wait for the door to close on her and just begins walking away, until Mina's voice stops her again. 

"Oh, Dahyunnie!" 

Dahyun turns around. She isn't that far to begin with, really, so Mina doesn't have to walk to her. She just stands by the door again, holding it a little open.

"The garden earlier…" 

"What about it?" 

"It can be your hideout too." Mina smiles. _Lovely_ . "You know, when it gets tiring being around people. You can go there and think of it as your secret space and just _breathe_."

Dahyun never thought a person could embody everything so nice and simple and beautiful in the universe until Mina showed up. _She’s doing the world so much favor for just breathing oh my god…_

“Thank you unnie.” 

They go their separate ways then, and Dahyun leaves whatever bitterness she’s been feeling there. The warmth in stomach spreads all over her body, to the tips of her fingers and her ears, painting her cheeks red like a wonder-stricken little girl. 

_Mina Myoui is perfectly splendid._

_Dahyun is fucked._

* * *

The step in front of the room’s door is awfully quiet. When Dahyun last checked the time–through a clock down the hall–it was already nine in the evening. 

Before Dahyun clocks in her keys to the door, she tiptoes over to the opposite one in front of theirs and sticks her ear to listen in. Suspiciously silent too in Jeongyeon and Nayeon’s dorm, she finds out. It’s _suspicious_ because it’s not supposed to be _this_ quiet and calm. 

When Dahyun turns her keys in and opens the door slowly, bracing herself for reality, she gets her answer. 

There have been more than one instance where her unnies sleep over at their dorm. Because the one Jeongyeon shares with Nayeon is almost always empty (Nayeon unnie has a knack for spending nights over at her boyfriend’s or Sana’s, much to _everyone’s_ exasperation), and Sana and Momo unnie are always just following around when they’re not busy with each other, everyone stays and makes a mess out of Jihyo and Dahyun’s room. 

It’s no longer a shock to Dahyun when she sees the situation has turned out exactly like how she expected it to be.

All of her unnies are in their room, however, as if struck by a miracle, everyone’s asleep.

_Is this some kind of revenge?_

Like a magic trick, all four of her unnies fit Jihyo’s bed, sprawled differently, in their own ways, positions that shouldn’t even be possible granted that Jihyo’s bed isn’t even _that_ big, but they make it work because it’s them. _Dahyun’s unnies._

In the order of Jeongyeon, Sana, Momo, and Jihyo, Dahyun takes in the sight of her unnies sleeping like sardines in a can. Her bed on the other side of the room is unoccupied, untouched, and not even a tiny crease can be seen. 

It makes Dahyun’s heart ache.

In spite of everything, they still give her space. 

Even if they look like sardines in a can right now and Jeongyeon unnie is one move away from falling between the space of the bed and the wall. 

Dahyun feels her heart swell with all the love in the world. Her eyes glisten with tears at the overwhelming sensation of just being this loved. 

Without even thinking, Dahyun jumps over the sleeping bodies of her unnies, perpendicularly sprawling herself on top of them. 

“Unnieee~” She cries into the fabric of Jeongyeon’s pajama top, burrowing her face on it. 

Collective grunts greet her. There are movements underneath her–Momo trying to adjust her leg from the collision, Jihyo almost falling–but all in all, they let Dahyun rest and just cry her heart out. 

Dahyun can feel someone stroking hair (Jeongyeon unnie), two hands playfully patting on her back and her butt (Momo and Sana unnie, respectively), and someone just hugging her legs (Jihyo unnie). 

Even without words exchanged between them, everyone manages to understand. 

When Dahyun brings up her face to apologize to her unnies, all they do is wrap her in a big, warm hug in return. 

No other words can compensate for the amount of love and acceptance she feels with her unnies around. 

It’s in that moment, before they go back to sleep again (Jeongyeon moves over to sleep with Dahyun in her bed; Sana, Momo, and Jihyo stay on Jihyo’s), when Dahyun finally comes in terms with both her heart and her head: 

_No high school crush is worth ruining this friendship for._

So she promises herself, with the universe as her witness and Jeongyeon unnie’s light snoring as background music, Kim Dahyun will set aside all of her feelings for _Mina unnie_ for the sake of the people in this room. 

For her unnies and herself as well. 

Besides, this is just a high school crush, right?

_It’s not like Mina unnie and I will end up together in the future or whatever…_

Dahyun thinks time travelling would have to happen first before her and Mina would ever come true.

* * *

Eventually, everything goes back to normal. 

Dahyun walks down the hall every morning with Jeongyeon and Mina, eats at lunch with whoever is free, on her favorite table near the windows, and walks home with all of her unnies again.

It’s much like a happy ending in a fairytale story where everything goes back to normal or, in Dahyun’s case, gets better. 

She should have known it was just the beginning, really. 

No more than a week later, she’s already meeting a new character in her story. 

Dahyun only finds out on the same day about the sudden new student she’s supposed to meet. 

Jeongyeon is the one assigned to pick her up and tour her around but because of her soccer training, she gives this one to Dahyun. It’s like a payback of sorts. Dahyun was assigned to meet and tour Mina around, but it was her unnie who got the chance to. Now, it’s the other way around. 

It gets Dahyun jumping on her feet, of course. 

This means no classes for the rest of the day _and_ a new friend!

Dahyun’s absolutely _excited_ and prepared. She dresses up for this and even gets her hair a little changed up and styled in curls, inspired by that American actress on the magazine she saw the other day. 

It’s all anticipating until she and Jeongyeon find out the new student isn’t arriving in school directly and that they have to pick her up (more like _find her_ ) wherever the hell she is. 

It ruins the mood, Dahyun’s not going to lie. Jeongyeon became grumpy the entire time they walked around the streets of the town, looking for the new kid. 

Eventually they decide to split up for a more convenient and faster searching process. Dahyun checks the shops while Jeongyeon goes for the diner and cafe. 

It takes about fifteen more minutes of searching in daylight before Dahyun gives up and walks over to where she last saw Jeongyeon looking, somewhere near Deux. 

There, she finds them. 

“Unnie!” Dahyun shouts, a little too loud and excitedly it seems. The girl Jeongyeon seems to be talking to before she arrived shudders.

Jeongyeon doesn’t turn back to look at her, prompting Dahyun to just walk over to them. Whatever foot they’re getting off to, it doesn’t radiate a positive atmosphere from what Dahyun is seeing and feeling. 

From up close, Dahyun notices that the girl looks about the same age as her or even younger. She looks disgruntled. Her uniform is creased and her hair looks like she spent the night prior to this meeting partying and probably dancing to SES or something. _Yeah, she looks like a Lee Hyori fan…_

“This is Dahyun. Same year as you. She’ll tour you around.” Jeongyeon says flatly, patting Dahyun’s back. “I’ll be going. Dubs, call me if she’s dying. Other than that, don’t bother me.”

Dahyun chooses to ignore the nonchalance and crabby tone in her unnie’s words. She bids the older girl her farewell and watches her jog away, rushing to catch up with her afternoon training session, leaving the new kid to Dahyun’s hands. 

“So, as per proper introduction…” Dahyun presents her best smile in spite of the sour beginning. She fixes the collar of her long-sleeve and runs her fingers through her curls for today. “I’m Kim Dahyun or Dubu if you want to call me that. It’s a _pleasure_ to have you in our school. You’re also quite lucky I’m the one available to tour you around. I’m actually the President of the Student Welcoming Committee.”

She doesn’t want to boast but it’s a proud thing to be a President of something. The Student Welcoming Committee, flooded in its headquarters, is Dahyun’s pride (as well as her pogs). 

“What about you?” Dahyun asks, turning to the new kid and, with a sudden surge of confidence, looping their arms together. 

She doesn’t look as happy as Dahyun is but Dahyun blames that on the first day jitters. 

First day jitters, she convinces herself that. Dahyun isn’t so sure if the same type of jitters encompasses blabbering something about _time travelling_ and a band named Girls’ Generation, but she relents today. _Maybe she’s the one who’s doing drugs?_

Somewhere in between, Dahyun finds out her name is _Son Chaeyoung._ Pretty. 

Speaking of Chaeyoung… 

“Chaeyoung?” Dahyun calls out. The silence is deafening. “Are you okay?” 

Chaeyoung hesitates and looks like she’s thinking hard for her answer. She takes a little while to answer, stammering, "Uh...yeah...sorry about that.”

The worry in Dahyun’s eyes remains the same albeit now softening a little bit more. Her hand finds Chaeyoung’s and she holds it tight. “That’s okay, Chaeyoung…”

Dahyun offers the tour again as a time to breathe and loosen up. Get rid of the first day jitters. Chaeyoung takes the suggestion and they begin walking out of the alley.

In a weird and almost miraculous way of the universe, something about this Chaeyoung feels exhilaratingly familiar to Dahyun.

It’s not proper to say it’s like they’ve met _before_ , in some alternative universe’s _past,_ no. Dahyun feels more like she’s going to meet Chaeyoung again, some time in the _future_. 

_She says and does weird things…_

Dahyun thinks Chaeyoung is the universe’s answer to her prayer. 

_I think we’ll get along just fine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY THIS HAS BEEN LONG OVERDUE I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY
> 
> i hope u guys still enjoy it :)


	4. fate born from the F.L.A.M.E.S.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In an absolutely unexplainable way, Mina could stand what other people thought of her but she couldn’t let Dahyun think the same way. 
> 
> No. Everyone but her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we love realizations and pining <3
> 
> SLIGHT WARNING! for ambiguous implications of homophobia, out-ing, bullying, and harassment
> 
> we should respect people, guys.

We all have that one teacher who spends most of their lecture hours telling tales of their lives rather than the tales of the class assignment.

Back in Obayashi, Mina remembers her Chemistry teacher would spend half of the time passive-aggressively ranting about her salaryman husband rather than teaching them all about the derivation of Avogadro’s number and how to use it in Stoichiometry. Most of the students in her class had to run on coffee and hazy memorizations of the formula just to pass their finals. 

When Mina’s parents were scouting for schools to transfer her to, they initially wanted an institution that _wouldn’t_ leave their daughter running around sleep-deprived and on unhealthy diets just to pass exams. They talked to every Principal and subject coordinator just to make sure the program was the best for Mina. 

Apgujeong Private High _wasn’t_ the best. Beneath the surfaces of marble and glorious crystal chandeliers, Mina could feel the volatile tension of teenage and adult drama _everywhere._ The only reason her parents went along with enrolling her here was because it was the thirteenth school they visited, and it was either this or the international boarding school in Jeju.

(Mina is _not_ going to a boarding school.)

Therefore she will survive now. At all costs. Whether she’ll have to join all the possible extra-credit classes and clubs she can take or just let her study sessions steal hours from her sleep, Mina will make do with what she has to pass her Literature class and learn all about Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew without _actually_ hearing about it and just entertaining their teacher's fawning over the _cool_ horoscope fortunes at the back of the latest BOP magazine issue.

It’s only to Mina’s absolute fortune she’s not the only one in section 4-3 who intends to pass the class with effort. 

“Mitang, what do you think about Kate and Bianca?” Sana takes a fond liking to calling Mina that. Mina doesn’t mind a single bit. Although Sana’s natural affectionate disposition was a little overwhelming at first, she’s grown to understand that, no matter how impossible it seemed, such immense love could exist in a person. 

Unfortunately for Sana, Mina, as much as she wanted to, didn’t contain the same amount of patience and understanding as she did. And because the class had been like a room of panicking chickens with how loud they were being, Shakespeare’s comedy had long been discarded on her desk, alongside all her care in the world for trying to _understand_ the misogyny they were _supposed_ to be studying. 

“What about them?” All Mina’s occupied with this entire time is dreaming the taste of the famed mocha buns sold in the store across the cafeteria, thinking about it while doodling on her notebook and just waiting for time to pass until the bell rings for lunch break. 

Sana, seated beside her, is now halfway through Act II. Her copy of the comedy is already filled with penciled side notes and floral sticky bookmarks all over. 

Mina wishes she had the same zeal and diligence as Sana. 

“I mean, there’s this obvious strain in their relationship as sisters. Is it because of the differences in their personalities?” Sana asks, pencil tapping on the page she’s at, getting ready to write down more notes. 

Mina _really_ wishes she had read the thing as devotedly as Sana did. She feels guilty for the rented copy of the 1967 adaptation sitting on her study table right now. 

“Um...I think it was more than that?” 

“What makes you say so?” 

Mina uncrosses her legs underneath the desk, facing Sana. “Well, I think that their dad also played a big role in the strain of their relationship?”

“Baptista Minola? Hm…nice insight...” 

Mina didn’t even know that was his name but she pretends she does and goes on, “Yes, him. Um. I think the way he was the only parent figure in their lives and he always chose Bianca and doted on her while forcing this idea on Kate that she had to be just like her sister to be loved and accepted too, kinda just fueled the fire in her, I guess?” 

“And that made her hate Bianca even more, no?” 

“Yes? But I think at that point she just hated everything as well. No one just understood her and loved for who she was. And when Petruchio came along, she thought he was his equal but then he just treated her like a rag.” 

“You seem like a big Shakespeare fan, Mitang.” Sana jots everything down diligently on her copy of the play. “You should’ve been here when Dahyun was scouting members for her all-woman ensemble of Dead Poets Society.” 

The name sounds familiar to Mina. “The 80s movie?”

“No, the club. She wanted to organize a literature club but no one seemed interested enough to join that’s why the idea was scrapped and she moved to Earth club instead”, Sana tells, reaching over for her pencil case–a cute pink spacemaker–for an eraser. 

Dahyun was also a member of the welcoming committee and the newspaper org. _She’s also a member of an Earth club? Wow._

“I think _you’re_ the Shakespeare fan…” Mina points differently, a little proud smile on her lips. “You’re the one here who’s asking and taking down notes.” 

Sana looks up for a few seconds. Her forehead creases with a quizzical expression that soon turns into a full-on smile, as if she’s also trying to wrap her mind around what Mina just said and its truthfulness. 

“Huh. Maybe.” Sana remarks, dignified with a quick bright smile, before moving away from her book and blowing away the eraser shavings over to Momo’s side, out of spite for not joining them in their discourse and instead indulging Ms. Hong and her BOP magazine horoscope lecture. 

“Kate Minola’s character just really reminds me of someone I know…”

Mina hums with a newfound sense of interest. “Who?” 

Before Sana could even answer, someone’s already calling Mina’s name out. 

“Miss Myoui?” 

“Yes, Ms. Hong!” She stands up rather curtly and speaks a little too loudly, pushing the chair back too abruptly it grates against the floor too hard, producing a shrilling sound that has both Sana and Momo wincing. 

The panic manifests itself in the way Mina fidgets with her fingers behind her back unknowingly. The trepidation flutters in her stomach not like the normal butterflies but rather, the flapping of giant eagle wings. 

Ms. Hong sits criss-crossed on top of the teacher’s desk, eyes not wavering from the magazine in her hold. “What’s your zodiac sign?” 

The uneasiness flushes away like toilet water after used. Mina honestly has no idea why she even expected Ms. Hong would ask her something Taming of the Shrew-related when the only literary piece she’s been meticulously studying this entire time is Leonardo DiCaprio on the front cover of BOP.

“Um...Aries?”

“Really?” Ms. Hong’s eyes light up like a child’s on Christmas day. “You’ve got the best fortune here! Lucky Arieses…” 

Mina _really_ doesn’t know if she’s supposed to sit down already or not. Ms. Hong’s too busy scanning the horoscope page and the entire class isn’t really paying attention anymore. 

Mina turns to Sana and mouths discreetly, “Do I sit down already?” 

Sana just shrugs apologetically. “I think? Come on. Sit down.” 

Mina slowly lowers herself back down—

“OH! HERE YOU GO!” 

She stands back up again.

Ms. Hong waves the magazine page at Mina, as if she could see anything from where she’s standing in the middle row of seats. 

“It says here you’re going to meet your soulmate where the world can’t find you”, Ms. Hong reads out loud with much emotion. “How romantic!” 

_How cryptic_ . Mina thinks. _I don’t believe in fortune horoscopes, Miss Hong._

She plasters a big smile nonetheless. “Oooh. Thank you for the...insight, Ms. Hong.” 

“Oh, pleasure is mine!” The thirty-something woman says with a dismissive wave and a delighted smile. “I hope you meet whoever this person is! You’re so young yet here you are, already meeting your soulmate.” 

Something tells Mina (and Sana and Momo) that Ms. Hong is taking this a little _too_ personally. 

Mina stops herself from commenting anything else, sitting back down. Ms. Hong moves her attention away to class 4-3’s President, Jennie Kim, and tells her her horoscope for the day. “You’re gonna be facing an entity so dark today, you will be spiritually and physically drained.” 

“That’s oddly specific…” Jennie trails off, bemused. Ms. Hong just shrugs nonchalantly. 

(Jennie _does_ face a dark and exhausting entity later that day. Im Nayeon makes sure she doesn’t see the light of next day after battering her during their afternoon practice.) 

The class resumes its pace as Ms. Hong busies herself with the front row girls, fangirling about Leonardo DiCaprio. 

Mina tries to her doodles on the back of her notebook until she feels a light tap on her shoulder. Momo’s arm is long enough to go over Sana’s shoulders and reach Mina’s. 

“Minari~” Momo pretends Sana’s not sitting right in between them. “You have the best fortune in the class…” 

“Really?” Mina tries not to be a let-down with how nonchalant she truly feels, trying to mask the . It’s not like she hated fortune-telling and things alike. It’s just that she was never keen on letting anyone decide for her, not even the universe. 

“What did Ms. Hong’s magazine say about _your_ soulmate?” Sana butts in, raising a brow at Momo. 

Momo shrugs smugly. “She said I was going to end up with someone who’d be rich enough to feed me and my entire bloodline until the end of time.” 

Mina feels like she’s intruding something. She tries to comment something along the lines of _Is her magazine really_ that _specific?_ but Sana’s covering Momo from her sight and she’s already saying something else.

“Really now?” Mina could imagine a provoking arch on Sana’s perfectly-threaded eyebrows. 

“Yup!” Momo pops the last syllable. “And if that doesn’t happen, I’ll go to Plan B.” 

Mina unknowingly wonders out loud, “You have a Plan B?”

“Why the hell do you have a Plan B?!” But Sana’s voice is loud and powerful enough to thwart her curious question. 

Now Mina feels like she’s _really_ intruding something. 

Momo doesn’t seem fazed with Sana’s offended burst, even at the slightest. She continues writing something down on her notebook (she’s been playing F.L.A.M.E.S. with Jisoo on her other side the entire time).

“We _always_ need a Plan B, Satang…” Momo answers _annoyingly_ calmly, in spite of the _anger steam_ Mina can already see coming out of Sana. “We’re never truly guaranteed of the future!”

The Japanese girl in the middle visibly tenses.

“Okay, then”, Sana clenches her jaw. “Tell me, Momoring. What’s your _lovely_ Plan B?”

Momo passes the torn-off page over to Jisoo again before facing Sana and Mina. It only occurs to her then, just as she faces Sana looking like she’s _this_ close to digging her grave, Momo’s _fucked_ up. One wrong word and Momo’s gonna have to begin looking around for a casket and making calls about her life insurance. 

“Uh…” She takes in what could possibly be her last breath. Right behind her, Mina’s trying to discreetly shake her head _no._ Momo never had perfect eyesight. 

“I thought of...marrying someone who’s like...really, _really_ old, you know? Really old but rich…” 

Sana glares at her flatly, unamused. “And you’re gonna wait for this person to pass away and then expect to get all of their wealth?” 

Momo makes the biggest mistake of nodding. 

This commences a lengthy scolding from Sana. Momo’s just thankful she doesn’t burst in anger, really. The Japanese heiress in the middle goes on and _on_ about all the loopholes in Momo’s _Plan B_ , how there’s no _guarantee_ that whoever she decides to marry and suck wealth out of will treat her half as nice (as she does, Mina thinks Sana failed to add that), and how Momo will probably end up unsuccessful if she thinks of life the way she just did. 

Momo...did not expect such a lengthy and intricate scolding. Mina didn’t too. 

“So think again!” Sana ends with a huff and her arms crossed over her chest like a defeated child. “Because I don’t think _anyone_ will ever take care of you the way I do!” 

And then she remembers Mina’s existence beside her, “...because we’re _best friends!_ I won’t let...uh...anyone _ever_ hurt you!”

Mina thinks it’s too obvious of a cover-up, like a poorly extinguished fire. It’s like cracking a joke no one understands, so the poor jokester has to explain and ruins the moment in the process.

Both Sana and Momo are _great_ at everything else but _pretending_ whatever they have isn’t as special as it really is. They’re not the best of actors but because Mina respects them too much and thinks they’re absolutely _great_ and _adorable_ together, she lets them believe whatever they want to believe; if it means their happiness and comfort then Mina will gladly pretend Hirai Momo and Minatozaki Sana are just two really, _really_ close best friends. 

Mina thinks choosing Apgujeong was a good decision. Despite the fact that Ms. Hong will probably never teach them Literature properly and that they’ll probably get in trouble after this for being too loud, she thinks she’s in a good environment here with this school. That she chose well the people she wants to be around with. 

(A little later on, just as Momo thought she narrowly escaped her own Sana-induced death, she makes a mistake again. 

“Momo, I got it!” A husky voice joins in. Jisoo appears from Momo’s other side, holding up the latter’s ostentatious Barbie notebook. 

Sana rolls her eyes and faces the other direction, away from Momo, looking over the window on Mina’s side. 

Mina looks over at the commotion. Apparently, it’s about Momo and Jisoo’s F.L.A.M.E.S. result. 

_Well, not them-_ them. _Their game’s results._

“We got A?” Momo pouts. 

As if struck by lightning, Sana’s act falters and she immediately weasels in, snatching the notebook from Momo’s hold. She glares at the page as if it’s done her the absolute worst (it probably did) and she’s now boring holes on it with her lazer glare (she probably is).

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’RE JUST ACQUAINTANCES!?”

 _RIP, Momo._ Mina thinks. _It was good while it lasted.)_

* * *

It was definitely good while it lasted. 

Mina's satisfied monologue earlier about picking Apgujeong and not regretting the decision one bit, lasts a good 15 minutes into lunch break before all hell goes loose.

It starts relatively normal, as far as _normal_ had become in the simple routine their group had manage to establish ever since Mina decided Jeongyeon’s company was better than trudging the marble halls alone all year-round. 

In spite of the fact that Mina will probably never understand the division of Apgujeong’s high school cafeteria (separated by cliques exactly just like in the movies she used to watch) Mina thinks it’s better like this. She gets to join Sana, Jeongyeon, and Momo on the rare occasions that they get dismissed a few minutes early before their afternoon training sessions. 

On the odd days where Ms. Hong isn’t in a hurry to leave class to go chit chat at the faculty lounge, the student athletes are excused ahead of time and it leaves Mina all alone, waiting for the bell to ring before she can head over to the field and enjoy her lunch watching Jeongyeon and Momo lead charismatically and Sana dance with much vigor on the side.

An established routine, you see. 

Today, it goes exactly the way Mina wanted to be—at least, the first fifteen minutes. 

They get dismissed from Literature early and Mina finds herself sandwiched between a pouting Momo, who projects her misery on the poor rice cake being awfully stabbed with a chopstick, and a busy Jeongyeon, drafting her due critical review of the Taming of the Shrew (because unlike Sana, Momo, and Mina’s section, class 4-2 has a Literature teacher who _actually_ teaches!) Jihyo is nowhere to be seen because apparently, student council meetings were held primarily during lunch breaks, where the esteemed organization would eat at the equally-esteemed student council office.

It’s not weird anymore that Mina doesn’t encounter Dahyun the whole day, despite how she truly wanted to see the younger girl. A part of her thinks there’s something wrong, because Jeongyeon once mentioned being _inseparable_ with the sophomore, but Momo tries to blow that worry away by telling her Dahyun rarely joins them for lunch because of her different schedule.

Mina tries to crush down the grim feeling Dahyun’s absence brings. 

_It’s normal._ She convinces herself. _You’re not breaking anyone’s friendship, Mina._

Halfway through finishing her mocha buns, Mina’s seatmate finally stops her childish grumping. 

“Mitang. Help me out”, Momo gives in. Her leg had been trembling against Mina’s the entire time. It was a little irritating but Mina didn’t have the heart to tell her that. 

“What can I do?” 

Sana doesn’t sit with them during lunch. _Like I said, cliques._ Sana belonged to a different social circle–the cheerleaders–and they occupied the table directly across Momo and Jeongyeon’s usual spot. 

Right now, Sana’s exactly in front of Momo, moping in her own space. (Mina thinks only she noticed that. Momo hasn’t lifted her head up from her plate the entire time, probably too guilty and sulky to even bat an eyelash at Sana).

“Look at this.” Momo pulls out something from her pocket. It’s a piece of paper folded into four. She spreads it open on the table for Mina to see. 

Mina looks at the thing. Crumpled and all doodled up with random scribbles. Right in the middle of the paper she _finally_ sees what’s been causing Momo and Sana’s little squabble this entire time. 

**F L A M E S**

~~Mi~~ n ~~a~~ t ~~o~~ z ~~a~~ k ~~i~~ S ~~a~~ n ~~a~~ = 8  
H ~~i~~ r ~~ai~~ ~~Momo~~ = 7  
_______  
15

“It’s still A! This is the sixth time now and whatever I do, fifteen lands on A and I can’t just change the meaning of that, right?!” Momo exclaims exasperatedly and for a second there, anyone who’d overhear without context would probably assume they were talking about such a grave issue, like a questionable answer on an exam or a problem with the first letter of the alphabet. 

(Momo ranted like it was a matter of life and death and frankly, Mina believes it might just be for her)

Momo makes a show of reiterating the steps she followed that lead her to the _infamous A_ and Mina honestly thinks this situation couldn’t get any more rudimentary.

“You did it the wrong way though?” She pulls the paper over to a clean surface and grabs Momo’s pen. “You should count the letters you guys _don’t_ have together. Not the ones you crossed out. Then, you add them and count it on the F.L.A.M.E.S.” 

Mina rewrites Sana and Momo’s names and does the entire thing again. After arriving at a different sum and letter, and making sure to circle the result enough times for the world emphasis, she slides the paper back to Momo. 

“See? L. Lovers.” 

Momo stares at the piece of paper like she’s trying to decipher extraterrestrial codes and then looks over at Mina. She pauses for a beat, “Hm.” And then, “How again?” 

Mina laughs. “Wait. I’ll give you an example.” 

She uses the back of Momo’s folded paper and writes down her name and Jeongyeon’s nonchalantly. 

“So, I cross out the letters we have alike, right?” Momo nods from her place, listening diligently. Mina continues, “Then, I count the ones remaining. So that’s…” she counts the letters not crossed out and then arrives at, “6+4 is 10. So, I just do the FLAMES thing…and...there.” Mina encircles the letter she lands on.

“M. Married.” 

“You and Jeongyeon are gonna get married?” 

Mina goes rigid. _Wait. What._

Behind her, the sound of paper being crumpled resonates, another draft being discarded. Mina wishes it’s not what she thinks it is, but the universe decides to let Jeongyeon overhear exactly _that_ moment. 

“What?” 

As if it couldn’t get any worse, someone else joins them and catches on at what Momo just said. 

Jennie Kim stands rigid less than a meter away. She looks at loss for what to say, like she’s just ruined a moment and heard something she wasn’t supposed to hear (because she just did). She takes a second longer to snap out of her thoughts and just slowly pulls her hand out to hand Momo a milk carton with a sticky note on the label.

“Uh, Momo? This...came from Sana…” 

Mina can hear the bellows of thunder at the back of her head, warning bells going off. 

Momo’s too busy with the chocolate milk that she doesn’t clarify what Jennie probably just heard her say. Mina, on the other hand, freezes at the realization that both Jennie _and_ Jeongyeon were able to hear without any context. 

The moment she summons enough fear to try to clear things up, that _no, I’m not going to get married to her? That was just a game. I don’t even know why I used her name to play with mine—_

Jennie’s already walking away. 

Back to the cheerleaders’ table. 

Back to Nayeon’s side.

Momo squeals like a child at Sana's note. Something about doing the game again and arriving at a different, _better_ answer. Honestly Mina doesn't know why she even bothered fussing about such a trivial pen-and-paper game. Now, unlike her happier seatmate, she's stuck with the desperate hope that Jennie Kim doesn't misunderstand the situation and tell Im Nayeon. 

_She wouldn't do that._

_Right?_

* * *

(“Have you heard of the new girl?” 

Jennie brings it up during lunch break before the afternoon training session, something about a new transferee from a prestigious all-girls school in Japan. 

Nayeon munches on a protein bar Sana managed to bring for the entire team. She doesn’t like being interrupted while eating. “Can you move to the part where this concerns me, Jennie?” 

The other girls are busy chatting about Leonardo DiCaprio in the latest BOP magazine. Sana is scribbling on a freshman’s slambook. The moment they hear their team captain’s cold, chagrined tone, all heads peer over to the seniors’ direction. 

Nayeon carelessly continues picking on the protein bar’s plastic packaging, unable to see the way Jennie hides the embarrassed flush on her face at the snide remark. She makes a junior scramble out of her seat next to Nayeon with just one cock of her eyebrow. 

Jennie takes the chair and plops down on it. “It concerns you”, she inches closer and whispers, “Because it concerns Yoo Jeong—” 

The swift snap of Im Nayeon’s head could have easily broken someone else’s neck if they ever tried doing it and they weren’t as physically-conditioned as the cheerleading captain. 

Either way, it’s like watching a spiritual possession of some sort, the way Nayeon’s face falls just as fast as the movement of her head. “What the hell are you talking about, Jennie?” 

Sana immediately grabs Nayeon’s hand on the table. As if that could help. 

Jennie feels pride settle at the pit of her stomach. She now knows what gets their team captain riled up. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t have it figured out, cap.” She smirks. 

Nayeon feels like she’s about to blow up. Sana can feel the trembling hand in her hold. 

“Jennie…” the co-captain, rightfully, tries to tame things down. This has always been Sana’s main task in the team. 

Jennie, however, hasn’t always been the easiest teammate. Or maybe, Nayeon hasn’t always been the easiest team captain. Or person, in general. Either way, Sana tries to repress the growing tension in the table. 

“I mean…” Jennie doesn’t even spare her a glance. She’s too busy plastering a smug look on her face. “Didn’t you ever wonder why you sleep alone in your bed now?”)

* * *

_Wrong._

Mina Myoui’s worst nightmare manifests itself the minute Jeongyeon leaves. 

She should have known better than to let her go. 

Without Jeongyeon–the epitome of a human shield–the whole universe is ten times meaner and Im Nayeon is a _thousand times_ more ruthless and unstoppable. Mina should have known better than to dance on the flames.

High school is a whole new level of power play. If you’ve got the popularity and the right amount of attitude then you can achieve total dystopian autocracy. It’s even more _mindfucking_ when you consider the fuck — the _fact_ that Apgujeong Private High School is every bit the high school cliche in the movies. The worst nightmare for people like Mina. 

It unfolds like this: 

Momo leaves lunch to get ready for practice. 

Mina makes do with an empty lunch table and a half-eaten metal tray of cafeteria food all by herself. The sun glares down on the field at this hour of the afternoon and she _honestly_ doesn’t know how the soccer and cheerleader people survive the heat. 

To keep herself away from a heatstroke, Mina decides to stay in the cafeteria for a few more minutes, bathe in the stuffy smell on expensive hand sanitizers coalescing with the stench of cafeteria food. It’s better than having to stay under the scorching sun and eat by the bleachers again. 

All Mina has to do now to avoid causing trouble. She decides in order to achieve that, she has to face away from the cheerleaders’ table and pretend she doesn’t feel the obvious glare Im Nayeon is giving her, drilling holes through the back of her neatly-ironed uniform like laser beams. 

Mina prays for a seamless lunch break and probably a stress-free school year too while she’s at that. She’s already halfway through her spicy rice cakes when the inevitable happens. 

There’s a screech of the chair getting pulled beside Mina. The terror from having to face people renders her practically frozen on her seat, unable to look at any other direction than her rice cakes. 

_Please don’t be her. Please don’t be her. Please don’t be here._

A warm cloth is draped around Mina’s shoulders. She looks down at it and sees the sleeves of a varsity jacket dangling. 

She lets out a deep sigh before turning around. “Thank _god_ you’re here—” 

“Don’t thank God just yet, new kid.” 

_Oh no._

Nayeon towers over Mina’s figure like a really scary goliath. Mina feels just as small as she looks. 

“Why don’t you bring that to Jeongyeon?” Nayeon pats Mina’s shoulder and then brushes at the fabric of the jacket, fingertips light and a small cunning smile on her lips. “Tell her I’m giving it back.”

Mina does nothing but look at her. Other than the time at Deux on her first day, this is the first time she’s seen Nayeon up close and also the first time it’s just really _them_. 

Mina doesn’t make the mistake of looking at the people watching. 

“I think it’s only normal I give it to her new victim.” Nayeon smiles. The stark contrast of her tight-lipped grin and the way her eyes are practically devouring Mina whole at that moment makes Mina think Nayeon is fit for the limelight she stands under proudly. 

Im Nayeon has all it takes to make a great manipulator. Now Mina truly understands why she’s called the Queen Bitch. 

Before Mina can even register what’s happening, Nayeon’s already out of her sight, strutting out to the field, gym bag hanging on one shoulder. The other cheerleaders follow behind her like puppies, not making the mistake of even _glancing_ at Mina. 

* * *

(“What did you do now?” Shouldn’t really be Sana’s programmed question whenever a gray cloud looms over Nayeon’s head when she’s in one of her bad moods. 

Nayeon ignores Sana by the threshold of the shower room and walks over to one of the benches, haphazardly throwing her gym bag away and casually unbuttoning her uniform without a care in the world. 

“Why do you always assume I’m the wrong one, Satang?” It’s a cunning bite back. Nayeon doesn’t mean _most_ of the indignation she portrays, but a part of her still drowns in the resentment anyways. 

Whether she’s a mean bitch or not, when it comes to her _real_ friends, Im Nayeon still gets affected. And she _absolutely hates_ herself for it. 

Sana walks over to the bench and sits down cross-legged. She’s already in her training uniform–a spandex and sports bra set adorned with ostentatious neon geometric prints–and she helps Nayeon change into hers.

“Well, tell me.” Sana folds Nayeon’s uniform top neatly. “Are you _not_ the one who just practically announced to the entire student body all about Yoo Jeongyeon’s _new girl?”_

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Nayeon shrugs.

Sana groans. “Come on, Nayeon! Are you _literally_ going to torment another poor girl again? Mina at that?” 

_“Mina, at that?”_ Nayeon repeats with venom, sly smile wiped out of her face as she turns to Sana. “Are you suddenly best friends with her now? Just because what? You guys are classmates?” 

“We’re seatmates, Nayeon.” 

“I don’t care.” Nayeon waves off. She slips out of her skirt and pulls down at the cycling shorts. “She should know better than to get caught in someone else’s mess.” 

Sana looks like a kettle about in her boiling point. “You know what!” She stands up, pointing a finger at Nayeon. This is the angriest she’s seen her friend be. “You’re such a shrewd!”

Unfortunately, even in her anger Sana still looks like a cute little Shiba Inu. Nayeon can’t help but smile. “That’s new. I’m used to Queen Bitch. Am I supposed to be some kind of Shakespeare character now?” 

“She isn’t even doing anything and you’re already out to get her! A shrewd! You’re a Kate!”

“Did you learn that too while braiding hairs and trading love stories with Mina, your _seatmate?”_

“Ugh! I can’t with you!” Sana bellows, anger fueling even more. She gets up and storms off, leaving Nayeon drowning in the heavy tension of their argument. 

There are other members of the soccer and cheer team around her, awkward in the debacle they just witnessed, but they know better than to stay while Nayeon’s just getting ready to blow. Everyone runs out of the shower room. 

All on her own, the weight in Nayeon’s chest escapes and fills the air around her. Quiet and heavy with pain and...sadness. This was the life she chose. And because of it, everything was taken away from her. 

Now she’s all alone again. _)_

* * *

The change comes in three waves. 

**First.** Down the hallways, everyone suddenly looks at her like they’re watching some kind of alien pass by. At first Mina dismisses this as the byproducts of hanging out with people like Sana, Jihyo, Momo, and Jeongyeon. But it happens even when she’s all alone. They look at her with pity and something akin to envy, and it irks Mina like an itch she can’t quite reach. 

She shrugs it away. _Grace._

 **Second.** It comes when they whisper around her so shamelessly. Mina could endure the looks, but she _absolutely_ hated it whenever she’d walk into the room and hear a lot of students whispering around. It would’ve been okay if it was a type of hushed conversation but they would leer at her as well and it was infuriating. 

It’s one thing to endure the looking. It was a whole level of patience needed to abide by the shameless whispering. It totally didn’t help that Mina would always fall prey to her overthinking too. 

Still, she relents. _Patience._

Until no one would directly call her name out, Mina will simply assume this is just a normal high school thing. The aftermath of being friends with popular people. She will _not_ overanalyze things again and get hurt along the process. 

She’ll give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Even if it means she’ll just end up making a fool of herself again.

The third attempt at breaking her, _of course,_ becomes the last straw. 

It happens on the day of the cheer tryouts. 

(Under the influence of faux confidence and a decision made on a “spur-of-the-moment” thing, Mina decides she doesn't have anything to lose trying out for the esteemed team. 

In spite of the fact that the majority of the student populace refer to the cheerleading team as a “cult of bitches and god’s representative angel Sana”, the Apgujeong Eagles is an esteemed, multi-awarded team. 

Mina, as far as she’s concerned, came from a championed team too. And she loves cheerleading. So if it means casting aside her troubles with Nayeon just to do what she loves doing again, she’ll pursue it. Besides, Sana’s there too. She has one guardian angel present around in case Nayeon _does_ decide to murder her or something…

_Or something.)_

So far, Mina had been all by herself. 

The closest and longest she’s gotten to company is Sana, who is only around because of the cheer tryouts, filling in for the MIA leader in Im Nayeon. Jeongyeon and Momo have been caught up in a whirlwind of meetings with the sports management because of the soccer teams pre season preparations. Jihyo is naturally busy. Mina thinks there’s not a day in the world where she _doesn’t_ attend meetings with the organizations she’s joined. And well, Dahyun is…

Dahyun has been out of sight for quite a time now. 

At first, Mina paid it no heed. Everyone had something to do and, unlike her, the other girls’ lives didn’t just revolve around their friend group. Sana has cheer, Momo and Jeongyeon have soccer, Jihyo has the entire student body population to manage, and Dahyun probably majors in organization management with how many clubs she’s part of. 

They had friends outside of the group. Unlike Mina. 

So, inevitably, in spite of how shit she’s been feeling lately, Mina decides to make friends out of the usual people she’s with. Ultimately, it leads her to the cheer tryouts. Because she’s not good in leading people as Jihyo is (leadership runs in the girl’s blood), she’s not as athletic as Momo and Jeongyeon are, enough to join the soccer team, and Dahyun is nowhere to be found and Mina has been feeling really, _really_ lonely these days. 

_Cheerleading it is then!_

Mina is only able to prepare for the big day the night before. She exercises in her room and tries to go through her old team’s routines. By the time she feels sore all over again, she decides to call it a night and just hope for the best. 

When the big day comes, Mina feels like she just woke up after fighting a bear. She regrets exerting too much the night before and now she feels even more like shit. It doesn’t help that Ms. Hong extends the class and both Sana and Momo aren’t around to keep her company. She only gets less than ten minutes for lunch break and only eats a mocha bun before she’s hurrying to the field for the tryouts. 

The moment she gets there, all panting and heart beating the same fast rhythm as the throbbing of her head, Jennie Kim makes her perform first. 

“What?” Mina asks the moment she catches her breath. 

“It says here you go first?” Jennie looks down on the clipboard in her hand. She’s sitting on the first row of seats, legs crossed. “It’s arranged alphabetically.” 

Mina has a problem with going first and last. She’s always been the type to stick somewhere in between. Always testing troubled waters before taking a dip. And besides, it doesn’t make any sense that she’s first when both her first and last name are in the middle of the alphabet? _What the hell…_

“If she doesn’t like to go first then that's okay, Jen.” 

Thankfully, Mina’s guardian angel comes to the rescue. 

Sana stands up from behind Jennie and joins in, not before throwing a subtle wink over at Mina. 

“There are other kids here, Jen. Let them go first. Mina”, the Co-Captain turns over to the disoriented girl. “Why don’t you sit over there first. We’ll call you when it’s your turn.” 

Mina could only smile back at Sana. Her heart is swelling with gratitude and she often forgets how to use her words when that happens. 

Jennie relents because it’s the Co-Captain’s orders. Sana goes back to their seats in the first row while Mina climbs a few rows up behind them, watching as a freshman makes her way over to the floor mats set up as a makeshift stage. She begins warming-up a little first while waiting for Jennie and another cheerleader to return from their last-minute restroom run. 

Mina tries to study and observe the girl’s movements in order to calm herself down, but it’s hard to focus on this when the whispering and the leering begin again, and the girls behind her are just _unable_ to differentiate whispering from downright tittle-tattle.

If there was a photographer to capture the moment, Mina thinks this would definitely qualify as a stock image for textbook bullying. 

“It’s her. That’s the girl Minjung was talking about!” From the sound of the first girl’s light, animated voice, Mina could say they were younger and definitely _thrilled_ to see in person the school’s hallway headline.

“Oh! She’s...hm…” the second girl trails off, humming in thought. Mina hates herself for continuing to listen. “I mean...Jeongyeon sunbaenim has taste, you know? I heard Yerin sunbae was pretty too.” 

_What? Who was pretty too?_

“I’m just...you know, _shocked_.” 

“Why?” 

The first girl lets out a deep breath. “How are they so comfortable with this? Being... _out_.” 

Mina feels like her throat is closing in on her and someone’s wrapped a plastic bag around her head. She can’t breathe. 

“I know, right? I mean, aren’t they at least...ashamed? I heard someone from the other class told their adviser and I bet it’s only a matter of time before Principal Park hears this and—” 

“Dahyunnie!?” Sana’s voice reverberates and for a heartbeat, Mina’s head spins even more.

She looks over to where everybody else is staring, and she sees Kim Dahyun there, in the flesh, standing, breathing, looking _terribly_ lost. Mina can’t believe what she’s seeing. The “Sunshine Girl” has been akin to a mythical creature these past days, nothing but an illusion of the mind. Because the very first moment Mina saw the younger girl was also the longest one she’s had with her. Dahyun had been out of sight but never out of her mind. 

It absolutely drives Mina _crazy_ , really. How she feels a large weight in her chest whenever she sees Dahyun and how it’s only gotten worse now that she hasn’t seen her at all. 

Mina thinks it has something to do with how Dahyun had been acting around her. It was _always_ like she was walking on eggshells, tiptoeing around a ticking bomb. Mina _hated_ it. 

In an absolutely unexplainable way, Mina could stand what other people thought of her but she couldn’t let Dahyun think the same way. _No. Everyone but her._

She blames it on the fact that Dahyun’s an important person. Because Dahyun is Jeongyeon’s little bro. Her best friend. And Mina wants to appease the soccer captain. She wants to be on her good side. She wants to be with them forever. She’s found a little safe space when she’s with Jeongyeon and the girls. And Mina, as soft as they think she is, will do _anything_ to make sure she stays with the girls. 

But she can’t actually do that, right? Not when one of them was _clearly_ avoiding her. Not when Dahyun acted around her like she was some ghost. Like she never existed. 

Mina, for the life of her, can’t let Dahyun go just like that. 

“Kim Dahyun!” Sana shouts again, snapping Mina out of her thoughts. She never calls Dahyun by her full name. Whatever _this_ is, it must be serious. 

The moment Mina takes her first step, Dahyun’s already running away. 

Behind her, the girls are whispering again. The last thing Mina hears is, “See? Even her friends are leaving already.” 

Mina thinks right there, a part of her broke. 

And whichever piece it was, Dahyun took it away with her.

* * *

Mina didn’t pass the tryout. 

Sana voted her in but it was a democratic decision and the entire team didn’t seem on board with passing Mina, as opposed to how their jaws dropped at her performance. 

To say that she was sad and disappointed was the understatement of the year. 

Mina feels like she’s living in the pause of a heartbeat, where she doesn’t really _feel_ anything anymore and she’s just a walking pile of bones outside and hollowness inside. The day had gone by with a morose impression, like a beautiful performance getting cut off, endless winter nights and never the sun, leaves dead and dry, falling off a bare tree. 

Mina feels like she’s broken down and torn to pieces, and with every step she takes, her heart sinks even deeper, grows heavier. 

“Mina!” A voice calls from a distance. Judging by the sound of it, Mina’s guessing she’s by the field right now, running over to her. 

In a different situation, one where Mina had more energy, she would have ignored the call and ran away because the gossip around her has become terribly tiring to deal with; but right now she’s just really _exhausted_ and the day’s been dragging for so long and she just wants to go to a quiet place where no one’s around so she can cry and wallow in her inability to feel sadness when it’s due. 

Mina doesn’t have time to run away nor does she have the heart to. Not when it’s Jeongyeon. 

“Hey, you!” Jeongyeon catches up with her, a little breathless, and rests an arm over her shoulders. “How was tryouts?” 

Mina can only shrug. The prospect of explaining how her day had already felt exhausting. She didn’t have enough brainpower to even think of the appropriate words to use that wouldn’t have Jeongyeon asking her the dreaded _Why? What happened?_ So instead of responding with anything at all, she just shrugs. 

_I honestly don’t know._

“Oh…” thankfully, Jeongyeon is emotionally-adept to understand that. She’s also kind enough to remove her arms around Mina’s shoulders. People are already looking. 

They walk in terrible silence, watching the world go by on their way out of the campus. 

Before they could even pass Deux, bustling with students celebrating the early dismissal, Jeongyeon decides to break the silence. 

“Hey. Um…” She scratches the back of her head sheepishly, looking anywhere but at Mina. It makes her heart sink even more. “Do you want some milkshakes? I owe Momo fries for ruining her jersey earlier and I was thinking of buying some snacks too for some sleepover we’re having later.” 

Jeongyeon avoids Mina’s eyes. She looks down on the pavement, at her running shoes, and then at Mina’s slip-ons. 

“You can go buy.” Mina says, barely coughing the words out audibly. It’s only to her luck Jeongyeon’s within hearing range. “I’ll just wait here outside. It already looks too crowded in there.” 

Jeongyeon nods with a toothy grin before skedaddling off to Deux, leaving Mina all to herself, standing by the parking lot. 

It takes about a few minutes of silence before a loud thud interrupts Mina’s thoughts. It sounds like a heavy object just hit a car or fell on it. A painful grunt follows it, and then a voice complaining about letting her go. 

Mina wouldn’t have taken action but she could recognize that voice anywhere. It was the voice of the person who hated her the most. 

Mina takes a stealthy look around and sees Nayeon, pushing away a tall guy who seems crappy enough not to follow. 

To hell with what she’s doing, really. Mina is angry at the world right now, at herself the most, and a little bit at Nayeon too, but she isn’t heartless. 

“She said get off.”

Her voice sounds as exhausted as her body is, hoarse and cracking. Mina thinks she sounds as small as she feels. “Or do you want me to call someone to get you off of her?” 

Nayeon and the guy look at Mina for a few seconds, both with very different expressions. Mina thinks the guy looks like he’s choosing whether to take some action or scare off Mina, and Nayeon looks like her mind just short-circuited. 

For a second there, Mina could see horror from her eyes. 

Of course, it disappears at the face of Mina Myoui. 

“Go away, Myoui.” Nayeon barks before completely exerting all her strength in pushing the guy away. He stumbles back a little, holding on to the car behind him. 

Nayeon dusts herself off, brushing at her clothes. She’s in her cheerleading uniform although she was a no-show earlier at the tryouts.

Seeing as Mina didn’t even move a step and just continued looking at her in a way she didn’t like–full of pity–Nayeon finds a different kind of anger muster for the girl. An amusing sort of anger that makes her just want to break Mina’s _innocent_ facade away. 

She does just that. 

“Did you want to join us too?” Nayeon walks over. Steps short, calculating. Mina wants to back away but her feet are glued to the ground. 

“Are you into that type of shit too, Miss Perfect?” 

Mina frowns at the nickname. She flinches away when Nayeon tries to take a strand of her hair. “What are you talking about, Nayeon?” 

“I don’t know, Mina. I really don’t.” Nayeon shrugs her shoulders, feigning ignorance. She points at the guy behind her, now stumbling away. “By the way, that’s my boyfriend, Dohwan. Don’t mind him. He’s just an asshole when he’s drunk.” 

“I see that.” Mina feels bemused at herself. She’s still got the energy to deal with this? 

Nayeon stays there, watching her with that smirk on her face that Mina just _knows_ she’ll be having nightmares of ‘til the end of time. 

“You know…” Nayeon finally speaks up. “I never pegged you as _that_ type. But the moment I saw you, I knew something was up.” 

“What are you—” 

“You’re not so perfect after all, no?” Nayeon takes one step closer. Mina feels her breath hitch. 

“Little Miss Perfect Mina Myoui…” 

Mina feels her entire body burn with anger the moment Nayeon says it. 

“Do you want me too?” 

Nayeon lives knowing which buttons to push just to spite Mina. 

“Or are you just into girls like Jeong?” 

Mina wants to launch herself at Nayeon. In a way that’s going to hurt them both but her more, because she’s already in pain inside and out. It’s just going to make it more satisfying now that they’re both hurting. 

But Mina doesn’t do that, of course. 

Jeongyeon steps in at the perfect time. Like always. 

“What the fuck are you doing, Nayeon?!” Her voice is loud and pointy at the edges, spiteful and biting. 

Jeongyeon stomps over, one hand holding a plastic bag and the other finding itself wrapping Mina's wrist, pulling her back, within breathing space. Away from Nayeon.

"Perfect timing, Jeong!" Nayeon singsongs in an evil kind of mirth. 

From a safe distance, Mina sees Nayeon's eyes dart over to where Jeongyeon holds her hand. For a heartbeat's pause, Mina sees it. The way Nayeon's demeanor changes. The taunting smile on her face wavers for a split second and her forehead creases to a small, almost unnoticeable frown. Then, Nayeon sees Mina looking carefully, with a gaze trying to tear her apart, layer by layer, and then she goes back to old self.

Mina just stays there, quiet, thinking _of course, this is what it's about. Jeongyeon._ She should have known.

"Did you know your little perfect _ballerina_ isn't so perfect at all?" Nayeon taunts.

Mina thinks if she just knew, it wouldn't have gotten this worse. But it's too late now.

"Nayeon, what the _fuck_ are you talking about?"

Nayeon moves closer to the two, smiling. 

"Perfect Mina, tell Jeong why you're here. Transferring all the way to a new country, running away from your past."

Mina hears nothing but the ringing in her ears. Sirens going off everywhere. She's never felt this way before. This immense anger.

Jeongyeon narrows her eyes at Nayeon. "Fucking hell, Nayeon", she sighs exasperatedly, running a hand through her hair.

"Oh no, Jeong. This one's good." Nayeon smiles over at Mina, who can only imagine her face as a target board at that moment. 

"Did you know Mina was expelled from her old school?" She scoffs, seizing Mina up and down. "Not so perfect anymore huh?"

"Nayeon, I don't _fucking_ care if—"

"She was expelled for getting caught with a TA. In the _fucking_ laboratory."

That takes just about it. Mina's hand swings before she can register what she's doing, quick enough that Nayeon doesn't know what's about to happen too. The sound it makes is deafening, and a horrified gasp leaves everyone's lips. 

Mina looks down at her palm, all red and trembling with the adrenaline and the ticking beat of her heart. Her chest hurts and her head feels like it's about to explode and everything is spinning around her. 

Nayeon just gapes at the Japanese girl, rigid. Her hand finds itself holding her cheek, and it only dawns on her then the shock and sting the slap leaves. 

Jeongyeon feels like an ice cold bucket of water had just been splashed across her face. 

The whole world stops right then. Mina makes the mistake of looking around–because she can’t face Nayeon and Jeongyeon right now without falling apart there–everyone else are suddenly pausing their lives to witness this. 

_Im Nayeon, the Queen Bitch of Apgujeong, gets slapped across the face by the new kid, Little Miss Perfect Myoui Mina. And for what? For Yoo Jeongyeon?_

Mina trembles with the anger inside of her, seething and burning and spreading until she feels them with her own hands. Warm trickles of tears falling down her cheeks. 

She runs away before anyone can even see. 

* * *

Anger is the one emotion Mina never handled well. 

In the times when she would feel the most defeated, when she’d want to shout at the top of her lungs her frustrations with the world, the first thing her body would do was cry. 

When she’d rather be on the shouting end of an argument, expressing in words all the curses she could string up in a sentence to the satisfaction of the fire burning in her chest, her lips would quiver and her eyes would swell with tears, and before she could even get to the end of what she wanted to say, she would already be crying. 

Her lips would be trembling too much, no one would understand what she was saying. Her tears would be streaming too many, no one would take her seriously. And all they could look at her with was _pity_. 

Mina didn’t need that. She didn’t need _pity_ . She needed someone to understand that she was _angry_. She was burning inside, tipping over hot, boiling water. 

Mina hated anger. It was her enemy. It was the one emotion she never handled well. With every encounter she had with it, she always ended up crying.

So whenever Mina was frustrated and angry and exhausted with the world and all it’s bullshit, she would run. To anywhere. Any place her feet could get her to. She’d find somewhere to hide and cry there all by herself. 

That’s how she got here. 

In a run-down garden of sorts at the back of her dorm building. It looked like a forgotten ornamental ground that probably once looked breathtaking. It would have once been a place for happiness and smiles and laughter. 

Mina was using it as a place to hide from the world and cry to it all her pent-up her anger. 

She just stays there, knees hugged to her chest, crying her heart out. This moment, _right here,_ might be the loneliest she’s felt her entire life. With no one from home and all alone, Mina’s never felt this isolated with herself and the rest of the world in a long time. 

Even when it feels like she’s cried enough tears to fill a pail, Mina still sheds her sadness like a camouflage cape, like she’s done holding it back. 

These days have been _really, really fucking shitty_. Today was just the breaking point.

Mina stares at the nothingness before her, eyes puffy and preparing for another wave of tears. Before she gets to the crying, however, something happens. 

_Someone, rather._

“Dahyunnie?” 

Even with her eyes half-blurred with the tears, Mina can still see Dahyun. There’s something about her that automatically projects a bright and happy atmosphere to Mina, but tonight, it feels like she’s dying out of her light too. 

When Dahyun calls out her name with a voice that trembles and breaks, Mina feels even more enraged with the world. 

“Can you sit here with me please?” Mina manages to ask in spite of her own scratchy throat. 

Dahyun stands still for a moment, as if deliberating, and it breaks Mina even more. 

Even when Dahyun decides to take a seat beside her, Mina’s brain only thinks of the pause in the younger girl’s steps when she walks over. The very first step and then a pause. If there was a door right there that would take her away from here, Mina thinks Dahyun would have taken it. 

Dahyun didn’t want to be with her, Mina understood that. She knew. Dahyun wasn’t avoiding Jeongyeon or the girls. They were practically the younger girl’s life. Her family in this place. 

Dahyun wasn’t avoiding _them_. She was avoiding her. 

Yet she does a _great_ job pretending she wasn’t. 

Dahyun offers tissue to Mina for the tears (and a little bit of the snot) and Mina feels her heart ache. How could this person still be so kind despite what Mina _probably_ did to her? 

“Oh. Uh...I don’t have one. Sorry.” 

How could she be so effortlessly adorable too? 

Mina giggles a little and wipes at her tears with the back of her hand instead. “That’s okay. Thank you for offering.” 

Kim Dahyun is a breath of fresh air. Mina thinks the reason why she felt like she was suffocating lately is partly because of that. Because Dahyun, in all the glory of her kindness and smile and good nature, was the breath of fresh air Mina was missing. 

This is too good to be true. 

_Can I hold her hand?_

“Is this okay with you?” 

Dahyun flinches a little when Mina’s hand meets hers, warm and soft. 

“I’m sorry. Did that startle you?” Mina lets go. She smiles apologetically, but her head is already sighing defeatedly. _Oh._

There’s something about the younger girl that Mina can’t understand. It has an effect on her that she can’t quite grasp. Dahyun is nice company, and the first person who’s seen her angry tears and not look at her with _pity._

Dahyun is the first. 

When she lets her hold her hand, Mina feels like something in her chest loosened. A weight lifting up. Air in her lungs again. She can breathe. 

“Dahyunnie.” _Please say no._ “Do you hate me?” 

Mina can feel Dahyun’s fingers loosen their hold around hers. 

“W-What?” 

Mina holds them close for her and waits in silence, eyes glistening underneath the lights. Her heart’s beating too fast for her good and her tears are already preparing themselves. 

“Unnie, I—” 

Mina can’t lose her oxygen again. “Please don’t hate me.” 

_The world has been pretty fucking shitty without you._

“What makes you say that?” Dahyun asks, and Mina wants to scoff because _everything!_ Everything makes her think that. All the avoiding and the nerves and the fact that Dahyun just _won’t_ answer her question directly. 

“Please just tell me what I did wrong.” Mina doesn’t let her anger out on Dahyun. She doesn’t deserve it. 

“You didn’t do anything, unnie. I was just...busy lately.” 

Mina is a little too much of an observant to know Dahyun’s holding back with her words. 

Still, she relents. “Really?” 

Dahyun nods quietly, never meeting Mina’s gaze. 

“Then why were you avoiding the others too?” 

Mina can feel the tightening of her chest with every passing second Dahyun doesn’t respond.

“I figured it was because of me.” A tear slides down Mina’s cheek. “Jeong said you guys were inseparable before I came into the picture.” 

Dahyun sounds irked when she responds with the same excuse of being busy again. Mina figures it’s better not to prod. Her decision proves to be correct when Dahyun gives in and tells her _why_ she’s been out of sight lately. 

It breaks Mina’s heart even more. 

“You don’t have to be a ball of sunshine all the time just to be _their_ Dahyun.”

She pulls Dahyun’s hand over to her lap and holds it with her other hand, like a little sandwich. She tells the younger girl all about having good days and bad ones, and Mina honestly thinks the irony is funny. She’s just had the worst day of her life and here she is, telling someone about how to see the good and the bad and appreciate them both. 

_What is wrong with me?_

“Is that why you’re here too, unnie?”

The sad recognize each other, apparently. Because Dahyun’s sadness resonates with Mina’s pain. There is hurt in anger too. That’s why we cry. 

"You were crying, unnie. I found you here by listening and following the sound of you crying." When Dahyun tucks her hand away from Mina's hold, Mina feels empty again. "Is that why you're here too? Because you had a bad day? Because we're all just human?"

The way it leaves her lips makes it sound like Dahyun’s more frustrated than she is sad, and Mina understands. She feels that way too. 

“Yeah.” Mina remembers how her days have been, how she’s barely holding on to her sanity lately. “A bad day. A bad start. A bad performance. A bad character...in my life...bad...but she’s just human too. So I couldn’t stay mad. I couldn’t get angry at her for being mean. And unfair. And bad. So I just cried.”

Then, they talk about the garden. 

“Did you horrifyingly hear a woman weeping too and followed the sound ‘til it lead you here, in this miraculously maintained-unmaintained secret garden no one probably knew ever existed until now?”

And Mina’s promptly reminded of why Dahyun’s the sunshine girl. Of why she’s a breath of fresh air and whenever she’s with the younger girl, Mina feels light and warm. 

“I liked to stroll in gardens and just be with myself to think.” _I want to hide from the rest of the world when I’m angry and sad._ “That’s why I looked for this place and found it.”

“Like a secret hideout?” 

“Yeah. Like a secret hideout.” Mina chuckles a little, finding the comparison endearing and perfectly right. _A hideout._ “Sometimes facing the world gets tiring too.”

Dahyun figures it out easily. _Nayeon_ . She connects dots like a pro. _Jeongyeon_. Mina wishes she had half the astuteness, then she wouldn’t be here right now, hiding from the world and crying her anger out. 

Eventually they figure something out, and suddenly, Mina doesn’t feel all alone anymore. Dahyun smiles a little bit wider too, and Mina thinks it’s captivating if not entirely threatening because her heart is literally beating too fast at every sight of it. 

_Stop._

When the world seems a tad less scarier, Dahyun walks Mina out. 

There’s something Mina wants to say but can’t exactly do so. One, it feels like it’s caught up in her throat, and two, she doesn’t know what it is. She just knows there’s _something_ she has to say. She has something she _wants_ to tell Dahyun. 

It might be rooting from the fact that Dahyun mentioned a magazine and Mina’s first thought is the stupid horoscope article Ms. Hong told her about weeks ago. 

Then, Mina remembers exactly what she wants to say to Dahyun, something about meeting her soulmate in a place where the world can’t find her, but the younger girls’ already about to leave. 

_Think fast, Mina._

“I have hot choco here if you like?”

_Not too fast!_

Dahyun shakes her head no. Mina feels her heart drop. Her throat tightens up and she feels sick. 

Dahyun tells her about talking to her unnies and Mina knows she doesn’t really have anything to use against that, right? She can’t tell Dahyun to _wait_ for her to figure out how to use her damn words and spill her heart out everywhere. 

She wants to tell Dahyun.

“Oh, Dahyunnie!” 

She _really_ wants to. 

“The garden earlier…”

But Mina’s heart isn’t prepared for that yet. 

“It can be your hideout too.” 

Dahyun doesn’t deserve to be pulled into this mess too.

Mina will just have to forget about it. 

* * *

After that, the world becomes a lot less scarier to deal with. 

Dahyun doesn’t leave anymore. Mina wishes she could spend more time with the younger girl but the difference in their schedules just won’t permit her to and she _really_ has to deal with the mess that is Nayeon and Jeongyeon first too. 

Thankfully a new kid arrives in town. Pretty weird if you ask Mina but who is she to say, really? She was also a new kid around. _A new kid with the drama experience enough to write her own damn book._

Mina regrets not being able to spend more time with Dahyun then but she’s already content with the younger girl staying around and just not avoiding her. 

So what if Dahyun makes her feel all light and warm again? That Dahyun appreciates her for who she is and doesn’t, at all, look at her with pity when she deals with her anger and emotions? That Dahyun is such an amazing person inside and out and that she has a weird POGS collection (Mina finds out a little later on, the younger girl’s a collector _too!)_

It’s a little alarming that Mina feels the way she does, but she convinces herself it’s just _friendship._

A beautiful friendship she should, at all cost, protect. 

_Friendship._

(Just like the result that comes out on Mina’s attempt at F.L.A.M.E.S.

_Friends._

She plays for a second time just to be clear. For a fair result. 

Mina tries to do another method and frowns when it lands on E. _Enemies?_

_Really? Okay. Friends it is then.)_

**F L A M E S**

~~My~~ o ~~ui~~ ~~Mina~~ = 8  
K ~~im~~ D ~~a~~ h ~~yu~~ n = 5  
_______  
13

* * *

(Mina never realizes the letter she missed.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i played it wrong when i was trying to FLAMES mina and dahyun's names. i stuck with it for the plot. have u guys played FLAMES? i did when i was a kid. i also played MASH. HAHAHAHAH oh, good old times.
> 
> ANYWAYS this is the incident that plagued najeongmi and the squad from spirit of 1998. "the incident we-shall-never-speak-of"; the incident that got them joining the damned talent show in the first place (of which the situation only got worse when the fight happened during chapter 4) 
> 
> #Twicein1998
> 
> I HOPE U ENJOYED!! COMMENT PLS :(


	5. bizarre love triangle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only difference between Nayeon and Dahyun here is that Nayeon has the strength to fight for who she wants. Dahyun, on the other hand, chooses to walk away from hers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from one of my favorite songs from new order huhu <3 new wave <3 
> 
> also, this chapter reflects a lot of spirit of 1998 moments ;)

Chaeyoung is weird, Dahyun thinks. 

The things that happen upon her arrival are even weirder. 

The new kid looks around with stars in her eyes, as if it's the first time she’s seen an avenue lined with arcades, video rental stores, pool houses, and all the fun temptations you see surrounding a school. She asks all the weird questions like who’s Tony Ahn and why is everyone wearing their hair up too high, and Dahyun has the half the mind to believe the smaller girl might actually be some kind of time traveler or just a really, _really_ odd kid. 

_I mean, who_ doesn’t _know Tony!?_

She’s also very unlucky, Dahyun surmises. 

She only got the memo on Chaeyoung’s living situation when they received the keys from Yumama downstairs. Ultimately, it makes Dahyun feel bad for the poor kid. It’s her first day in a new environment but then she’s just forcefully thrusted into the world of Im Nayeon and Yoo Jeongyeon’s mess, by ending up as the third roommate of the two _most problematic_ people in school. 

As if the situation couldn’t get any more unfortunate, the first time Chaeyoung meets the entire gang, they’re raising voices at each other in the detention room, trying to compete over who gets to hurt more. 

Dahyun thinks everyone’s winning. 

It’s very unlucky and saddening, really, putting Chaeyoung in such a position so early on. If anything, it makes Dahyun want to stay by her side more. Because she deserves a good high school experience and Dahyun, more than anyone, knows how it feels like to not be “part of the show”. It’s also, _partially,_ because, well, Dahyun thinks the best way to forget about her feelings for a certain someone is through focusing on something else. _Someone else._

It seems like a fair move. Mina at the moment is fixated on trying to get through the issue she has with Nayeon, all sparked by the rumor the latter spread about her and Jeongyeon. Jeongyeon, on the other hand, is even more livid. Her relationship with Nayeon is already like a club sandwich, towering with layers and layers of unresolved tension and teenage drama. 

Dahyun is pretty much stuck with Chaeyoung, as Chaeyoung is stuck with her. 

She may be a little odd and a whole lot of _bad timing_ , but Dahyun thinks it’s luck’s fault that she got to meet Chaeyoung. 

She just wished Chaeyoung would have chosen a better time coming into their lives. She should’ve walked in here at least a month ago, before The Incident happened, before Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s chaos began, before Mina happened. 

Everything would’ve been much better then. 

* * *

Dahyun moves around everyone in the best way she can. Because it’s times like these when she feels the most needed, the most useful. 

Jihyo looks defeated from the way she carries herself, shoulders slumped and steps dragging. She is already exhausted from having to deal with the entire student body and the nagging school administration, so Dahyun takes the role today and plays substitute. She’s always been the de facto Park Jihyo proxy, anyway. That is, in the absence of Yoo Jeongyeon. 

Before they leave the campus, Principal Park allows them to the clinic to get their fight marks treated. Dahyun’s the one who prepares the ice packs for Momo and Jeongyeon’s bruises, the one who applies the antiseptic on Sana’s small scratches, and the one who delicately puts the bandage around Chaeyoung’s wound. 

Dahyun feels bad for pulling Chaeyoung into this. She’s already injured not even twenty-four hours into her first day. Not even the new student could save herself. It makes Dahyun frustrated with herself even more. 

The clinic is jarringly silent, just like the detention room before Nayeon and Jeongyeon erupted into another hurtful argument. 

Dahyun moves around to check on everyone, acting as the nurse after the last one from earlier had to clock out from duty hours. 

They’re all gathered in the general treatment area, a space of modern and lifeless white and blinding fluorescent lights. The deafening stillness and heavy tension in the air don’t help the situation. Everyone’s just sitting by the metal waiting benches near the doors, waiting for Yumama, waiting for the _light._

“Why don’t you sit down, Dahyunnie?” Sana asks, dreary eyes looking forlornly at her. She’s sitting beside Momo, a blanket wrapped around them together. “You’ve been walking around so long. Your feet are gonna get hurt.” 

Dahyun’s tempted to join, the exhaustion is pulling at her lids and Sana is right, the soles of her feet feel like they’re burning with the friction, but she still needs to throw away the cotton balls she used for the wounds and fix the First Aid box they were permitted to use, and she doesn’t want to get the group involved in anymore trouble with the school administration, let alone the clinic and the grumpy nurses.

“It’s okay, unnie. I got this.” Dahyun forces a smile. She gets away with it. Sana’s _honesty radar_ –something she uses to distinguish disguises from real emotions–mustn’t be working after all the exhaustion from the day’s drama. 

Dahyun gathers the used pads and tape skins in her latex glove-clad hand, the first aid kit in the other, and walks over to the nearest trash bin over the other side of the area. 

In her haze and exhaustion, she forgets to notice the other person in the room.

“Dahyun-ah?” Mina sits criss-crossed on one of the beds far from the others, tending an ice pack on a bruise marring her forearm. 

Dahyun _badly_ doesn’t want to notice Mina, to just pretend she didn’t feel like bursting into pieces at the mere proximity of the older girl. But Mina’s presence is blinding and all-encompassing, and Dahyun already feels guilty enough for disregarding her when she’s the one physically hurting the most.

Dahyun gives in. She throws the waste away on the designated bin before walking over to Mina. 

“Unnie…” Her heart sinks at the sight of the older girl. 

Dahyun wasn’t picking sides when she said Mina hurt most. Pain was subjective but the injuries Mina acquired were...the manifestation of Im Nayeon’s wrath. 

Mina has a few bruises on her forearm and one on the back of it, near her elbow. There are Band-Aids dispersed along her arms too, covering small scrapes and scratch marks. Her lids are puffy from the crying earlier and her cheeks are flushed in hues of red underneath the blindingly white light.

Mina had never looked so small in Dahyun’s eyes.

“Are you okay?” 

And yet here she was, asking someone else if _they_ were okay.

_How could you not like her?_

“I’m fine, unnie.” Dahyun smiles, the lie slipping off her tongue so easily now. Like second nature. 

She avoids Mina’s concerned gaze and notices the small tremble of the older girl’s shoulders. Dahyun remembers seeing a blanket from one of the other beds she passed by. “Are you cold, unnie?”

Before Mina could even respond, Dahyun’s already reaching for a blanket and draping it around the older girl’s shoulders, lips pressed into a taught smile. 

“There you go”, she mumbles. 

In her every movement, Dahyun feels Mina’s eyes follow, igniting a certain kind of warmth flourish and spread inside of Dahyun’s chest. The tip of her ears are already betraying her enough as it is, and her fingers are fumbling with each other behind her back. 

She looks every bit the awkward high school kid that she truly is. 

Sensing that Mina’s probably too exhausted to be bothered and Dahyun is just downright malfunctioning whenever she’s within the older girl’s space, Dahyun decides this is pretty much the best time to just excuse herself and disappear from Mina’s sight. 

“Uh...I’ll just...go ahead…” 

“Wait.” 

But the universe has other plans for her, of course. 

Dahyun halts in her steps, looks at Mina with raised eyebrows, hoping she doesn’t look _too_ hopeful. 

Mina doesn’t say a word. She just gazes at Dahyun but not really _at_ her, with a look that seems like she’s trying to decipher a code, head tilted, brows pinched together, all that.

Dahyun follows the trajectory of Mina’s gaze and lands on a shallow cut about a centimeter long by the side of her hand. A cut that Dahyun never knew existed until now, and never felt the pain of until she tried to touch it now. 

“Ow!” She yelps and begins blowing the pain away. _Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!_

In a desperate attempt not to lose her _cool_ in front of the older girl, Dahyun–despite the surge of tears (she never handled cuts well)–laughs uneasily over at Mina, “Haha. This tiny thing…” She looks up, trying to push down her tears. “I didn’t even know it was there! Hahaha.”

Mina reaches out for her hand. “Come here…” 

"No! Unnie, I’m okay!" Dahyun, however, tries her best to stay resolute. "This is just a small scratch. It doesn’t even hurt! Hahahahahahaha.” 

She doesn’t get to move away anymore when Mina grabs her wrist and pulls her down to sit on the space beside her. “I know it hurts, Dahyun. It’s a shallow cut.” 

Dahyun gives in and assures herself this’ll be the last time she does so. Give in, that is.

“I didn’t even feel it earlier…” She sighs in defeat, looking at the small gash while Mina puts down her ice pack and prepares a cotton swab of Betadine from the First Aid Kit Dahyun was holding earlier. 

“Probably because you were too busy taking care of the others that–” Mina holds Dahyun’s hand and looks into the younger girl’s eyes, “–you forgot to take care of yourself.” 

“Or…” Of course, Dahyun is like a stealthy little weasel when she tries to dodge these kinds of talks. “I just _really_ didn’t notice, unnie...” 

“You can’t _not_ though?” Mina focuses on the cut, dabbing the antiseptic-soaked cotton bud softly. “Shallow cuts hurt more than deep wounds because they don’t bleed.” 

That sounded way more complex to Dahyun than how it should have. 

“Do you know why paper cuts hurt so much more than they should?”

Dahyun honestly has no idea what the correlation is or where the conversation is even going, but Mina talks in such an alluringly soft and earnest way that just enchants her, she’s beguiled to listen with every fiber of her being. 

“The hands of a person are the most _sensitive_ parts of the body and the ends of the fingertips have a lot of nerve endings that sense the pain. Paper cuts are small and shallow, and most of the time they rarely bleed...” Mina continues on dabbing at Dahyun’s cut, unaware of the way Dahyun’s staring at her intently. “But even with that, they still hurt. They’re still really painful.” 

Dahyun wonders just how someone could be so gifted at everything. Mina Myoui is literally talent, beauty, and brilliance all in one. _God really has favorites?!_

“Wow...unnie...I…wow.” She’s even at a loss for words. 

“Some wounds may look shallow. Some don’t even bleed. But they’re still wounds, Dahyun. They can hurt much more than what meets the eye.” Mina finishes the cut and unwraps a plain Band-Aid.

Dahyun is only left watching in silence as Mina places the Band-Aid over her small cut. She finishes it off with a light, almost feathery tap at the edges to secure the adhesive, and then proceeds to look at the younger girl dead in the eyes. 

“You were hurt too, Dahyun.” With the way she says it, Dahyun feels like being stripped bare, layer from layer. Vulnerable. Transparent. 

“You were just too busy taking care of other people, you forgot about yourself.” 

Mina doesn’t look like she knows she’s capable of such power. Dahyun should be scared and yet here she is, feeling even more pulled in. Hook, line, and sinker. She’s far too gone. 

“It wasn’t even bad, unnie.” She barely gets to mumble it across, feigning aloofness.

“Pain is pain, Dahyunnie. And sometimes…” Mina lowers her voice to a mumble, as if even she’s trying to hide away from the words she’s about to say. 

“Sometimes, we feel the real, bad pain from the smallest of things.” _A bad score on a quiz? A missing pen? Running out of mocha buns?_ “Pain is pain. No one should tell you how to feel about it. How you should hurt.” 

Dahyun thinks whatever they’re talking about, it isn’t her small gash anymore. It’s a cut made on Mina, deep inside of her. A wound Dahyun won’t be able to heal. No one other than herself. 

“You don’t look so good yourself too, you know?” She doesn’t mean for it to sound a little too inculpating. Dahyun just thought, well, if she’s here taken apart layer by layer for the whole world to see, then Mina should be too, right? 

She seems to understand point-on what Dahyun is talking about because her eyes follow the direction of the younger girl’s frown and sees it land on her arm. She stills for a second, as if thinking of what to say, what excuse to use, but then realizes the situation and understands, there is no way she could keep pretending to be strong at the face of every important person in her life. 

Mina just smiles, quietly, sadly. “They look worse than they feel.” 

“You just said pain is pain.” 

“Well, these are bearable. I’ll just have to hide them with makeup or something.” 

“They don’t hurt?” 

Mina shakes her head. “Nope.” _Yes. So much._

“Okay.” Dahyun doesn’t believe Mina, but she’ll just have to. _No one should tell you how to feel about it. How you should hurt._ “If they do, my mom has this special ointment that she uses on me when I was a kid. I have it in the dorm. I could give you some.” 

Dahun will just try to be there while Mina takes care of it herself. She’ll be there for Mina not as a lovesick high school kid, but as someone Mina can call a friend. 

When Mina smiles back at her, Dahyun doesn’t feel that familiar out-of-cadence heartbeat anymore. She’s calm and collected, and she can look right into Mina’s eyes and assure herself, she’ll be there for the older girl. Because that would be much better than not having Mina in her life at all. 

(Besides, Dahyun has Chaeyoung now. Weird kids need a weird friend too.)

Jeongyeon arrives just in time, in Mina’s life and in this exact moment. She has a blanket wrapped around her shoulders too, a familiar patchwork one Dahyun recognizes as a throw blanket from Yumama’s office. 

“Hey”, the dashing soccer captain smiles her _dashing,_ charismatic Yoo Jeongyeon Smile over at Mina’s direction before ruffling at Dahyun’s hair. “Yumama’s here. You two good to go?” 

Mina nods, standing up. She holds down at her blanket, nuzzling herself in, and follows behind Jeongyeon as they make their way out of the clinic. Dahyun finds herself the last one heading out. 

The sight that greets her in the hallway has her stopping in her tracks. 

Chaeyoung’s sitting down beside Nayeon, back pressed against the wall like the older girl, willingly sacrificing herself for the flames. 

Before she can even say anything, warn Chaeyoung of her impending doom just by sitting _near_ the devil herself, the new kid is already eyeing her, nodding at her as if she could understand just how _confused_ Dahyun’s head is at what she’s doing and assuring her she can do this. She’s _going to_ do this. 

_For a new kid, she’s awfully confident,_ Dahyun thinks. If she feels comfortable enough with setting herself up for disaster then Dahyun will just do what she does best: Damage control. She’s already exhausted enough as it is, acting as some human barrier while Nayeon tried to strangle Mina with her bare hands earlier. She doesn’t have the energy to human-shield her way for this again.

“I’ll pray for you then.” She mouths back instead, doing the Sign of the Cross as she passes, patting Chaeyoung on the head.

Dahyun spares the two one last look, gives Chaeyoung one last chance to save herself, but the new kid is already facing away, towards Nayeon. 

_She’s actually doing it. Chaeyoung’s talking to the devil._

Dahyun gives up, finally closing the heavy school doors behind her and walking over to Yumama’s station wagon waiting for them outside.

* * *

The drive back to the dorm is tense and silent.. Dahyun’s never felt that scared her entire life.

They rarely get to ride Yumama’s wagon and when they do, Jihyo makes sure it’s always filled with fun and laughter, as it should when riding it were a group of young girls with the energy amounting to ten nightclubs _combined_. 

Now it was just quiet and heavy, as if a cloud of tension had dropped below and covered them up like morning fog. 

Jeongyeon sat still by the passenger seat. Mina busies herself looking out the window while Sana was asleep on Momo’s shoulder by the second row. Jihyo and Dahyun exchanged forlorn breaths by the rear seats, facing the campus they were driving away from. 

The moment they arrive at the dorm, everyone moves around like a line of sad baby ducklings or kicked puppies. Mina’s the only one who leaves the group to use the stairs. Everyone else takes the elevator to the fourth floor. Even the ride up is agonizingly awkward. 

Somehow, an unspoken settlement is made within the group.

Momo lends a sleeping bag to Jeongyeon when Jihyo decides the best thing to do for now, in order to avoid furthermore damage, is to make sure Mina, Nayeon, and Jeongyeon are never in the same room ever again. Jeongyeon will be sleeping over at Jihyo and Dahyun’s for the meantime. 

(Momo’s dorm had long been off-limits to them. Somehow, it was only Sana allowed in there and everyone kind of just...collectively understood without being given any reason why. It’s Sana and Momo. Momo and Sana. That’s all they have to know to understand)

Dahyun’s the one who prepares Jeongyeon’s sleeping area, spreading the comforter on the aisle between the two beds while her unnies talk in hushed whispers by the hall. Nayeon and Chaeyoung are still nowhere in sight and frankly, Dahyun’s already on her seventh Hail Mary praying for her new friend’s life. 

Momo and Sana both press chaste kisses on her cheek before they leave to call it a (tiring) night. It's Casual day in school tomorrow and Sana still has to drive home. 

Jihyo and Jeongyeon take a while outside and the exhaustion just tugs down at Dahyun, unable to keep her awake the moment her body feels the comfort of her bed. She falls asleep first, with the radio playing Air Supply’s All Out of Love like a sick joke from the universe.

Jihyo thinks it’s for the better that their little sunshine friend didn’t stay up late and wait for them to go back. 

Dahyun wouldn’t want to hear Jeongyeon crying that night. 

* * *

It’s in these kinds of days when Dahyun questions who on _earth_ thought it was a good idea to hold a club meeting at 7AM in the morning.

To make matters worse, Jeongyeon ended up sleeping beside her on her bed that night. Although Dahyun _always_ enjoyed being in her unnie’s space, it had become a taxing feat trying to weasel her way out of the older girl’s spooning. Dahyun had to move around the dorm like some ninja just to avoid waking her unnies up, and on more than one occasion, almost tripped and fell flat on her face. 

Casual Day was an important day in school. It was only nine hours per month, a grand total of 108 per academic year, where every student was allowed the freedom to express themselves through their clothes and fashion (granted no one walked around naked). 

Dahyun had a streak of Best Dressed awards (although only achieved within her class of 36 other students but it’s the thought that counts, really) and this year was supposed to be her best one yet. She had a flapper dress prepared for god’s sake! 

But because of what happened last night and how her exhausted ass couldn’t even stay up a few minutes more to prepare her clothes and things for casual day, Kim Dahyun–Class 2-1’s Best Dressed student for fourteen months in a row–is dressed in a checkered overall and whatever thick-soled sandals she could easily slip on. Her hair looks like a bird’s nest and to top it all off, she’s also running late for the earth club meeting (and Kim Dahyun _never_ runs late; she also has a streak of Punctuality awards she's proud of).

Yep, today is not _her_ day. Something about it tells her it’s not going to be a good one too. 

* * *

If there’s one thing that Dahyun genuinely enjoys whenever she goes to school early, it’s the tranquility of the campus when it’s not imbued with overly-active hormonal teenagers and nosy teachers. When the PA isn’t blasting any classic 80s song from Coach Hyojin’s collections; when the rowdy basketball boys aren’t trying to turn the cafeteria into some underground fight club with how _loud_ they are; or simply when there aren’t any people at all. 

Dahyun likes this. Quiet. Calm. Peaceful. 

Then, there’s Mina. And suddenly, Dahyun finds herself even more mesmerized. 

“You’re here early.” Mina notes, closing her locker lightly. Behind her, the morning sunlight spills into the windows, casting a divine backdrop that makes Mina look like she's in a movie still, immaculate and perfect.

She has a few notebooks in her hold when she faces a surprised Dahyun with a quizzical smile, “Is this why I never got to walk with you to school in the morning? Because you come here before they even allow students inside?” 

Dahyun chuckles at that, snaps out of her enchanted haze. “It pays to befriend the school keepers, you know.” 

Mina’s laughter echoes in the empty hallway, filling in the bleakness with bubbles of joy. Even the way she guffaws makes Dahyun’s cackle sound outlandish and _poor._

“Good thing I already did, right?” The older girl walks over with meek steps. It’s only then Dahyun notices Mina’s still clad in...very un-Mina-like clothes for Casual day (assuming that someone as high society as Mina wouldn’t go to school in a mismatched tracksuit and crocs)

“Why are you here so early then, unnie?” Dahyun can’t help but wonder. “I’m here for a club meeting. Your classes don’t start ‘til 9AM?” 

“I came to pick up my things.” Mina lifts her notebooks in hand to show.

 _Oh._ "You're not coming to school today?"

"I was thinking of not to…" Mina trails off sheepishly, looking down on the newly-waxed hallway tiles. "My arms kind of hurt and...I don't know. I just. I'm kinda not in the mood today?"

"Oh. I get that…" Dahyun nods. "Do you...want to hang out with me then?” 

“Oh...um…” Mina’s trail of uncertainty is enough of an answer to Dahyun. She’s not ready for rejection so early in the morning. 

“Or not! That’s okay! Just rest!” She fakes her smile, swallows the sour taste of dismissal down her throat. “Sometimes I just wanna stay in bed too and just sleep all day but Jihyo unnie wouldn't let that happen. She can get _really_ stubborn, you know?"

The awkward tension doesn’t last long on Mina’s part. Dahyun, on the other hand, tries to stuff it away. They continue their talk while walking down the hall, to the door by the end that leads to the open field (for Dahyun) and another exit much closer to the dorms (for Mina). 

"She scares me sometimes…" Mina admits and Dahyun realizes this might just be the first time Mina sounded _human_ to her. _Of course. No mortal is immuned to the intimidation prowess of one Park Jihyo._

"She scares _everyone,_ unnie." Dahyun opens the door wide for Mina to pass through. They end up by the pathwalk that separates in two. This is where they part ways. “No one really gets past her.” 

Mina only laughs at that, thankfully, because if she said something else, Dahyun might have just skipped the Earth Club meeting then and there and just walk with the older girl and talk about their common friends, of good tales and quirky memories made long before they permanently became an ensemble of damage-control people. 

“I better head off now, unnie.” She points over to the bunch of students gathered by the field, seated on the lush greenery, probably looking through grass patches again. “Earth kids are already there.” 

“Yeah. Sure. Have fun!” Mina nods, watching as Dahyun jogs over to her clubmates. 

Dahyun doesn’t look back at Mina’s retreating figure. She thinks if she did, she might as well have ditched the Earth Club meeting. 

* * *

Mina thinks Dahyun is amazing. 

She thinks that the kindness in her heart is wonderful and spreading warmth to everyone who walks into her life. She thinks that Dahyun’s blonde hair is as bright as her personality. Her gentle words are as soft as her features. Her smile is beautiful and her laugh is contagious. 

Mina thinks Dahyun is like the pause of silence after lightning and thunder. The pitter-patter of rain. She’s the warmth of a good blanket on a particularly cold night. 

Dahyun is every bit the innocence and sincerely Mina wished to have. With Dahyun, it seemed like she was _endless._ The space in her heart could fit all the people in the world, and _more._

Mina thinks Dahyun is amazing.

She’s very lucky to have her as a _friend._

* * *

Okay, so they _did_ end up picking bundles of grass leaves again. Dahyun isn’t surprised nor is she exactly _impressed._

She already has pieces of grass sticking out from her clothes. A freshman had to pluck out stray twigs from her hair (they had to look _closely_ because there were only a few magnifying glasses to use). Whatever. It’s done now.

Dahyun will probably head to her locker to grab her books for class. It’s half an hour before Homeroom begins and she still plans to meet Chaeyoung to introduce her to their classmates. _Yes. “Their”._ God was kind enough to spare her this one. Now Dahyun has 37 classmates voting for her as Best Dressed. 

“Yo! Dubu!” 

Dahyun walks out of the gym restroom startling. 

She should have known Jackson Wang would be around. The Basketball team had been going the extra mile training for their pre-season minor leagues. It was like they lived in the gym at this point. 

Jackson is all sweaty when he runs over to meet Dahyun by the heavy metal doors. Still, he does that thing where he headlocks her and ruffles her hair like an annoying older brother. 

(Dahyun will never admit that she likes it. It’s kinda nice having a brother-like friend for once)

“Haven’t seen you in a while, little tofu. Where have you been? Good thing I ran into you now. I was just on my way to the dorms to steal something from Bambam.” Jackson is still in his training attire with a towel around his neck and his gym bag hanging from one shoulder. 

“By the way, I heard about the whole...Nayeon-Mina fiasco. Are you guys okay? Is Jihyo’s blood pressure still normal?” 

Dahyun feels bad for laughing at the last part. “Unnie’s fine, oppa. And...yeah. We’re um...still trying to fix things out in the group.” 

“Uhuh…” Jackson trails off, hesitant. They turn down the main hall connected to the gym, making their way to the stairs that lead to the classrooms. “And how about _you?_ Did _you_ fix things? About...you know…”

Dahyun feared it would be brought up again. It was like throwing a lit match to gasoline. But she didn’t exactly expect anything else from the older guy. After all, he was the only person who knew deep down Dahyun’s worries. 

“It’s...it’s hard, oppa.” And Dahyun knows all too well, Jackson was there for her when she thought she didn’t have anyone. It was only fair to be transparent with him. “I like her, you know? But I...I really think we should just be friends. She doesn’t even swing that way!” 

“You’ll never know?” Jackson shrugs and Dahyun eyes him with an incredulous frown. “I mean! You’ll never know the direction the ball will go if you don’t...swing the bat? _Swing that way?_ I don’t know! I play basketball for a reason, sunshine.”

“I just want to keep what’s good, I guess? I don’t want to destroy my friendship with the unnies just because I had a stupid little crush.” 

“It’s not stupid if it makes you feel this way.” 

“It _is_ stupid because it did.” Dahyun points out. “And I’d really not risk anything else. We can just be friends.” 

“I mean, you guys _are_ best friends…” 

“Hm…” Dahyun purses her lips, unsure of the term just yet. “Not quite. That’s too much to say.” 

“You guys hang out a lot.” Jackson states matter-of-factly. “You’re like, two peas in a pod now.” 

“Because we belong to the same friend group”, Dahyun pushes Jackson away when he tries to ruffle her hair again. “And I just really want to get over her, you know? To get past this. But I don’t know how!” 

“I have an idea but I’m not sure if this’ll roll with you…” 

Truthfully speaking, Dahyun is afraid to consider whatever it is Jackson is thinking of suggesting. The last time she went through with one of his ideas, Dahyun almost ended up in jail (long story short, _never sniff baby powder in your hand when you’re sitting by the side of the street._ Cops think it’s _Mary Jane)_

But Dahyun _is_ kinda desperate now. If she has to then she will. Just to get over her little crush on Mina and for her life to return back to normal. If she can’t do it for herself, then she’ll do it for Mina and Jeongyeon instead. They deserve better. 

“No violent reactions, okay?” 

Dahyun only raises an eyebrow. 

“Here’s my idea.” Jackson takes a deep breath.

Dahyun feels like doing the same. 

“Confess to her.” 

Dahyun feels like getting bitch-slapped. “Over. My. Dead. Body.” 

“I said no violent reactions!” 

“That was hardly a good idea, oppa! I can’t confess to Mina unnie! That’s...that’s _bonkers!”_

"Wait a minute." Jackson halts in his steps. 

Dahyun stops to frown at him back. "What?"

"Mina? As in Sharon Myoui? Hot ballerina chick from 4-3?"

"Um? There are no other Minas I hang out with? I mean, Kang Mina sunbae is cool but...she's not really my type? Wait." Dahyun walks over to the frowning basketball captain. "Who'd you thought I was yapping about all this time then?" 

"I thought you were crushing on Jeong!"

Thank goodness the halls were still empty. Dahyun would have smacked Jackson then and there for being so loud. 

"What the–what made you think _that?!"_

_And for being so dumb._

Jackson is just as exasperated as Dahyun is. "I mean, close friends?! Same group?! Nayeon fiasco?! I really thought I connected the dots there!"

"Well. You didn't." Dahyun bites. She feels a bad migraine creeping on. "All the ranting I did sounds so stupid now." 

There's a trail of silence between them. Like the realization finally hitting them both. For Dahyun it's humiliation, for Jackson it’s everything finally making sense. 

And then, there's the muffled chuckles that become full-on cackling and wheezing.

"What's so funny?"

"Mina Myoui?" Jackson tries to catch his breath. "You couldn't have crushed on someone...I don't know, more achievable? Realistic?"

"Shut up, oppa!" Dahyun punches on a well-built arm. It’s like trying to hit a brick wall. "I'm already frustrated as it is! You're not helping! You said you'd help!"

"Sorry, sorry!" Jackson laughs, rubbing at the spot Dahyun hit. "Well, if it's hot ballerina chick Mina then I suggest you think of a more romantic confession—"

"I'm not confessing!"

"But it helps!" Jackson exclaims to rival Dahyun's burst. "It really does, kiddo! Don't confess for the reason of expecting something in return. Confess because you want to move on. And one way to do that is to confront the situation. You don't need to do it like how I did with Youngji. Writing letters and having her friends leave it on her desk and playing Spandau Ballet over my head outside of her window—"

"You did what—"

"Point is!" Jackson interjects, cheeks warming up at the memory. Dahyun eyes him suspiciously. 

"Confess. Do it how you're most comfortable with. You don't even have to let her know your feelings."

"Then what's the point if she doesn't find out?"

"Getting it off your chest. Accepting the situation. You fell for her, so what? Something like that." 

Jackson's becoming a little too convincing, Dahyun's scared. "Are you sure that's a good idea, oppa?"

"Well, it worked for me?" Jackson shrugs. "Youngji did find out though. And she kicked my ass at Deux for pestering her with the letters and the Say Anything move outside her house. Said I was no John Cusack and they almost called the police on me for trespassing."

"Oh my god—"

"But then we kissed outside Deux after that and bam! We're dating. Star-crossed lovers. Couple of the Year, no doubt." 

Dahyun...was not expecting that. "Wow…"

"I know, right? Anyways, you just have to be creative, Dubs. Romantic. You got all that!" Jackson grins cheekily, brows moving up and down annoyingly. 

Dahyun contemplates on the persuading suggestion. It made sense, even if Dahyun didn't know how it did and what sense it made. Confronting the situation sounded more pragmatic than just _wishing_ the feelings would magically go away…

"Oh. Hold up." Jackson halts. They're a few feet away from the stairs now, and the first wave of students are rushing in already. 

Dahyun looks up at the tall basketball captain. "What now?"

"Mina, right?" 

"For the millionth time, yes." Dahyun groans.

"Nayeon-Jeongyeon, Nayeon-Mina, Mina-Jeongyeon? _That_ Mina?"

"Way to summarize the situation, oppa. You could do a soap opera with that relationship web while we're at it." 

Jackson purses his lips. "Oh. You gotta be more creative if you're going up against Jeong. That girl's got some sleek moves."

"I'm not competing against unnie for—"

"Oh! How 'bout a mixtape? That's creative _and_ cute!" 

Dahyun sees the rest of Jackson's friends waiting for him by the other end of the lobby. "What are you talking about—"

"Confess through a mixtape. You can use my recorder if you need. I already have an idea for the most fitting first song." Jackson waves at one of his guys, preparing to go.

Dahyun, on the other hand, can't believe the older guy is actually proposing a _brilliant_ idea. Makes more sense than her pray-the-gay-away agenda. 

"You guys can even call yourselves that." Jackson grins that shit-eating smile, slowly walking away to his friends. "Make it the first song in your confession mix!"

Dahyun practically has to shout, "What is it?"

(You know that moment when two people try to talk in a crowded room? Everyone’s hustling and it’s noisy and rowdy. But the moment, the _very moment,_ one of the two tries to say something really...personal...suddenly, the room stills and the hustle stops.)

"Bizarre Love Triangle! New Order!" Jackson laughs, unaware of the silence and all the eyes suddenly looking at them. "Perfect, huh? You guys are one heck of a _Bizarre Love Triangle!”_

This is that moment. And frankly, Dahyun never wanted to smack a person _so_ hard her entire life (and probably thank them too) until this.

* * *

The walk back to the dorm is quiet and helpful for contemplating. 

Mina thinks of what’s been happening these past months ever since transferring. She thinks of how she could’ve done better had she chosen a different school. Then she thinks of becoming the bigger person because no, her mother wouldn’t like it if she found out her daughter can’t stick up for herself. Im Nayeon doesn’t look like the type of person to easily get rid of her grudge against someone. 

Thankfully, Mina is. 

The universe, in its own subtle ways, seems to tell her to be the bigger person too. Because when Mina arrives at the dorm, the first person she sees is Jeongyeon.

“Mina…” it barely leaves Jeongyeon’s lips in a gasp. Mina is unsure how she heard her but she did. “I didn’t think you’d be late for first class.”

Mina hides with a soft, warm smile, the bitter taste clawing up her throat just by the mere mention of her classes and how she’s about to miss them. “I…I was kind of not sure if I wanted to go to school today…”

“Wow. Coming from you?” Jeongyeon teases. “I’m shocked.” 

Mina only shrugs her shoulders with a playful smile. She doesn’t know what to say, to be honest. Jeongyeon always leaves her like a flustered mess. It’s always something about the girl’s overall _perfection_ that astounds Mina. _How could someone like Yoo Jeongyeon exist?_

“I was planning on taking Chaeyoung out to this cool place.” Jeongyeon suddenly speaks up, pulling Mina out of her daze. “Do you…want to come with us?”

Mina hates that she doesn’t think twice. The old her would probably be glaring badly right now, unimpressed. Her perfect attendance record is at stake here. But with everything that’s been happening around her, and how Mina’s _awfully_ trying to get rid of something else she can’t quite face just yet, for the sake of forgetting, Mina tries to make a new memory instead. 

“Sure. I’ll come with you guys.”

And Jeongyeon has always been _just there_ for her.

* * *

As it turns out, the day unfolds just like how Dahyun expected it to be: Bad. 

The first thing that greets her in the classroom is an empty seat by the window, right beside her own desk. The seat is where Chaeyoung’s supposed to be sitting (Dahyun called dibs on it, kicking out her old seatmate, Jungwoo. It was beside her or beside Class President Soyeon’s seat, and frankly, Dahyun thinks the class would be better off with her and Chaeyoung together than separated.)

Because Soyeon knows everything walking in and out of the class, she’s the one Dahyun goes to for Chaeyoung’s whereabouts. She receives the worst answer in the world. 

“We have a new student?” 

Dahyun feels like her heart just dropped to her stomach. “What do you _mean_ ‘we have a new student’? _You didn’t know?”_

“I’m sorry, I didn’t?” Soyeon looks half-genuine, half confused with what she’s apologizing for. “But our adviser didn’t tell me anything about an incoming student?” 

“But—” 

Dahyun racks her brain for anything but it only dawns on her then how, in hindsight, no one in class ever mentioned or heard of a new student coming in. Unlike when Mina had transferred, she was already the talk of the town _before_ she even arrived. With Chaeyoung, however, it’s like no one even knows she exists! 

“Is that why Jungwoo is sitting next to me right now?” Soyeon asks, not bothering to look up at the confused frown Dahyun’s sporting, instead continuing with the doodling at the back of her notebook. 

“Yeah. But.” Dahyun tilts her head. “I don’t get it. Where is she?” 

On her plastic watch it’s already less than five minutes ‘til the bell rings. Chaeyoung doesn’t seem to be the type of student who doesn’t care about her attendance record. 

“Maybe she’s lost?” 

“But I showed her around already!” The outburst is Dahyun’s low and out of pure, accumulated frustration. It’s even more embarrassing when she looks down and sees Soyeon eyeing her oddly.

Thankfully, Soyeon never judges. She just eyes people weirdly and then proceeds to go on her way. That’s why she’s the class president. She couldn’t care less whether the Woo duo (Jungwoo and Chanwoo) are at their shenanigans again or whether Eunbi is _this_ close to strangling them both with her bare hands. So as long as no one’s dying then Soyeon’s good to go. 

“Maybe she’s with your other friends? Nayeon sunbaenim?” 

Then, the light above Dahyun’s head switches on. “Oh yeah! Right!” 

_Of course. Why didn’t I think of that?_

Dahyun sprints outside and makes a beeline for the staircase right beside their classroom. It’s only to her fortune (and misfortune) that the first person she sees is the exact person she’s looking for. 

“Nayeon! I was just coming up to go see you!” The name just kinda rolls off Dahyun’s tongue like acid. She feels guilty for her lack of honorifics, but then she remembers Nayeon hates her too and then the absence of “unnie” just feels okay again.

It feels weird seeing Nayeon without her cheerleading uniform, Dahyun thinks. It even feels _weirder_ when Nayeon tells her she’s also looking for Chaeyoung and there is actual, _genuine_ dread in her face. 

_Ever since Chaeyoung came, everything’s becoming weirder and weirder…_

“Have you seen Jeongyeon unnie?” The stupidity of the question only registers on Dahyun a beat after Nayeon eyes her with an _are-you-serious_ look. 

Dahyun escapes the awkward situation by calling out for the first person she sees. “Jihyo unnie!” 

Of course, when it comes to saving the day, Park Jihyo is there. It’s almost like she has a sensor for when something is wrong. 

The Student Council President heads over to them, walking with authority every step of the way, the heels of her loafers hitting on the newly-waxed floors as if it had ever done her wrong. (Now Dahyun _truly_ understands why Mina was intimidated with her at first glance. Jihyo looks like she could end you with just one gaze) 

“Next time you decide to Naruto-run yourself down the hall, make sure I don’t see it, Nayeon.” Jihyo says first, arms crossed over her chest. 

She eyes the two girls before her with an unamused signature look whenever her _trouble_ senses kick in. “What happened now?” 

When Nayeon mentions Jackson Wang missing class, Dahyun sees thunderbolts light in Jihyo’s eyes. It makes her want to take it back when she adds Chaeyoung’s absence too. 

It doesn’t take much–or anything at all–for the three of them to connect the dots. _It’s casual day. Jackson Wang is absent. Jeongyeon is gone. Chaeyoung is new around and naïve._

It’s the perfect day to skip classes.

“Fuck!” 

It’s the first time Dahyun’s heard Jihyo curse. That says a lot when they’re roommates and they spend more than half the day together. 

“Nayeon, go get Sana. We’ll need her car. Dubu, get Momo. She won’t ever live this down if we don’t bring her along. Meet me behind the west bleachers in ten.”

Jihyo’s already marching away after that, leaving both Nayeon and Dahyun outright jumbled, mouths hanging ajar and just watching the intimidating girl walk out of sight.

“Was that…a plan?” Dahyun eventually croaks out, visibly rattled with what she’s just witnessed and what she’s just heard. “Are we…are we sneaking out?!”

Nayeon doesn’t even answer. She runs back down to the hall and disappears into a classroom. Dahyun doesn’t have any idea what the _fuck_ is happening but her feet are already sprinting down the hall, to the open field where Momo’s probably at. 

It’s the first time in her entire life that she’s cutting classes–or skipping in this case, since classes haven’t started yet–and she already feels like a rebel, all bad and bitchy (well, not _bitchy._ She’s still a nice and sunny girl). 

It’s only when they’re huddled up in Sana’s car that Dahyun realizes what’s happening, that she’s about to get an imperfect mark on her card, and that she’s about to get ripped off of her Punctuality award. 

She also realizes then, inside that floral-scented luxurious car, this is the first time in what feels like _forever_ where they’re not forced into the same space, left breathing in the same tense air. 

This time it’s loose and chaotic, and the only tension in the car is Im Nayeon trying to make sure they arrive at wherever they’re trying to go in one piece, because while Park Jihyo is 99.9% a genius at everything, that 0.1% is her driving. 

“Where are we even going?!” Sana practically has to shout as she holds onto the handle for dear life. 

Jihyo’s sounds like she’s trying to compose the world’s most irritating piece ever with her consecutive honking. (Lesson learned: don’t ever let Jihyo drive again)

The honking eventually stops (thankfully) by the red stoplight. Sana’s panting for air, Momo looks like a scared cat, and Dahyun...well Dahyun feels like she’s seeing her life flash before her very eyes. It proves to be the _worst_ decision yet, sitting in the middle, seatbelt-less, while Jihyo’s driving. 

_Did I ever do the universe wrong to deserve this!? Did I ever curse someone to be this unlucky!? Am I actually going to—_

“Wait.” Nayeon’s the only one who seems used to Jihyo’s driving. She’s composed by the passenger’s seat, not even flinching when Jihyo _almost_ hit an old man. “The diner. It’s open early on weekdays, right?”

Geniuses must think alike because everyone in the car understands what Nayeon is trying to imply and all Dahyun says is, “What?” 

But no one answers her. They’re all busy holding on for dear life when Jihyo _literally_ speeds down the driveway, heading to Deux. 

* * *

Honestly, as if the day couldn’t get any worse, it just does. 

It goes like this: Nayeon and Jihyo turn absolute monster mode on Jeongyeon. The moment they catch is brief, and Dahyun didn’t even really witness it, but she does see Baek Yerin in the flesh today, and she thinks it’s enough to know _this_ is not going to end well. Sana and Momo rush inside the arcade to get Mina while Dahyun stays behind to “protect” Chaeyoung. 

The premise looks exaggerated on the outside, Dahyun thinks. They’re in an arcade, in the middle of the class hours, and Jihyo and Nayeon are reprimanding Jeongyeon’s ears off, and for what? _For taking Mina and Chaeng to the arcade? For skipping classes?_

Dahyun thinks the reasons in question _are_ Jihyo’s justifications. Because that’s her job. She tries to make sure, as much as possible, no one in the group gets in anymore trouble. For goodness’ sake, she’s the student council president! 

Nayeon, on the other hand… Dahyun believes she doesn’t care about Jeongyeon being some kind of “bad influence” on Chaeyoung and, especially, on Mina. Nayeon’s the _bad influence_ herself. Dahyun thinks there’s more to her anger than the obvious. 

Dahyun _knows_ there’s more. After all, this used to be her and Jeongyeon’s safe place. Back when they weren’t trying to strangle each other with hurtful words and ill-intended actions. Back to a time that seemed so _impossible_ now, when the two were actual _friends. Best Friends._ (Sometimes, even more). 

And for Jeongyeon to bring Mina here, the day _after_ they literally just fought, is like trying to burn Nayeon’s shattered pieces to the ground. 

Dahyun, for once, can feel the intensity of Nayeon’s pain. 

Because she feels it too. Like her ashes being blown away by the wind. And she doesn’t even get it. She doesn’t even know who she’s getting this pain from. 

Is it from Jeongyeon who brought _Chaeyoung_ here, to this place, _their place,_ and snuck her out when she never did that with Dahyun? Not once? 

Or is it from Mina? Who said she wasn’t feeling well for school when Dahyun asked if she wanted to hang out but then proceeded to come with Jeongyeon to _their place?_

Dahyun understands it now, in a way, where Nayeon’s coming from. Even if she tries to push the bitter feeling down, the tinge of pain is still there. 

The only difference between Nayeon and Dahyun here is that Nayeon has the strength to fight for who she wants. Dahyun, on the other hand, chooses to walk away from hers. 

_Because even without saying it, between who’s there and who’s not, Mina and Jeongyeon already made their choice. Both of them didn’t choose Dahyun._

* * *

(The curtain that separates the front and backstage falls and the line blurs there. 

Dahyun begins losing her character 

This is where it ends.) 

* * *

It’s like watching a battle to see who gets to shatter more. Who gets to crumble and wallow in pain first. And while Nayeon and Jeongyeon are trying to fight for who gets to hurt the other more, within the confines of Sana’s car, between Mina and Dahyun, they don’t even have to fight. 

Dahyun’s carelessly slipping, and slipping, and falling hard. Fast. Hurting more. 

And Mina doesn’t even know.

She’s too busy trying to figure out something else. Trying to focus on other issues like, say, Chaeyoung’s onslaught of queries regarding the chaotic mess that is Im Nayeon and Yoo Jeongyeon’s relationship. 

“Do they hate each other?” 

Dahyun thinks _that’s one way to say it._

“Who? Nayeon and Jeongyeon?” Momo, from the backseat, is too wrapped up in trying to tune out the noise by covering an ear–the one she hears better with, the right ear–with the counterpart side of the headphones.

Chaeyoung nods silently, wearily. Dahyun feels bad for her and feels confused with herself too. Why _isn’t_ she mad at Chaeyoung when she’s literally the person everyone in the group is trying to replace her with? 

“Given their past”, Momo shrugs nonchalantly, still busy with the Discman. “I wouldn’t say exactly that.”

The answer is as confusing as it gets. Dahyun _wants_ to clarify it, make things easier for Chaeyoung to understand. Because whilst Dahyun feels an achingly bitter churning at the mere thought of everyone else _choosing_ Chaeyoung and not her, she still feels this deep inclination to make things easier for Chaeyoung. To not let her get entangled in the mess as much as she is. 

But no words escape Dahyun’s lips. Not a fraction of a thought even occurs to her because she, herself, doesn’t greatly understand Jeongyeon and Nayeon’s relationship. 

Because ever since she could empathize with Nayeon’s anger, ever since she saw the layers of pain underneath the resentment on Nayeon’s face, Dahyun stopped trying to understand the complexities of their relationship. 

She stopped trying to make everything sound like it’s child’s play because it’s not. Because pain is real and encompassing, it’s bones crushing and breaths shortening, and chests hurting. It’s real hurtful ones spewn out one after the other, and it’s regret and a lot of it. And Dahyun has no place and no right to belittle the pain Nayeon’s feeling when she didn’t even have any idea of just how it hurt. 

She had long painted Nayeon in dark hues of black and tones of bloody red, in pointy edges and unfinished strokes. She had long carved her out to be this bad villain, the monster of the play. 

Little did Dahyun know, in the end, it was Nayeon she’d feel for the most. It was Nayeon whose pain Dahyun would grow to understand more.

It’s at Sana’s words, “You’re too young to understand”, when Dahyun snaps out of her thoughts. 

Sana’s trying awfully too hard dodging the topic. 

"Just tell her", Momo finally gives in, arms crossed over her chest. "She isn't a kid, Satang."

They’re all trying awfully too hard sweeping the mess under the rug. 

"And besides, unnie", Dahyun finally speaks up from the driver's seat, in a tone she tries to soften the edges of. "She's going to be stuck with the two from now on. Chaeng's the one going to suffer the most."

Mina, however, doesn’t even _try._

“They’re each other’s booty calls.” 

The shock is apparent in the way the entire car stills in silence. Momo’s Discman isn’t even playing anything. Sana’s just staring wide-eyed in the open. Chaeyoung looks about the same. Dahyun, on the other hand, stuffs down the scoff threatening to slip. 

"Wait. Nayeon unnie has a boyfriend…?"

"She does." Dahyun answers, detached. "Look at where she is now though."

"But…" Chaeyoung trails off, looking like she just can’t comprehend the information she’s receiving. 

Dahyun wouldn’t blame her. It is a little bit of an information overload at the beginning. She tries to tell Chaeyoung it’s okay to be shocked and confused. Her initial reaction was just the same when she found out too (well, in Dahyun’s version, she found out on her own when she ran into Jeongyeon and Nayeon by the field, running around like they were the _best of friends_ and not the enemies they portray themselves to be). 

But the person Dahyun’s trying to console is nowhere near the state of comprehension, absentmindedly staring at nothing and _definitely_ not listening. 

Dahyun repositions herself on the driver’s seat, adjusting so that she can sit on her knees and face the person she was talking to. 

"Hey, Chaeyoung!" She exclaims, snapping her fingers in front of Chaeyoung's face. “Have you been listening to me?" 

Chaeyoung shakes her head out of trancet. "Sorry...I...I was just thinking of something." 

Dahyun sighs because _of course_. "I said, you asked about Nayeon and Jeongyeon unnie hating each other, right?"

“No? I asked if that was a possibility and you said—”

“Look at them.” Dahyun purses her lips towards the direction of battle of hurtful words happening in front of them. “That fight? That's not something new. It comes with the package whenever they see each other. And us?” Dahyun gestures to herself, Sana, and Momo. "We barely knew each other until they happened and suddenly, we were all working shifts in the Damage Control club. We know this. We know them. You asked if they hate each other?" 

Chaeyoung reluctantly nods.

"We used to hope that would be the case since it only made sense to fight when you hate each other. But after all of that, they return to normal." 

“And normal is?”

“They forget anything happened and return to ignoring each other and avoiding anything that has to do with one another.”

It’s always the same cycle over and over again. Ignore, Annoy, Fight, Ignore. The only difference this time is the way Nayeon and Jeongyeon are confronting each other right now, and the fact that Mina is present. 

And Mina, who used to be so _used_ to keeping her silence and letting Jeongyeon and Nayeon be, now finally says something. 

"You can't do that." 

And it’s the first time Dahyun’s heard it. The sharp edges in her tone. The dreariness. Chaeyoung, and _everybody else_ in the car, looks visibly startled by the tone used as well. 

"You can't play cupid for them, Chaeyoung." The sternness in the usually timid girl silences the entire car down. "Not when Nayeon has a boyfriend and everytime Jeongyeon and Nayeon are together, all they do is hurt each other more."

_All they do is hurt each other more._

Something in the situation and in the way Chaeyoung looks like a sad kicked puppy makes Dahyun want to lift the situation up. Makes her settle into her old ways, the one who tries to find the smallest of sparks and uses it to light up a dark moment. 

She doesn’t say much when Mina continues to talk, the longest she’s spared everyone her voice this day–including Dahyun herself–and just watches as Chaeyoung takes in the information, bit by bit. 

Dahyun notices something but can’t quite seem to point it out. There’s a sort of familiarity with Chaeyoung. She has a particular characteristic Dahyun has seen before. She has a penchant for wanting to feel something when a situation gets tense. Like it helps her ground herself, the sensation of touch. 

Dahyun’s seen it before, during one of the moments after the fallout between Jeongyeon and Nayeon, where she saw the cheerleader all alone, thinking quietly by herself. Nayeon was just staring at nothing and chipping her nails on the hard surface. Dahyun’s seen again and she’s seeing it again. Now, with Chaeyoung. 

There are things about the new girl she can’t understand. And it’s _weird._ Everything that’s been happening after her arrival has been nothing short of unfamiliar and new to them. 

Chaeyoung’s able to achieve things they all couldn’t do before. Like the confrontation right now. There are a lot of things Chaeyoung’s able to do, change around in the group, that Dahyun wasn’t able to. And it kind of makes sense now. 

This is why no one’s choosing her. She’s no different than the others.

* * *

Dahyun sweeps the shards behind her smile and the light tones of playfulness in her voice when she tries to cheer up Chaeyoung. 

This is where she’s good at. And with what she can, she _will_ do it. 

Because even though it feels like Dahyun gets shoved back to being just another option every single day, these people are still her everything. 

They don’t deserve to fall apart like she does.

So Dahyun stuffs this away too, the shards and the pieces of herself she loses every single time. Every single argument. Every single occasion that proves to her yet again how hopeless she is. She jokes around with Chaeyoung and just focuses on doing what she can.

After a tense car ride, they finally arrive in Sana’s palatial estate somewhere in the richer, residential side of Apgujeong. Dahyun genuinely feels like stepping foot on some kind of Royal Palace the moment Sana guides them inside. 

They pass through the kitchen door (one of the _many_ other kitchens they have) and the entrance already looks better than Dahyun’s house—and this isn’t even the _main_ entrance yet! 

Nayeon doesn’t follow them to the receiving area but Dahyun doesn’t even notice her absence with just how stunned she is at the massiveness of the place. Sana mentions a hall that leads to “the conservatory” and Dahyun honestly feels like her jaw is going to drop. “You have your own music college here?!”

Momo looks at her with a fond smile and pats her on the back, “No, sweetie. It’s just another one of the special rooms here.” 

_Just another one?!_

Dahyun’s about to go drag Chaeyoung to the pool table she just saw in _another one of the special rooms_ , but the girl in question is no longer in sight when turns back to her unnies. 

Sana seems to notice the confusion on her face because she quickly answers back, “She went to look for Nayeon.” 

Dahyun just nods. “Oh…” 

Behind her, she hears Jeongyeon comment something under breath. She’s beside Mina, walking over to the receiving area where they can hang out while waiting for the class hours to end. 

Dahyun just tries to ignore the bitter feeling in her chest and move past her issues. It’s not worth pursuing anymore or getting all problematic about. Besides, they have a bigger concern here. A concern of which Jihyo addresses the moment Chaeyoung leaves the room and suddenly, the act drops. 

“Is a compromise not enough this time?” The liveliness in Sana’s tone is wiped away like a switch flipped. She stands before Jeongyeon and Jihyo slumped on the chintz sofa, hands on her hips. “What happened out there?”

Everyone’s demeanors have changed, just like Sana’s. Momo hangs her head down and lets out a heavy exhale. Dahyun leans her head back on the edge of the wicker chair she’s sitting on, staring up at the giant crystal chandelier above them. No longer did her face sport the wide smile she had been tirelessly putting up since the ride to Sana’s. 

“Chae asked, you know.” Dahyun fills in the silence with a morose tone. All eyes peer over to her but she only continues to stare at the ceiling. “She wanted to help you two in fixing your issues out.” 

“What did you tell her?” Jihyo asks from beside Jeongyeon. The concern is etched in every bit of her tone. 

Dahyun sighs. “I tried to talk her out of it. Said something about how you’re already working on resolving the issues.” 

“But…?”

“But she’s a tough one.” Dahyun looks at everyone but Mina. 

Jihyo only looks at her with a raised brow, clearly overlooking what just happened. “And…?”

“And I told her to talk to Nayeon.” 

The entire room quiets down. One would assume it's another moment for everyone to use to collectively let out their own expressions of remorse and frustration at the circumstance. But no, they use it in silence, to take in the tense air, and just think. Of what has been happening and what’s to come. 

Everyone’s exhausted from everything. From all the fighting. From trying to hold everything together. Jihyo looks the most tired and annoyed, Dahyun can see it. It’s furthermore confirmed to them all when Jeongyeon slips in her words and tells them all, “We never asked for your help…” 

And really, the feeling of those words is like a hard slap across the face. It stings and leaves a mark. 

Jihyo isn’t having any of it. Instead of dealing with Jeongyeon, she moves on to another pressing matter. One that has _everyone_ reacting—and Dahyun almost falling on the floor. 

Monetary prizes are really no big deal in a normal circumstance for Dahyun, but given how _this time_ it’s 120,000 Won, well, it’s _definitely_ a big deal! Dahyun will scour through every childish talent she has, and even find time to discover more, just to win that. It’s already enough to buy her a Nokia or even a new mixtape and more!

Momo also joins the group Jihyo, Nayeon, and Jeongyeon are required to form in order to join the group category of the talent show. With Momo comes Sana, who really doesn’t need the money _obviously,_ and Chaeyoung really has no choice but to join because she’s basically an adopted member already. 

All that’s left is Mina. And frankly, no one’s expecting much. 

Dahyun understands if Mina doesn’t want to join. Nothing about joining the group–other than Jeongyeon–ever did her well. And Nayeon’s also a factor, for obvious reasons. Who in their right mind would join the same group as the girl who’s done nothing but make her life in senior high a living hell—

“Okay. I’ll join.” 

Dahyun falls from her seat. _WHAT?_

Momo helps in pulling her up, brushing her clothes. Dahyun doesn’t care about that. When she gets back to place, all she sees is Mina by Jeongyeon’s side, smiling at the soccer captain. 

It's a brief moment and a little thing to be honest, but Dahyun doesn’t forget about it. 

She feels bad for feeling the way she does but Dahyun can’t help it. She wants that too. She wants to be the one Mina _chooses_ to sit next to. The one Mina _chooses_ to smile at. The one Mina _chooses._

But of course that won’t happen. She’ll never be her Jeongyeon unnie. 

* * *

(“Okay. I’ll join.” 

Then, Dahyun falls. The thud doesn’t sound too painful but Momo reacts as if Dahyun had just fallen off a cliff. 

Mina stands up immediately and rushes over to Dahyun– _almost._ Sana beats her to it. She and Momo help Dahyun up. 

Mina backs down on her seat, worried. She feels a hand on her lap, patting at her knee. 

“It’s okay.” Jeongyeon assures her, eyes trying to say something Mina can’t quite understand. She purses her lips over to the sight of Momo and Sana helping Dahyun like two mothers coddling their child. “They got her. They’re like chickens to their baby chick.” 

It makes Mina chuckle. When she faces the girls, Dahyun’s looking at her. 

She doesn’t look long enough to meet Mina’s fond smile.)

* * *

The realization is the last push Dahyun needs to go through with her plan. She and Mina will never be more than friends and for Dahyun to move on, she needs to face her problems and emotions. 

That’s it. 

Kim Dahyun will confess. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry if this update took long. we've all been affected by the typhoon here and i tried to do what i could, as much as i can, to help out the victims first. i hope this update could serve as a small breather for the readers as well. ALSO BIZARRE LOVE TRIANGLE LISTEN TO IT IT'S NICE AND 80s <3 
> 
> and a lot of spirit of 1998 events are here but presented in a different pov now 
> 
> i'd love to hear your comments guys! ~ (but pls be nice huhu)
> 
> #Twicein1998


	6. city of angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We can go! I want to! I have absolutely NOTHING to do! I'd love you!"
> 
> "You'd love me?"
> 
> "I'd love you to watch the movie with me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK!!!!!!
> 
> i'd like to thank you for waiting this long for this update :( i hope u enjoy it!
> 
> ALSO, SPOILER ALERT FOR THE MOVIE CITY OF ANGELS

So apparently, confessing to your crush is easier said than done. 

Exactly how do you confess your feelings for someone who is honest-to-god a literal angel on earth? It would have been easier done if Mina wasn’t a part of her tight-knit group of friends, or if Mina wasn’t somehow involved with Dahyun’s closest unnie, Jeongyeon. 

Dahyun could have whipped up a confession letter written using her favorite Anpanman stationery set, flowery words jot down in strawberry-scented glitter pen, adorable cursive with all the hearts and the loops; She could’ve sprayed the little envelope with her favorite baby cologne scent and asked one of the underclassmen to leave the note under her crush’s desk effortlessly, all done noncommittal. 

Had Mina been _just another crush,_ fleeting and innocent puppy-love, Dahyun would have found resolve in this matter long before it could get this deep, before it could attach itself into her core and spread throughout her entire being. 

Had Mina just been _another girl,_ just another _unnie_ Dahyun has caught momentary admiration for, she would have immediately done something and didn’t let it _plague_ her for this long. 

But Mina isn’t _just_ another crush, _just_ another unnie. Above everything else, Dahyun considers the older girl her own friend too. And she doesn’t deserve to be _just another someone._

So Dahyun, in all the glory of her overachieving ass, sets the confessing bar high for herself to outdo. Because Mina Myoui doesn’t deserve anything less than the best and Dahyun knows better than to settle for average when she knows she _can_ give the best too. 3

Dahyun spends her time in class writing down her plan and going through her options (of which she makes sure can fit into her budget so that she doesn’t splurge too much on this and leave herself underfed for the next couple of weeks).

She goes through everything down to the T and even draws a cute pros and cons chart at the back of her Stats book (which proves itself not a good decision after Mrs. Oh saw it and marked it wrong–something about choosing the wrong flowers). 

At the end of her gruesome week of weighing everything down and planning this damned confession, Dahyun realizes her best option is the last one she planned to consider: a playlist. Because a letter and flowers, as much as Mina deserves them and everything pretty in the world, are too cliche and overrated. 

After considering things, Dahyun comes up with the master plan: she’ll take Mina out to a _friendly_ gathering of just the two of them–it’s _not a date_ –and then give the tape to her then, as a _friendly_ gift. 

She convinces herself it’s the greatest idea of a lifetime. That is, until the universe decided to stand against everything she planned to do. 

Dahyun first made the mistake of going to the records store a few days ago, the one across campus. Jackson had sported the biggest shit-eating grin on his face seeing her down the love songs aisle, all smug and excited at the same time, even going to the extent of buying Dahyun a set of blank cassette tapes himself. 

“You’ll _bomb_ it, kid. I’m sure!” He reassures her with an encouraging pat on the back before sending Dahyun off back to the dorms, unbeknownst to himself how double meaning his words were and how much he probably jinxed everything up. 

By _bombing_ it, Dahyun knew Jackson meant she’d do great, blowing up her inhibitions to pieces and overcoming them triumphantly. By _bombing_ it, however, Dahyun did the exact opposite. 

She _definitely_ bombed it, that’s for sure. Bombed her chances of ever confessing to Mina, that is. 

At every given moment Dahyun _tries_ to finish her mixtape, something _always_ happens and she doesn’t get to continue doing what she’s doing until a few more days later. 

She’s only been able to record one song in the past week since the fight at the parking lot and that’s Jackson’s heavily requested Bizarre Love Triangle, recorded after _hours_ of waiting beside the radio in Yumama’s office, after Jackson had personally called in the station to request it. 

She doesn’t get to touch the damned mixtape for the next few days because of school. 

Principal Park announces that all the students involved in the talent competition will be exempted from their classes. You’d think that’ll give Dahyun the upperhand and the free time to proceed with her confession master plan but _no._

At the expense of no classes, Dahyun is drowned with her extra-curricular and organization duties instead. There are club meetings surging through her timetable like a tidal wave hitting the shore, leaving all her other plans in ruins. 

The only time she considers a breathable period for her is when she’s locked inside the ballroom-converted practice room with her unnies and Chaeyoung, planning their performance for the talent competition.

(Finishing the tape in the dorm is hopeless considering how Jihyo gets nosy when she’s bored–and recently, with her class duties out of the picture, boredom strikes her more often–and Chaeyoung’s temporarily their third roommate now, given that one night she...saw something she should not have seen. So really, the burst of energy in their room isn’t the type of sanctuary Dahyun can prepare a confession in.)

During the practice hours Dahyun should be considering her free time, where she can finally– _secretly_ –finish the mixtape, she’s engulfed and pulled away by her duties to her unnies and the group, memorizing steps and “vocalizing”. 

It’s truly like the universe and timing have conspired to work against her favor and it’s frankly infuriating. 

Dahyun isn’t even asking for something great. All she wants is to confess and get everything over with, so she can be a great friend again to her Jeongyeon unnie and an honest friend to her Mina unnie. 

This is where all of the pent-up frustrations and helpless attempts at finishing the mixtape have left her: all alone, sitting down on the field of grass, sun shining down on her like a damned spotlight, staring into the unknown like a madwoman. 

“Earth to Dahyun? Still there, kid?” 

Of course, the first person to see her in this state is the only one who knows why. 

Jackson is like a giant tree shading the sun from Dahyun’s view. Hanging on one of his shoulders is his school backpack. 

He looks down at Dahyun with a teasing quirk of his eyebrows. “Aren’t you supposed to be in the practice room with the girls?” 

“Aren’t _you_ supposed to be in class with your classmates?” Dahyun deadpans in return. The recent days’ frustration has affected her usual kindness and vigor. 

Dahyun’s unusual weariness looks enough to ring the alarm bells in Jackson’s head because he takes the space beside her and plops down on the patch of grass with a huff, bag haphazardly thrown by his other side. 

“Okay. Hit me. What’s gotten you this–OW!”

Dahyun draws her hand back, rubbing at her knuckles, feeling pins and needles. 

“You said to hit you.” 

“I meant tell me! Hit me up!” Jackson caresses the spot on his arm where Dahyun had just _literally_ punched. “Why would I ask you to hit me?!”

Dahyun just shrugs nonchalantly, retracting back to the direction she was originally staring at. She feels nothing after that, just the jabbing pain and warmth spreading on the back of her hand. 

She should feel bad for hurting Jackson, but it felt cathartic afterwards and the satisfaction it gives her overpowers the guilt. Like one less punch to throw at the world. Besides, it doesn’t quite make sense how Jackson, who is as buff as a wrestler, cowers at the half-assed punch of a girl who’s as light as a feather. He’s really just being a dramatic child. 

“Anyways, hyung is here now to help you out”, Jackson says, interrupting the silence. 

From Dahyun’s peripheral view, she can see Jackson look at her, as if assessing the situation just from her profile, as if he’d magically come to the correct inference just by looking at the way she is right now. _As if…_

“Is this about the c-word?” 

_I stand corrected._

“What makes you think that?” _Never mind. He’s good at this._ Dahyun glances at the older guy and casts a doubtful look, attempting to look as challenging as she can, which isn’t much because of her puppy eyes and soft features.

“Honestly?” Jackson shrugs his shoulders. “It’s the only reason I couldn think of.”

It takes about that–or maybe nothing at all–for Dahyun to give in to defeat. She’s always tried to uplift herself with encouraging words, tell herself that the situation wasn’t as futile as it seemed. But right now, just thinking about the future and how _empty_ and _filled_ it looked at the same time, Dahyun feels hopeless.

“I just don’t know if I’ll ever get to do this, you know?” She whines, falling on her back with a huff. The sun is blinding and piercing through her eyelids. “Every single time I try to do it, something holds me back. It’s like the universe is telling me I can _never_ confess to Mina unnie. That I shouldn’t. Ever.” 

The orange hues she sees from the back of her eyelids, caused by the prodding sunlight, slides into a darker shade. When Dahyun opens her eyes, carefully, adjusting to the light again, she sees Jackson’s _giant_ hand shading her whole face from the sun. 

“Are you done sulking now?”

Dahyun only wants to hit the older boy’s face even more. “I’m _not_ sulking.” 

“You are.” Jackson rolls his eyes at her. “This is your sulking mode on.” He holds his hand out for Dahyun and the latter, in spite of the urge to throw another punch, takes it and sits back up. 

“I’m just frustrated, oppa. I can’t finish the tape and I’m dragging the group in practice! Momo unnie’s just not getting mad at me because she doesn’t get mad. But I swear, I think Jihyo unnie cursed me once for doing the wrong move.” 

Jackson finds humor in that and laughs, much to Dahyun’s chagrin. 

“It’s not funny!” 

“It kind of is, kid…” He tousles her hair playfully. 

Dahyun bats his hand away. “I’m _suffering_ and your wiseness tells you to _laugh_ at me?” She huffs, frowning even more. “You’re not such a great _oppa_ now, aren’t you?”

“I’m laughing because you’re suffering a pain you inflicted on yourself”, Jackson reasons out, sounding so matter-of-factly that the younger girl is convinced she’s actually losing it now. She doesn’t understand a single thing he’s trying to point out. 

“What are you talking about? Do I look like I’m enjoying this? _” This suffering and frustration?_

Jackson shakes his head. “I never said you were enjoying it.” 

“Then why are you saying I’m inflicting this on myself?” 

“You should be the one asking yourself that”, he shrugs with a pitiful crease of his forehead. _“Why_ are you going to such lengths only to end up this frustrated when you know yourself, the person you’re troubling over doesn’t even want anything?” 

“Oppa, _you_ were the one who told me to make a mixtape—”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d get this riled up over it.” 

Dahyun sighs exasperatedly, running a hand through her hair with a huff. The frustration is building up inside of her like a volcano threatening to blow. “Mina unnie just doesn’t deserve something less than the best, you know? I don’t wanna look like a complete loser with my song choice, oppa.” 

“See? That’s why you’re this frustrated with yourself, Dubu”, Jackson says, a small, sad smile on his lips. “You’re trying so hard to be someone you’re not just to please Mina but you don’t even know what she likes.” 

“As if you know what unnie likes…” 

“As a matter of fact, I do. At least, an idea of it.” 

“Then what?” 

Jackson turns to face Dahyun with a silly little smile, the one that’s cheeky in all its glory. Something tells Dahyun he’s going to say something stupid. 

“Just be you, Dahyun.” 

_Yep. Stupid._

“So I should just record Tupac and some Ricky Martin, yeah? Maybe add Fuck Tha Police while I’m at it, right oppa?” It’s sarcastic, at least Dahyun thinks it is (despite the fact that those three songs are literally the only tracks she requests to be played on the radio back then), but Jackson isn’t having any of it. 

He nods, eyes genuinely lighting up. “Yeah! If that’s what you listen to, then go ahead! Show her the real side of you, as weird and quirky as it is.” 

“I’m gonna look like a complete loser to her, oppa. I can’t just–” 

“Since when will you look like a loser to _her_ , Dahyun? Do you _really_ not see how she acts around you?” 

Dahyun stops there, searches for a teasing glint in Jackson’s eyes but finds none. Her heart won’t be able to take this if he’s just fooling around and joking with her. “What do you mean ‘ _act around me’_?”

As a matter of fact, he actually looks more shocked than mischievous. “Dahyun, Mina is _something else_ when it comes to you. I mean, if I didn’t know that she had a crush on Jeongyeon, I’d think she liked you.” 

“What.” _Oh no, there goes my heart breaking again._

“She smiles when you’re in the room. She’d sit beside you during lunch, even when Jeongyeon’s around. And she laughs at all of your jokes, Dahyun! All of it!” Jackson flails his arms at the last part, to emphasize his point, Dahyun assumes, a point she’s taken offense from. 

“Is her laughing at my jokes _shocking_ to you? I’ll have you know, I’m a _funny_ person, oppa. I am—” 

“That’s not my point, kid.” Jackson cuts her off before the younger girl could even dive into a comprehensive explanation backing up her claim. “What I want to tell you is that you don’t need to be someone else you're not to impress Mina. And you don’t need to give her something big to make her happy, you know? She’s quite enjoying your presence as it is. Just you.” 

Silence spreads in the afternoon breeze, enveloping Dahyun’s thoughts whole. Long gone are the jittery feelings in her stomach and the headache attempting to pound through her skull. 

Slowly, she looks back at the view before her–the empty bleachers and the unoccupied field where she’s used to seeing the soccer and cheerleading team training on–and realizes she's not afraid of disappointing anyone anymore. 

Kim Dahyun is more afraid of letting herself down. Because Jackson’s saying words that hold her up high. _So high,_ up in the mountains of expectations and blind hope that it’s scary. Because she knows, it’s the fall that’ll break her apart. 

“So…” She clears her throat. It’s unfortunate that, as much as Jackson’s little speech had sparked something inside of Dahyun, a tiny flame of determination, at the end of the day, she still has no idea what to do. “Do I...scratch out the mixtape confession…?”

Jackson just erupts into a fit of laughter. _So much for being helpful…_

“Ya, Kim Dahyun. Are you _this_ dense?” He knocks on Dahyun’s head. “Are you that thick-headed that—” 

“Just tell me, oppa!” Dahyun groans. “I can’t handle anymore cryptic words!” 

“Cryptic?” Jackson scoffs at the word choice. Before he can even spring into another bout of _motivational words,_ he catches a glimpse of the exasperated and desperate expression on Dahyun’s face. She’s pulling that puppy look again and it’s enough to Jackson (questionably) soft and sighing in defeat. 

“Fine.” He gives in. At the far distance, a bell rings, signalling Jackson Wang’s tardy ass and Chuu probably waiting with a late slip for him ready in the hall. He stands up and brushes off the grass leaves sticking to his pants. 

“Put whatever song you like in the mixtape. It tells her more about you. And Mina, believe it or not, likes you _for_ you. As weird and unbelievable it sounds. You don’t need to pull off anything grand to impress her. Just...I don’t know…why don’t you take her to that movie showing this weekend? What was it again? The one with Nicholas Cage…” 

Dahyun just watches Jackson snap his fingers. She doesn’t know who that is. Probably an American actor. Jackson racks through the names in his head.

“Ah! City of Angels!” He exclaims. Finally, the frustrated crease on his forehead loosens and his eyes widen, like a light bulb going off in his head. “Youngji and I will watch it later after school. I heard it’s good. Take her to watch that.”

“Take her there. To the movies. Just us two. Like...a date?” Dahyun gulps a boulder down her parched throat just by the mere thought. 

Jackson shrugs his shoulders playfully. “Whatever you want to call it.” 

Dahyun hates the jitters that come back. He offers his hand for her to take. She grabs it. Pulls herself up. 

“What if she says no?” Dahyun hates that her hands are all clammy now, just thinking of the rejection she’ll have to face and the exhaustion from the smile she’ll have to force herself to wear. 

Jackson, however, winks at her, cocky grin all showing. “Oh, but what if she says _yes?”_

Dahyun doesn’t have it in her to hope again, seeing as how the group is busy with practice and she might not even have the time (nor the confidence) to ask Mina for a _friendly_ trip to the mall to watch. 

“I’m not sure, oppa…” She trails off, uncertainty laced in every syllable of her words and in every note of her tone. She looks down, just realizing now how _hot_ it is. “What if she–” 

“Stop downing yourself, Dubs”, Jackson interjects, hand resting on Dahyun’s shoulder with a light, encouraging tap. _Like the (fake) older brother that he is._ “You’re a cool kid. Everyone knows that. Even Mina. _You’re_ the only one who doesn’t. Now go live like the cool, amazing kid that you are.” 

It’s short. Pretty cheesy, if you ask Dahyun. Like a quote ripped off one of the characters from those American sitcoms Jackson watches in the dorm’s dining hall when he drops by. 

It’s cliche. Too bland for Dahyun’s taste. But it’s enough to push a smile on her face, however small it is. A smile to get things done, little by little. _We'll get there too._

“Thank you, oppa.” Dahyun says, looking up at the senior. 

Jackson ruffles her hair. “No problem, kiddo. Now off I go. Chuu is probably gonna tell me on Jihyo now." 

He jogs while Dahyun walks and takes her time, appreciating the tranquility of the campus that only used to happen every once in a while. Lately it's been like this every afternoon, with the talent competition approaching and Principal Park's new exemption rule for the performing students.

When Dahyun reaches the end of the staircase that leads to the ballroom where they practice, a familiar voice calls out her name. 

It’s not Seungkwan’s distinct nasal voice that gives him away. It’s the bass booming from the stereo system behind them, blasting California Love, an unmistakable love for 2Pac that–other than Dahyun–only exists within the Gag Trio, Seungkwan, Hoshi, and DK. 

“Ya! Kim Dahyun!” Seungkwan calls out again, from behind a stall that looks like a recycled lemonade stand. “Come here! Faster! Faster!” 

Dahyun speed-walks her way over to the funny looking stall. It’s creative for a bunch of boys she remembers saying _art_ is not their thing. There’s a board alarmingly nailed above their heads, displaying such colorful penmanship through the words **FREE FORTUNE TELLING!!** **It’s real!!**

“Yes?” Dahyun greets with a pleasant, bright smile. It’s kind of weird and not-so as well how easily she’s able to push back down the jitters and the knots in her stomach from earlier, just so nobody can see her in her _unpleasant_ side. 

Seungkwan leads the trio and stands in the center, wearing baggy clothes matching with DK and Hoshi’s denim ones. “It is with _your_ pure luck that _you_ just happened to walked by and we saw _you_ , Dahyunnie~”

Dahyun only raises an eyebrow, playfully skeptical. “What is this about?” 

Hoshi bumps shoulders with Seungkwan, the latter hissing at him. They exchange low grumbles, inaudible enough for Dahyun not to understand anything, and eventually it’s DK who speaks up on behalf of them instead. 

“We were wondering if you wanted to participate in our fortune telling?” He asks, polite and smiling. “It’s for the talent show. We’re practicing.”

Well, regardless whether Dahyun believes in fortunes or not, she’s too soft to decline. Besides, the cheerleaders and soccer team are extending practice so Momo, Sana, and Mina are probably running late for the practice. Dahyun can indulge the trio a little. 

“Sure, why not?” She grins, laying down her bag on the floor. “Just please don’t give me any fortune about death or something…” 

_I can’t handle another bad news._

“Can’t guarantee, Dubu”, Seungkwan shrugs as he brings out a stack of shiny, pretty-looking cards that immediately has Dahyun on her feet, eyes lighting up like a kid on Christmas day.

“Those are really pretty cards!” She exclaims. Hoshi and DK chuckle behind Seungkwan. 

“Yeah. I got them from my—” 

“Oh, isn’t that Jeongyeon noona?” DK looks over Dahyun’s shoulders, the latter following his track and turning around. 

Jeongyeon is jogging over to them in her usual practice attire–sweatpants and a shirt. She still looks dashing though, no matter how laidback and effortless she seems.

“Unnie!” There’s a sudden surge of energy upon seeing her unnie, in spite of the exhaustion from earlier’s musing. Dahyun waves her hands in the air, as if Jeongyeon wasn’t already jogging over to them. 

She arrives quite breathless, the lack of conditional training finally getting into her. Dahyun would offer her water if she had one. She doesn’t have any. 

“You’re just in time, unnie”, she smiles, pointing to the cards. 

Jeongyeon catches her breath first, looking at everything displayed on the stand, before narrowing her eyes at the three boys standing before them. “Is this all even real?” 

“Of course it is, noona!” Seungkwan answers with an indignant gasp. “These are American cards! I bought them when I went with my mom on her business trip. I even got a certificate from the old man.”

When it comes to the trio, Jeongyeon gets protective. Dahyun knows this for a fact, because most of their encounters always end up with her losing some cash. Either failing a bet she’ll never win or playing a game the three will never lose. Dahyun gets why Jeongyeon grows wary whenever she’s around with the Gag Trio. Behind the cautiousness, however, they all know it’s just fun and games. 

Jeongyeon and Seungkwan get into a discourse about some man he got the pretty looking cards from, but Dahyun barely listens. All she focuses on is the bewitching pull of the spread of cards before her, like a hypnotic act.

She stares at the cards and her eyes land on one, just one. That single card by the middle portion that somehow manages to capture her attention and pull it in, despite the fact that all the cards’ behinds look exactly the same. 

Somewhere along the way, Seungkwan manages to convince Jeongyeon into joining Dahyun in the fortune telling and asks them to pick their cards. 

Dahyun, with no hesitation whatsoever, grabs the card she’s been drawn to for the past minute. 

There’s a sort of unpleasant tingling inside of Dahyun, the same feeling she always gets when she feels like there’s something about to go wrong. Despite that, she still holds onto the card and hands it over to Seungkwan, the clairvoyant, to “read”. 

The ominous little _oh_ that escapes his lips is enough of a reassurance to Dahyun that her trouble senses are, yet again, correct. 

“Is it bad?” _Of course it is._

Seungkwan looks up at her, eyes saying a lot of nervousness contained within but he remains in his words albeit stammering, “Uh...we can’t say yet. It depends on the next two cards you pick.”

And so they pick more. Jeongyeon grabs a card with much more thinking than Dahyun ever did—given that she wasn’t _magically_ enthralled by one single card, that is. She draws from the lower portion of the spread, flips the card over, and they don’t get a better reaction.

Seungkwan tells them to pick the last card. The mutual ominous reactions they've gotten from the three makes picking a card a little more challenging and wary to do, much to Jeongyeon's initial claim of not believing in fortunes. Their faces are both pensive, eyebrows knitted together and lips pursed, focused as if their lives depended on this last card. ( _Because maybe it did)_

But, just as luck would have it, divine intervention comes in the form of a loud, "Unnie!" 

Chaeyoung, though she might never know it, literally changed the course of Jeongyeon and Dahyun's fate.

For someone petite like Chaeyoung, she sure has the grip and impact of a boy when she runs over and literally launches herself at both Dahyun and Jeongyeon, fitting in between them, arms wrapping around their shoulders and pulling them closer.

The change in the apprehensive atmosphere is enough to convince both Jeongyeon and Dahyun that Chaeyoung should be the one to pick the last card, and so she does.

The reaction they get is a gasp from Seungkwan, and not the bad kind. More like, well, the shocked type. 

Dahyun thinks that's better than getting the forbidding little "Oh."

Jeongyeon makes Seungkwan explain their reading swiftly. Probably _dumb it down_ too. They don't have a lot of time left before Jihyo starts noticing their unnecessarily long absence.

Seungkwan begins with Dahyun's card, a Knight of Swords that, in this context, meant destruction, charging at something aggressively, eager to achieve it only to end up ruining everything. Sometimes, the card depicted death itself.

Jeongyeon’s Four of Swords means stillness, like a time in life where everything feels like a pause. With the first card meaning aggression with a possibly destructive outcome, the Four of Swords can mean the moment of mourning that follows.

The third card, Seungkwan explains, defines everything. All roads lead to a bad outcome however, just like how Dahyun felt, Chaeyoung's chosen card changed the course of fate. 

Jeongyeon finds it weird how both she and Dahyun feel so relieved at the result, no matter how “unbelievable” it is. 

"So you’re telling us that something bad is going to happen to us but there’s going to be a good outcome?” Dahyun asks, just to clarify things.

“If you put it that way, yes”, Seungkwan replies as he begins collecting his cards again. “Nine of Cups generally mean wishes. In the future outcome, it means your heart’s fulfillment. If we read it by the sequence of your cards, it can mean that something bad will happen, but there will be good to it too.” 

DK peeks his head from the back, lips pursed in the direction of the shell-shocked-looking Chaeyoung. “This wouldn’t have been the result if she didn’t come, noona.” 

When they call Chaeyoung the lucky charm, Dahyun doesn't spare a second of hesitation to agree. 

Chaeyoung _is_ their lucky charm.

* * *

Dahyun finishes her mixtape a few days after that. 

She records all the songs she likes and feels a certain sentimental attachment with, hoping and praying Mina doesn’t find them–and _her_ quite old music taste–weird.

She writes a letter too, pours her heart out on her most prized Shin-chan paper, penned with the best handwriting she can ever churn out, using her favorite strawberry-scented glitter marker, folding the paper and fitting it into the hóngbāo (for additional luck) alongside the cassette tape. 

Dahyun ends everything with a White Heather, tying a small piece of the flower she picked up from the garden around the envelope using one of the cute ribbons Jihyo keeps in her craft box.

Every since then, she brings the hóngbāo with her every single day, waiting for the perfect time to give it to Mina. 

(Spoiler alert: _It never comes.)_

* * *

Eventually, the days pass and Dahyun settles with focusing more on the bigger issue at hand: the _friendly_ date.

She works her way around her schedule, meticulously testing the waters and picking what day to drop the question and when exactly to go. 

They’re already done with half of the song. It’s been almost a month since they started practicing and the arguments between Nayeon and Mina decrease by the day, miraculously. 

Everyone thinks it’s probably because they don’t have the power left to argue anymore, given the gruesome practice hours and the energy they burn during those; but Dahyun knows that something between Nayeon and Mina shifted, probably an unspoken neutral ground had been settled, and Jeongyeon and Nayeon are in quite _better_ terms too, enough that there is absolutely nothing to even fight about anymore (aside from the petty things like who finished the water bottle first–for some unknown reason, the two share Jeongyeon’s water bottle–or who forgot to bring an extra towel–and for another unknown reason, they also share the same bag, Nayeon’s). 

Dahyun knew, somehow, Mina only ever stepped up when Jeongyeon and Nayeon were squabbling and cursing at each other. Just like Jihyo. But now that the two are, for the lack of better term, _domestic_ now, Mina no longer joins in. 

Everyone in the group knows, might never actually say it, Jeongyeon chose Nayeon long before Mina ever stepped into the picture. It was them before Mina came, and it’s them, probably, _hopefully,_ until the end. 

The most surprising thing here, for Dahyun at least, is the fact that Mina...didn’t look like she actually minded it. Being out of the picture. Not being tied with Jeongyeon. Not in her space. 

She existed in a world outside of Jeongyeon and thrived all by herself. 

Dahyun hates it, hates herself for associating the situation with herself. It was selfish of her but it was kind of hard not to think of how _maybe_ , this was because... _Mina might not like Jeongyeon unnie anymore._

It’s blind faith, like leaping off a cliff to chase a beautiful butterfly and hoping some magical dragon would swoop in and catch her from falling. 

Dahyun knew she was setting herself up for another heartache should she blindlessly leap into this, but she thinks of all the things Jackson told her and what she’s learned from the short while Chaeyoung had been with them, and decides, she will jump into this. Blindfolded and hoping. Not assured of what’s to come. She’ll jump. 

So Dahyun figures out, during the day they’re practicing the steps for the bridge of the song. She’ll ask Mina out today. After practice. _It’s just a friendly bonding to the movies. Nothing more, nothing less._ And if she seems hesitant, Dahyun will just pitch in Jihyo too just in case. Force her to come with them to make everything look _friendlier._

Her head can only think of her words the entire time. What to use to clearly establish how this is _definitely_ not a date but a _friendly bonding_ ; how the words are arranged so that she won’t seem so desperate and nervous at the same; and everything else in between, her perfectionist side showing vehemently. 

The nearer the end comes, the more Dahyun feels her heart ready to leap out of her chest. 

Her palms are sweaty no matter how many times she wipes them on her sweats and her hands are shaking no matter how hard she tries to hold them down. 

Nayeon notices this because Dahyun almost gets every step wrong. 

“Dahyun, what the heck?” She snaps and nobody pays heed to the fact that this is the first time the cheerleader actually looks _mildly_ annoyed. “You _really_ just have to wait until Momo goes down and then do a pose and then kneel down too! It’s really just that simple?” 

They’re polishing the part where everyone forms into a line and does poses while Jihyo and Nayeon belt their notes for the last chorus. Initially, since they’re near the end, everyone just wants to get this over with too. 

Dahyun hates herself for getting in between that. 

“Sorry, unnie. I was just...distracted.” She holds her head down, unable to meet the disappointment in Nayeon’s eyes. “I-I won’t...I won’t do it again.” 

Nayeon just looks at her with a creased forehead, an impatient tapping from her right foot. 

Dahyun might as well pack up and go now because the feared cheer captain clearly doesn’t look amused with her and from Dahyun’s knowledge, whenever the infamous captain is unimpressed, whoever the cause of her annoyance is would most likely be scrapped out of the team. 

She braces for her dismissal but it never comes. 

In its place is a long, exasperated sigh instead, and when Dahyun looks up, a Sailor Moon squeeze water bottle is held out for her by an arm she follows the line of and ends up at the pedestal of Myoui Mina, chest heaving and a little sweaty and disgruntled, but still, beautiful in every sense of the word. 

“Drink water”, she says, barely audible but Dahyun hears it. 

Mina’s eyes are droopy from the practice they’ve been doing, but still, Dahyun feels a smile coming at her lips just at the sight of the older girl’s pretty eyes still gleaming bright and lovely.

She feels hypnotized to grab the bottle. How did Mina even know she already ran out of water? _She probably doesn’t. She’s just doing this out of generosity. I look like a dying donkey. She noticed it._

“Thank you, unnie.” Dahyun grabs the bottle, prays it helps calm her heart down because this shit ain’t slowing down any soon, not when Mina’s a few feet away from her and the girl’s sweat smells like vanilla and jasmines. 

Mina only looks at her, the ghost of the soft smile still lingering on her lips. She looks like she wants to say something but decided against it. She just looks in silence until Dahyun kind of figures, she might just be staring, and so she proceeds to just drink the water on her own volition. 

The action must’ve snapped Mina out because the older girl turns on her feet and walks over to Nayeon, who’s just about to play the song again, and then moves closer–closer than usual–that Nayeon stumbles back a little, flustered at the proximity. 

Mina remains resolute, inching closer to the captain’s ear. It’s only then Nayeon realizes she’s going to whisper something and then just relents. 

A few seconds later, after a minute’s exchange of hisses, Nayeon ends practice. 

Everyone just looks at the two girls in front with wide eyes. They’re extending practice hours now with the performance nearing and Nayeon _never_ abruptly ends training. She was like that here _and_ in cheerleading. 

When Mina leaves her side, all eyes are on her, wondering what she just said and why she got Nayeon to end practice so fast. 

When she walks over to Dahyun, urging her to drink more water, everyone figures out why. 

* * *

As if the universe decided to play with her tonight, they’re the last ones out of the room. 

The moment Nayeon announced practice was off, everyone practically bolted out the door. Even Sana and Momo who were the most adamant ones at polishing the choreo, practically ran off together. Something about catching a TV show they wanted to watch at Sana’s place. 

Somehow, their youth triumphed over their urge to win the damned competition. Dahyun understands. It was a lovely Friday night and there wasn't much homework to do, and what more to celebrate the end of the week than going out and just chilling with your friends? 

It was a lovely Friday night, that’s for sure. Perfect for everything, _perfect for a confession._

By some force of nature, everybody had their own plans. 

Sana and Momo were off doing _their thing_ at Sana’s place, Jihyo and Nayeon had to meet up with some members of the Student Council to get updates on the event planning, and Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung were sleeping early. Chaeyoung had been really weak lately and Dahyun believes the reason Nayeon cut practice short was because of the younger girl. They all have a soft spot for her now. 

By some sick twist of fate, it’s Mina who ends up not doing anything tonight. She stays behind and waits for the sunshine girl. Dahyun doesn’t understand why, but the older girl insisted on making sure everyone was _safely_ out of the room and she, well, she moved slower than the rest so Mina had to wait for her. 

“You didn’t have to wait, unnie…” She still says, even when they’re already walking down the staircase. “Now you’re stuck walking with me.” 

It’s already evening, moon gleaming above and the field lit up by the light posts around it. There are barely any students around during this time. It’s already near 7PM and the guards usually closed the gates at 5:30. They were only exempted because Jihyo was President and Nayeon was _really_ persuasive. 

“I don’t mind”, Mina tucks at the string of her bag. She’s walking beside Dahyun _really_ closely, Dahyun forgets the concept of _giving space._

Their proximity might be the one to blame for the little push that she gets too. Keyword: little 

“Um...unnie…” Dahyun practically mimes the word out with how low her voice is. Still, Mina hears. 

“Hm?” 

Dahyun goes through a thousand ways to ask Mina out, all in her head. _Do you want to go watch something at the cinema? Are you free tonight? Would you like to watch that new English movie? Would you please accompany me to the cinema to watch a movie?_

What comes out is a, “What do you call a birdcage that's not made out of nickel?” 

And Mina just…glances at Dahyun with a small confused frown. Because the question sprung out of nowhere and they were far from talking about birds nor cages. “What?” 

It’s not even the type of “what” that invited a joke. It was a genuine question of confusion but still, Dahyun proceeds, because she’s really bad at this and humor had always been the only thing that never let her down. 

“They call them nickelless cage. Get it? HA. HA. HA. HA."

Mina doesn't laugh and Dahyun feels betrayed by the universe. She prays for something to just swallow her alive right now and not face this humiliation, but then Mina asks, "Like...the American actor? Nicholas Cage?"

And Dahyun warily nods.

A miracle unfolds and Mina begins laughing at that, and Dahyun _swears_ she hears the angels and the universe speaking to her in Mina's laughter. Soft, elegant, but genuine. It's like the universe saved her from her pride's self-inflicted demise. _So this is how Jesus felt when he was resurrected…_

"Are you a fan of Nicholas Cage?" Mina asks after her laughing fit.

Dahyun isn't but she nods nonetheless. It seemed like the best thing to do and it made sense, liking him. Mina lived in America for a few years and she came from a rich household. She probably has access to American shows at home so she'll probably know who Nicholas Cage is. _Maybe if I like him, she'll think I'm smart and I have good taste. We'll have something in common and then—_

"He has a new movie that's showing at the mall. Do you want to watch it?" 

_What._

"What?"

Mina smiles sheepishly. They exit the campus and begin walking down the path back to the dorms.

"I saw the posters when I passed by the cinema the other day. I liked Meg Ryan from Top Gun and I've been wanting to watch her in a romantic film, but I didn't have anyone to come with yet. So…would you?" 

"You want...you want _me?_ T-To come and...and watch with you? The movie?" _Get yourself together, Kim Dahyun! Stop stammering!_

Mina nods, chuckling. "I'd love to? Unless you're busy? We can watch it next time."

_She wants a next time. She said she'd love to. DID MY NICHOLAS CAGE JOKE WORK?!_

"No! NO! I'm free! Totally! Free! Unnie! We can go! I want to! I have absolutely NOTHING to do! I'd love you!"

"You'd love me?"

 _Oh no._ "I'd love _you_ to watch the movie with me!"

Dahyun must be hallucinating because she can see disappointment flicker on Mina's face for a split second there. It's gone before Dahyun can officially call herself insane (much to her dismay and fortune at the same time).

They're a few feet away from the dorm building already and Dahyun only realizes it then when Mina says, "Okay. Let's just change and then we can meet at the lobby again and go?"

The younger girl can only mindlessly nod, still rattled by what just happened and what's about to come.

"Okay then. It's a date!" The older girl exclaims with a small, enthusiastic skip, and Dahyun might as well just pass out then and there because _holy shazam she called it a date!!!_

They walk towards the dorm and go their separate ways there, Mina going for the stairs and Dahyun waiting for the elevator. 

It’s when Mina’s no longer in sight Dahyun decides to make a quick detour to the garden, probably to thank the universe for this. It's in the silence of the small space and the subdued sounds of nature at night around her that the situation finally dawns on Kim Dahyun. 

_Mina Myoui just asked her out._

When it should've been the other way around, the prettiest girl in the whole campus (and probably the whole world too but that's just biased Dahyun speaking) just asked _her_ out.

 _And she did it so smoothly? Without a second of hesitation?_ _Like it was that simple?_

Whilst it took Dahyun _weeks_ to get her shit together and she hasn't even formulated the proper words to say?

_Mina just asked her out._

And the weirdest, most never-in-her-wildest-dreams moment in that whole exchange was,

_She called it a date._

Just when Dahyun thought of confessing to her crush, probably the most unrealistic crush she's ever had (and that's saying a lot when she had a massive crush on Seo Taiji before), it's Mina who asks _her_ out instead. On a date. Just the two of them.

_Holy shit._

The universe has answered her prayers.

_I'm going out on a date with my crush._

* * *

Truth be told, Mina could’ve handled the situation better. 

But Dahyun was there, adorable and beautiful and every bit the person that makes Mina’s heart run a beat of its own, and Mina’s instincts just kicked in and, well, she would rather risk it than regret it. 

So she asked Dahyun out. 

And now she’s losing her mind because of it. 

“So you brought me down here to…” Jeongyeon trails off, lips pursed as she scans Mina’s room and the clothes in disarray, stacked on her bed. “...pick an outfit?” 

Mina crosses the room back and forth, pulling out pieces she _thinks_ of combining only to discard the idea right away. “Yes, now please, _please_ help me pick out something. I can’t think of anything to wear!” 

To say that Jeongyeon is shocked would be an understatement. She’s at a loss for words seeing this frantic version of Mina, so far from the calm and composed image she’s carried out and known for. Before her is a version of Mina that Jeongyeon never thought she’d see in this lifetime. 

“Just wear whatever you’re comfortable with? A dress or something?” Jeongyeon settles for the edge of Mina’s bed, picking up a strap satin dress from the pile. She holds it up for Mina to see.“How about this?”

Mina stops in her steps, scans the dress, and frowns. “Good pick. But we’re just gonna watch the movies though.” 

“What? Then just wear something casual! Why are you even turning your entire closet upside down if you’re just gonna go watch a movie?!”

“Because!” It's the loudest Mina’s been with Jeongyeon. Frankly, it surprises them both. “I just want to look okay. I mean, I don’t wanna look snobby or something. Just. Me. Mina. Simple but not...effortless too?” 

“Then just go for something casual”, Jeongyeon shrugs, fishes for something underneath the heap of clothes on Mina’s bed. She pulls out a white jumper and bootcut sweats “This’ll do. And if it gets cold inside the cinema, just wear a jacket. Do you have one around here?” 

“Unfortunately, no”, Mina pouts. In her haste packing up a few months ago, she only got to bring expensive coats and her house wear. She never planned on going on dates in her stay here in Korea that’s why she never bothered to bring clothes appropriate for one. 

Jeongyeon walks over to the other side of the room, where a tall rack of shoes are displayed. She pulls out the most casual pair in the bunch of expensive-looking footwear. “Partner those with these. I’ll just go grab my jacket upstairs. You can use that instead.” 

Mina smiles, holding the clothes Jeongyeon picked for her. “Thank you, Jeong. I appreciate it.”

The other girl simply nods back, chic as ever, standing by the door. “No problem. Good luck with your date.”

When the door closes and Mina’s left all by herself, she realizes she could’ve just liked Jeongyeon instead. Continued liking the dashing girl who stood up and projected herself as a knight-in-the-shining-armor. It would have been more thrilling to like Yoo Jeongyeon. 

But her heart, it liked the calmness and the warmth that permeated whenever Dahyun was around. The younger girl was a breath of fresh air and she filled Mina’s lungs with butterflies. 

Love with Yoo Jeongyeon would be thrilling. Like a roller coaster ride.

Love with Kim Dahyun would be gentle. Like a calm blow of the spring breeze.

Mina always liked spring. 

* * *

The first thing Dahyun says when they meet at the lobby is: “Will we get picked up by your limousine?”

It was an attempt to jump-start a conversation however, all the blonde gets is a genuinely confused frown from the older girl (who, _unfairly,_ still looks elegant and beautiful in casual pants and a jumper). 

“My limousine?” 

“Yeah. Like, the long cars? The ones for rich people? You know, the….uh…” Dahyun trails off, scratching the back of her head. 

Mina just continues to look at her, clearly still confused. Dahyun gives up trying to explain, acknowledging her defeat. “ I...I was just joking, unnie…” 

Mina, probably for the sake of Dahyun’s pride, laughs at that. “Oh. I don’t have a limousine _here_ , Dahyunnie. But…”

“‘ _Here’?!”_

The reaction is amusing, Mina thinks. Dahyun looks like she’s just won the lottery and couldn’t believe it. “I was just joking too, Dahyunnie.” 

“Oh…” and then they just settle into a comfortable kind of laughter, making their way down the street, walking to the cinema a few blocks away. 

The nightlife in Apgujeong is filled with life, perfectly encapsulating the peak of 90s youth culture. Stores illuminated up by variegated lights and adorned with bright displays line up the two-way alley they walk through. People come and go from the high-end boutiques with designer paper bags hanging on their arms, walking towards the luxury cars that park along the sides of the street. 

This part of the district is where Dahyun thinks people like Mina and Sana would most belong. Where the chattering and carefree laughter of people who have more money than they know what to do with, blend in the humid seasonal air. 

This is probably where Mina would be most comfortable at. A place that exuded the familiarity of the lifestyle she lived and grew up with. It’s where she’d belong to, Dahyun thinks, but it’s not where Mina would want to be in. 

Because while Dahyun recognizes the remnants of orange tribe kids around them, obnoxious in their actions and flaunting off what little of the overall wealth they have, Mina doesn’t act the same. She doesn’t mind the bare minimum Dahyun can afford. She doesn’t mind how simple everything seems to be and Dahyun, _god,_ she falls for the older girl even more. 

They eventually arrive at the movie theater and are greeted with a queue at the ticket booth. Dahyun stands in line for the City of Angels. 

Mina waits beside her, craning her neck to look around at the cinema hall. The ones in Japan don’t look much different than this. It looks like a mini-mall. There’s a long line of ticket booths when you enter the place, and posters of showing movies adorn the walls. 

Mina’s eyes land on the concession stand down the hall lined with the cinema rooms. 

She turns back to Dahyun with a brightened smile. “Dahyunnie, I’ll go buy some popcorn, you want?”

“Oh, yes. That’ll be nice, unnie!” The younger girl exclaims, pulling out her velcro wallet for some money, only to be stopped halfway. 

“I’ll pay, Dahyunnie. My treat.” 

Dahyun wanted to decline but before she could, Mina’s already off walking towards the concession stand. 

They meet in the middle. Dahyun pays for their tickets and Mina for their snacks. 

The movie starts at 8PM. Dahyun looks at her watch and sees it’s still ten minutes early but the doors are already open for them. When they enter cinema three, the seats are occupied mostly by teenagers and young adults. Understandable. Middle-aged people wouldn’t bother themselves watching a movie spoken in a language they wouldn’t understand, challenged by reading damned subtitles. 

Mina and Dahyun get comfortable on their seats positioned somewhere in the middle rows, where the a/c isn’t blaring right at them and the subtitles are of the right size. 

Dahyun holds their snacks together while Mina slides her arms into the jacket. 

When the lights turn off, it's like they enter a whole new universe itself.

* * *

Mina hasn't been completely honest. 

She doesn't like Nicolas Cage. She doesn't even know the guy. She remembers Meg Ryan because hers was the name she first read from the movie poster and remembered. She watched Top Gun but doesn't even know which one is Meg Ryan there.

Mina isn't an avid watcher of the romantic genre. She wasn't a Titanic type of girl. Mina was a Neon Genesis Evangelion kind. She didn't find entertainment from romance and happy endings. She wanted adventure and action.

But because of Dahyun, she'll relent. Even if it meant sitting through two hours of an English movie about an ironic story of a surgeon who saved lives and an angel who took them. 

Mina will do this for Dahyun. 

It's not like it's gonna be _that_ bad, right?

* * *

Dahyun feels the exhaustion from the day seep into her bones before they even reach half of the movie. 

Her eyelids grow heavy and the comfortable gust of the air condition has her in a position totally perfect for slumber. She's quite ready to fall asleep now. 

And then Meg Ryan slaps Nicolas Cage. Twice. 

Dahyun jolts awake. 

"Wha–What happened?" She unknowingly mumbles, shaking the sleep away. 

Mina, who hasn't torn her gaze away from the screen for a mere second since the movie began, inches closer to whisper to her, "Seth told Maggie he's an angel. He also told her he loves her. She isn't taking it so well."

Dahyun looks over at the screen and sees an enthralling pair of deep, ocean blue eyes. Meg Ryan looks _really pretty._ And really sad too.

When the camera pans over to Nicolas Cage, the stupor drops and she's met with the actor's creepy way of talking. _It's like he's high or something…_

There's a few more shouting involved and Dahyun's convinced a fraction of her lethargy has been shaken off by the thunderous slaps from earlier. She decides to wash more of the sleepiness away just to make sure her allowance doesn't go to waste by falling asleep through the movie. 

"Unnie, I'll just go to the restroom", she whispers over to Mina who, in return, quietly nods and tells her to be careful on her way out.

The women's restroom is empty when she gets there with the help of a cinema guide who flashes the lights for her, illuminating the steps. Once Dahyun gets to the restroom, she splashes her face with some water immediately. 

_Don't fall asleep._

_Stay awake._

_This is three weeks' worth of allowance down the drain if you fall asleep, Kim Dahyun!_

The realization must have worked because the exhaustion slowly slips away from her system, just by thinking of how broke she is. When Dahyun glances up to take a look at herself, she jolts even more awake at how awful she looks, bags under her eyes and water trailing down her face.

_I need to wipe the water out. Did I bring my handkerchief with me?_

Upon patting at the pockets of her skirt for her handkerchief, Dahyun feels something else. A hard, plastic object that's— _oh my god._

She pulls out the hongbao from her pocket, its White Heathers crushed to smaller chunks after being pocketed. Dahyun remembers what she had been initially planning to do today: confess.

She realizes only then, staring at the fragments of the White Heather flower, she isn't ready to confess just yet. At least, not tell her feelings to Mina face-to-face, that is. She still doesn't know how to, not when her emotions for the older girl just feels too powerful to be limited to words. 

_No. No, that won't do._

Dahyun paces back and forth the restroom until the door opens, and there reveals the girl that's been occupying her head and her heart, driving her to the borderline.

"Hey. I was worried you were gone for too long…" Mina trails off, walking over to where Dahyun is standing in front of the sink counter, a concerned frown on her face.

Dahyun feels her heart go loop-de-loop. "A-Are you gonna use the restroom too, unnie?"

"I might as well since I'm already here, I guess?"

"Okay. I'll go back to guard our seats then." It's a tactic to get out of Mina's space for a while. Because whenever the girl is present, Dahyun's head easily fails to remember the concept of rationality.

Mina just nods, although there is a pause that Dahyun feels the need to analyze. A pause where she just looks into the younger girl's eyes, down to the bridge of her nose, and then to her lips, all the while the crease of her forehead slowly fades away too. 

Dahyun kind of wishes she didn't notice it. Then she wouldn't be thinking of how Mina looked at her, all throughout the walk back to their seats. Then she wouldn't be empty-handed right now, decision-less, unable to think of a way on how to tell Mina her feelings— _wait a minute._

_What if I don't tell her at all?_

Just like that, the engines in her head begin turning again.

_Maybe I don't need to voice it out? I can just...give her the letter and the tape._

Beside her, Mina's varsity jacket hangs on the backrest of her seat. Dahyun takes a look around first (the action doesn't do much considering how the entire cinema hall is practically pitch-black and barely lit up by the screen). Once the coast is clear, Dahyun then proceeds to grab the jacket and grope for its pockets. She finds two, left and right.

_I'll just...leave the letter here then. When she reads it, she'll find out. Then it's like I confessed too._

She lips the hongbao in the left pocket. Mina is right-handed.

Dahyun high-fives herself internally. In the short-lived mental calmness she is given, she decides to plan everything down to the T. 

She only sees three options and three courses of actions she can possibly take, depending on the what can happen today:

If Mina finds the hongbao tonight and reads it when they're together, Dahyun will just have to run away and avoid the older girl for a few days until she has enough confidence to face rejection.

If Mina finds out while they're _not_ together, Dahyun will still avoid her for a few days until she has enough confidence to face rejection.

Lastly, if Mina finds out a few days later and asks to talk to Dahyun, Dahyun will _still_ run off and avoid confrontation until she's ready to face rejection.

 _Same course of action for everything, really._

Dahyun faces the fact that they'll have to talk about the confession one way or another, knowing how Mina isn't the type to just sweep the problem under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. But in spite of the inevitable, Dahyun still wishes for some time for her to allow herself a confidence build-up, at least until she's ready to face her pending heartbreak.

Because while she finds her goal of getting over her feelings for Mina shining in the short-term run of things, Dahyun just sees pain in the long run. Pitch-black, ice-cold heartbreak _for not being the one._

* * *

(Mina arrives from the restroom a little later on. 

She doesn’t wear the jacket for the rest of the night.

Dahyun doesn't know whether to feel relieved or not.)

* * *

They both finish the movie together. Dahyun is more awake and Mina more immersed than they both thought they would be.

Near the end of the film, Dahyun's almost in tears already. 

Seth has given up being an angel just to be able to touch Maggie. 

Then, the guitar strings play. 

_And I'd give up forever to touch you._

Dahyun's tears fall there.

_“I don’t understand a God who would let us meet, if there’s no way we could ever be together.”_

Her heart feels like it’s getting ripped out from her chest. 

When the lights open and the ending credits roll in, the collar of Dahyun’s shirt is already soaked with her tears. She rushes to wipe them away, glancing in the opposite direction to hide her dramatic self from further humiliation.

“Hey…” There’s a light tap on her shoulder. Mina seems wary for a few seconds until she just lets her hand rest there comfortably. “Dahyun? Are you okay?” 

It’s a futile attempt trying to pretend she didn’t bawl her eyes out when the heartbreak-of-an ending sprung at her, out of the blue. Her eyes are already too puffy to pretend they’re normal and her snot is like a damned waterfall, racing out. 

Dahyun feels _so freaking_ embarrassed. 

“Y-Yes, unnie?” 

When Mina sees the sight of her, her eyes grow wide in concern, forehead furrowing and the smile on her face wiped out in a nanosecond. “Hey. Why are you crying? What’s wrong?” 

Mina wants to _talk_ to whoever’s done this to Dahyun. Just talk. And then maybe have her father’s men—

“The m-movie…” Dahyun whimpers, lips trembling even more when the familiar guitar intro plays as the credits continue to roll up. “It was…” her voice is shaking too much, she honestly looks like a poor, upset child, “It was just sad, unnie…” 

The burning passion to _confront_ whoever hurt Dahyun dissipates and is replaced by a sigh of relief, an action that makes Mina chuckle a little and feel guilty even more. 

“Hey…shhh…” 

The next thing that happens, Mina blames it on her natural instinct to comfort someone. Hugging Dahyun feels like nothing for a second, and then in the next, everything beautiful in the world all at once. 

Mina finds it weird how the first thing she thought about embracing Dahyun is: _Wow, she’s so fluffy._

It makes her want to wrap her arms around the younger girl for the rest of her life. Oh how a dream it would be to just be able to hug her whenever she’d want to. _Would that be weird?_

Dahyun calms down at the contact. Her previous state of secondhand sadness from the tragic movie is replaced by a disorientation. She’s crying on the shoulder of her crush, wrapped in the older girl's arms. Mina even adds fuel to the fire inside of Dahyun when she begins stroking her hair, whispering hushed words to calm her down. It does _wonders_ to Dahyun’s heart. 

They stay like that longer than they should.

When they pull away from each other, they’re almost the only ones left inside the cinema already. Neither one knows who initiated the distance first. At the lack of contact, it kinda feels awkward now. 

Mina doesn’t know where to place her freaking hands, both still wanting to hold a piece of Dahyun. 

Dahyun doesn’t know what to do with the idea of Mina holding her a little bit longer than she should.

They stay awkwardly in their seats until a theater staff comes in and tells them it’s already time to go. That gets the awkward atmosphere blowing away, replaced by quickly-muttered apologies and laughter afterwards. 

Dahyun feels weird laughing through her heavy eyelids and scratchy nose. Mina finds herself crossing out an item from her mental bucket list (29. To get ushered out of a place). Dahyun makes her want to do things she never thought she'd be able to do in her lifetime.

They do a bunch of other weird things afterwards. Dahyun doesn’t know where she got the confidence from but she manages to ask Mina out to get some ice cream, a subtle tactic done with the purpose of spending more time with the older girl. 

They find themselves sitting outside of a convenience store down a less crowded street away from the main avenue. 

Dahyun stretches her legs out as they sit on the concrete steps, licking ice cream on a chilly night, watching as the world passes by before them. Mina sits beside her, leg crossed on top of the other, digging a wooden spoon into her cup of strawberry ice cream. 

A few cars pass by in front of them. For the most part, only aged people walk around here. The young choose to crowd Rodeo drive at night. This sidestreet is like a detour from the usual hustle and bustle of Apgujeong. 

The crowdless state allows Dahyun and Mina to appreciate the beauty of the gentle night. Some time while they were watching, it had rained and caused the roads to glow a silvery glimmer with hues of orange, reflected from the lights from the lamp posts lining the street. 

It was beautiful. Heavenly. Just the two of them and the world.

"Dahyun-ah?”

“Hm?” 

“Do you think about the future?” 

Dahyun bites at her ice cream cone, head tilting at the spontaneity of the question. “Uh...sometimes, I guess?” 

Mina hums, taking a spoonful of her ice cream before asking again, “Do you wonder what it would look like for you?” 

_Odd questions…_

“Well, I think mine’s gonna look _pretty_ rad”, Dahyun answers with a smug grin, smiling just at the thought of _her future,_ the party of the century just a few weeks away.

Mina can’t help but chuckle a little. “Why do you think that?” 

“Sana unnie’s party is gonna be super cool? Everyone’s gonna be there and–wait! You should come too, unnie! It’ll be super duper _fly._ ” 

The use of the slang word has Mina doubling over in laughter. When she glances over at Dahyun, she notices a little smudge of ice cream at the corner of the younger girl’s lip. She’s been too focused on getting a bite at the wafer cone that she hasn’t noticed how much ice cream she’s getting on her face.

Mina feels drawn to the little smudge, unknowingly reaching over for it and dabbing her pinky on the stain, lightly, ghost-like brushes of her finger on the corner of Dahyun’s lip. 

She doesn’t realize what she’s done until she pulls her hand away and Dahyun’s just staring at her like a deer caught in the headlights. 

Mina looks down on her finger, remembers how soft Dahyun’s cheeks felt and how her lips were _really_ , really pretty and pink, and feels the heat rush up to her _entire_ head. _Oh god. What did I just do?!_

“Uh...You...There was...um...a stain on your...ice cream. I mean, cheek!” Mina shakes her head in an attempt to snap out of her Dahyun-induced _daze._ She lets out a deep, frustrated sigh. “I meant, there was ice cream on your cheek and I...I just wiped it off. Sorry. Was that invasive of me? I didn’t mean to just barge into your space and—” 

“It...It’s okay, unnie.” 

Mina feels her heart fall back into a steadier beat. Fear had never striked her this much before but when Dahyun looked at her the way she did–eyes wide and mouth hanging ajar, as if she had just seen a ghost–Mina felt real fear there. She never felt this way until now. 

(The last thing she’d want is to scare Dahyun away with her emotions)

“You...you have something in...here too…” Dahyun inches closer to Mina’s face and Mina just stiffens, dropping all of her guard down as the blonde girl reaches over her cheek. 

Mina doesn’t feel anything. Not a touch, not a brush of Dahyun’s fingers. Nothing. 

When the younger girl pulls her hand back, instead, she does a peace sign. “Just kidding, unnie.” 

Truth be told, Mina doesn’t know what to feel for a split second there. Disappointed? Maybe. But then she catches Dahyun’s pale cheeks dusted in pink, the shells of her ears the same color. She hides her face behind her hands, unable to bear the embarrassment of what she just did. 

Mina’s disappointment fades away at the sight of how Dahyun’s all sheepish and cringing at herself. 

_God. Can she get any more adorable?_

Mina could watch Dahyun adorably embarrassed forever and not get tired of it. 

“The future, unnie…” Unfortunately, the younger girl won’t have it the same way. Dahyun puts her hands down and resumes a moderately-serious face. “Were you asking about the next week type or the twenty-years-later kind of ‘future’?” 

Mina chuckles. “I was going for the latter but your answer was okay too…” 

“Oh.” Dahyun pauses and thinks. The future looks cool, with how society is progressing as of late. They might get phones with holograms in the 2000s already. _Oh my god what a dream._

“I want to study _really_ hard to make money and buy my own forest.”

“As in...an entire forest?” Mina gulps, wondering just how much she’d have to take out from her trust fund to afford that. 

Dahyun chuckles a little. “Well of course there’s gonna be a house too, unnie. But it would be really small. Fit for one person. And then the rest would be land, and I’d grow plants and trees and lots of flowers there. I’ll take in stray animals and feed them too. Just a sanctuary, you know?”

Mina feels bad for focusing on the smaller aspect of the answer but she couldn't help it. "What did you mean by _fit for one person?_ You're gonna live all by yourself?"

Dahyun looks like she wants to say _I said all those and all you got was that?_ and Mina feels even worse.

"I don't know, unnie." Thankfully, Dahyun just continues, thinking how, frankly, she really didn't know. Although she had seen the future as a time for her to work hard and achieve her dreams of a peaceful, rather domestic life, she never had really thought of the other aspects of it. Say, adult relationships and settling down with someone. "I just kinda saw myself all alone in the future. I don't think anyone will ever like me enough to tolerate me."

"You're a really simple person, Dahyun. You don't need someone to _tolerate_ you."

"That's the thing. I'm simple enough that it's boring", Dahyun holds her head down. This is the first time she's opened up about her thoughts of the future (with the person she wants to spend it with). "People like thrill and something exciting. They want their relationships like cheetos. Hot, burning, and cheesy."

"You literally just said you wanted to grow your own forest sanctuary and compared a passionate relationship to a hot cheeto…" Mina wants to laugh at the comparison but doesn't. The person she likes thinks no one likes her. _What am I then?_ "You still think you're _boring_ , Dahyun?" 

The change in Mina's tone, from wistful and thinking to something determined and serious, has Dahyun looking up. She sees a small, almost unnoticeable pinch in Mina's eyebrows. _Is she actually concerned about what I just said…?_

"Maybe eccentric then…?"

The little frown fades away. Mina smiles with a drawn-out sigh sets aside her emptied ice cream cup. She moves to sit closer to Dahyun and–under the influence of faux confidence–takes the younger girl's arm and hugs it with her own, holding her close. 

"You are a _really_ amazing and _incredible_ person, Dahyun." 

They look out to the street and all the people passing by. It’s a gentle spring night. Dahyun feels like she can burst into flames with the warmth that permeates with Mina’s touch. 

“Am I really, unnie?” 

Mina snorts. "Unless you can find another person that wants a forest too, a small house that can fit all the stray animals you can help rescue together, and compares your relationship to a hot, burning, and _cheesy_ cheeto, then yeah, I think you're probably better all alone then." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." Mina nods, resting her head against Dahyun's own. "Because you deserve the love you always give to the universe. If they can’t give you that then you’re as good as an independent woman then.” 

“So it’s either finding someone who’ll love me enough or being all alone for the rest of my life?” 

“I’m sure you’ll find that someone, Dahyun.” _Can it be me?_ “And until then, unnie will always be here.” 

Dahyun draws her head back from the comforts of Mina’s shoulder and looks up at the older girl, a sincere little frown on her face.

“What if I never find that person in the future, unnie?” 

Mina, _oh boy._ She could drown in Dahyun’s eyes forever. 

“Then that means you already found them in the past.” 

* * *

They eventually call it a night but not without unknowingly crossing out one last thing from Mina’s imaginary bucket list. 

Yumama goes berserk whenever the younger girls stay out past curfew. When Mina checks her watch halfway into their second snack of the night, sharing a steaming cup of ramen together, she finds out it’s ten minutes before 10PM and ten minutes before they get in trouble with Yumama. 

In a split second, they’re up on their feet and running down the street, laughing while trying to make sure they beat the record and make the twenty-minute walk fit into ten. 

For Dahyun it feels like they’re in a world of their own. 

They pass by the side street for a quicker pace but even in the lack of crowd, all the elderly passing by give them bad looks for carelessly running into the night, probably looking like two weird kids trying to make sense of their youth. 

In the far distance, as if this was a scene ripped out of a movie, The Ronettes’ Be My Baby plays. 

Dahyun and Mina run for their lives. 

Through the night. 

Laughing (and breathlessly in love).

Them in their world. 

(Mina thinks if she can keep one moment in her life forever, it would be this.)

They save themselves from the nagging by a hair’s strand, arriving back at the dorms a minute before the clock hits 10PM. 

They’re breathless and a little disoriented from having run all the way from the theater back to the dorms. Mina feels like her heart is on fire and Dahyun could say the same, judging by how the older girl is laughing so loud even in her panting state. 

_Oh my god. She’s so beautiful._

Yumama doesn’t see them rushing inside the elevator, running away from her. Once the doors close, they finally burst into laughter. The adrenaline rides inside their system until they reach the fourth floor, and by the time Dahyun stops in front of her door, she realizes Mina didn’t leave her side. 

“Unnie…” She trails off, still trying to catch her breath from all the reckless running and shameless laughing. “Your dorm...is on the...second floor. Why did...you come up here?” 

Mina holds up her jacket, “I was gonna—” 

“Oh? What are you two doing here?” 

But before she can even finish her words, the door behind them opens and out reveals Yoo Jeongyeon in bunny-printed pajamas (something Dahyun knows isn’t her unnie’s pajamas). She looks a little disoriented, hair tousled and face plastered with traces of sleep. 

Dahyun plainly points at her door, making a show by knocking on the wooden surface. “This is my dorm, unnie.” 

“Didn’t Jihyo tell you?” Jeongyeon runs a hand through her hair and yawns. “She’s sleeping over at Chuu’s for the night.”

“What?” _Oh no._ “Unnie has the key!” 

“Yeah. She does.” Jeongyeon deapans. “Sana and Momo are out for the night too. They’re probably asleep right now at Sana’s. Unfortunately, I can’t take you in right now too, kiddo. Nayeon’s growing a bad cold and Chaeyoung’s down for the night. I can’t let any more of you guys get infected.” 

Dahyun feels a bad headache coming. _Is this what I get for having the best night of my life?_

“Where do I sleep then, unnie?” She whines, back hitting the door as she slides down on the floor. “I can’t sleep at Yumama’s office. As much as I love her, she snores loudly. Like, _really_ loud…”

Jeongyeon looks just as afflicted as Dahyun. As much as she’d love to offer a space in their room, her two roommates are currently not in their best states to share the same air with someone and Jeongyeon would rather not risk it. 

Dahyun feels exhausted. After running all that far and laughing for so long, the adrenaline is finally dying down inside of her and reality is sinking in really fast. All she wants now is a nice good night with Mina to cap off the day, and tuck herself under her blanket 

That’s probably the best this night could get. Is she really asking for too much? 

“Why don’t you sleep over at Jackson’s and—”

“You can stay with me.” 

Both heads dart over to the meek voice.

Mina looks resolute, facing Dahyun. “I have enough space in my room for us. I can lend you some clothes too if you want.” 

Dahyun feels like this is the part of the movie where the cameras and the film crew show up and collectively tell her she’s being pranked because _goddamn_ is this a dream? 

“Uh...er...unnie...I...I’m not—” 

“Oh, that’s better, Dubu. You can sleep over Mina’s for the night. She doesn’t mind.” Jeongyeon adds, further conflicting Dahyun. 

As much as she’d _love_ to, Dahyun thinks she might not be able to get through the night sleeping in the same room as her crush. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea and—” 

“Why not?” Mina frowns, tone sounding a little displeased. “I have plenty of space in my room, Dahyun. And I think it’s a better plan than having you sleep over at Jackson’s or anybody else for that matter.” 

“I just—” 

“This isn’t something we should even be arguing about.” 

The air stills, and Dahyun isn’t sure what to make of how Mina sounds. Clearly serious. 

“I’d rather have you sleep beside me than at somebody else’s place, Dahyun-ah. It just...it doesn’t feel safe. Jeongyeon would agree. Right, Jeong?” Mina turns to the person in question, looking for back-up.

Jeongyeon, in her half-awake, half-asleep state, nods. “I second the motion!”

Dahyun is left sighing in defeat. There’s no point in arguing anymore. She doesn’t feel like wanting to hear that serious (scary) tone from Mina again and, well, _what could go wrong right?_

That’s just about what it takes before Dahyun is walking down the staircase again, this time with Mina beside her. 

In her head she prays to everyone she can pray to above. _Dear Lord, please help me get through this alive._

She hopes they hear her prayer. 

* * *

Mina’s dorm room is even more spacious inside, as impossible as it seemed. 

It looks far different and more lived-in than the first time Dahyun has seen its inside. 

From where Dahyun stands by the door, she can see everything. The walls are plastered with mixed posters of Japanese, English, and Korean bands, some Dahyun knows, most she doesn’t. Beside her is a rack displaying all sorts of expensive-looking shoes ranging from slip-ons and ballerina flats to running shoes and suede heels. 

Mina hangs the jacket by the coat rack behind the door. 

Dahyun tears her wary gaze away from the jacket, afraid to cause suspicion.

Mina’s bed, a queen-size one, sits by the far corner of the room, right beside the window. There’s a study desk across to the said window, just beside the door, with a built-in bookshelf filled with encyclopedias and other books titled in English. A mint green bean bag chair sits in between the bed and the study table, over a faux fur carpet. Mina has her own bathroom and mini-walk-in closet. 

Looking at everything right now makes Dahyun remember just how well-off Mina really is, something she’s forgotten for a quick moment while they were sitting outside a convenience store earlier, sharing a cup of cheap ramen together. 

It slipped her mind for a while, that she was crushing on the modern-day princess of Japan.

“It gets cold at night. Do you want to borrow longer pajamas or…?” When no answer comes, Mina turns around. “Dahyunnie?” 

“O-Oh. Unnie. Sorry. What was it again?” Dahyun stands looking over her desk. 

Mina grabs one of her long-sleeve pajama sets, her favorite pink fleece one, and walks over to the younger girl, realizing she's looking at one of her most recent projects scattered all over her desk. “Do they look okay?” 

Dahyun feels a smile tug at the corners of her lips, a laugh threatening to escape. “What are they supposed to be first?” 

“I knew it.” Mina sighs in defeat, putting down the pajamas on her chair and grabbing the colored paper ornament on her desk. “It doesn’t look like a flower huh?”

“I’m sorry, unnie.” Dahyun doesn’t know why she feels this comfortable laughing at Mina but there’s a certain kind of satisfaction in knowing the older girl isn’t _so perfect_ after all. “It kinda looks like a cut-out of a child's traced hand.”

“It’s supposed to be a paper flower.” 

(Let it be known here that Mina Myoui is absolutely perfect in everything else _but_ making paper flowers.)

“You’ll get better when you practice more, unnie.” Dahyun quips in amusement. Mina just pouts at her, and it takes all the willpower in Dahyun not to hug her frown away.

“I’m still a practicing student, Dahyun. Besides, Sana was preoccupied with Momo the entire time she was teaching me.” Mina grabs the pajamas again and hands it over. “Now go take a warm shower. It’s cold out here. I’ll fix the bed for you.” 

Just like that, the bubble of ease and comfort pops. 

“W-What?” Dahyun feels like getting bitch-slapped by ice, cold water. _Oh yeah. I'm sleeping here._

Mina walks over to her bed, pulling at the sheets. “I’m not gonna let you sleep on the floor, Dahyun.” 

“There’s a c-carpet—” 

“You’re gonna sleep on my bed.” 

“I...uh…” It feels like Dahyun’s about to collapse. “W-What about you?” 

“Well, if you’re okay with it, I was thinking of sleeping right beside you.” 

Dahyun can hear her own heart flatlining. _Us? In one bed? Mina Myoui, the prettiest, sweetest, most perfect girl in the entire universe, wants_ **_ME_ ** _to sleep beside her? Because it’s cold? She wants me to take the same bed? As_ **_her?_ ** _Because it’s COLD?!_

_Dear Lord, you may take me now._

“Dahyun? Are you okay?” Mina gazes at her with a soft, unguarded look.

Dahyun snaps out of her Mina Myoui-induced daydreaming, grabs the towel Mina’s holding out, and just sprints to the first door she sees. 

“That’s the closet—” 

She runs over to the _other_ door. 

“You forgot your pajamas—” 

She bolts out of the bathroom again, grabs the pajama set neatly folded on the bed, and runs back inside the bathroom. 

The moment the door closes with a loud thud, Dahyun falls on the floor, clutching at fabric over her chest. She can feel her heart trying to break apart her ribcage. Her head feels like it’s spinning and being jackhammered all at the same time. 

Mina stands wide-eyed outside, just staring at the door, trying to take in what just happened. Dahyun ran around her room like she was The Flash. She couldn’t help but wonder why the younger girl had suddenly acted so bashful at the prospect of sharing a bed. Mina knew Dahyun shared beds with Chaeyoung before, as well as Jihyo and the other girls. 

_Why is she acting like doing it with me seemed...scary?_

Ah. Whatever. Mina leaves her thoughts whirling away with the gentle breeze that blows inside the room. She fixes the bed and puts more pillows on Dahyun’s side. Once that’s done, she grabs her change of clothes and dresses inside the cramped walk-in closet. 

Dahyun takes more time in the showers than Mina expected her to; she notices this as she waits outside, sitting on the edge of her bed, towel hanging on shoulder, anticipating for the time she can brush her teeth and wash her face already. 

It feels like Dahyun’s been showering for an hour now. 

With every growing second that turns into more and _more_ minutes, Mina feels dread clawing up at her throat. The silence in the room is not helping at all, with only the soft sound of the water running from the bathroom and the gust of spring wind blowing inside. Everything fills up Mina’s head like water in a tub nearing its brim. 

She had always been one for patience, prided in her ability to stay composed in many nerve-wracking situations. Years of ballet taught her that. Patience and gracefulness in the face of inhibitions.

It must’ve skipped her now, however, as Mina fiddles with the hem of her pajama, introspecting on all her shortcomings in making sure her bathroom is danger-free enough for someone who has an above-average inclination to accidents like Kim Dahyun. 

_Did I open the organic shower set?_

_Is the water warm enough for her?_

_Oh my god._

_Did I put a floor mat inside?_

(Dahyun thinks Mina's bathroom is cute. It reminds her of her cousin's overly baby-proofed house when they welcomed her nephew a few months ago. 

_There are even corner guards in unnie's sink and shelves!_

There are Mickey Mouse-themed bathroom sets and a penguin-shaped floor mat. It's like a mini toy store inside with all the themed decorations. 

_Is she that clumsy to need all of this? Unnie's so adorable…_

Dahyun dries herself up and grabs her change of clothes, a _really_ soft flashy pink pajama set. It had familiar prints of two overlapping letter C's, and when she took a look at the tag, Dahyun felt her eyes roll out.

_Oh god. Chanel pajamas?!)_

Eventually she does come out of the shower, albeit a few more minutes after, as Mina's sanity hung on a thin thread.

She let out a deep breath of relief she didn't even know she was holding back, seeing Dahyun again. 

"It took you long enough…" 

The younger girl only chuckles shyly, walking over to the drying rack to hang her borrowed towel. "Sorry, unnie. Was just thinking, is all."

(Dahyun _wasn't_ , really. She had been doing that for the first fifteen minutes already. 

What took her so long was Mina's shower gel. It smelled like jasmines and green tea, both really calming combinations of an aroma; Dahyun spent the entire shower lathering herself with it and rinsing repeat, for about more than five times.)

Mina just smiles tiredly and stands up from the bed, walking over to the bathroom to get her toothbrush and paste. She grabs another spare one from the cabinet underneath her sink, handing it over to Dahyun.

"Come here." 

In silence, Dahyun obliges. They stand together in the small space of the bathroom, right in front of the fogged up mirror, as Mina puts on the toothpaste on both brushes.

It's quiet and comfortable, like a kind of established familiarity between them, as if they had been doing this forever with each other.

Dahyun finds it magical how something so simple as brushing their teeth together in the small space of the bathroom feels like a sacred act shared only between lovers who've shared a life together for so long; Who've formed a bond that didn't rely on excessive acts of splurging on each other just to show their love for one another.

Dahyun always dreamt of that. _Of this._

They share soft laughter whenever she tries to say something with all the toothpaste foam in her mouth. Mina's giggles fill the space when they flicker water at one another. One moment they're chasing each other around the room, the next Mina tries to hold Dahyun still, one hand cupping her jaw while the other gently wipes at the splatters of water trailing down Dahyun's face.

"Stop moving", she mumbles, in a tone marked by amusement and another emotion Dahyun can't point out–isn't able to with how Mina's face is _so close_ to hers. 

"You look like you took another shower." 

Dahyun fights the urge to snort. "Because you _nearly_ used the bidet on me."

"But I didn't, did I?" Mina _finally_ finishes wiping at her face. "Besides, you started it."

"Because you almost fell asleep brushing your teeth.” 

“It’s almost eleven o’clock, babe. For normal people, it _is_ sleeping time.” 

Dahyun stills at the word. Mina must have felt it too, the way the younger girl turns rigid under her touch, because she draws her hands back and clears her throat rather _awkwardly._ “Uh. Yeah. It's kind of appropriate to feel sleepy now, Dahyun-ah.” 

She walks out of the bathroom first, over to the drying rack near the foot of the bed to hang the towel she used on Dahyun’s face. 

The blonde girl stays in the bathroom for a few more seconds, trying to reel in what the hell just happened. To be frank, she isn’t able to understand much of it. If Dahyun were to put into words what her mind would think of whenever Mina was around, it’d be simple. 

Her mind just goes: ASDFGHFKGDGKHFDGFOMYGOD.

In her head, it sounds like an engine dry heaving. It works like that now too, when Dahyun steps out of the bathroom after deeming herself sane enough, and walks in on Mina sitting up on the bed, doing stretches.

_Was she wearing short shorts earlier?_

Dahyun feels her throat dry up at the sight of Mina’s long ballerina legs stretched out on the bed’s surface, effortlessly reaching her toes with the opposite hand as she does a half-straddle stretch. Her silk pajama top rides up whenever she extends her arm out and Dahyun hates the fact that her eyes feel like they’re magnetically attracted to look at the small glimpse of soft, pale skin. 

_Oh my god. I look like a creep. Dahyun, snap out of it!_

“You stretch every night, unnie?” 

Mina moves to extend her other leg, facing Dahyun. “Yes. It helps me sleep.” She pats on the empty space beside her, on the bed. “Come here.” 

Dahyun does what she is told to do. Every step she takes feels like a step closer to heaven. When she finally reaches Mina’s queen-size bed and feels the cold white sheets from the pads of her fingers, she feels like drawing in a deep, preparatory breath. 

She will need all the guidance and strength of the Lord for this night. 

“I’m sleeping on this side cause it’s colder here”, Mina states, finishing up her stretching. “Unless you want the colder side? Jeong mentioned before you didn’t like getting too cold.” 

Dahyun feels her cheeks blush. Mina’s movements and the gentle blow of the spring breeze circulating inside the room allows her a whiff of soft floral tones and the green tea shower gel, like Dahyun waltzed into a field of jasmines with soap bubbles floating in the air. 

“I’m fine here, unnie. Thank you.” 

Mina hums. She sits up properly and reaches over behind Dahyun to fluff both the younger girl’s pillows and hers. She returns back to her place again and quietly pulls at the comforter, drawing it over to cover her midriff and the rest of her lower body.

Beside her, Dahyun is silently sitting on the bed, cross-legged. 

Dahyun isn’t used to sleeping on a bed this comfortable. Mina’s bed felt like lying down on a bed of feathers and foam. It feels like resting on a thousand pillows that smelled really nice. In spite of this, however, Dahyun didn’t feel sleepy one bit. Didn’t feel the ropes of exhaustion pull at her eyelids or at her limbs, unlike when she was in the cinema earlier.

The two girls sit in silence, absentmindedly waiting for something they both don’t know. 

Dahyun looks around the room again, tries to let her eyes taken in everything else _but_ the pretty girl sitting beside her. 

The room is dim at best. The only sources of light come from the window beside Mina, filtering the moonlight and chilly spring breeze through sheer curtains, and a warm white lampshade on the stand beside Dahyun, casting a soft, comfortable glow around the space. 

It’s Mina who decides to break silence. 

“Do you pray at night, Dahyun?” 

Dahyun makes the mistake of glancing at the older girl. 

The moonlight behind Mina, the gentle breeze that blows through her hair and the way she appears soft and unguarded waiting for Dahyun’s answer, makes her look like an angel fallen from the heavens, sparing Dahyun a minute of her precious time. 

Dahyun feels overwhelmed. 

“I...uh…” _Just exactly how do you talk to an angel?_ “Yes?”

Mina only nods wordlessly, unknowingly biting at her bottom lip. 

“How about you, unnie?” 

“Sometimes.” She shrugs. 

“When you want something?” 

“Maybe.” Mina looks away. Outside the window, the trees rustle softly along with the breeze. “I’m not as _perfect_ as everyone thinks I am, Dahyun-ah.”

_Everyone holds me up so high, I’m afraid I’ll fall hard with one wrong step._

“Sometimes I forget to pray too.” Dahyun looks down, wriggles her toes to keep them warm from the cold air. “Only when I need something, I pray. The last time I prayed the most sincerely, I was a kid asking for superpowers.” 

A soft giggle fills the silence of the room. Dahyun can just imagine how breathtaking Mina’s smile is. She doesn’t want to see it. 

“What kind of superpower did you ask for?” 

“I wanted to time travel.” 

Mina wants to say she’s surprised but a part of her already anticipated it. “Like, travel to the past?” 

“To the future.” Dahyun finally looks up. She grabs the blanket she shares with Mina and pulls it over her legs. “My mom used to say I was born with a little bit of bad luck so I wanted to travel to the future and see my future self. Maybe talk to her if I could. To know if I was doing good. If I was okay.” _If I was happy._

“Did God grant your wish?” 

“It took me the next Christmas to realize God didn’t grant wishes. He just...sends someone to help you achieve it.” 

Mina feels a kind of comfortable warmth settle inside of her. It grows all over, and knocks on the door of her heart. She willingly opens it. 

“You sound like an amazing kid, Dahyun. Until now, you are.” 

Eventually, they choose to lie down already. Mina faces her side, turned away from Dahyun, while the younger girl lies on her back, looking up at the cracks of the ceiling, trying to count each and every one of them, waiting for her mind to come back to life. 

Lately, she’s been talking too much with her heart. Dahyun feels afraid, vulnerable, and cold. 

Her head needs to wake up. 

“What would you wish for, unnie? If God granted you one.” 

Mina wasn’t religious. She prayed with her family when she was a child, recited paragraphs she didn’t understand and prayed to a lot of people she didn’t know. Growing up, the faith dwindled into a small spark inside of her, barely even there anymore. 

Listening to Dahyun right now, all her talk about praying to God and the heavens above, it makes Mina want to believe again too. 

It makes her feel reckless at the same time, with a little surge of confidence, because if there was a god waiting for her above, he’d wait beneath her too, to catch her when she decides to jump for _this_. 

“I’d wish for the person I like, to like me back too.” Mina’s falling, and falling fast. “What would He want me to do?”

(Dahyun feels her chest burn inside. 

She shifts on her side, turning to look away. 

This was it. The consequences of her heart.) 

“He’d tell you go ask that person for yourself. Walk over to them and tell them your feelings.” _Something I couldn’t do._

Heavy silence hangs above them. Exhaustion was there, both in Dahyun’s body and in her head. She isn’t prepared for any more waiting and hoping and praying. Her head wouldn’t wake up and her heart was holding onto a thin line.

Dahyun decides to close her eyes already.

It takes a few minutes before there’s a shift in the bed, Mina shuffling to lie on her other side. She’s greeted with the sight of the younger girl’s back, shoulder falling up and down with every gentle inhale and exhale. 

“Should I?” 

_Then…_

“Would you like me back, Kim Dahyun?” 

Mina’s falling and she’s falling _really,_ really fast, _really,_ really hard.

Her answer comes in the form of silence. 

God doesn’t catch her.

* * *

The next morning, Dahyun wakes up to an empty bed. 

Sun trickles into the room from the window, warmth tapping at her exposed skin. Beside her, Mina’s space is neatly fixed, as if the older girl didn’t even sleep there. 

The day feels morose, probably because it’s raining, Dahyun thinks. Practice goes a little slower. The season carries with it a heavy atmosphere pulling everyone down. 

Mina only spares Dahyun a single smile for the rest of the afternoon, after Dahyun had thanked her for last night. 

They don’t really talk much after that. 

* * *

Mina heads back to the dorms later that day with Jeongyeon. 

“Before I forget, thank you, by the way.” She smiles faintly, stepping inside her room and reaching behind her door. “I didn’t use it the entire night. It wasn’t as cold as you predicted it would be.”

“Really? It was kinda cold in our room…” 

“Yeah? Well, it wasn’t in mine.” 

Without any other word, she returns the jacket back to Jeongyeon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i thought of iris as the perfect song for spirit of 1998, i didn't know city of angels was released at the same timeline as the 1998 universe in the fic. i never got to elaborate on why dahyun loved the song in the party at chapter 12, so i used this opportunity to. 
> 
> thank u guys for waiting huhu i was scared of updating in fear that nobody would care to read it anymore. still fear it though. i hope u enjoyed still! have a merry holiday season!
> 
> 15.9k worth of fluff and angst altogether! your comments would be such a gift for me! i'd appreciate it if u leave some! :D


	7. if this world runs out of lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Unnie, I like you.” 
> 
> The patting on her head stops. 
> 
> “That’s what I wrote in the letter. That I like you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING for brief mentions of blood, violence, and underage drinking; also for slight implied identity crisis??

"There is no 'falling ' in love.  
There is only spinning madly."

_\- And I feel like screaming the entire way down, nikka ursula._

* * *

_Dearest Mina sunbaenim,_

_This letter is the product of every after-class hours spent in Ms. Nam’s unofficial and uncredited English class during freshman year hahaha :D Please bear with my poetic diarrhea and my heart’s sap. Ehem ehem…Let’s begin :D_

_Hello, sunbae!_

_More than anything in the world, sunbaenim, I'm sorry for not being able to refrain myself from joining the likes of the general consensus of boys and girls as...admirers of the great Myoui Mina._

_You are such an amazing person, sunbae. You're like Woo Hee Jin in Feelings, pretty as the skies of the sunset and gentle like the soft touch of the first snow on skin._

_When you pass by the air smells like waltzing on a field of full-bloomed flowers in spring, and when you laugh it’s like listening to Lee Sun Hee's I Always Miss You all over again. I cried because it was so beautiful (the song and also your laugh too)_

_My clumsy, weak heart won't be able to handle falling for someone so perfect, so ethereal, so high up like a goddess on a pedestal. But look at me now, sunbae, trying to reach for the stars._

_You're so much more than what people say of you and it honestly scares me. I like you now. Could it be any more possible to like you more? It is, apparently._

_But halfway through I'll stop. Because there's a lot to risk liking you and I shouldn't be asking for more when I already have what I can have: us as friends._

_I'm sorry I haven't told you this before. You’ll be leaving anyways, graduating and advancing to a bigger world and a tougher life. And you'll still be you but without me, though I don't think that'll affect you in any way._

_All in all, I just wanted to share this with you. More accurately, I just needed to take this out of my already clogged heart and give it a chance to breathe. You unknowingly gave me a chance to grow and become a slightly better human being._

_I just wanted to give this piece another place to visit outside of my own heart._

_I hope we can still be friends, sunbae. Wouldn't it be so cool to be friends with the stars?_

_Sincerely yours,_

**_K.D._ **

_P.S. Sunbae, I made a pretty damn good mixtape u might wanna listen to it <3 _

* * *

As far as bad days go, the past few ones make up the worst for Dahyun. Even worse than her terrible, _horrible,_ no good, very bad day back in freshman year 

(It was a world record for a bad day. 

Dahyun failed two exams she sacrificed many nights for, didn't pass the auditions for the band club–which was atrocious because above everything else, Kim Dahyun was a music prodigy–had bubblegum stuck in her hair after a rude kid spat it out from the fourth floor and Dahyun happened to walk by–talk about _incredible_ bad timing–and for a final act, had to walk around in baggy donated clothes after her laboratory partner set her uniform on fire–"accidentally", although Dahyun doubts that. Minhyuk had a crush on her and everyone knows boys have a weird way of trying to get their crush's attention…) 

The past days have accumulated to become the ultimate worst now. Not in the sense that Dahyun had experienced questionable bouts of misfortune and ill-timing, rather because the people around her, those she loves with her whole heart and wish infinite happiness for, not feeling that wondrous lightness in their hearts. 

Dahyun should’ve known better than to hope her heaven would last. 

She feels the most affected when everyone around her is sad too. It's like she isn't doing her job, isn't being the sun they all perceive her to be. She has been feeling so useless being unable to help her unnies, unable to do anything about how fast things have improved paralleling how fast everything comes crashing down too. 

Jihyo tells her how she shouldn’t have been affected so much by how her control of things have, recently, felt like sand slipping through her fingers. 

She wouldn’t have been affected so much if only things hadn't been tearing her apart lately, from two different directions involving two different situations: 

Mina hasn’t been as lively as she was a few weeks ago and hasn’t been, for the most part, talking or even sparing Dahyun a glance. She thinks the confession thing has something to do with it

Chaeyoung, on the other hand, is growing weaker by the day and with every breath of the sun, the growing rift inside Dahyun fears that the worst is yet to still come. 

Dahyun fears that Chaeyoung, who had appeared and came crashing into their lives out of the blue, might be taken away from them just as suddenly too. She can’t have that. 

Chaeyoung appeared at the right time and the right moment. Dahyun is convinced she has a purpose in their lives. Be it to save them from their own misery, or help them see how better they all could be without it.

Dahyun found a best friend in Son Chaeyoung. She doesn't know what to do if the world ever takes her away.

* * *

Ironically, Dahyun kind of expected it. 

For everything to get worse. 

She had tied the knot of her metaphoric blindfold too loose to completely hide her eyes from seeing reality. Somewhere along the way, she figured it was useless blinding herself with it and hoping she wouldn't get hurt. 

Lately, expecting things to go right feels like wishing for something too impossible to happen. Like asking to end world hunger in a snap of a finger or try to keep her Tamagotchi babies alive for more than a month.

Chaeyoung is apparently allergic to pollen grains. Dahyun only finds out _after_ her clueless self decided to bring her best friend to a _garden._

She feels guilty for thinking of the solution so selfishly but at the same time, the decision made sense. Mina's dorm was the nearest and they were way past curfew. If Yumama found them, that would only add more fuel to the fire and Chaeyoung might get dragged in trouble too.

Dahyun doesn't want to risk her bro. Besides, Mina probably has an entire clinic stuffed into a First Aid bag in her dorm. It would be a good idea to ask for her help and that's what brings Dahyun standing in front of the older girl's door now (definitely _not_ that she wants to see Mina again, _just them_ , and probably, if she can, if her heart can, ask her about the confession…) 

_I can do this._

_I_ **_will_ ** _do this._

 _Mina unnie needs to find out that I like her and that I am_ **_not_ ** _afraid of accepting my feelings—_

"Oh? Dahyun-ah?"

It only takes the sight of Mina in a silk strapped pajama dress for Dahyun's entire confidence to flush down the toilet.

"U-Unnie…?" It feels like sinning against the gods, looking so shamelessly at Aphrodite. "I...uh...err…"

Chaeyoung's wheezing behind her, breathing in jagged breaths. The sound of her heaving, holding on for dear life, snaps Dahyun out of her mind's short-circuiting.

"UnnieimjustgonnafindtheotherunniespleasehelpChaeyoungshesdyingithink–BUHBYE!"

_Or not._

Dahyun speedwalks away, dipping before she is spared another second of looking at Mina's soft skin, bared in the cold night's breeze because of her ridiculously... _dangerous_ -looking, heart attack-inducing silk strapped dress.

_Seriously? You're panicking at your crush while your best friend's on the verge of allergy-induced death?!_

Dahyun acknowledges this as a record low for her. 

_I really have to get that confession, huh._

* * *

Dahyun, frankly, doesn't know why she's getting the other unnies. 

Handling Chaeyoung's allergy attack is something for the nurse or Yumama even, but somehow, Dahyun's first reaction to panic is to get her unnies' help. Because when they're around and together, no matter how big the problem is, everything's gonna be okay.

She gets Jihyo first because in the face of danger, you'd want the closest person to a _god_ by your side. And also because Jihyo knows everything even when she doesn't. 

The older girl is in their dorm, wrapped in a blanket burrito on her bed, nose practically stuffed into her clam-shaped laptop. 

"UNNIE, CHAEYOUNG'S DYING IN MINA UNNIE'S ROOM!!!"

Okay, so maybe Dahyun shouldn't have exaggerated _a little bit_ but the thought is the same and her panicking really isn't helping either. 

"What?" Jihyo, as expected, remains composed.

Dahyun has no time to explain. "Just go there unnie! I'll get Momo and Sana unnie here." 

Reluctantly, Jihyo gets off her bed and walks to the bathroom to probably grab her robe or something. Dahyun doesn't stay long enough to know. 

Next is Sana and Momo unnie. They come as a package now so all Dahyun really has to do is go to Momo unnie's dorm–which is exciting because this might just be the first time she gets to see the older girl's room in person.

Dahyun makes sure to knock first because _respect, amidst a near-death experience_ is a good trait. Also because Momo has a senior roommate too that isn't a part of their group of friends, and because, for all Dahyun knows, she might walk in on something... _private._

So she knocks.

As expected, it's a disheveled Momo who comes to answer the door. It's nearly pitch-black behind her, the room enveloped in darkness. _So much for seeing the inside..._

Momo's hair is all over the place and her eyelids are heavily dusted with sleep. Dahyun decides to be more gentle with her SOS announcing–but someone beats her first.

"Momoring? Come back to bed~"

Momo, as a side-effect of drowsiness, doesn't hold back anymore when she grumbles back in guttural Japanese, "It's Dahyunnie, Satang."

Now Dahyun doesn't understand Japanese well but it doesn't take a genius to piece out her name and her Sana unnie's. It doesn't surprise Dahyun anymore. Everyone knows, even without the two telling them, there had always been something _more_ between Sana and Momo. 

"What is it, Dubu? It's like, midnight already?"

_It's like, 10PM…?_

"Unnie, it's Chaeyoung." One mention of the youngest's name and the sleep in Momo's eyes are suddenly shaken off. 

Sana emerges behind her almost immediately, looking the same state of disheveled. "Chaeyoung? What happened?"

"I'll explain later, unnie. But it's an emergency!"

Sana looks alarmed. Momo darts back to the room, probably to drape something over her Sailor Moon pajamas. 

"Okay we'll be right down", Sana nods. "You go back there and don't leave her side, okay?" 

Dahyun didn't need to be told that to do it. She would never leave Chaeyoung's side. She just had to at the moment because she _really_ had no idea what to do without the help of her unnie and seeing Mina was like getting the air sucked out of her. 

The universe must have heard her predicament because when Dahyun runs back down to Mina's dorm, all she sees is Chaeyoung standing in front of Mina’s desk table, the older girl nowhere in sight.

“Chaeyoung! Bro!” Dahyun doesn’t even give the girl a chance to react. The next thing she’s doing is embracing the air of her friend, relieved for multiple reasons but most of all, because she’s still alive. 

After a mini-scolding, Dahyun finds out Chaeyoung was actually trying to look at something on Mina’s desk. She finds out Mina has been practicing her paper flowers. 

Dahyun feels her chest tighten. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” She has no idea where she grabbed the last bit of courage from but it’s there, enough for her to muster up a longing smile. She reaches out for one of the garlands, all intricately cut and folded, designed and put up. 

“Mina unnie loves making these.” Dahyun remembers the very first paper flower she saw. She also remembers how it sits perfectly on her nightstand now, framed in one of her favorite Bugs Bunny picture frames. “She gave me one before.”

“She makes these?” Chaeyoung grabs one of the smaller works with a tiny focused frown. 

Dahyun smiles. “She learned how to make them from someone for an art project. I don’t know what it was but ever since then, she just fell in love making garlands out of paper flowers.”

Chaeyoung tries to say something again but a sneeze comes up and cuts her off, the air she puffs out blows the flimsy paper flower away, like a leaf flying on a windy day. Dahyun crouches down to grab it on the floor, almost getting stepped on in the process. 

Jihyo, Momo, and Sana arrive all at the same time, worried frowns on their faces. They look like they ran a triathlon before coming here. They all huddle around Chaeyoung, cooing at her, until Mina, Jeongyeon, and Nayeon arrive too, and the most worried one out of the bunch is the scariest one of them all. 

Nayeon looks like she just flipped a switch and suddenly became a mom. 

“Chaeyoung! Drink this”, she hands over a capsule and Mina hands the bottle of water. Chaeyoung doesn’t seem to hesitate any second further before chugging the pill down with the water. 

The antihistamines must’ve worked because, although the sneezing still persisted right after administration, it gradually faded until Chaeyoung could finally breathe properly again. It further proved itself effective when the youngest began yawning. 

“Is it drowsy?” Sana asks, yawning herself. 

Nayeon nods back simply, wrapping an arm around sleepy Chaeyoung’s shoulders. “We’ll go up now so that this girl can sleep. You guys should head to sleep too. Yumama won’t be happy seeing us all still up.”

They all nod at that. Nayeon and Jihyo bring Chaeyoung upstairs. Sana and Momo walk themselves out. Somehow, it’s Dahyun, Mina, and Jeongyeon all left in the room, and the two older girls are talking in hushed whispers in the middle of the room, Dahyun standing by the threshold, unable to think of where to go. 

Her mind tells her to just find another time to talk to Mina. She’s obviously too busy talking to Jeongyeon about something. 

Her heart, however, is pushing her to seize the moment. The very fact that she’s not leaving yet makes her obvious enough that she wants to talk too. If Dahyun didn’t, she would have left with everybody else. 

The moment felt like she was standing three feet away from a cliff. Her heart pushes her one step closer to Mina, tries to ignite the small spark of confidence inside of her while it still can. On the other hand, her mind stops her from taking the next step, tries to keep herself together before breaking under pressure even more. 

Dahyun is afraid of looking down from the cliff. Her head lets her imagine pointy spikes and rough surfaces ready to tear her apart if she takes another step. Her heart doesn’t have the strength to imagine a surface ready to save her.

In the end, Dahyun chooses to save herself. 

She takes a step back and leaves without a word, unable to see Mina’s lingering gaze chase after her ghost. 

Dahyun never gets to see what lies beyond the cliff: a trail to safe ground. 

* * *

The days and nights spent mulling over everything happening all at once weigh down on Kim Dahyun like rocks on her shoulders. The situation even gets worse.

By the time night of their last practice session before Sana’s party, Chaeyoung shows up in her worst state yet. Dahyun feels exhausted, emotionally and physically. She has the body of a teenager but has the stress and fatigue levels of a middle-aged woman in the middle of an existential crisis. 

The very second they all gathered inside the ballroom, the atmosphere had descended upon them like a heavy storm cloud. Not even a minute into their dancing and a fit of coughing resounds until it’s no longer dismissable. 

All eyes dart over to whoever’s lungs and throat are on fire and they see Dahyun gently rubbing Chaeyoung’s back, the latter pressing a towel over her mouth to hopelessly muffle the sound. 

When Nayeon sees this, her first reaction is to stop the music. 

They’ve all been running the routine to perfection for so many times, having the music stopped is already an ominous signal for them to start throwing the blame around. Someone accuses someone for mistiming and doing the steps wrong, and until Nayeon doesn’t call out the error, they just continue like a council in debate. 

Their noise and arguing–Dahyun doesn’t join in, she just stands and watches as the room spirals to chaos; Mina doesn’t join in too, she’s just sitting on the floor, legs stretched out before her, watching Momo point fingers at Jeongyeon for mistiming–overpowers their ability to notice who Nayeon walks over to and why she isn’t scolding them for another mishap. 

The cheerleader walks to Chaeyoung and they have a staring contest for a few seconds until Mina speaks to avert the attention to where it’s due. 

“Are you sick?” Her voice is airy with authority and a small spread of concern somewhere there. 

Dahyun sees from the distance– _knows_ , really–how desperately Chaeyoung tries to disguise her sickness with exhaustion. It doesn’t work, not when all five of their unnies are crowding around her, scanning her up and down, and making conjectures about her health’s state. 

Dahyun just stands behind, a few steps away from the huddle, watching everyone worry simultaneously. 

It ultimately boils down to Jihyo and Nayeon’s final say, as leader of the group and leader for the performance. In the end, they decide to cut practice short, much to Chaeyoung’s tumultuous “NO!”

The sudden burst of energy knocks Chaeyoung off her feet. Fortunately, Jeongyeon is there to catch her. 

Chaeyoung, with the remaining emotional power within her, manages to convince the unnies she can walk home all by herself. She thinks it works, because when she leaves, the girls resume going over the routine. 

Dahyun thinks it didn’t. They barely finish the song. Nayeon, for the first time since they began practicing, commits more errors than the entire group combined for the day. She’s too worried for the younger girl to proceed, and so is everybody else. 

Dahyun sees this and feels the same, yet wonders at the back of her head, do they think that way too when it comes to her? Did they notice how she had been, for the lack of a better way to put it, dimming in her natural light? Did anyone notice how she had been quieter than usual? More isolated from the crowd?

The answer lies in the way no one notices her silence. 

No one but _one._

“Yo kid, don’t tell me you’re sick too.” 

Nowadays, Jeongyeon acts and sounds like Jackson. Dahyun’s afraid she’ll go crazy too, being surrounded by so many Jacksons. It’s like dealing with a bunch of hyperactive five-year-olds. 

Jeongyeon squeezes–literally–the answer out of Dahyun. Eventually, she gives up and recedes, admitting to her unnie how everything she had worked hard for, spiralled down to a blackhole of chaos. 

“Everyone’s got someone, unnie.” Dahyun’s been smiling for so long that feeling sad feels unfamiliar to her by now. “Sometimes I feel like...I’m just a tag-along? Like someone just here to attend the weekly practices and disappear after that. Everyone’s got someone. Nayeon unnie has Sana and Jihyo unnie, and you have Momo and Mina unnie. I...I’m no one’s.”

The gloom on Jeongyeon’s face makes Dahyun want to take her words back, makes her want to automatically revert to her established character as the default comfort friend. But she can’t take them back now, not when Jeongyeon looks just about ready to smack whoever hurt Dahyun but can’t actually do it because it’s Dahyun herself who's hurt her own.

Jeongyeon just results in the comfort of assurance. “What are you talking about? You’re my someone, Dubu!” 

Dahyun regrets letting Jeongyeon know this because now the older girl is being all mushy and reactive, and her voice ends up being loud enough to echo around the room, gaining the attention of the other girls who, unfortunately, start making their way over to the commotion.

Receiving attention and thinking of what to do with it has always been one of Dahyun’s weakest points. It’s one way to get applauded for something, to attract eyes, but it’s a whole other thing to know how to react properly, aside from the compulsory appreciation. 

The next thing Dahyun knows, she’s thrown into a hug pile from her unnies, incited by Jeongyeon’s, “She said Nayeon’s favorite was Chaeyoung, Sana’s was Momo, Jihyo’s was Mina, and no one was hers!” 

Dahyun feels like getting choked by love and validation. _It’s the best form of choking._

It helps in lifting a boulder from her chest. She can breathe again, a little bit. Knowing Mina joined in on the hug, as awkward as it was for her, made everything feel a little bit better too. 

Eventually, after a quick ambushed photo-op session with the AV club and other school paper members, the practice session ends with Sana inviting everyone over to her house to help prepare for the party tomorrow night. Knowing her, there’s _always_ going to be something _more_ to just decorating and preparing. Probably a mini-party while they’re there. 

Dahyun immediately agrees. A part of her, the small ignited spark of determination brough by the assurance of her unnies, wants to find resolve in her remaining problem—the root of everything else: the invisible rift between her and Mina. 

Jeongyeon and Nayeon stay behind to take care of Chaeyoung at the dorms. Everyone understands. They’re like co-parenting Chaeyoung by now. 

They ride in Sana’s Pajero on their way to the Minatozaki mansion.Sana drives while Momo sits shotgun, and Dahyun calmly lets out a sigh of relief when Jihyo squishes herself between her and Mina at the backseat. 

They arrive within less than fifteen minutes, with how Sana maneuvers the side streets like it’s a racing track. It’s practically a near-death experience and Dahyun wonders if Sana will ever take driving lessons again when they’re older, feeling scared already for her future godchild should Sana continue going like this. 

The Minatozaki mansion is in its usual state of emptiness when they arrive. This time Sana explains about a two-week-long business trip in Geneva that has rendered her parents unable to spend time with their only child, resulting in an amount of guilt that is somehow curable by allotting their child more-than-enough funding for a “high school party”. 

It’s another thing that makes the Minatozakis _That Cool Family™_ in the block. They even pay for Sana’s extravagant Party of the Year celebrations. Dahyun could only dream of that amount of support from her parentals. 

“You guys can leave your bags in the car so that you won’t forget anything when I drive you back to the dorms”, Sana suggests as they step out of the Pajero, greeted by one of the house helpers in the Minatozaki residence waiting by the opened doors.

In the many times Dahyun has been here, it’s the first time they enter through the main entrance, two white-paneled, arched doors held open for them. They’re greeted by the grand staircase that leads to the second floor foyer. To its left is the entrance to the formal dining area and down straight is the hall that leads to the main living room. 

They go through down the hall, experiencing a new kind of house tour as they never truly go through this part of the mansion. 

The living room looks different with all the furniture pushed to the sides, enveloped in plastic covers to protect the expensive chintz fabric from the accidents induced by clumsy, alcohol-dazed teenagers. There are long tables set up on both ends of the room. Dahyun’s assuming they’re for the food and entertainment system. 

“So...what do we have to do?” Jihyo asks as they all stop in the middle of the room, craning heads to take a look around, thinking of what more else they can add to spice up the living room and turn it into a “nightclub”, as per Sana’s wishes. 

“Well, I was planning on putting around lots of bright, lighting decors but dad already paid some guys to handle those. They’re coming by later…” Sana picks at her fingernails, lips pursing in deep thought. “So mom suggested we just put party decors. Like, hang them on the railings, scatter them around…” 

“Like, balloons?” Dahyun asks, already imagining the living room floor flooded with balloons. _Imagine how many people would have their hearts stopping every time a balloon pops…_

Sana tilts her head. “Well...I was thinking more of like, flowers and things like that?” 

“But Chaeyoung…” 

“I know, I know. That’s why I had one of our helpers run to the store and buy lots of crafting paper! They’re in my room right now!” Sana perks up, eyes twinkling in animated crescents. 

Dahyun frowns a little, brows furrowed in confusion. “We’re gonna make...paper flowers?” 

From across the room, she feels Mina’s eyes fall on her. It takes an _immense_ amount of self-control not to look back. 

“Sana, you know I’m not good with origami—” Jihyo chastises but Sana’s giggling cuts her off before she can even finish. 

“It’s just cutting, Ji! More cutting, cutting, cutting! And Momoring and Mitang already know how to do it so we’ll just teach you and Dahyunnie~” 

Jihyo doesn’t look convinced but she still lets Sana drag her upstairs, where they gather in Sana’s lavish bedroom, sprawled on the floor, sifting through a literal _heap_ of crafting paper prepared for them. 

“Just curious Satang. How many art materials did you ask them to buy...?” Momo gawks at the stack of paper before her, piled high enough to reach below her knee. “Did you buy the store’s entire stock or something…?” 

All eyes avert to the girl in question, standing right in the center of the room, distributing colorful kiddy scissors around. Sana freezes halfway, takes in the waiting silence and all the eyes on her, and answers everyone with a sheepish giggle, hand scratching the back of her head. “Uh…” 

“Oh my god...” Jihyo laughs, delightfully amazed. “The daycare’s gonna need some paper for their arts and craft classes, Sana! You could’ve left at least a box or something…” 

“I did! We did! This is just enough to decorate the living room with.” 

“Whatever”, Jihyo scoffs with a playful roll of her eyes, reaching over for the pair of scissors handed to her. She settles down on the fur rug at the end of Sana's bed, grabbing a blue art paper. 

Once everyone’s got their pair of scissors and a housekeeper arrives with a basket of biscuits from the pantry, they begin their little arts and craft session. Mina, Sana, and Momo lead the group in making the paper flowers, Dahyun and Jihyo (more like _just_ Jihyo–Dahyun already knows this but she’ll pretend she doesn’t) are stuck playing nursery kids listening to their teachers. 

About fifteen minutes into the frustrated silence of everyone in the room–because no matter how _amazing_ Sana is at her work, making clean cuts is a task challenging for _everyone_ –Momo runs over to the stereo system and plays deejay, MMMBop filling in the air and hyping everyone up. 

Dahyun is grateful the entire time. The vibrant pop music and Momo’s dancing for them has everyone up on their feet at times or at their throats, shout-singing to Uhm Junghwa’s parts in JINUSEAN’s Tell Me while Jihyo and Momo take turns at rapping. 

The entire fiasco has Dahyun temporarily whisked away from reality and her current predicament. 

It’s unfortunate how they’re not complete right now but they make do with what they have, and what they have is Momo perfectly dancing to Uhm Junghwa’s Invitation on top of Sana’s bed and Jihyo’s pretending to throw money (the scraps from their cut-outs) like she’s at a damned adults’ club, howling at the performer. 

It’s wild and Dahyun fears the possibility that tomorrow’s _definitely_ going to be even wilder. 

It’s only natural and expected that they don’t finish their tasks and end up only with a few garlands of paper flowers worthy enough for decoration. 

By hour one and a half, there are plastic wrappers, crumbs of biscuits, and empty cans of Cola and root beer all over the room; the garlands are kept on top of a desk, away from Jihyo and Sana as they jump around and move their arms to the steps of S.E.S.’s I’m Your Girl. 

Momo is singing to her heart’s content at the back, plopped down on Sana’s bed, breathless after her earlier performances, holding up a hair brush as a mic. Unlike the three’s burst of energies, Mina and Dahyun are awkwardly neutral, seated on the opposite sides of the room, the blonde younger girl bobbing her head with the rhythm and the older girl simply smiling and faintly singing along. 

They’re pretty much drunk with energy and non-existent alcohol. It’s thirty minutes before dorm curfew when things finally calm down and Momo begins playing a string of slower songs, changing CD to CD in the stereo system, altering between Korean and Western hits. 

Now, Fin.K.L.’s Blue Rain is nearing its end and Dahyun, Jihyo, and Mina are picking up the litter everywhere in Sana’s room. 

By quarter to nine, Momo’s vomiting in the bathroom down the hall, Sana holding her hair up for her. She isn’t drunk but she’s managed to convince herself that she is, enough that she’s swallowed mentos and drank a can of coke right after. 

Jihyo grabs the overflowing trash bin and tells Dahyun and Mina she’ll just throw it downstairs. Mina nods. Dahyun almost does too, until she realizes Jihyo going downstairs meant leaving her and Mina all alone in the same space again and Dahyun, for the most part, has finally climbed back down from her temporary high earlier, making her conscious enough to feel real fear again. 

“Unnie, wait!” She unknowingly blurts out, stopping Jihyo halfway from crossing the threshold. 

Real fear is hard and cold and painful, like getting hit on the face by an iceberg, Dahyun thinks. She isn’t exactly familiar with how _that_ feels like–given how she has _not_ been hit by an iceberg on the face _yet–_ but she thinks about the Titanic, imagines she’s the ship, and convinces herself of the wreck that follows, how a gigantic floating mass of ice slices through and cuts. 

The ghost of a shudder runs down Dahyun’s spine. 

_Maybe I should talk to unnie some other time?_

“Dahyun? Are you gonna come with me?” Jihyo speaks, just in time to snap Dahyun out of her thoughts. She’s still waiting by the threshold, holding the trash bin against her chest. 

_Maybe I should?_

From where Dahyun stands, she sees Mina, standing too, unaware of what to do with herself. She looks smaller than before, and more awkward with her movements. There’s a slight second of hesitation at every action that involves Dahyun, at every answer and every thought. 

Dahyun _hates_ knowing how they’re both aware of what’s happening between them. The uncalled-for awkwardness that just suddenly popped out of nowhere. The eggshells they walk on when they’re within each other’s space. 

Dahyun _hates_ it. 

She wants to go back to how they were before. 

She wants to end _this._

So she does. 

"Mina unnie." Saying her name feels unfamiliar and weird again. Mina looks up at her. Dahyun feels like getting knocked out of air. "Uh...can we talk?"

Two pairs of eyes are blinking at her. It takes about a minute before Dahyun clears her throat and Jihyo, _god bless her,_ must have understood something along the lines of a badly-staged _ehem_ and proceeds to turn back to Mina. 

"Oh, okay then. I’ll just throw these out and uh...help Sana deal with fake-drunk Momo", she chuckles dryly. "You girls...um...have a nice talk, I guess?” 

Mina says something but it's too soft for Dahyun to understand and all she's really focusing on right now is Mina's smile, how faint it is and substantially bleak in comparison with the ones they shared before.

Before Jihyo leaves entirely, she throws a soft smile over to Dahyun, who can only plaster on a sad raise of her eyebrows in return, edges tugging downwards. The older girl puts down the trash bin and reaches for the knob, pulling the door close to give the two more private space. 

Once Mina and Dahyun are alone in the room, that's when the atmosphere drops and everything stills, like a movie scene in slow motion where Dahyun only realizes how, yet again, she's come to a battle unprepared. 

Instead of a shield and sword, she carries around her heart out on her sleeve, meek and small, beating for one Mina Myoui. The very girl standing before her, looking at her with moonlit oceans for eyes, deep and calm but very, _very_ scary.

"You wanted to talk?" 

The older girl's voice sounds weak, a far contrast to the taut expression on her face, one eyebrow slightly raising in anticipation. 

Dahyun remains on her feet, frozen in place, standing a few feet away from the door behind her and a near meter distance from Mina in front. In case the faux confidence runs out and Dahyun realizes what she's doing is the exact opposite of what _going the safe way_ means.

_Normal Dahyun wouldn't do this. She wouldn't risk it. Who the hell am I now then?_

"Dahyun-ah?" 

The way Mina says her name sends Dahyun's insides twisting into a dead-end knot. There are a thousand feathers dusting at the walls of her stomach right now and truth be told Dahyun wants to laugh, let out a loud, incredulous guffaw because _goddamn this is hard._

"Unnie...I...I just wanted to...uh...ask if…" _Where to begin, Dahyun?_ So many things to say and yet she can't even form a straight sentence without stammering. 

Mina furrows her eyebrows, taut expression softening on her face. "Are you okay...?"

"U-Unnie...Do you...Are you…" _Get a grip, Dahyun!_ She closes her eyes, not even attempting to hide the frustration on her face anymore. Her fists are clenched, nails digging crescent fissures on her palms. 

Dahyun takes a deep breath, and in one go she lets out all her jumbled emotions in the form of four words, "Are you mad at me?" 

_Pause._

It feels like the skies have fallen over her head, like the high tides have washed her down and dragged her to the seas, deep and cold and dark and all alone. The cold waters she feels in her head, stealing all the oxygen in her lungs, make their way to the back of her eyes, pricking until they force their way out, trailing down her cheeks in the form of warm tears.

The silence stretches to an alarming length, and Dahyun nearly convinces herself she was just hallucinating Mina's presence all along and the older girl is actually nowhere in sight, but then a hand wraps itself around her clenched fist, fingers trailing down to unwrap the tense hold, and when Dahyun opens her eyes, she’s drowning all over again, in moonlit oceans deep, calm and very, _very_ scary.

“I could never get mad at you, Dahyun.” Mina responds with a tone the same as her soft, concerned frown on her face. “What made you think that?” 

“I just...you haven’t…” Dahyun can’t get her words going. Not when Mina’s rubbing the back of her hand softly, the other thumb gently running through the trails of tears down her face. 

Dahyun takes a deep breath, a last resort to composing herself. It works a little bit. “It just felt like something was off? And...you seemed distant?” 

(At the back of her mind, Dahyun regards this as karma. For all the times she selfishly thought avoidance was the answer to sorting her thoughts out. Look at her now.) 

They sit down on the edge of Sana’s bed, Mina pulling the younger girl over to rest on the soft surface, knees barely brushing against each other. 

“I’m sorry if that made you think I was mad at you”, She doesn’t remove her hold on Dahyun’s hand. She just looks at the younger girl in the eyes and hopes she’s convincing enough. “I was just really...thinking about a lot of things and worrying about a lot too…” 

“Oh...okay…” There’s a little sigh of relief there, but not entirely. “Does that mean you aren’t upset about the letter?” 

“The letter?” 

Dahyun doesn’t know what pushes her to continue even though the confusion on Mina’s face is as apparent as looking through a waxed-clean glass door, but she does push through and further. 

“The one I left in your jacket the night I slept over…?”

Mina’s head tilts, eyebrows furrowing. “You left a letter?” 

Dahyun nods. 

The thought process stretches to a minute before a lightbulb is lit up and a switch is flipped in Mina’s head. Her eyes widen as a horrified gasp escapes her lips. _Oh no._

“Dahyun-ah...um...that jacket was Jeongyeon’s...” 

Dahyun feels her brain stutter for a moment. In the five-second-long glitch that occurs, every thought is wiped clean out of her head. “What.” 

Mina nods, hands falling from her hold on Dahyun’s. “Yeah. She lent it to me for the night but I didn’t wear it so I just gave it back the next day.”

If Dahyun could get into a tiny submarine and travel into her head, all she’d hear is faint elevator music playing in an endless loop, providing background music as an abysmal vortex sucks in all of her thoughts and hopes away into the darkness.

She can only stare on the uneven surface of the wall, small bumps and dips on the white plane, imagining the vortex there, ready to swallow her in. 

“...to me again—Dahyun? Hey, Dahyun-ah?” 

The mention of her name in that familiar gentle Mina tone snaps her out of her thoughts almost immediately. “O-Oh. Uh...sorry, unnie. What was it again?” 

Mina only takes in a short breath, hard frown softening at the sight of Dahyun looking so innocently out of her mind. 

“I asked if…” she trails off, tone fortified with all the tenderness in the world. Mina reaches out for the loose hair strand dangling by the side of Dahyun’s face. She tucks behind her ear gently, chuckling when dusts of pink embellish the younger girl’s cheeks so visibly. “You can just summarize what you wrote in the letter? What was it about?”

_Summarize?_

Dahyun feels a bulldozer tear down her heart. The ruins freefall into the acid of her stomach, catalyzing a bitter reflux that crawls at her throat. Dahyun wants to throw up but there’s nothing. Her lips quiver instead, and before she can even get a hold of herself, her eyes begin blurring with tears too. Gravity pulls at them down almost instantly, just like how the universe drags at Dahyun. 

_Summarize the entire content of my heart into a paragraph? Write down days worth of wallowing and trying to figure things out, put into the right words what I once thought was perfect already just to explain it all over again? Right from the start, go through the same frustrations and figure things out?_

“U-Unnie...I…” Dahyun can’t even speak properly, lips trembling too much, too fast. There isn’t a hint of sadness in her system. All she feels is a tight burning in her chest, telling her to shout on the top of her lungs her frustration and disappointment, of how her hard work had been flushed down the toilet _once again_ , and here she is, having to suffer. 

Dahyun is frustrated. Disappointed. She’s angry. Livid. She’s brimming with rage. So much anger burning inside of her, all she can do is cry. Tears forcing their way out, gushing down in streams of strong currents. 

“Hey, hey…” Mina is rushing to wipe at every drop of tear, palm dabbing on Dahyun’s cheeks, unable to comprehend what’s happening and what she’s supposed to do. All she’s sure of is that she _never_ wants to see Dahyun crying again. _Never. In a lifetime, never._

“I...I m-made a...playlist and…” Dahyun heaves for air. She feels like a child running to her mother after a bullying playmate. “And...I h-had everything w-written down...a-after days and _days_ of not understanding a-anything about me...a-and my feeling...and…and…” 

“Hey, hey...Shh…” Mina can’t bear this sight. She pulls her hand to hold Dahyun’s face in place, cupping her jaw, thumbs stroking gently on warm, flushed skin. “Dahyun-ah, look at me. Shh.” 

Dahyun tries to find Mina’s eyes as if she were in a tunnel and hers were a source of light at the end. “U-Unnie…” She whimpers, lips trembling.

Mina feels her heart break apart. 

“You don’t have to tell me what’s inside the letter, okay?” She pulls Dahyun into an embrace, one arm wrapping around to hold her and the other resting on the back of her head, stroking gently, hushing beside her ear. “We can go to Jeong first thing tomorrow morning and get it back.” _Hoping it is still there…_

Dahyun feels even more awful soaking Mina’s shoulder with her tears and her disgusting emotions. “U-Unnie, no. I...I have to tell you. It’s...I can’t just do it all over again. I don’t want to...I don’t want to go through all of that again because...because it was hard and...and sad and you…’ Dahyun feels another surge of tears. “You don’t deserve that, unnie.” 

“Well. Uh. How about the gist…?” Mina holds on to Dahyun, unwilling to show the younger girl her own frustration over the predicament. “We’ll get it tomorrow from Jeongyeon as soon as we can and—” 

“Unnie, I like you.” 

The patting on her head stops. 

Dahyun’s just so mad at the universe right now. For being so unfair. “That’s what I wrote in the letter. That I like you.” 

It’s like time stopped between them. There’s a rapid cadence Dahyun can feel and hear, and she’s sure it’s both of their hearts probably trying to make sense of all the words and emotions spilling all over the place at the moment. 

“What?” It’s Mina who speaks first, after a minute’s worth of silence. She pulls away from the hug and looks at Dahyun straight in the eye, as if trying to look for something in there. A flicker of witticism? A glint of uncertainty? Any sign that Dahyun’s not in her right mind and what she just said isn’t what Mina thinks (hopes) it is? 

Mina finds none of those in Dahyun’s eyes. All she sees are everything beautiful in the world, casted in a galaxy of darkness. 

“You like me?” 

“Yes.” 

“Since when?” Truth be told, Mina doesn’t even know why she’s asking. The answer wouldn’t affect nor do anything. She just probably wants to know how long she's been running around clueless.

“I have no idea when it started. But...uh…” Dahyun racks her short-circuiting brain for something. “But I realized I did when we were at the arcade and I showed you my skills in Donkey Kong. I...I never showed that anyone else. Even Jeong unnie.” 

Mina remembers that night albeit in blurred streaks. She draws in a hitched breath at realization of how long it has been. “That was my first week here! For that long you...liked me?” 

“Small crush, yes. And then...it just grew the more I knew you.” 

There’s a strange flutter of wings in her chest, and no longer do the searing pain of rage exist in her system. It’s replaced by something warm that permeates all over her body, from the tips of her ears to all over her cheeks and– _god forbid_ –her nose. As if they wasn’t red enough yet after all the crying she’s done. 

“Dahyun…” When she sees the affectionate look on Mina’s eyes, Dahyun wants to shove her head against the wall. 

“Unnie, you don’t have to say anything.” First and foremost, she already anticipated this. Rejection won’t be as hard now, with how the prospect of one never sat far in her train of thoughts. “It’s really okay. That letter had more things to say but...well...yeah. I like you and you don’t have to like me back—” 

“But I do like you back, Kim Dahyun.” 

“—And rejection has always been a smooth sail for me. I can handle it pretty well even if you reject me. Although, there isn’t even anything to reject—”

“I’m not rejecting you…?” 

“—Because this is just me saying I like you, unnie. I’m not asking for anything else—” 

Mina can’t help but let the smile tug at the corner of her lips. She isn’t sure if Dahyun’s really not hearing her right now or if she's choosing not to. 

“—and I’m totally going to support you all the way if you like someone else. Heck, I can even set you up with whoever they are—” 

Mina chuckles. “I don’t like anybody else but you.” 

“—And yeah, unnie. That’s what...the letter held. I like you.” Dahyun exhales, after all that straight talk has her lungs on fire. Then, she hastily adds, “Oh, and I made a mixtape. I thought you might want to listen to the songs that reminded me of you. But it’s okay if you don’t. I totally get it. My taste can be weird sometimes.” 

“Yeah. I can see that.” Mina nods, smiling in pure delight. “I have weird taste too.” 

“Oh?” Dahyun's head perks up, face plastered with so much pure interest, Mina finds it hard to believe how this is all possible. “How weird?” 

“Well, for one, the person I like doesn’t seem to listen to me?”

Dahyun lets out the most dramatic horrified gasp. “How could they?! The audacity of that person!"

“Should I tell her?” Mina asks, feigning a thinking face as she plays into whatever it is happening before her. Dahyun acts like she just got zapped with amnesia that erased the last minute in her memory. 

“Yeah, unnie. You should. Be the better person!” Dahyun says, all-knowing with her resolute expression, even nodding at her own suggestion. 

“Hm. Okay. I like you, Kim Dahyun.” 

Mina isn't able to hold back the smile on her face at how Dahyun looks at her, like a deer caught in the headlights. 

“I’ve been trying to tell you that but you won’t let me. Even if you’re not asking me for anything, I’d still say yes.”

“Wait a minute. I…” Dahyun feels her throat constrict. Suddenly, she feels like she’s about to float away to the skies, losing oxygen slowly. 

“You like me?" She points to herself. "As friends, right? Because it wouldn’t make sense if _you_ _liked me._ ”

“Why wouldn’t it?” 

“Because...you’re _you,_ unnie! Myoui Mina. Miss Perfect. I’m...well...I’m Kim Dahyun.”

“Miss Sunshine Girl.” 

Dahyun can’t wrap her head around it. “You like me? For real?” 

The question finds Mina laughing softly as she nods. “Yes. For real.” 

“And all I had to do was...cry in front of you?” 

“Well, no. Not really. You just blurted out that you liked me and—” 

“I’ve been planning meticulously and double-thinking myself every single day and I even lost the letter I poured my heart out on and the mixtape I spent hours trying to record...just for me to cry out to you and tell you I liked you?! AND YOU JUST...LIKE ME BACK!?”

The gradual rise of her tone catches Mina stunned. She watches as every ascend of Dahyun’s voice also has her slowly standing up until she’s perfectly on her feet, looking just about ready to start the next revolution.

“Is something wrong with that…?” 

Dahyun averts her fiery gaze at her (which Mina finds kind of hard to take seriously when her eyes are swollen from the crying and her entire face is still red as Rudolph’s nose). “Unnie. _You. Like. Me._ You like me!” 

“Yes. I do.” Mina can't count how many times she's been saying it but it's been assured to her enough, she hopes it is to Dahyun as well. 

“I just…” Dahyum starts, the fire in her eyes waning to a small spark. She plops back down on where she originally sat, right beside Mina, knees brushing softly, naturally. 

"Wow. Unnie." She lets out a deep breath. “Are you really sure about that?” 

Mina can’t help but let out another laugh. “Sure about liking you?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Yes, Dahyun. I’ve never been more certain about someone my entire life.” 

Dahyun makes a sound somewhere between a snort and a whine. Mina isn’t sure whether it’s a good thing or otherwise because of the shocked expression on the blonde’s face. Whatever it is, Dahyun suddenly falls on the bed, lying on her back, letting out another one of those creatively confusing expressions of hers, this time a crossbreed of a scoff and a gasp. “Wow…”

Mina looks down at the younger girl, smile fading away as a scary thought crosses her mind.

"Dahyun-ah, do you... _not_ want me to—”

“No! Unnie, no!” Just like that, Dahyun’s distinct vivacity is back. Her aggressive denial has Mina startling a little. Dahyun shakes herself out of it. “I just. I can’t believe it, unnie…” 

Mina watches the girl stare up at the ceiling of the room for a good few seconds before deciding the space beside her is the best place in the world to be. She carefully lies down there, legs dangling over the edge of the bed. There’s a safe distance between them, but not too far that their arms don’t brush against each other. 

“It’s not that hard to believe…” Mina mumbles, looking up at the fissures on the ceiling as well. “You’re the coolest, most amazing person I know, Dahyun.” 

Silence envelopes the room. Then, there’s a light shift on the bed. Mina can see Dahyun’s head turned to her direction, looking right at her profile. 

(Dahyun feels like she’s completely flown into the air by now. She’s too high up in the clouds, everything feels like a really, _really_ good dream.) 

“Unnie.” 

“Hmm?” Mina turns to rest on her side to face Dahyun too, left arm folding to hold her chin up on her palm. 

"Does this mean…" Dahyun trails off, wary to finish her words. “Are we...?” 

Mina flushes at the implications, knowing all too well already what Dahyun wants to say. She knows just as much, what she wants to have too. But won't push for it unless they're both ready.

“We can be whatever you’re comfortable for us to be, Dahyun.” 

A pause ensues, Dahyun just blinking at Mina, as if trying to memorize her face right at that moment. They were close enough to do so, and if Dahyun would lean in closer, she might even be able to count each and every mole and freckle on Mina’s face. 

_I can't believe she exists…_

“Unnie.” 

“Yes?” 

“What do we do now?” 

“We don’t have to do anything. Let’s just take this one step at a time and see where it goes.” Mina smiles and uses her free hand to reach for Dahyun’s temple, gently running her fingers through the loose strands again, tucking them behind her ear.

The action has Dahyun yawning. Mina takes this as their cue to check on the other girls who have been out of sight the entire time she and Dahyun had talked about _things._

“Why don’t we go see if they’re still around?” Mina drags herself up to a stand, holding a hand out for Dahyun. “Sana might’ve driven Jihyo home already. We don’t exactly have a ride back…” 

Dahyun takes her hand and pulls herself up too. They walk over to the door and open it just in time for a body to fall on their feet with a grunt. Dahyun nearly shouts, drowsiness washed away from her body. 

Momo’s sleeping on the ground like a baby. When Mina and Dahyun look, Sana and Jihyo are playing a random game of rock, paper, scissors. They act clueless and surprised to see Mina and Dahyun. 

“Oh? You guys are done? We just arrived here, no worries. We didn’t hear _anything_ hihi _…”_ There’s a reason why Sana joined cheerleading and not theater club. She wouldn’t be able to convince a _child_ with her acting even if it were for her own life. 

“Dahyun? Did you cry!?” Jihyo blurts out a little too loudly, although Momo’s snoring has them reassured she won’t be waking up anytime soon.

“It’s nothing, unnie.” A blush stretches across Dahyun’s face. 

Fortunately, Mina just acts cool. “Satang, will we go back to the dorms already?” 

Sana nods, head bobbing a little too aggressively. “The car’s already waiting outside.” 

Mina hums, mumbles a soft word of gratitude before crouching down to help Jihyo carry a fake-drunk Momo by the arms, dragging her down the staircase carefully while Sana guides in front and Dahyun at the back. 

They arrive on the main floor in one piece. There’s a Chevy Astro waiting for them by the driveway and Dahyun briefly wonders just how many cars the Minatozakis own. They get inside safely, carrying Momo in with the help of the kind chauffeur that will drive them to the dorms. 

Jihyo seatbelts Momo in place, sitting by the second row while Sana takes shotgun, and Mina and Dahyun take the third. 

The ride back is silent with only the muffling of the engine as background music. It takes about fifteen minutes before they arrive, and it’s only to their luck that Yumama’s apparently busy taking care of something else, enough that she isn’t guarding the main entrance and the four easily sneak in. 

They all work on carrying Momo to her dorm room, where her roommate’s slumber is unhappily interrupted by their knocking. Once they’re assured Momo’s settled in, Jihyo walks to their room, leaving Mina and Dahyun standing by the door, left in the cliche bubble of teenage after-date awkwardness—even if earlier wasn’t, by any means, a date. 

"You should rest, unnie. We have a big day tomorrow."

The prospect of the party alone has Mina feeling dead tired already. She lets out a sigh, still contemplating whether to attend or not. 

“I’m not even sure if I wanna come”, she chuckles wryly. “I don’t have the energy to do all that socializing.” 

Dahyun gasps horrifyingly. “WHAT? Unnie! You should come! It’s the Party of the Year and you only have one chance in life to attend one of Sana unnie’s high school parties!”

Mina can’t help but chuckle at the serious concern in Dahyun’s tone. It sounds like they’re discussing more pressing matters and _not_ a simple high school party. 

“I heard college parties are way wilder, you know.” 

“Maybe. Yeah. But you only get to be in high school once!” Dahyun exclaims, and then adds quickly, “Unless...you know, you repeat or something. But that’s beside the point! Unnie! You have to _seriously_ come!” 

“I’ll be alone for the rest of the night. Even if I come with any of you guys, at the end, I’ll have to spend the party like a wallflower. I’m really not sure if I want to waste my time like that, love.” 

“But unnieeeee~” Dahyun whines, not loud enough to attract attention or disturb the other sleeping residents in the hall though. “Chaeng’s my date tomorrow but I’ll make sure you’re _never_ alone! I’ll follow you _everywhere_ if I have to!” 

Mina chuckles at the fervent determination Dahyun has in convincing her to attend. It’s really no use if she were being honest. One word from Dahyun asking her to come, she’d do it right away. 

_Damn, Mina. How deep have you fallen in this?_

But of course, where’s the fun in giving in easily? Dahyun looks adorable like this. 

“I don’t know, love.” Mina trails off. “It’s just gonna be loud music and lots of sweaty teenagers. Nothing fun. Besides, parties are _never_ good. Something always bad happens and I don’t really want to get involved with more trouble.” 

“Trouble can be fun too, unnie…” 

“I’m not sure about that but I’ll believe you, okay.” 

“Will you come if I say it’s a date?” 

Mina smiles. _Now there you go._ “This is no fun. You’re calling it a date so that I’ll come?” 

“A _friendly_ date, unnie. Everyone outside our group still kinda thinks you and Jeongyeon unnie are something. I might get roasted alive if we jump right into this.” Dahyun pretends she isn’t hurt by the truth. A lot of people who have not seen how Nayeon and Jeongyeon have been together, how married they are by now, only know the stories about Jeongyeon and Mina. 

Although same sex relationships are still taboo in society, Jeongyeon and Mina look like a power couple, make such a beautiful tandem that somehow, majority of the younger batches are actually on-board with the idea of the two. 

It’s as messed up as Dahyun is affected by the situation. Because Jeongyeon and Mina are already so perfect on the outside, so ideal and easy for the world to romanticize, what will become of _her,_ Kim Dahyun, whom everyone once thought was the Most Religious Student in the Freshmen Orientation, once they find out she’s actually the one who’s on mutual terms with Mina? 

_They’re gonna think it’s blasphemy unless we somehow come up with a plan to discreetly deny the—_

And then it hits Dahyun like a eureka moment. 

“Oh my god! Unnie! I have the _perfect reason_ for you to come!”

Mina only cocks an eyebrow, waiting. 

“You can finally show everyone at the party that you and Jeongyeon unnie aren’t a thing!” 

“What? How?” 

As much as Dahyun is excited for this, exhaustion hits her like a buzzkiller and she yawns, big and unladylike enough that Mina chuckles and realizes, “We can figure that out tomorrow then.” 

Dahyun feels her eyes hooded with a magnetic pull for sleep, her body only realizing now how tired it’s been, how imperfectly timed, really, as if the eureka moment had used up the last of her energy bubbles and she’s now literally drained. 

“Tomorrow, unnie. Come. Please?” She utters, looking up at the eyes of the older girl standing away from the door. 

Mina smiles, reaches to pat Dahyun’s head. “Okay. I’ll come.” 

It’s enough for a closure to end Dahyun’s roller coaster-of-a-day. She yawns again. “I’ll see you tomorrow, unnie.” 

It’s goodbye but somehow, Dahyun doesn’t open the door yet and Mina doesn’t leave. 

For a second there they have no idea what to do with each other, just standing in the silence, waiting for something they both don't know. It's Mina who figures what it is first, and before Dahyun can even realize it, the older girl is leaning in, lips pressing against the tear-stained cheeks.

It's fleeting, soft enough that Dahyun doesn't even feel it at first and only realizes it's happening when Mina pulls away and her cheeks are the ones flushed in pink now, tongue ghosting over lips very quickly, almost unnoticeably. 

"Y-You should...uh…" Mina’s flustered state only allows her stammering and a lot of hand flailing, as if that would make the message easier to convey. Dahyun just tilts her head, unable to meet halfway.

Mina blames this on the exhaustion and Dahyun's presence overpowering her rationality. 

She shakes her head, snapping herself out of her stupor, "You should put something cool over your eyes when you sleep. So that it won't get too swollen tomorrow when you wake up."

Dahyun smiles, feels a swell of warmth in her stomach. "Yes, unnie. I'll keep everything in mind.” 

She takes a small step forward to the door of her room. If she stayed there any longer within Mina's reach, she might not want to leave and that will cause _serious_ ramifications from Jihyo who, contrary to how independent and mighty she seems, can never sleep peacefully without Dahyun around.

“Good night, unnie. 

Mina nods. It's final. Dahyun stays in her place and bids the older girl one last good night before watching her retreating away.

When Dahyun enters the room, she gets the shock of her life, like getting defibrillated. Jihyo is still awake, sitting on her bed like she’s meditating (but she isn’t) and only scoffs when she finally meets eyes with Dahyun. 

“So.” Jihyo starts. 

Dahyun walks slowly over to her bed, trying to make way through the suspenseful silence. 

Jihyo takes her time, still seated with her back straight as a rod. The suspense stretches out to awkwardness and Dahyun just wants to sleep but knowing Jihyo, she’ll never let her hear the end of it if she does. 

So Dahyun stays awake, lying on her favorite sleeping position–body down, cheek pressed against the pillow, one leg arched like she’s riding a horse, and arms stretched out the side of her head. 

She’s about to fall asleep again until—

“You and Mina huh?” 

And Jihyo isn’t able to dodge the pillow that’s thrown at her face for the first time. Dahyun doesn’t get to sleep for at least another ten minutes, being grilled by her unnie's questions. 

* * *

For most of Mina's life, she avoided parties. 

It wasn't that she wasn't invited. It wasn't a party if a Myoui wasn't there, regardless of the type of event the celebration called for. It was just that Mina didn't like going to parties, formal or informal. 

Her friends back in Japan, those she grew up with, found the circumstance odd. For most of Mina's childhood, she spent them performing in front of guests in the many lavish parties her high-profile grandparents used to host in their home in Denenchofu. Those events were so extravagant that most of them would even be featured in magazines.

Before she was even born, Mina was already a celebrity. Granddaughter of oil magnates, child of a renowned doctor and a brilliant lawyer, and her brother rose to fame in high school when he got in the national football team so young. 

Popularity and attention was attracted by a Myoui like second nature. That's why, growing up, Mina avoided adding more fuel to the fire. She tried to keep a low profile in high school but even that posed impossible considering how Kai was a hot-shot, cool kid and her family picture were on tarpaulins every special event in school. "Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from the Myouis!", "Special thanks to the support of Dr. Myoui Akira, Atty. Sachiko, and family for their donations!" It'll always say.

Eventually, Mina stopped trying. 

The first party she attended that _wasn't_ a gathering of affluent families held in her grandparents' mansion was a party hosted by a popular senior whose name Mina would never _ever_ forget. Although it had become just another party she attended, that night was remarkable for the person she met. 

Haruka Miyauchi was the baddest bitch in school. She was a senior while Mina was a sophomore. There were a lot of rumors about her. That she often hung out at the red light district; often smoked, and even had tattoos. She was every bit the bad girl image she held.

Mina didn’t know it was Haruka Miyauchi’s party they were going to. Sakura, her friend who had dragged her along, only mentioned the name “Miya”–which, in the end, Mina found out was Haruka’s nickname. 

There wasn’t much about the party that Mina remembers now. It was a party of wild kids, with lots of underage drinking and sex. The only thing that strikes Mina whenever she looks back on that night was the moment she met Haruka Miyauchi. 

What started out as genuine fear for attracting the personification of trouble, turned out to be a very good friendship that had soon sparked the beginning of Mina’s...questions about her sexual orientation.

Who wouldn’t like Miya? She was beautiful and, beneath the layers of how society had made her look out–all the rumors about her, this and that–she was a lovely person with a brilliant mind. They often talked about the universe, philosophy, and society. 

After graduation, Miya volunteered to work as a teaching assistant in Obayashi while Mina was a junior. 

They were just close friends, to be honest. As far as Mina was concerned, she was just confused. 

Until they kissed. Just an innocent peck on the lips, as fast as a blink could go, blamed on the curiosity of a high school girl, pushed by the moment. It was fleeting and innocent, friendly at most. But it was etched on the halls of Obayashi forever. 

All it took was one student to pass by at the right exact moment, for Mina's entire world to come crashing down.

Just as fleeting as the kiss was the whirlwind of chaos the both of them were thrown into. Haruka was taken out of the TA gig and Mina was forever stuck alone, traversing the halls of Obayashi that looked at her with a certain kind of disgust, as if she was not a person. As if she had sinned against the universe.

_And for what? For liking a girl?_

Mina wasn't expelled. She chose to transfer schools and her parents were supportive of the idea, understanding how Obayashi wasn't a safe environment for her anymore. Those who stayed continued to spread rumors about her getting expelled and moving to Korea to save face.

Mina never saw Haruka ever again after that. She also never attended parties too, reminded of what got her into the mess in the first place.

If someone told Mina she’d be attending a damned high school party again at the behest of another girl, the old her would have scoffed at the very idea. Parties were nothing but trouble. 

_HA! Impossible!_

Or so she thought. Because here she is now, sitting on the bleachers under the scorching afternoon sun, in a beautiful white long-sleeved dress that drops just a few inches above her ankles, waiting for Jeongyeon to round up her teammates in the locker room before they head to Sana’s place early to help set up more.

It takes about ten more minutes before Jeongyeon resurfaces, followed by Momo and the rest of the soccer team. They look like they’re marching for the Olympics, all wearing the familiar varsity jackets. 

Jeongyeon doesn’t say anything when they meet halfway. She just spares Mina a faint smile and then they’re off to the cars they’ll be riding with. 

A random cold gust of wind blows in, sending shivers down Mina’s spine. She glances at the girl sitting beside her at the backseat of a pick-up, and sees Jeongyeon mindlessly staring outside the opened window. 

The party hasn’t even started yet and Mina already feels her growing concern for the way Jeongyeon’s acting so early in the day. Nothing in her memory of the girl sparks an idea as to why Jeongyeon’s like this. Maybe it’s got something to do with what happened after she left last night with Nayeon?

Before Mina could even ask, they’re already rounding the driveway of Sana’s house. She doesn’t get to ask when Jeongyeon thrusts herself into the whirlwind of party preparations, moving around like an operated robot. 

“Did something happen?” Mina asks as her eyes follow Jeongyeon’s movements in the living room, carrying chairs and party decors around. 

Momo shrugs beside her, taking a sip from the drink she took from Sana’s fridge. The girl’s been here so many times, it’s like her home already. 

“She’s been like that since earlier. I think something happened between her and Nayeon?” 

“That’s the only probable explanation, yes.” 

Momo sighs. “I just wish they could have moved their fight ‘til next week or something? Tonight’s supposed to be a fun night! Our night! Now here we are again with those two.” 

“I knew it.” The insides of Mina curl into something bitter. “This party was doomed to begin with.” 

“Hey.” Momo frowns at her. “Don’t say that. Satang worked hard for this.” 

“I know that. It’s just…” Mina’s experiences from the past all unwind in her head again, like the moment after death where all her memories flash.

“It’s just what?” 

Mina snaps out of her thoughts. Momo’s looking at her expectantly. 

Unintentionally, the ballerina’s gaze darts to the soccer captain moving around in the room. Jeongyeon’s face is void of any kind of emotion, literally stoic and robotic. Something in Mina twists. 

“It’s just that parties are never _always_ fun, you know?” 

“You _obviously_ haven’t been to Satang’s parties if you’re saying that.” 

Mina just chuckles at that, finding it a fleeting moment of fondness over how Momo’s always so assured when it comes to Sana. Always so confident when it comes to her. 

She wants something like that too. 

“It’s not Satang’s party that’s unsettling for me, Momoring.” She clarifies. 

Parties were never _really_ the problem for her. 

“Then what?”

Mina looks down on the jacket hanging on her arm. _Jeongyeon’s jacket._ “It’s what happens afterwards that scares me.”

_It’s always what happens afterwards that ruins people._

* * *

The party hits its climax and Dahyun is still nowhere in sight. Mina can’t say she’s not disappointed. 

The only reason she’s here is because of the girl, now that she isn’t around, Mina just tags along Jeongyeon, decides if she can’t be with Dahyun, she might as well spend the night reasonably by making sure nothing goes horribly wrong. 

At one point, just when Mina felt the most worried about Jeongyeon’s inability to laugh the entire hours they’ve been letting Sana’s music bleed their ears off, Jeongyeon finally gives in and tags Mina along to meet someone by the gate, a friend of hers from soccer. 

It’s the first time the entire day that Mina got to see Jeongyeon’s genuine smile. She even got to hear her laugh a little.

The guy is tall, clad in a Yonsei University jacket. From the looks of it, he’s very muscular underneath. If Mina was into guys, he’d be a good candidate. 

When they meet, Jeongyeon shakes hands with him, even goes to the length of doing that bro-hug thing, and then introduces to Mina, “This is Dongwoon. We met at one of the leagues I played at.” 

Mina offers her hand for a shake. 

Dongwoon takes it with a gentle hold and a lovely smile. “Nice to meet you Mina.” He takes a good look around the party scene, the skies a blend of orange and blue, people all over the place, dancing to music that’s loudest as ever. “Word on the street, kids from Apgujeong throw the coolest parties in town?” 

Mina just laughs, as genuine as she can make it sound. 

It’s Jeongyeon who answers with a playful smile, “You guys will be the judge that.” She turns to Dongwoon. “Mitang’s a transferee from Japan, Woon. This is also her first time attending one of Sana’s parties.” 

“Ah…” the taller guy bobs his head. “I suppose we better get going then? The party seems louder inside.” 

Jeongyeon just laughs (Music to Mina’s ears, really. This is the first time she’s heard it this whole day) and Mina smiles in character. They make their way down the throng of people dancing to Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, entering through one of the more hidden entrances at the back of the mansion where only a few people know.

They hang out by the breakfast nook of the formal kitchen, seated around a leather booth. Jeongyeon brings over some drinks from Sana’s bottomless stock of Hite beer. They make a simple toast, clinking their red solo cups in the air before chugging the drink down. 

“So, guys. What’s the plan for next year?” Dongwoon starts a conversation, glancing between Mina and Jeongyeon seated together. 

Mina finds it odd how Jeongyeon carelessly answers the question, “Still unsure, Woon. Prolly just gonna go run away or something. Marry a rich person and live off that.” When in reality, Jeongyeon’s the only one in their group whose future had been the most meticulously decided. 

_She was offered a scholarship in Yonsei, right?_

It’s either Jeongyeon doesn’t want Dongwoon to know that or Jeongyeon doesn’t have to let him know, because it’s not what’s gonna happen. 

(Mina has always been smarter than how she looks. And she looks _damn_ brilliant.) 

“How about you, Mina? Will you be staying here for college?” 

Both eyes turn to Mina, snapping her out of her skepticism. “Perhaps, yes. I’m really unsure as well.” 

“Enough about college and the future. We should just live in the moment now!” Jeongyeon exclaims rather hastily, fueling Mina’s suspicions even more. “Woon, how ‘bout you? How’s university been going? Any girls? A girlfriend? You’ve been all on your own for so long!” 

“Independency is the new cool, Jeong.” Dongwoon answers with a playful smug grin. “And besides, I’m too busy with soccer and school for a committed relationship. I’ll just be wasting someone else’s time.” 

“Dashing as ever with your chivalry”, Jeongyeon playfully rolls her eyes, much to Dongwoon’s chagrin. She turns to Mina. “Mina, Woon here is a baby boy. Always so gentle and romantic. At one point in time, I even thought I liked him.” 

“Yeah. Turns out she was just in it for the free rides and food.” 

“YA!” Jeongyeon laughs, reaching over the table to smack Dongwoon on the arm.

They enter in a comfortable fit of laughter and smiles, exchanging small talk, and Mina, for a second, wishes she could just have this for a while, forget about the storm brooding in Jeongyeon’s face when there’s a stretch of silence she’s left to think in and she does so, Mina assumes, thinking of whatever’s the problem with today. 

Eventually, their small bubble of fleeting bliss pops and Jeongyeon and Mina find themselves excusing their company from Dongwoon. Jeongyeon lies through gritted teeth, something about having to meet someone by the gates, but Mina sees the way Jeongyeon stares at a specific trajectory and narrows her eyes at a specific someone. 

Mina wishes it’s Nayeon so that they can fix whatever _this_ is.

“No prob. I’ll just roam around too”, Dongwoon stands up, red solo cup in hand. 

Jeongyeon nods and they go their separate ways there. The breakfast nook is occupied by another group of boys from the basketball team and their respective girlfriends.

Mina traverses through the crowd, jostling into random people and even almost ruining her dress in the process, after one guy nearly tripped and splashed his cup of beer at her. 

“You should stay here. Wear the jacket over so you’ll protect your precious princess dress”, Jeongyeon attempts at a joke, but the way her face is flattened to a stoic expression just has Mina unable to crack even the smallest of smiles. She just nods and wears the varsity jacket. 

Jeongyeon spares her a meaningful, soft gaze, trailing off in her expression. She wants to say something but somehow she can’t. Like she doesn’t know how to. 

Mina understands. She tries to. “I’ll be here if you need me, okay?” 

This is Jeongyeon after all. 

She just nods back, silently, sadly, on the verge of a breaking heart. 

* * *

Mina finds parties boring. They’re boring because the reason why she’s here isn't here yet. 

Mina, in spite of how the nearly the entire population of Apgujeong Private High find her as one of the most interesting students to talk and gossip about in the halls, is basically a ghost in this crowd when she’s within proximity. 

At one point in her waiting time, she remembers Dahyun’s letter and checks the pockets of Jeongyeon’s jacket. The smell of fabric conditioner kind of gave it away earlier but she still hoped it was here. Unfortunately, she emerges empty-handed. 

_I’ll just have to ask Jeong about it later then._

Mina turns back to watching the world go by before her. 

Standing isolated from the crowd, her red solo cup near its empty state, eardrums a minute away from blowing off, random sweaty people bumping against her—now there’s a _dog_ tapping on her shin—

_Wait a minute. A DOG?!_

Mina immediately looks down at her feet, mouth nearly at the verge of letting out the most ear-piercing scream ever when a head peeks from the table sheets.

“Mina unnie?” 

Recognizing the familiar nest of blonde hair in disarray and that lovely voice that always has her heart racing, Mina lets out a quiet gasp. 

“Dahyunnie?!” 

Mina nearly says something, nearly crouches down on her knees and pulls Dahyun into an embrace because although they have only been separated a few hours, she had been living _so_ lifelessly without the younger girl. 

But then another head pops up beside Dahyun’s and to Mina’s absolute shock (and slight happiness), it’s Chaeyoung looking all better than she was yesterday albeit the sweat beads pooling on the crown of her head. 

“Chaeyoungie!?” Mina steps aside to let the two younger girls get through. “What are you two doing?!

“We should ask you the same!” Dahyun exclaims, puffing at her denim skirt to rid the dust sticking. She looks at Mina up and down, noticing every inch of perfection in the older girl. Can’t help bu fall even more. 

Of course, she hides the way she swoons for Mina.

“What are you doing here looking like a poorly-disguised princess?” 

Mina looks down at her attire with a pout and just shrugs. “I didn’t know what to wear…?” 

She frowns a little and then subjects it to Chaeyoung whose staring is a little too obvious to overlook, with her eyes nearly bawling out of their sockets and her mouth hanging slightly ajar. 

“Chaeyoung, are you okay?” Mina can’t help but ask, looking at the younger girl with concern in her eyes. 

“O-Oh! Unnie”, Chaeyoung lets out an awkward laugh. “Um, sorry. Was just thinking…”

Mina just faintly smiles back, nodding with an almost unnoticeable confused frown. She moves on to asking what the hell happened and why the two girls were crawling underneath the tables. Dahyun answers back with an excuse at how long the line had been to the entrance, so they had to find another quicker way in. 

Chaeyoung asks about the party and Mina just fills them in casually, trying to act the same way she’s been before, in spite of the growing urge inside of her to be within touching proximity with Dahyun. A simple hug would do but— _sigh—_ it’ll have to wait. 

Mina tells them all about how she’d gotten here and where the other girls have been. 

“How about Nayeon unnie? Have you seen her?” Chaeyoung asks, standing on her tiptoes and looking around. It’s hopeless. As much as Mina thinks the kid’s big in everything else (a big personality, a big heart, etc.), her height just falls _short._

“Nayeon? I don’t think so.” Mina frowns. “But I did see her with the other cheerleaders earlier by the kitchen.” 

“Which one?” 

“The one where we went through before.”

“Okay. Thank you, unnie!” Chaeyoung smiles before attempting to walk away. Key word: attempting. Dahyun pulls her back to a stop. 

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m just going to look for unnie.”

“You’re going to get lost in there!”

Chaeyoung looks frustrated and dismayed, sporting an adorable pout on her lips. She turns to Mina for back-up, and Mina feels selfish for her reasons but Dahyun _did_ promise her some time together so she decides to go along with Chaeyoung now. 

Dahyun lets Chaeyoung go with a single nod from Mina. 

The moment the younger girl is out of sight, Mina feels like breathing again, drawing out air she didn’t even know was caged in. 

She puts down her red solo cup on the tables behind and glances at the blonde girl standing beside her, suspiciously craning her neck and standing on tippy-toes, fully taking in the sight of a Minatozaki party. 

Mina knows better than to believe the innocent act. She snorts. “You took long enough.” 

Dahyun remains looking at the deejay’s booth at the opposite end of the living room. “It was _really_ crowded outside, unnie. And I had...kind of a fashion situation…? Back at the dorms.” 

Mina looks down at her attire. “You look beautiful though?” 

“I didn’t about an hour ago.” Dahyun scoffs. “I looked like I was going to a Great Gatsby party. Chaeyoung was just too nice to call me out on it.” 

Mina can’t help but chuckle, feeling a rush of fondness wash over her, pulling her to take a step to the side, to lessen the damned space between them, even for a little. “I was waiting for you for so long, you know.” 

Dahyun thanks the dim room and the variegated strobe lights dancing around for hiding the blush that dusts across her face. When Mina stands close enough that their hands brush, she feels her heart pound against her chest. 

“I’m here now, unnie. Don’t worry.” 

Those words are enough to let Mina feel air in her lungs again. She unknowingly lets out a relieved sigh. 

They stand there, in the comfortable silence of each other’s company. The dj browses through music in the booth, playing songs from different kinds of genres. The lights flash before their eyes, quite blindingly if you ask Dahyun. Different colors flare from different directions like laser beams, and high up on the ceiling, a disco mirror ball rotates, adding even more _feel_ to the party.

At one point in time, Mina manages to sneak her hand behind her dress and reach out for Dahyun’s. It’s awkward at first. Dahyun’s hand is clammy from holding her cup of beer, and Mina jerked a little at the feel of the cool beads of water against her palm. 

Dahyun’s shocked. Her eyes glance at Mina warily, as if asking her “What are you doing?” and Mina kind of just answers with the way her fingers naturally lock with Dahyun’s, lacing through the spaces and holding it in place. 

In Dahyun’s hand, she holds Mina’s heart. All of it. 

They stay like that, standing together at the end of the room, holding hands hidden from the world to see. It’s normal, natural. Like breathing, like the beat of their hearts. 

They move around when they want to (It’s mostly just Dahyun) but they never let go. It’s weird, in a way. How this feels natural to them, like they’re not even holding hands. They just move where the other goes. 

Dahyun hums to the music from time to time, when she knows it. She turns around often too, looking through the drinks on the table. Mina turns around too when she does, not to strain their arms.

At one point, Dahyun finishes her first cup of beer and lets go of Mina’s hand. 

Mina feels empty all of a sudden, cold and alone. In the snap of a finger, adrenaline kicks in and her heart beats out of its rhythm. She immediately looks for the hand she’s holding and sees it’s holding a beer. 

Dahyun holds up the bottle of Hite and pours a small amount in her cup with so much focus, Mina can’t help but look as well. 

Up this close, Mina sees every bit of Dahyun, even under the colorful strobe flares and disco lights. 

Her hair’s not just an ordinary shade of natural blonde. It’s more bleached and wavy. Like she’s missed a lot of appointments with the hairdresser about bleaching maintenance. There are hairpins criss-crossed on the right half of her hair, holding back the loose strands but not the small baby fringes. 

Mina’s eyes trace down the bridge of Dahyun’s nose. Even in her profile, her skin still shines a pale, milky shade. Flawless and not a single smear, even without the makeup. There’s a tiny mole in between her brow and her eye. It looks like the type of mark that wouldn’t be caught at first glance, unlike the constellations on Mina’s face that are notably her best facial trait. 

Outside of Mina’s trance, a loud beat of drums play, making up the instrumental intro of a very familiar song. The crowds holler at the sound, and Mina snaps out of her staring when Dahyun turns around swiftly, eyes widening and mouth forming an “O”. 

The strobe beams are turned off and only the disco ball lights up the room, spinning to the beat.

“UNNIE! UNNIE!” Dahyun jumps in excitement, putting down her cup. 

Mina just chuckles. “YES? YES?” 

Dahyun holds both of her hands and sways with the rhythm. “I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS SONG!”

Mina is knocked breathless at the sight. Dahyun’s so beautiful. So, _so_ beautiful. 

_Looking in your eyes I see a paradise_

_This world that I found is too good to be true_

“Unnie! Do you know this song?!” Dahyun shouts amidst the loudness in the room. Mina just nods fervently. Yes she knows this song. Back then it didn’t mean anything to her. It was just another good song on the radio. Now, seeing Dahyun, suddenly, it means the world. 

_Let 'em say we're crazy, I don't care 'bout that_

_Put your hand in my hand_

_Baby, don't ever look back_

Every couple in the crowd dance together. Mina and Dahyun aren’t part of the crowd. They’re in their own world, laughing and swaying with the song. 

Dahyun’s eyes are closed, feeling every beat. She doesn’t see how Mina looks at her universe. How she looks at her. 

_And we can build this dream together_

_Standing strong forever_

_Nothing's gonna stop us now_

Dahyun sings it with her entire heart and her lungs. Mina falls deeper into this. 

“Nothing’s gonna stop us! Nothing’s gonna stop us now~”

Mina just laughs, a honey-coated melody to Dahyun’s ears. She opens her eyes and they just enjoy each other’s company, dancing and singing to the song until it ends and they return from their world together. 

Dahyun kind of wants to throw her shoe at the DJ for playing MC Hammer’s U Can’t Touch This right after, instantly ruining the romantic mood. 

It’s like a cold splash of water on her face. She realizes what she’s just done and suddenly feels shy all over. Thankfully, awkward with Mina has always been comfortable and lighthearted. Mina’s warm and nice, and pretty in that white dress and—

_Jacket. Oh my god._

“Unnie.” Dahyun calls under her breath, suddenly growing wary and standing closer. “Unnie. Is that Jeongyeon unnie’s jacket?”

Mina looks down at where the younger girl’s glancing at and then just nods hesitantly, unaware of where the conversation is going. 

There’s a hard-thinking expression on Dahyun’s face. It stretches on for a minute or two before her eyes widen, as if a lightbulb had been switched on in her head, and she just mouths something Mina’s not-so-clear eyesight didn’t catch.

“Nice jacket, unnie!” Dahyun shouts, much to Mina’s confusion, eyes meaningful as they try to relay a message Mina doesn’t get. “Where’d you get if from!?”

It takes about a whole minute for Mina to finally comprehend the situation, a record low if she were being honest with herself. _The thing about clarifying my thing with Jeongyeon. Oh my god, Dahyun. You genius._

“It’s not mine”, she answers back. 

“Whose is it?! It’s a cool jacket!” 

“It’s Jeongyeon’s!” Mina tries to raise her voice. Somehow, it just cracks and she just flushes with embarrassment. 

“Are you two…” Dahyun gestures with her hands. “You know…?”

Something must have happened when Mina was thinking all about Dahyun earlier because right now, she doesn’t understand a single thing. Honestly. 

“Like, you know!” Dahyun shouts. “Dating!” 

“Oh.” Mina trails off with a light, awkward laugh. _This is stupid_ , she thinks. Having to clarify something when she’s not entitled to do anything for those who talk about her behind her back. Mina wouldn’t have done any of this and just let everybody else think what they want to, but now this involves Dahyun. And she doesn’t want to hurt Dahyun. And if starting back from zero ground again is what it takes, she’ll do it. 

_All for Dahyun._

Mina summons all of the energy in her voice box, readies for a shout that can at least be heard from a few feet’s distance so the people around them can have another thing to gossip about. 

Mina inhales and then exclaims, voice warring with the guitar intro of another song playing out loud. “No! We’re just friends!”

It’s damn bad acting, supplied by years of sleeping at school performances and declining offers to partake in the theater club. In spite of that, Mina thinks it worked. There are people who glance at her and Dahyun, and then back to whoever they were with, suddenly talking in hushed whispers. 

Mina declares victory. She turns to Dahyun, ready for a kiss or a hug (preferably the aforementioned but a hug will do for now), but she’s only greeted by the sight of the younger girl closing her eyes, forehead creased as she hums to the opening of a familiar song. She looks cute like this. 

Before Mina could even call her name out, because mentioning it wouldn’t work in this loud room knowing how inaudible her normal talking voice gets, a hand grabs at her wrist and yanks her away, almost inciting a startled scream.

She looks up at whoever it is. It only takes the back to know who.

It’s Jeongyeon. 

And she’s mad. 

* * *

“HE’S AN ASS, MINA! HE SAID ALL THOSE THINGS ABOUT NAYEON AND—”

But Mina couldn’t properly discern what Jeongyeon had been ranting about. They were shoving their way through the crowd, trying to get out and everything feels like crashing down on them. 

“Jeong, wait—ow!”

Mina can foresee a bad bruise around her wrist from the tight grip Jeongyeon has around it. She attempts to pull it back with all the force her alcohol-induced-frail body has, and though she does get to yank her hand back, it’s only because they’re outside of the mansion now, out in a part of the front yard that’s less crowded, and Jeongyeon almost forcefully lets her hand go. 

Mina rubs at her wrist. She can see the discoloration against her skin, shaped after Jeongyeon’s rigid hold around it. Mina hates it, the way her eyes feel compelled to well up at the trace of pain, so weak and enervated. She hates it more when she registers the twinging as a result of not the bruise forming around her wrist against pale, milky skin, but of the realization of the person who inflicted it. 

_Jeongyeon..._

When Mina looks up at the girl, the words hanging on her lips, waiting to be said, whirls away along the night’s cold gust of wind. Jeongyeon settles for a spot under a tree, on the patch of manicured grass, crouched down and hiding her face in her hands. 

In front of Mina is a girl far from the Jeongyeon she knows. 

Mina goes to her, settles down in the space beside her and almost lays a finger on Jeongyeon’s shoulder. Almost. 

The furious voice broke the silence like a knife had been sliced through, followed by a guy with a group of boys behind him, futilely holding him back. 

“YOO JEONGYEON!”

Mina immediately recognizes who it is. _Nayeon’s boyfriend, Woo Dohwan._

* * *

That’s just about the last thing Mina remembers vividly before everything else became a blur. 

There’s a lot of shouting and hurtful words thrown in the air, and then a lot of grabbing and yelling and punches. There are people around who watch in delight at the world-class show before them, unfazed while Mina yells for some help and for someone to stop the fight. 

Maybe this was it. The ruins of the storm. 

Mina has never felt this useless and afraid in all of her life. She had witnessed a part of Jeongyeon she had never seen before, never thought existed. 

This Jeongyeon has a face the color of bloodshot red, veins protruding against skin in a whirl of anger and hatred. She moved with a weight on every punch, every throw, every jab. There was a name in her lips when she threw a kick and then got one back, and when she was equally as bruised as Woo Dohwan, there was a name in her lips she cried when it felt like they both had given up. 

The fight was over. 

And all Jeongyeon could say was _Nayeon, Nayeon, Nayeon._

* * *

Dahyun has half the urge to find Mina, and another half to look for her bro. Both of those are squashed down to the pit of her stomach when her bladder contracts and the urge to find a restroom overpowers all. 

So she decides to keep Mission Find Mina and Chaeyoung behind and embark on finding the restroom first. She throws herself into the pack of hungry wolves–aka the kids filling up the dance floor–and goes through the maze-like structure of Sana’s mansion in hopes to find the lavatory before she makes an alcohol-induced humiliation of herself. 

_Unnie can wait. I really need to go find a restroom._

The entire first floor is crowded like a concert hall after the program. The first restroom she sees is the one down the hall beside one of the kitchens. A long line is in the queue. 

_Shit._

Dahyun takes a deep breath and tries to tame down the fire burning in her bladder. She scans the crowd first, the entire room follows. 

There’s another door with a design similar to the C.R. door, down the other hallway. Dahyun makes a beeline for it, not sparing a second of hesitation when she shoves it open and barges in impolitely, unbeknownst to her, bulldozing into a private session as well. 

“OH MY GOD—”

“WHAT THE FUCK—””

Dahyun feels like a flash of sinful light has blinded her eyes, causing her to stumble back. One hand flies over to cover her line of vision and protect what’s left of her innocent, poor mind, and the other fumbles for the doorknob behind her. 

“I’m _so_ sorry—” _Where the hell’s the doorknob?!_

“Get out!” 

“I thought it was a CR—” _It is._ There are about a hundred rooms in Sana’s house, why the hell did they decide on a restroom to have...some adult...baby-making session in? 

There are sounds of glass bottles clinking and rolling on the marble sink counter. Someone probably pushed them away when– _dammit, Dahyun don’t think of those! Where the damn hell is the doorknob—_

“There’s a restroom upstairs! Just go!” 

_There’s the doorknob!_

Dahyun immediately pulls the door open behind her and shoves herself out, immediately feeling her heart try to break out from her ribcage. When she finally removes her hand over her eyes, she opens them slowly and adjusts to the light. At the sight of people passing by, Dahyun shudders, feeling traumatized of what she had just subjected her vision to. 

_Oh my god._

For a split second there, she’s forgotten how she needs to pee and the only thing occupying her head is how the two voices she heard earlier, as well as the vague image of the figures she had seen, all sound and look the same as... _Sana and Momo unnie…_

_Hmm…Interesting._

Then the urge to pee is back again and Dahyun is thankful her head momentarily forgets the rated sight and focuses on the need to find a _damned_ restroom. 

Knowing there’s no hope in waiting in line here and Sana probably made certain some of the rooms on the second floor are off-limits to the _public_ , Dahyun races up the stairs and makes a beeline for the hall with fewer people around. 

_I’ll just explain to unnie when I can. She’ll understand._

The second floor is an endless hall of carpeted flooring lined by beautiful-looking doors that Dahyun probably needs to choose from, one where she _doesn’t_ barge into someone else’s _private_ sessions… 

Dahyun wipes a nonexistent bead of sweat on her forehead. _Don't think of that now…_

She can't even breathe properly because one deep inhale feels like a stab at her anterior pelvic region, puncturing holes at her bladder. Instead she just focuses on taking jagged, momentary breaths with both hands on her hip, looking like a woman in labor with her light accelerated breathing. 

She looks down the corridor of doors and takes a look at her options.

Her alcohol-dazed head utilizes a half-assed filtration system. Most of the doors look entirely the same except for the glass french doors down at the end of the corridor, casting stained silhouettes of two figures, a boy and a girl, talking. 

Eventually, Dahyun results in eenie meenie miney moe-ing her way to finding the most restroom-looking door because all of the doors in this hall look the same, white wood with intricately carved patterns.

Just when she’s about to lose hope in all the good of the world, the universe decides to send one last light in her life.

“DAHYUN!”

Chaeyoung is everything to Dahyun. Her best friend, above all. But right now, _right now_ , she _really_ doesn’t need someone launching themselves at her and hugging the life out of her. Not when her bladder’s _this_ close to bursting. 

“CHAEYOUNG! NO!”

But it’s too late. And the universe royally fucks her up. It’s a storm from there, of horrified shouting and blood rushing to the tips of her hair, out of humiliation for what her body has turned against her with. 

Dahyun feels like _this_ , this is her record low now. Accidentally peeing in an indoor pot, in front of an opulent framed photograph of Sana unnie’s grandmother. 

_Good lord. Have I fallen this low now?_

There’s a short banter session exchanged between her and Chaeyoung, about staying put and why the hell did Dahyun just pee in a poor pot, in the Minatozaki matriarch’s bedroom of all places. They push everything aside at the mutual decision to hide the plant away, preferably in the backyard where it gets lost in a slew of other greenery. 

They rush down to the main area of the party where most of the invitees don’t even notice two girls sneaking out, one carrying a pot of plant with her. Everybody else must be just as drunk and hazy as Dahyun is because _wow...is there even a party anymore? Where is everybody?_

“The party’s moved outside! There’s a fight going on!” It’s an overly-energetic guy that answers their question, just as he moves along the current of other kids rushing to the doors leading to the front yard. 

“Should we go check it out?” Chaeyoung asks, curiosity picking at her. 

Dahyun wants to see for herself the commotion as well, but the pot she’s holding right now is kind of heavy and she’s near the edge of losing her balance now, so maybe it’s a good idea if they handle this first. 

“After we toss this away.” She answers, going the opposite way of the current. 

It’s the perfect chance to anyway. Whatever’s causing the commotion outside, Dahyun feels grateful. 

* * *

“Let’s go home.” 

Mina feels like she was the one being punched in the gut when she sees Jeongyeon.When she holds her. 

There’s blood trailing down the side of her mouth, a bruise the size of a fist smearing her pale cheeks; there are gashes on her hand as well as more discolorations down the length of her arms from being tackled to the ground and acting as a shield to some of the hits thrown by Dohwan. 

By the time the asshole is hauled away by his friends, who can only do so much as flash Mina and Jeongyeon an apologetic nod of their heads, Mina is already pulling Jeongyeon up, coming to her rescue. 

There are tears pricking at the back of her eyes, threatening to spill at every grunt and painful groan Jeongyeon lets out as Mina tries to survey every bruise and cut. 

Jeongyeon just stands, knees trembling, head hanging down. The crowd vanishes around them. The show is over. But still, she’s washed over by a tidal wave of shame. 

Mina’s arms around her shoulders feel like a safety net she doesn’t deserve. Jeongyeon hides her face from the world, pressing it into the soft fabric over Mina's shoulder. 

They make their way out of the place. Away from everyone’s eyes and the rest of the world who have done nothing but hurt them. 

* * *

There’s a different kind of pain when you’re hurt and when the people you love are hurt.

Mina had never been one to deal with pain well, especially if it’s about those she loves.

When she was a kid, she fell off a swing and scraped her palm upon hitting the ground. It was painful and the sight of blood had her insides twisting. She was on the verge of tears, about to call her mother who was chatting with the other parents in the area, but then her playmate slid down the slide and hit her knee on the pole. She cried too and Mina, as if struck by lightning, forgot the scrape on her palm and ran over to her friend, and cried with her. 

It was a bruise, as small as a thumbprint, but she cried her eyes out worrying about her friend, about how the ice would make it hurt a little, how her skin wouldn’t be perfectly white and soft anymore. 

She worried about her friend so much, she forgot she was in pain too. 

Her mom would always worry about that thing about Mina. Always concerned herself with how Mina seemed to put everybody else before her. That playmate wasn’t even a _close_ friend. Just someone she frequently saw at the playground in their area. 

“And what would you do if it was more than just a friend?” Her mother used to ask her. “What if it was someone you loved?”

For years, Mina could never find the courage to give an answer to her mother. 

Her mind couldn’t fathom the idea of such a thing. She didn’t have the slightest thought of what she was capable of doing if someone she loved got hurt. She didn’t want to think of just how painful it would feel. 

Mina never knew the answer and never wanted to find out. 

It was the universe that decided she should. 

When Dahyun ran up to them, paying no mind to the street she was crossing or the car that was approaching, Mina felt like her whole world had stopped moving. 

It feels like the threads of time had been unraveled and a piece of it was held in between a pair of scissors, ready to be cut. Ready to be removed.

It felt like she had been held at gunpoint, and she could no longer move a single muscle, think a single thought. Her heart ran on only one name over and over again. 

_Dahyun, Dahyun, Dahyun._

Mina nearly dropped Jeongyeon in her hold. 

“DAHYUN!” It was the loudest her voice had ever reached. It was a cry to the universe she wished it’d hear. “DAHYUN! NO!”

_Not Dahyun. Please not her._

And Dahyun heard it. She hears it clearly and she _fucking_ stops running. Right in the middle of the road, snapped out of her stupor by the blinding lights approaching but rendered still in shock. 

Chaeyoung makes a beeline for her, to work as some kind of shield perhaps. She hugs Dahyun tight, and jumps with her out of the way, falling with a grunt on the asphalt road just as the car stops. 

Mina is frozen in place, held back by the universe. She closes her eyes and prays to wake up. _Wake up, wake up, wake up!_

_(“And what would you do if it was more than just a friend?”)_

There’s a blow in her chest that she feels, like her heart is being swept away by the waiting pain and agony, ripping it into pieces slowly, tearing it apart. 

_(“What if it was someone you loved?”)_

If it’s someone you love, it’s like building a house and filling it with years of memories and happiness and laughter and tears; 

If it’s someone you love, it’s like making a home out of nothing at all, and watching it crumble to pieces before your very eyes in a split second. 

And the worst thing about it? 

If it’s someone you love?

You just watched. 

And you couldn’t save anything at all. 

* * *

Mina will never find an answer to her mother’s question. Even if she had to, she won’t. 

Because the car stops. A split second in time. A few feet away before it could hit. 

The car stops and Mina doesn’t lose Dahyun to the universe. 

It’s the least it could do. 

Losing Dahyun is something Mina thinks she won’t ever be able to handle. 

* * *

The driver of the car had the heart to call an ambulance. 

Because they were all just four teenagers still in shock of what just happened, leaving the two uninjured girls by the streets so late at night wasn’t an option for the paramedics to consider.

Mina and Jeongyeon ride in the ambulance as it tears through the slew of cars down the main road, speeding to the nearest hospital. Dahyun’s on the gurney, still collapsed with a non-rebreather mask over her face. 

Chaeyoung’s awake now but barely holding up after fainting from earlier too, from the shock of a near-death experience. Another paramedic works on the wounds on her palm, scrapes and a few cuts. 

Jeongyeon’s crying beside Mina, hiding her face behind her hands. Mina thinks it’s the entire night to blame, and how _fucked up_ it had been to them. 

Mina doesn’t cry. She wants to but she can’t. Because everybody else is broken in ways she can’t help them with, doesn’t have the power to, and she shouldn’t be another broken person crying. They’ve had enough. 

When the ambulance arrives at the hospital, the paramedics pull down Dahyun on the stretcher and a doctor and a few nurses push her to the Emergency area. One of the nurses rushes out with a wheelchair for Chaeyoung and another one runs over to help Jeongyeon walk, with the bruises and wounds on her face and down her arm, they’d think she was the one hit. 

Mina doesn’t join them inside the Emergency area. Instead, she makes a beeline for the help desk and asks for any means to phone an overseas call. Thankfully, they have one.

It takes about a few rings before the familiar old, raspy voice answers the phone, “Doctor Akira Myoui speaking. Who is this?” 

“Papa?” All it takes is that one word for Mina to feel all of the emotions from earlier come at her. 

“Mina?” Hearing her father’s voice again feels like an embrace and Mina wants to just collapse. 

She holds back the tremble in her voice and the tears pooling in her eyes. “Papa, I’m at the hospital right now and--”

“What? Why? Did something happen? Are you hurt?” The onslaught of questions has Mina’s head spinning wildly. 

“I’ll explain it to you later, Papa. I just need to ask if you know someone at…” Mina looks over at the logo and name of the hospital on the wall of the help desk and reads it out loud to her father. “Papa, do you know anyone here who could help us? My friends are really hurt.” 

At the tremble in her tone, Mina knows her father is worried too and will probably work on this. She doesn’t normally capitalize in her family’s connections, has never done it to be honest. But this is real fear she feels, and in spite of how superficial the casualties may seem, Mina can’t take the risk. If she has to do this, then so be it. 

She can’t lose the people she loves. Not now. Hopefully, not ever. 

“Okay, okay.” Her father says, and Mina can almost see his nodding. There are muffled voices in the background, followed by a slew of commands from her father in Kansai dialect. He returns to the call, “I’ll have someone assist. What are the names of your friends?” 

“Kim Dahyun, Son Chaeyoung, Yoo Jeongyeon.” 

Her father repeats them to the other people in the background. He comes back to the call and asks if Mina’s alright, and as much as she’d love to stay in the conversation and cry to her father about how _fucked up_ the night had been, she can’t. 

“Papa, I have to go.” Mina mumbles morosely. She hears her father let out a sigh on the other line. 

“Okay. Be careful there, yeah?” 

“Yes, Papa.” 

There’s a beat of silence and Mina nearly cracks, her first tear getting the best of her. There’s only so much she can do without the strength her parents give her. 

“I love you, Mina. Take care. Be strong. We miss you.” 

And that’s where she gives in. 

“I love you too, Papa. Please tell mama too.” 

There’s a hum on the other line and Mina waits another second before ending the call. She takes a deep breath and calms herself down again, wiping away the tears that stream down her face, before mustering up the courage to send another call. 

This time to Jihyo. 

_Be strong even if it’s not for yourself. Do it for them, Mina._

The line starts ringing. 

* * *

That night, Mina doesn’t lose Dahyun to the universe. 

It’s the least it could do. 

Losing Dahyun is something Mina thinks she won’t ever be able to handle. 

But they do lose someone else. They lose Chaeyoung. 

As if the night couldn’t have gotten worse, Chaeyoung leaves them. 

And Dahyun.. _good_ _god._

Losing Chaeyoung is something Dahyun won’t ever be able to handle. But she has to. 

This isn’t goodbye, after all. She makes sure it isn’t. 

They all do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GELLO!
> 
> I'm so sorry for the late update :(( this is about to end soon! pls hang in there! ALSO I HOPE U GUYS ENJOYED. I MANAGED TO FIT ALL 3 CHAPTERS OF SPIRIT OF 1998 INTO ONE ENTIRE CHAPTER IN THE MIHYUN BACKSTORY KJHDK what a feat how did that happen anywayss,,
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS! I HIGHLY APPRECIATE THEM <3 
> 
> *wink wink*


	8. the goodbye stage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dahyun wonders how her unnie would take this in. How would she feel knowing the love of her life was pregnant with somebody else’s child?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to give everyone a heads up! warning for teenage pregnancy, implied reference to abortion, and attempted murder (but its not what u think) 
> 
> i hope u guys enjoy!
> 
> also, before anything else, i just want to clarify that the decriminalization of abortion in korea was only effective this year. from 1953 to 2020, it was considered illegal and although there were still clinics that practiced this, for the sake of the story i decided not to dwell too much on that simply because we need chaeyoung to exist in the storyline. however in real life, i believe that women should have the power to choose what they want to do with their bodies. 
> 
> <3

Mina calls it “The Fallout”. 

The adverse side-effects of Chaeyoung leaving them. It’s almost like dealing with the five stages of grief. 

First, they deny. 

From the afternoon Dahyun had been discharged from the hospital up until a few days ago, everyone continued living normally, as if nothing had happened. It's partially because they can't afford to slow down anymore, with the competition in a few days.

They practice by day until class hours end, and then go back to the dorms routinely, like a bunch of zombies working a nine-to-five.

Nayeon, Momo, and Mina had to make big changes after Chaeyoung’s removal, altering places and a few formations because the imagery seemed pretty useless now that they were down a member. The entire group had to double their efforts to perfect everything again, to the point that even Nayeon was already growing sick. 

(The atmosphere in the converted practice room was as heavy as a storm cloud suspended above their heads. 

They had just finished a third run incorporated with the step and formation changes and the results were the same as the first two:  _ unsatisfactory.  _

Knowing how Momo, Nayeon, and Mina get obsessive with perfection and how recent hallway gossip proclaims them as contenders for first place in the talent competition–side-by-side the cheer squad and the Gag Trio's magic show–it's expected of the trio to demand another run-through, dance endlessly until they perfect the updated choreography.

But that doesn't happen. Of course it doesn't when it's Nayeon who calls for a time-out.

She’s bent down and holding on her knees, wheezing for air like she just completed a decathlon in less than an hour, which is weird because Nayeon could  _ definitely _ do that if she wanted to, given her exceptional athleticism. She could probably sprint a hundred laps and  _ still _ look like it was just a walk in the park. 

“Are you sick?” Mina voices out everyone in the room's question, walking over with a water bottle in hand. 

She crouches down and hands it over while Jeongyeon stands by Nayeon’s other side, wiping at the beads of sweat on the cheerleader's forehead and brushing back the strands of hair sticking around her face. 

Jihyo joins them and saunters over, proceeding to shove her palm right on Nayeon’s forehead, looking more as if she’s slapping her than trying to check her temperature. 

She draws her hand back with a tilt of her head. “There’s no fever…?" Then she looks at Jeongyeon, “Has she been like this for a while now?” 

“You mean acting like she’s fifty?” Sana quips, a sassy hand on her hip. “She’s been like that ever since she started joining us for practice. She gets tired so easily just by standing and shouting at the girls during routine.” 

Nayeon tries to say something but she just ends up sounding like a dying whale. 

Sana elaborates, saying how Nayeon's been a thousand times grumpier and more impatient while supervising training, the poor underclassmen the recipient of her moody bouts. 

"She's been like that since a week ago", Sana huffs, clearly exasperated at having to deal with the wrath of the Supermega Bitch’s comeback.

From the other side of the room, Mina’s the one who connects the dots. “Isn’t that a few days after—” 

“I’M OKAY!” But Nayeon cuts her off, springing up to a normal stance again, the sudden motion causing her to stumble back a little. Thankfully Jeongyeon’s there to hold her in place. 

“I’m okay, guys.” 

Nayeon’s eyes are droopy, evident bags hanging underneath. Her face looks drained out of blood, lips an alarming pale shade and chapping surface. This is the first time people outside the cheer team have seen her in this state of disarray. 

Mina fears it won’t be the last. 

“Is this about…?” Jeongyeon doesn’t finish but everyone knows who she’s referring to. The way Nayeon’s eyes flicker from exhaustion to fury is enough to confirm. 

“Don’t.” Her tone is sharp and pointy at the edges. Then, upon realizing how everyone’s looking at her, Nayeon softens. She lets out a deflated sigh, “It’s not about the kid leaving, okay? It’s not. I just don’t feel well, that’s all.”

“You should rest then”, Sana suggests with a concerned crease of her forehead. She and Jeongyeon walk Nayeon over to the lone chintz sofa in the room and sit her down. “Perfecting the routine when you’re in that situation will only do us more harm than good.” 

“Besides.” Momo speaks up. “We already lost one member. We can’t lose another.” 

Nayeon frowns at that. “We didn’t  _ lose _ a member. Chaeyoung—” it’s the first time she mentions her name again after a while. 

Nayeon feels the name grow unfamiliar in her tongue. She shakes her head out of it. “I mean, we didn’t lose her. She just had to leave.” 

“She  _ left _ , unnie.” 

It’s the first time Dahyun has said a word and joined the group in conversation when she normally keeps her silence these days. Everyone feels compelled to listen to her, standing furthest from the huddle, by the corner at the other end of the room.

Dahyun looks so distraught, so lost. If Nayeon didn’t know, she would have blamed it on school. Dark bags under her eyes, heavy eyelids and cheeks almost sagging with the lack of emotion on her face. It’s hard to believe that Dahyun is the “Sunshine Girl” of the group when she looks like this. 

“Yeah, but we didn’t lose her—” 

“We did. She’s gone. She won’t come back." With each sentence everyone feels a stab at their chests. 

Dahyun only continues, unfazed. "She’s not here anymore so we just have to face the fact that we’re just seven now. And we have to do something about that or else we’re going to be stuck moping like this forever.” 

The speech has everyone silent. 

Nayeon feels another wave of nausea engulf her whole body, sending tingles to the tips of her toes and a jackhammer pounding at her head. 

She doesn’t have the heart nor the energy to counter Dahyun. The younger girl doesn’t look like she has the patience and will to argue too. They’ve all been moving around like a bunch of zombies, reasons of which they all find hard to believe is just one person. 

Another quarter of an hour passes by before Mina suggests they call it a day. No one argues.)

* * *

In the week of the talent competition, then came the second stage of grief: anger. 

Out of all of them, it’s Nayeon whose mood swings are like amusement park rides–always going up and down, around and around. One minute she’s livid, like a ticking bomb ready to explode, the next she’s a sobbing mess.

Frankly, the team can't take it anymore.

(Making the younger kids break down in front of the whole team when she supervises cheerleading practice is like a hobby by now. 

Back when Nayeon  _ didn’t  _ attend training because of the restrictions from Principal Park, the kids feared Jennie the most. 

The feline-eyed co-co-captain adapted Nayeon's brutal training methods and even went as far as copying the way Nayeon would ruthlessly point out every small mistake. 

Mina had been one of the favorite recipients of the snarky comments however, being a fellow senior had tenured her. The underclassmen couldn't say the same for themselves.

You'd think once Nayeon joined them again, after her so-called "transformation"–somehow, word about the captain proclaimed that she had changed from being a Supermega bitch to a normal, kinder bitch now–she’d grow kinder to the rookies and underclassmen of the team too, but nooooo. 

The moment Nayeon returned, all hell broke loose.

No minor mishap is spared from Nayeon's scrutiny from where she stands in front of the laid-out training mats over the field, arms crossed over her chest, one eyebrow raised.

There are good days where Nayeon's not in the mood and just sits back silently. At those times, she's probably not feeling well, just like most of her days now. Then, there are bad days where the entire gym and field area are thrown into a whirlwind of chaos with Nayeon's loud shouting filling the air. 

It’s awful to the point that even Jennie flinches at her brutal comments, and she can get  _ goddamn  _ candid too.

Today seems to be an especially bad one because Nayeon's scolding a bunch of rookies, one of them being Lia, her supposed favorite underclassman.

The entire team’s on a two-minute water break now, the longest they have been given ever since Nayeon began joining practice again, and it’s only unfortunate for the rookies that the sourpuss captain is maximizing most of the two minutes by scolding them while the rest of the team–and by extension, the soccer girls at the other end of the field–witnesses. 

"I'm just saying", Sana side-whispers to Mina as they make their way to the benches. "Lia's her favorite freshman, Mitang. Kid's nice and a fast-learner. She's never gotten anything wrong! Even now!"

"Then why is Nayeon trying to crush them?" Mina creases her forehead, eyes glossed with pity at the sight of the three poor girls, head hanging low, getting yelled at. "For what?"

If she recalls it right, the routine had been executed flawlessly, as it should when it had been their 23rd run.  _ Twenty-fucking-three runs of their seven-fucking-minute routine, in the span of a three-hour practice.  _ Some of the sophomores are already calling it exploitation.

“She’s been snappy at everyone ever since Chaeyoung left, Minari. One of these days, we have to talk to her about it, whether she likes it or not”, Sana sighs, a troubled glance darting at the girl in question, whose scolding is finally coming to its end. 

“I feel so bad for them…” Mina frowns, looking at the trembling shoulders of the girl in the middle. “They didn’t do anything to get this kind of treatment. Lia did everything right and—” 

Her words are cut short when a figure breezes past them, the sound of whimpering trailing behind. Two other girls rush to help, and it’s only then Sana and Mina realize it’s Lia who had run off, crying. 

Sana’s almost ready to sprint after the kids and console the poor girl who had been nothing short of an energy pill to the team ever since her inclusion, but a firm grip on her wrist stops her from doing so. 

Sana looks down and sees Mina's perfectly-manicured fingers clasped around her hand, holding her back. She looks up at the girl and is faced with an unfamiliar expression of shock, eyes directed towards opposite from the direction the rookies had run off to. 

Sana looks and lands on the sight of Nayeon with her head hanging down, hands covering her face, shoulders sagging and trembling. 

“Is she...crying?” 

It’s like seeing Icarus fall before their very own eyes. 

Behind Nayeon, Jennie stands as if she’s frozen in place, one foot ready to spring in action but the other caught behind. Her eyes gaze warily between Sana and the other girls on the benches behind her, as if asking  _ what should I do?! _

Frankly, everyone’s asking the same question.

Im Nayeon is crying. 

The girl who imparted terror and wrath on any person she desired; the girl who can only show emotions between indifference and animosity towards everybody else that  _ aren't  _ her girls…

Apgujeong's Queen Bitch is  _ crying. _

Even Sana and Mina are rendered still, caught taken aback by what's happening. Eventually, they snap out of it when the wailing grows louder and the hiccups begin. 

The two immediately rush over.

“What’s wrong?” Sana whispers, rubbing the captain’s back in soothing circles. “Hey. Tell us.” 

Mina stands by Nayeon’s other side, a towel in hand, ready to give. She gestures at Jennie to lead the girls back to formation, just to keep everyone's eyes away from Nayeon. She and Sana stand by each other closely, forming a wall to hide the captain from the world. 

They coax her with hushed words of comfort, thankful they can even be heard with how loud Toni Basil's playing behind them as the girls run through the routine again. 

When Nayeon looks up, her eyes look like they have been drained of emotions. She lies apathetic to the small trail of snot running down her nose, so Mina does it for her, gently dabbing at it with a towel. 

“S-She…” Nayeon whimpers, eyes welling with tears again. “She was...she was like Chaeyoung…"

"Who?" Sana dotingly asks.

Mina stands by close, continuously dabbing on the trails of tears on the girl's puffy cheeks. She has no idea about how to act on the situation, as it had only been a handful of times she's seen the rock-solid girl shatter. Every single time she does, Mina feels like breaking too.

"Lia." Nayeon sniffs, stands up straighter now. "She reminded me of Chaeyoung and I just...I just couldn't help myself. I couldn't...I had to get her away. I...I was mad."

"You're mad at Lia…because she reminds you of Chaeyoung?"

Nayeon nods at Sana. She forces her eyes close as another trail of tears follow.

Mina hurriedly wipes at it, thinking  _ so this is my life now huh? _ What once was immaculate Miss Perfect has now become Im Nayeon's nanny.  _ A career change, really… _

They usher Nayeon out of the field and console her for the rest of the remaining time, finding out Nayeon was just bottling up her emotions about Chaeyoung leaving them all this time. 

Seeing Lia–whose bright demeanor had reminded her so much of  _ her _ –was like the spark that ignited the fire for Nayeon. The last draw that had her blowing up.

She was livid. At first she tried to understand it, but Chaeyoung left them so suddenly. The night she did so, Nayeon was under the influence of alcohol and emotional stress from the party. 

To her back then, Chaeyoung wasn't  _ leaving  _ them. She was just going away to visit her grandma for a short while. She said she'll come back. But it's been more than a month since then, and the competition is a few sleeps away, and Chaeyoung hasn't come back yet. 

All the alterations in their performance still feel surreal, and Nayeon hasn't even registered everything yet because there's hesitation in every change and a small hold on hope that she’ll still return. That in a blink of an eye, Chaeyoung's at their door again, back home with them. 

But she's not. She hasn't come back. She might never do, and that's a thought the entire group  _ loathes _ and dreads thinking of but it's there at the forefront of their minds. 

They all feel a small spark of anger and frustration there but it's Nayeon who feels betrayed and left behind. 

She actually thought Chaeyoung was gonna be the one who stayed this time.)

* * *

The days after that are spent hustling into the storm of event preparations and final practices. The entire school has descended into the boss stage of chaos, student volunteers running around, making last calls to organizers, performers trying to utilize every hour finalizing performances.

Day by day, the performing stage is being constructed at the center of the field. Day by day, concession stands are getting set up around the area. Every student passing by gets to witness as the multi-purpose grass field gets transformed to a carnival park-like concert venue.

With how busy they all have been, Mina doesn't get to keep up with her Stages of Grief case study about her friends. She prioritizes looking over the girls first, especially Dahyun, who has done nothing but get stuck in the first stage of grief: denial.

While everybody's probably surpassed that stage already, Dahyun's still stuck in it, unable to fully come into terms with Chaeyoung never really coming back to them anymore.

It feels like getting hammered inside too, for Mina, seeing the girl she likes so dejected. 

Dahyun busies herself with just about everything and anything she can put her mind to, so that it's too occupied trying to solve other issues at hand that it doesn't have the time nor the energy to think about anything else. 

Everytime Mina sees Dahyun doing it, she feels like shattering even more. Seeing the person you love hurt is the worst kind of pain in the world.

The universe must have heard their pleas when it gave them one whole day off before the talent show, and Sana– _ bless her, really– _ offers to everyone the entire glory of the Minatozaki mansion, for them to hold their group sleepover at.

They didn’t have classes the entire day, liberated from their student planner duties after Principal Park announced it was a “gift” to all the students who worked hard preparing for the show. 

When the opportunity showed up, Jihyo immediately suggested the sleepover and Sana offered her place. 

They have games, dance parties, and lots of Andy Lau movies planned. Hopefully it’s enough to grant them momentary happiness, even just for a while.  _ They deserved it. _

* * *

The day goes by rather normally, and the fun picks up some time in the afternoon, while everyone’s getting ready for their eventful sleepover. 

Sana and Momo drop by in Mina’s dorm unannounced, much to both Dahyun and Mina (mostly just Dahyun)’s horror. 

First of all, other than Jihyo and Jeongyeon, no one in the group knows just how deep Mina and Dahyun are into each other. 

A fleeting bout of admiration, they might know, yes. But to see Dahyun actively lounging in Mina’s dorm, preparing her bag for the sleepover there because a few of her shirts and toiletries are scattered about neatly around the older girl’s room, as if they have been living together for god-knows-how-long, would probably be a bit of a... _ surprise _ for them. 

The shock on their faces seeing Dahyun already on Mina’s bed is unparalleled. Momo looks like she just Dahyun grow another head.

Mina dives into an explanation, that she was just helping Dahyun pack, but Sana and Momo have always been far smarter than they let on especially when it came to things like this.

_ I mean, they’ve been hiding their relationship for so long, they’re professionals already.  _

Thankfully, they don’t press, and aside from Momo’s occasional eyebrow-quirking tactic and Sana’s shit-eating grin, they don’t react much.

“For all they know, this could just be you casually hanging out in my room. Best friends do that. Nothing weird there”, Mina says nonchalantly, trying to convince no one there. 

Mina’s packing essentials from the bathroom. Dahyun can see the older girl’s movements from her shadow under the warm white light, skirting around and looking through the shelves displaying a distinguishable blend of high-end perfumes and lotions and wholesale cartoon-themed toiletries.

_ There’s no need to guess who owns which one there.  _

“Well, unnie…” The younger girl trails off at the thought, considering that as much as it _is_ not essentially a lie, it’s also, kind of, not the whole truth. 

Mina must have sensed the hesitation in Dahyun’s heavy tone, as she walks out of the bathroom undone, carrying a see-through pouch filled with their toiletries, lips pursed in a thin line, eyebrows raised a little, waiting, worrying. 

Dahyun hesitates in her answer, thinking whether it’s a good time to bring it up, while she’s in the middle of folding a set of undergarments and packing it inside Mina’s bag (because the only bag she had brought with her from home is a small messenger bag for school and all her other things came in a box).

In the end, she delivers. Because there’s no guarantee if there’s another chance in the future for this, and Dahyun’s learned the hard way not to wait for chances anymore. 

“Well, unnie, are we  _ best friends?” _

“You  _ are _ my closest friend, yes.” 

Dahyun frowns. There’s a small crack in her heart that grows and grows by the second, ready to tear the organ apart. 

“Yeah. But are we  _ just _ best friends?” 

Mina doesn’t answer as fast as she did with the other. This time, there’s a stretch of contemplating silence between them, and just knowing that this isn’t something Mina’s sure of is enough to tear Dahyun’s heart a little bit more. 

Mina puts down the pouch on a nearby dresser and takes a seat on the edge of the bed. 

Dahyun unknowingly moves back, stepping away from the opened bag that she had been shoving clothes into, and away from Mina's hand reaching out for her.

She pretends not to see the way Mina frowns at that. 

In the end, the older girl just draws out a sigh, pained frown disappearing and making way for something unreadable. 

“Look, Dahyun-ah…” Mina trails off, and Dahyun prepares for the worst. 

_ This might be it. The end of everything. Gone so soon.  _

“I have never been so sure of someone my entire life. I like you so much that it scares me. I know I told you we can be whatever you want us to be but...I’ve been thinking and...I don’t think it’s a good time for the both of us to risk something as beautiful as this so soon?” 

Strands of Mina’s hair fall on the side of her face when she looks down, making it hard for Dahyun to see the older girl, but the little crack in her voice tells her well, this isn’t easy for Mina too. 

“I’ll be moving away after graduation, Dahyun. And you’re leaving too. Is this still going to be something that you want to do, given all of that?” 

“So…you just...we’re just going to be best friends?” The thought sends a rush of pain pricking at the back of Dahyun’s eyes. After all of that, all of the yearning and the pining and all the crying, they still end up as...friends? 

"I don't think I can handle losing this, Dahyun. I might not ever leave knowing that you're here and I left  _ us  _ behind, and...and you know I  _ have  _ to leave."

It feels like a hard slap of reality on the face.  _ Oh yeah.  _ Mina has a better future somewhere else. She has a family waiting for her in Japan. She has a professional career at ballet looming in the near horizon and her tomorrows only look brighter from there onwards. 

When Dahyun looks at a future with just the two of them, she feels the same security and hope, but she knows it’s selfish to ask for Mina to stay knowing she has a better life waiting for her somewhere else, in a faraway place that doesn’t have Dahyun in it. 

It’s okay. It will be. Dahyun won’t ever be able to handle knowing she’s holding Mina back from achieving her dreams. Sometimes, letting go isn’t all that different from loving someone so much too. 

_ Maybe they were never really meant to last long anyways. Or to happen at all.  _

“Okay. I get it, unnie.” Dahyun feels like a boulder is stuck down her throat and that’s all she can say. 

Heavy silence looms around the room, and Dahyun returns to tending to Mina’s unfastened Louis Vuitton Keepall, neatly rolling clothes and their costumes for tomorrow to fit inside the high-end travel bag.

She feels Mina’s gaze watch her every move, can see the older girl pouting from her peripheral view. 

Dahyun fights the urge to run out of the room, feeling all suffocated with the words stuck in her throat and the heavy guilt from feeling this way when all Mina did was decide she wanted a better future. 

She shouldn’t feel this way but she does. And it feels like choking and she’s on the verge of tears again, wanting to blow up but she can’t because she’s Dahyun and this is Mina. And she doesn’t want Mina to get hurt even more. 

So Dahyun remains quiet, and gulps down the words clawing at her throat. She can’t ruin whatever they have now just because of her greed and selfishness. 

The comfortable atmosphere they shared earlier wafts away like a breath of warm air on a cold, winter night. 

Mina tries to start small talk, even goes as far as talking about the most random of things (“Male penguins gift female penguins rocks in order to woo them, you know?”) all of which Dahyun can only hum or nod back to, either because she doesn’t have any idea how to respond (“I’m still convinced Jinona is secretly married. Like in one of those Elvis weddings.”), or simply because she just doesn’t want to (“Are you really okay, Dahyun-ah?”). 

Eventually they finish packing, and Mina leaves the bag on her desk where it’s more convenient to just grab and go. She walks over to her closet, sifts through the wire hangers, and looks for something to wear for later.

“Dahyun, what do you think of this?” She asks, pulling out one of the younger girl’s many  _ lost _ jumpers in her closet. 

When no answer comes, Mina turns around, a teasing smirk already prepared on her face, along with some kind of joke. But what she’s met with is the lingering ghost of Dahyun’s presence–her part of the bed slightly unkempt, the sound of the door lock echoing in the silence.

The girl had already left the room. And Mina didn’t even know. 

* * *

Jihyo calls it trouble in paradise. Dahyun is in no place to refute the words of god.

"What did you think, Dubu?" The all-knowing leader asks as she lounges on her bed, legs stretched out and crossed on top of the other, another romance novel on her lap. "Mina loves you so much that the prospect of leaving your relationship here isn't a thought she wants to consider."

"Ugggghhhh.” Dahyun groans into her pillow, and then flails her arms and legs like she's fighting an invisible force trying to pin her down. 

She sounds and looks like a defeated spoiled brat and Jihyo voices exactly that, chastising her un-Dahyun-like behavior. "Is this what being spoiled by Mina made you?"

Dahyun lifts her head up and whines, "Unnieeee, you're not helping!" 

Jihyo's laughter fills the room. It's a welcome change from earlier's sullen atmosphere. 

The other bed cries when the leader moves and gathers her legs, standing up and, to Dahyun's horror–and delight–launching herself over Dahyun's frail, lithe body.

"AH!"

More tearful laughter and cries of annoyance fill the room, as Jihyo finds absolute amusement from wrestling Dahyun and showering her with sloppy, open-mouth kisses and flowery tickles, and Dahyun tries to fight back by doing the same. 

They eventually get tired, and by the time they do, they're both done and breathless, lying down on Dahyun's bed and staring at the ceiling. 

It’s only then Dahyun realizes the pain in her chest and the words stuck at her throat are no longer there, replaced by a certain warmth and lightness buoyed by the leader's presence.

"You should think about the bigger picture here, Dubu.” Jihyo’s soft all-knowing tone is back and Dahyun feels compelled to listen.

“Mina studied in Korea because she needed to, in order to get into NUA. She has to leave. She  _ wants  _ to. At least before. But now you came along and she’s suddenly reconsidering everything again. She likes you  _ that _ much, Dahyun. But you should know, more than anybody else, ballet is everything to her. And this opportunity only comes once in a lifetime. Would you be the one who’d ask for her to give all those up?” 

Dahyun had come into terms with the complications earlier, already accepting the shorter end of the stick after all that bargaining and begging with the universe. Hearing it again now, morose and solemn with Jihyo’s all-knowing leader tone, makes the bitch slap of reality a thousand times more painful. 

“Unnie.” She calls out, in a strained whisper that Jihyo still hears clearly, given the lack of distance between their snug bodies, cuddling in the small space of Dahyun’s single bed. 

“Yes?” 

Dahyun blames it on the lightness of her chest and the desire for more. Being with Jihyo has always been a chance at catharsis for Dahyun. With Jihyo, she’s not afraid of facing her demons. 

“I’m sad.” 

Even if her own demon is the one living inside of her. 

“Can you tell me why?” 

And the most magical thing about Jihyo? She asked. 

Before everything else, she’d ask.  _ Can you do this for me? Do you want to talk about it? Can you tell me why?  _ In Jihyo’s presence, Dahyun feels protected, secured. She feels like she can tell everything to the girl and not get judged back. She’s never felt this much comfort with someone–with the exception of Jeongyeon and Mina–in so long.

Maybe that’s why Dahyuns says it. Maybe that’s why she faces her demons so bravely. Because this is Jihyo.

“I’m sad because you’re leaving. And Mina unnie. And Jeongyeon unnie. All of you are.” Dahyun continues to stare at the ceiling, in an attempt to keep the tears at bay, but gravity continues to pull them down. 

“Everybody’s leaving me again.” 

The first tear trails down her temple. Dahyun pulls her arm from underneath Jihyo’s body, attempting to wipe at the warm trickle immediately, but another hand stops her. The bed dips and Jihyo turns on her side. She wipes at the tear. 

“Dahyun, we’re not leaving you.” 

In all literal versions of the opposite claim, they are. Sana and Momo are headed to study at SNU, while Jeongyeon is moving far away to the States to study at Stanford. Jihyo and Nayeon got into very prestigious scholarships in the neighboring community college, and Mina’s going to follow her dreams to the National University of the Arts. 

Chaeyoung already left her. Now they’re all leaving too. 

Dahyun, she’s gonna go back to ground zero again, return to the small town where she grew up in, go back to seeing the familiar faces she’s memorized every line and wrinkle of, and live the small, provincial life, away from the people she grew to love more than herself, away from her dreams.

While all of her unnies would go on and pursue the better future, take another step closer to achieving their dreams, Dahyun’s stuck in school for two more years, living the zombie life of an Asian kid growing in the 90s. 

“You’re all leaving. Maybe not the same way Chaeyoung did. But it’s still goodbye”, she mutters, meeting Jihyo’s sad gaze, brimming with sympathy. 

“We’ll write to you, Dahyun-ah. Every day. And we’ll come visit you when we can. I promise.” 

It sounds more like she’s trying to convince herself than Dahyun because for once, Jihyo looks helpless. Like this isn’t something she can control anymore. What’s happening is the inevitable, and even if she’s some kind of glorious person in the eyes of many, she’s still human. And Jihyo, as much as Dahyun hates to admit it, can’t save her all the time. 

_ Face it, Dahyun. Your fairytale is over. You’re back to reality again, and you gotta suck it up. You won’t survive if you keep depending on everybody else, especially your unnies. _

The internal monologue helps, and Dahyun draws in a deep breath to calm herself down. Tonight shouldn’t be the night she worries about these things. It’s not something she should even be sad about in the first place. 

Her unnies are about to move on to a new chapter of their lives. They have a blank space in front of them, given more chances to write a better epilogue to their stories. This isn’t something Dahyun should be whining about.

“You’re right, unnie. Okay.” She inhales and exhales, hoping to breathe out all the greed and bad energy in her system. “I’ll write to you guys every chance I get too.” 

“I’ll even ask Daniel to help make you a hotmail account so you can write to us faster”, Jihyo winks. She must have been too busy coddling Dahyun that it slips out of her mouth so clumsily, and Dahyun grabs the opportunity like a stealthy predator.

“Daniel oppa?” The slight mischievous rise in her tone is enough to send alarm bells ringing in Jihyo’s head. 

“Huh? What? I didn’t say anything?” 

But Dahyun’s always been a little ball of trouble when she wants to. 

“Are you two  _ that _ close now? You just tell him what you want and he does it?” 

It’s an amusing sight to see: Park Jihyo, Apgujeong High’s Student Council President and probably the future President of South Korea, blushing madly.

“OH. MY. GOD. UNNIE!” 

Jihyo scrambles on her knees and presses a pillow down Dahyun’s face in a blink of a second. “Shut up!” 

Let it be known here and now: Park Jihyo is willing to choose asphyxiation just to shut someone up from teasing her with a crush. 

Dahyun gasps for air, pushing her unnie off, “You–HA–you almost killed me, unnie!” 

Jihyo is breathless herself, probably from pushing the pillow down so hard. “But I didn’t, did I?” 

“What?! So were you planning to!?”

“Back to the topic!” She blurts out, in a desperate attempt to clean up the consequences of her momentary lapse in judgement. “Write everyday. Yeah. And. Um…Ah! And you! You talk to Mina. Did you already? Before you came stomping here and whining like a kid?” 

Dahyun shakes her head, mind still a little hazy from the attempted murder by asphyxiation. 

“It’s settled then! Go to her. Now.” Jihyo literally yanks her body off the bed, pulling Dahyun by the arm. “That poor girl’s probably heartbroken you walked out on her like that! You say you’re sorry, Kim Dahyun. And act all lovey-dovey with Mina again so that I don’t get a headache.” 

By the time Jihyo’s done making all the excuses in the world, Dahyun’s already pushed out to the threshold of their dorm, standing cluelessly and watching as the door is slammed on her face, the last sight she catches being Jihyo’s uneasy smile and mad blushing cheeks.

_ Daniel oppa huh…  _

Dahyun makes a mental note to tease her unnie in the future, when they’re not within the reaching distance of any potential murder weapon. For now, she makes front headspace for apologies first, directed to the girl whose dorm she’s walking to as of the moment.

They’re leaving for Sana’s place in a few minutes, Dahyun suspects, given how it’s nearing sunset and Sana and Momo promise free dinner. A few minutes is still enough time to apologize to Mina for her behavior. 

When she arrives in front of Mina’s dorm, Dahyun takes a deep breath before knocking on the door. It doesn’t even take a few seconds before it swings open. 

“Dahyun?” Mina’s soft gaze never fails to make Dahyun swoon in ways she can’t ever describe in plain terms. Seeing her gaze flicker from soft to worried in a second makes Dahyun feel even worse. 

“Unnie. Can I come in?” 

Mina opens the door wider in response, and waits for Dahyun to walk in before closing it again with a soft thud. 

Meeting the familiar tense atmosphere earlier knocks a profound sense of guilt into Dahyun, and suddenly, she can’t wait to sit on the bed anymore. She has to get this out before she blows up. 

“Unnie, I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I didn’t mean to sound so—” 

Mina seems to agree. She can’t wait either. The first thing she does is knock the air out of Dahyun’s lungs, quite literally, with a launch-attack-of-a hug that has the younger girl stumbling back a little. 

A flood of apologies rushes out from Mina’s lips in a soft, trembling whisper, and Dahyun can feel the older girl’s breath by her ear, all the blood rushing to face immediately. She holds Mina tighter for a little longer to hide the blush (and to appreciate the warmth of how perfect they fit each other like this). 

When they let go, Mina’s cradling Dahyun’s face in her hands, squishing her cheeks in the process. They’re a good half a ruler apart, and from this close, Dahyun can see every beautiful creation in the world come second to the face of the older girl. 

_ Damn. And she likes me? Kim Dahyun, what’d you do in your past life to get this lucky?  _

“Unnie'', Dahyun manages to say, while her cheeks continue to get squished in Mina’s hold. “Unnie, you don’t  _ haf  _ to say sorry.  _ I’n  _ the one who should—”

Mina must have realized her squishing has affected Dahyun’s speaking ability, she immediately retracts her hands, lowering them down instead to the younger girl’s own and interlacing their fingers together.

“You shouldn’t apologize, love”, She whispers, looking into Dahyun’s eyes like she’s the greatest breathing entity in the world, probably because for Mina she is. “I totally understand where you were coming from, okay?” 

“And I understand your situation too, unnie.” Dahyun smiles faintly. It’s overwhelming getting looked at like this. “Love isn’t something that holds you back. It should help you grow to be a better person.” 

“Love?” Mina repeats, mirroring the same smile now albeit a little more amused. “Did you just—” 

“Yeah. Unnie, I…” Dahyun thinks she should really practice bettering her planning skills. She planned to apologize to Mina, not admit to her that she  _ loves _ her, but here she is, doing exactly that.  _ There’s no turning back now… _

“Unnie, I love you.” 

“What?” 

“I love you.” And then it hits Dahyun like a truck. “OH GOD. Did I just say that?!” 

Mina’s too shocked to even nod. 

Dahyun wants to slam her head against the wall. 

“Um. OKAY! I love you, unnie. And...and I tried not to say it. Because you’re leaving and we’re not together. Sort of. I think? And YEAH! I love you.” By this time, it’s just word vomit overall. 

Dahyun can’t stop herself from blabbering and Mina’s probably thinking she’s regretting liking someone as weird as her now.

“I love you in a way that makes me feel like I’m floating on the clouds whenever you’re around. You’re so...YOU! And I’m so...ME! And I love you. You’re probably shocked right now and would rather wish this were all a dream but I do love you, Mina unnie. And I think I’ve repeated those three words more than Jeongyeon unnie has ever told Nayeon unnie she loves her. I love you, Mina unnie.” 

And then she just gets weirder and weirder. “OH MY GOD. I’M DOOMED. DID I JUST TELL YOU I LOVE YOU?!”

"Kim Dahyun." 

The mere mention of her name has Dahyun pulled back to her senses, still and nervous, voice squeaking when she acknowledges, "Y-Yes unnie?"

Mina’s just looking at her with a fond gaze that almost looks like she’s just absentmindedly staring at Dahyun’s face, and Dahyun thinks her knees are slowly giving up on supporting her weight because Mina’s there already, holding her up. 

"Can I kiss you right now?"

_ Okay. That’s it. I’m gonna fall now.  _

And she literally does nearly fall, knees buckling so that she staggers a little. 

Mina doubles her effort in holding her up, chuckling with a sort of worried amusement at the sudden show of clumsiness. 

Just like that, the romantic daze they’re both thrown into, drowning so helplessly in, pops like a bubble. And when Mina’s eyes earlier looked like Dahyun’s inexperience in kissing would be tested that moment, now it just looks like she’s the best thing in the universe. 

Her eyes are shaped like upturned crescents and a soft chuckle escapes her lips as she leads a jelly-legged Dahyun over to the bed, lowering her down to sit on the edge. 

Mina stands in front, towering over her small form. Then, she steps into her space, not letting her hand go, and Dahyun feels her heart leap to her throat because  _ oh my god is she still gonna do it? oH MY GOD. OH NO. _

“Dahyun-ah…” There goes the voice, dipped in honey and everything that sends a shiver down Dahyun’s spine. 

Mina steps in between Dahyun’s knees, and trails one hand up, tracing the surface of pale, soft skin. It stops just below Dahyun’s chin, tilting it up until they’re face to face. 

Dahyun might as well just get a heart attack then and there because she’s literally holding her breath, unprepared for what’s to come. 

Something about meeting Mina’s eyes makes her want to lurch, so she doesn’t, and at all cost, tries to find interest in everything else but the galaxies that are displayed in front of her, looking at her down. 

This is a new side to Mina that she hasn’t seen yet, filled with confidence and intimidation, lined with a tinge of mischief along the way. Dahyun’s not gonna lie, this is making her squirm inside, in ways she will never admit. 

“Dahyun-ah, look at me.” Mina’s voice is airy and almost sensual, and Dahyun swears she feels goosebumps down her arms. 

It's hopeless to fight back so she just finds herself relenting, letting Mina's hand tilt her head up entirely, eyes meeting together.

Dahyun gulps.  _ Holy Jesus. Please take me away. _

"Can I kiss you now?" 

And Dahyun nods, because  _ of course she does _ , eyes forcing themselves close because looking at Mina for too long isn't good for her heart, not when they're this close and Mina's holding her face with both of her hands now, and the breeze from the opened window beside them sends the faint scent of jasmines and vanilla wafting in the entire room, engulfing Dahyun in a whole  _ Mina-centered  _ universe.

_ Mina unnie's gonna kiss me.  _

_ She's gonna kiss me. _

_ Mina Myoui. _

_ Mina unnie. _

_ OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OHMYGOD?! _

Dahyun sucks in a breath, because her lungs might as well be drained out of air by now. Her inexperienced ass pushes her to pucker her lips a little, and in a brief flash of horror she wonders if she even put some lip smackers for today. 

Buoyed by the absolute horror of sharing her first kiss with chapped lips, Dahyun's eyes open and in a last-minute attempt, she runs her tongue over her bottom lip to gloss it out, only to freeze halfway when a soft, lingering kiss is pressed against her forehead instead!  _ What the hell. _

_ A kiss on the forehead?! That’s it!? _

Just as she’s about to complain like a disappointed baseball fan, Mina moves down until their faces are at level with each other, and soon, it’s her lips, soft and almost ghost-like, that _ finally  _ meets Dahyun’s, in one fluid motion that makes everything in the entire universe finally make sense.

Mina tastes like toasted almonds and smells like frolicking in a field of flowers. Strands of her hair tickle the sides of Dahyun's face, and a kiss, she remembers, is a second-long press of the lips, but this is growing longer and longer and it's Mina who moves along and Dahyun just follows; and then it's near ten seconds now in the younger girl's head and she wished, she  _ wished _ , she had better breath control because her lungs feel like they’re on fire and it's her who pulls away first, chest blowing up in all sorts of emotions, threatening to leap out. 

There’s a second of silence there, and a beat before Mina cracks her eyes open. Dahyun’s breathless and they’re about an inch apart. 

Looking at the flustered state of the younger girl has Mina giggling, corners of her lips tugging upwards. Her hands fall down on Dahyun’s shoulder, and Dahyun’s afraid this might be the death of her because there’s a glint mischief in Mina’s eyes and her smile turns into a smirk, and  _ oh dear Lord, is she pushing me back down— _

“Mitang?” 

But a knock on the door saves Dahyun and her inexperienced little ass from an upgraded version of a makeout session, and Mina’s suddenly up on her feet again, leaping away like Dahyun’s acid to her skin, and the mischief in her smirk is wiped away by the sound Sana’s voice and another series of impatient knocking on her door. 

It’s almost like whatever spirit of a femme fatale has left Mina’s body now, and she’s back to good ‘ol innocent and angelic Mina, and Dahyun, well, no amount of holy water can wake her up from what the fuck just happened—and what  _ almost  _ did. 

_ That wasn’t a kiss right? A kiss is supposed to be at least a second or two long. She kissed me like I was her oxygen supply and she was running out of air and GODDAMN SINCE WHEN DO I LOSE MY BREATH SO FAST?? I gotta start exercising again… _

Sana enters the room after Mina opens the door for her, an action Dahyun doesn't notice happen because of her musing.

"Why are you two taking so long?" Sana scowls with no malice at all. She averts her frown between Mina and Dahyun, and then looks at the bigger picture: a.k.a. Dahyun in a compromising position on Mina's bed, and Mina  _ obviously  _ still a little flustered too.

From afar, she looks normal. But nothing escapes Sana's gaze when she notices something is off. And the sexual tension in the air is as thick as the morning fog over the field.

Sana steps closer, into Mina's personal space and scrutinizes every nook and cranny of her perfectly-sculpted face, afterwards, oddly, she begins sniffing like some kind of Shiba Inu. 

Mina promptly moved back, weirded out by the sudden action. Before she can even ask what the hell is happening, Sana skids over to Dahyun, nearly jumping over her on the bed, and then does the same.

Sana figures it out right after, because Mina wears an expensive shade of L’oreal toasted almond lipstick and Dahyun is a devoted user of Bonne Bell Lip Smackers (notably the birthday cake flavor), and the two flavors are easily distinguishable by scent, and Dahyun smelled  _ a lot  _ like almonds.

"Did you two just make out?" 

Dahyun feels like she had just been wronged, feigning such an indignant gasp that it's almost dramatic. She's ready to come up with some cover-up but Mina beats her to it, and it's almost comical how she's so calm and nonchalant with this, like it's something that doesn't affect her at all. 

"You found that out just by  _ smelling _ us?"

This time it's Sana who gasps. "SO YOU DID!?"

"Maybe I just lent Dahyunnie my lipstick…?"

Dahyun watches the exchange like it's some kind of pingpong match.

Sana raises an eyebrow questioningly. She stretches out a hand and points at something on Dahyun's forehead. 

Dahyun tries to look at what it is, but her eyes are pretty incompetently made because they can’t reach that.  _ Way to go, god. You had one job. _

"Mitang, there's a print of your lips on Dahyun's forehead." Sana deadpans and Dahyun thinks  _ oh, that.  _ "Are you telling me Dahyun's a secret contortionist now and she did it? Because even  _ that  _ sounds absurd and it's the most logical possibility, other than a kiss from you."

Dahyun’s ready to cheer for Mina’s next witty remark or any attempt at dodging the accusation, but the girl must have just gotten tired of even trying because she doesn’t anymore, and in a whole nonchalant this-is-something-that-happens-as-normal-as-breathing way, Mina just nods. 

“Yeah. We did.” 

And Dahyun feels like getting swallowed by the ground. Because Mina just admitted they  _ made  _ out and  _ wow. They did, didn’t they?  _

“Is this something we should celebrate?” Mina asks in jest, unable to hold back a smile when Sana begins hugging the life out of Dahyun.

“Of course it is! Mina and Dahyun are officially a go!” Sana’s energy is the equivalent of a nuclear bomb. When she gets off Dahyun, she yanks her up with one arm while Mina with the other, and soon, they’re being dragged out of the dorm. “We’re gonna celebrate at my house!”

(Halfway through stepping inside the long black Cadillac waiting for them–“Is this a limousine, unnie?”–Mina remembers the bag that she left in her room. She rushes back upstairs to retrieve the Keepall, and then returns back down just in time for an interrogation round from everybody.

Apparently, Dahyun couldn’t even bother saving herself from the whole  _ they-made-out _ fiasco. In one confident motion, Jeongyeon raises her hand and  _ demands  _ to be Dahyun’s Maid of Honor. Nayeon, by extension, is Mina’s.)

* * *

When they arrive in the Minatozaki household, the moon’s already out and stars dust across the vast expanse of darkness above them. 

The Minatozaki mansion is always an enchanting sight to see. It’s a glistening palatial estate, like a castle amidst the suburban houses that line this wealthy side of the town. 

Dahyun carries two bags with her. Nayeon has gotten sick again during the ride and nearly hurled at them so now she and Jeongyeon are rushing to the nearest restroom to do just that. In her hurry, Jeongyeon forgot to bring her bag with her. 

“Give it to me”, Mina offers a hand out but Dahyun just tucks the straps of the Jansport closer to her. 

“I got it, unnie. I’m good.” 

She isn’t really. Jeongyeon’s bag weighs like it contains rocks, and Mina’s Louis Vuitton Keepall is already as heavy as it can get, carrying both their clothes in it. Dahyun’s lacking in the height department already and still she pursues this. 

Luckily, a few people arrive to help take their bags from them. Someone else leads them to the dining room, where they are immediately greeted by an adorable middle-aged couple with an even cuter height difference. 

The man stands by the head of the opulent-looking dining table, in a polo shirt and khaki pants when it’s like, seven in the evening already. He looks young with his curtain hairstyle and thick-rimmed glasses perched atop his nose. He could probably pass off as a member of H.O.T.

Beside him stands a woman, lovely and radiant, clad in more evening-appropriate clothes. She’s about a head and a few inches smaller, and looks like she came right out of a high-budget film, could even rival the likes of a Joey Wong. 

Now, Dahyun understands where Sana got all the attractiveness and celebrity aura from. It’s in their genes. 

“Mama! Papa!” Said girl runs over to the older couple and engulfs them in a hug as far as her arms can reach. 

It’s a lovely sight, seeing Sana with her parents. It makes all of them remember their own ones too, and their hearts swell in a loving memory and a sort of excitement at the thought that they’re about to see them again as well, at the performance (for others) and most definitely, on graduation day. 

Once the hugging has commenced, Sana goes on introducing everyone except for Momo, whose identity the Minatozaki parents know fully well already, enough they call Momo their own daughter now. 

“I think she’s slept here more than we ever did”, jokes Mr. Minatozaki, which all the girls genuinely share a laugh to. 

Sana has told them before, her father’s profession required extensive travelling hence his absence. Good businessmen didn’t achieve success just by sitting around, she’d say. Meanwhile, her mother’s line of work was still a shroud of mystery to them. All they knew was that she travels around too, but doesn’t work in the same field. 

“We just ate early so you girls can have the room to your own”, explains Mrs. Minatozaki as she and her husband grab their plates and hand it over to the staff waiting. 

The girls find their seats around the 12-seater table, with Sana sitting by the head and Momo right next to her. There are two seats left unoccupied, and this is noticed by Mrs. Minatozaki on their way out of the dining hall. 

“Weren’t we expecting seven of you girls?” 

Her question is directed at Sana, but it’s Momo who answers on her behalf, “Oh, Nayeon is in the restroom,  _ mama.  _ With another one of our friends, Jeongyeonnie.” 

The  _ “Mama” _ throws everyone in shock. Momo calls Sana’s mom  _ mama  _ now?  _ Damn… _

Dahyun makes a mental note of asking about that, and probably the date of their wedding too. 

The thought is saved for later once Nayeon and Jeongyeon appear, nearly colliding with the backs of Sana’s parents standing by the giant arch connecting the dining room to the long main hallway. 

Jeongyeon greets them immediately, bowing a perfect ninety-degree-angle and maintaining that for more than five seconds before Mrs. Minatozaki tells her it’s bad for her back to be crouched for so long. 

Nayeon barely manages to cough out a greeting, an obvious side-effect from how pale and gaudy she looks, even under the warm white lighting of the crystal chandelier. 

It must be that she is well-acquainted with Sana’s parents enough or that the Minatozakis are just genuinely outgoing people, but Mrs. Minatozaki casually steps into Nayeon’s space and inspects the younger girl, from head to toe, with a scrutinizing gaze that could send anyone into a spiral of nerves, but then she gently places her palm over Nayeon’s forehead and then frowns like an alarmed mother. 

“You’re burning up, Nayeon-ah!” 

Jeongyeon looks like she just heard the worst news of her entire life. She begins telling  _ everything  _ to Mrs. Minatozaki, from the stomach flu they were all convinced Nayeon was having for an entire week or so, to the vomiting non-stop, and the bouts of headaches and overall emotional breakdown. 

Nayeon doesn’t look amused at being so laid out for everyone to diagnose, but these are her best friends, and Sana’s parents are much like her own now too, so she relents and gives in. 

Mrs. Minatozaki still sports a concerned frown when she retracts her hand. “Why don’t we go up to my office? I have my equipment there. I can check if something’s wrong?” 

And then it hits all of them, sans Momo, Sana and Nayeon. Mrs. Minatozaki is a doctor. 

_ So that’s why… _

“There’s really no need for all the trouble, Mrs. M. I’m all fine. I’ll just grab some medicine later and—” 

“There’s absolutely no trouble, Nayeonnie. You girls are like my daughters too and I want to make sure all of you…” Mrs. Minatozaki glances at each and everyone of them. “...are safe and healthy.” 

Nayeon doesn’t know how to respond to that nor does she have the energy to. She relents with a sigh and a small nod, and sluggishly accepts Mrs. Minatozaki’s arm wrapping around her own to hold her. 

“How about you girls? Does anybody wanna come with us to the clinic? Moral support goes a long way, you know.”

The entire room is enveloped in silence, and suddenly all they could hear was the light clanging of stainless utensils meeting expensive ceramic plates. 

Momo clears her throat and takes a drink of her peach juice. “As much as I love you, Nabongs, I’m passing. I’m just gonna support you from here.” 

Everyone throws in the same version of excuse, alterations included like when Jihyo talks about trying out the pasta first or when Mina and Jeongyeon decline, much to everybody’s surprise, reasoning with their fear of needles. 

Because Nayeon can’t somehow get mad at Jeongyeon, she throws her sour look at Mina instead. 

“Your father’s a doctor and you’re afraid of needles?” Nayeon scoffs with a begrudging frown. There’s a bite in her tone but everyone excuses it as another one of her recent moodiness. 

Mina remains calm and understanding, just shrugging her shoulders in response. 

When nobody seems to be interested in emotionally supporting Nayeon, Dahyun lets out a dramatic defeated sigh and stands up from her seat. “I’ll do it.” 

Her head’s hanging low and she makes it sound like this is the last thing in the world that she wants to do, so naturally Nayeon doesn’t acknowledge her genuine offer and Dahyun is immediately taking her act back. 

“I was just joking, unnie!” She smiles and steps out of her seat to link her arms with the moody cheerleader. “I will be the best moral support person you’ll ever find!”

“Whatever, kid.” Nayeon only rolls her eyes at this as they are led out of the dining hall and up the stairs, to Mrs. Minatozaki’s clinic. 

* * *

The five left in the dining hall talk all about senior year, their memories and all the trials and tribulations, and how nearly a year has been finally narrowed down to this: the last few months. Sana and Mina talk about the cheerleading team, Momo and Jeongyeon about soccer, and Jihyo manages to nod and respond accordingly to each and everyone's claims and anecdotes.

The conversation stirs to each other's future plans, and the effervescent excitement from earlier increases tenfold, the gloom of having to say goodbye to one another pushed back by the genuine happiness they get from seeing each other anticipating a new chapter in their lives.

They all ask the one who's moving away the farthest first. Jeongyeon has been so busy splitting herself between practice, the soccer team, and Nayeon, that she hasn't really fixed her exact schedule for her departure yet, knowing no other details than her flight's date (April 9) and her destination (Stanford, California).

"When are you gonna start packing up?" Sana asks the bigger questions like some kind of talk show host.

Jeongyeon fiddles with her spoon first, lets it create a small clunking sound when it drops on the ceramic plate. Then she looks up and shrugs, "I really don't know. Maybe a few weeks before the flight? I just really wanna make sure Nayeon's okay first."

"She will be, Jeong. She probably just ate some bad food or something", Momo scoffs with a wave of her hand, as if swatting any ludicrous worry of their friend away.

"That got her sick for weeks? She's even taking vitamins already! What kind of bad stomach is this  _ bad?" _

"Momo once ate an expired pickle-flavored cake. They had to pump out her stomach.” Sana blurts out and no one knows whether it's supposed to be a consolation thing or a random quip.

"I don't know what's more concerning", Jihyo speaks up. "That she ate expired food or that there's some kind of pickle-flavored cake in existence…"

"Both", Mina answers and everybody in the table shares a laugh at that.

When the good humor dies down, Jihyo picks up at the conversation and asks her dear soccer captain best friend, "Have you monitored what she's been eating though? Maybe it's because of something she ate lately…" 

"It's been going on since about a week after Sana's party so I suppose it's from there…"

That gets Sana launching at a defense on her food catering choices for that night, arguing how she only served _ non-expired _ , michelin-star food (and booze). 

"Whatever.” Jeongyeon huffs. “She must've had something there and got sick. I think it's only good how Mrs. Minatozaki is checking up on her now…" 

There's a moment of silence and everyone waits for Jeongyeon to finish, but she looks down again, as if judging in her mind whether it's good to say it or not, but these are her best friends, and any sign of vulnerability to them is no sign at all. They're always her support team. So she does tell them. 

"I just hope nothing too serious is going on. I might never leave if I find out something's wrong." 

Jeongyeon's willing to give up her entire future for Nayeon, because she  _ is  _ her future.

* * *

The next series of events flash before Dahyun’s very eyes in frames. 

It’s much like an automatic response to big events in her life. Her body blocks away everything and she’s no longer functioning externally, except she’s awake and she’s breathing but she doesn’t hear nor does she comprehend anything. 

So it goes like this: one moment she’s sitting beside Nayeon on one of the client chairs in front of Mrs. Minatozaki’s desk, watching as a stethoscope is pressed against her unnie's chest, and she makes a remarkable joke about how she’s had this done to her a hundred times before and has managed to make a home out of the school clinic already with how frequent her visits have become; and the next moment, they’re inside one of the many restrooms in the southern wing of the Minatozaki mansion, and Nayeon’s holding onto the marble counter so tight, Dahyun can see the crescents of her nails turning white. From where she's sitting on the lid of the toilet bowl, she can only see Nayeon's head hanging down, staring at the flimsy white plastic test on the counter, her hair shielding the sides of her face.

Dahyun can only remember how she got here. 

Nayeon was handed the white box by Sana's mom with a worried look in her eyes that was akin to Yumama's motherly gaze. The older girl then proceeded to drag Dahyun to one of the restrooms farthest from the cackling and chattering that echoed from the northern wing of the mansion, courtesy of one loud Jeongyeon and Momo.

Dahyun had to stand outside the bathroom door and stare at its intricate wood patterns, tracing the engraved spirals and flowers like an obedient, clueless child, before the door had flung open and a hand stretched outside to grab hers and yank her in.

Now here they are.

Other than the sounds of sniffling and the steady fall of the shower water behind the curtain, Dahyun hasn't comprehended anything. All she knows is that there's a damned white plastic square about the size of her palm on the marble counter, and they're waiting for something from it, and whatever it tells them in the next few seconds will change everybody's life forever, especially Nayeon and Jeongyeon's.

They wait there, in the unbearable silence of the restroom, while the shower runs an endless pitter patter of lukewarm water down the drain like white noise, the closest hold they have to sanity. 

Seconds become more and a minute turns into two, and soon, Dahyun has half the mind convincing herself this might just be some fever dream.

She lets her head drift to a thought far away from where it really should be (which is right now, this moment), and instead lifts her butt up from the lid of the toilet bowl and sits back down again slowly, carefully, adjusting her weight. 

Dahyun takes a good look around the restroom, notices squeaky clean Moroccan style vinyl flooring and an overall mediteranean feel. She admires the little fixtures and intricacies of the room, thinking if she probably didn’t know any better, she’d think Mrs. Minatozaki was a world-renowned interior designer. 

Dahyun moves her stupefied gazing (and forced-stalling) to admire the trash bin right beside the sink counter. It’s too pretty to simply accommodate garbage. It’s even made out of those expensive weaved wood– _ is that rattan? Or is it— _

But amidst her closer inspection, a weight falls on the floor and the sound of plastic hitting the tiles echo in the silence.

Everything happens in slow motion after that, and Dahyun, crouched on her seat on top of the toilet lid, halfway from stuffing her nose into the trash bin to figure out what kind of wooden material it’s made out of, cranes her neck over to where the commotion is from and catches sight of the older girl she shared the space with on the floor, pushing herself back against the wall, as if she’s trying to run away from something, trying to escape from some kind of monster. 

Dahyun turns to look at what kind of monster this is, and she sees it: the white flimsy plastic rectangle thing on the ground, juxtaposing the dark, complex patterns of the tiles it lays upon.

The desire to find out pushes her to crawl over to check. She reaches for the object and sees for herself the thing that scares Im Nayeon.

The answer comes in the form of two red lines. 

And then, Nayeon cries. 

She hugs her knees up to her chest and hides her face from the world, from Dahyun. 

Dahyun. Dahyun who feels frozen in place, kneeling on the ground, unable to think of anything else but the sounds of Nayeon’s cries playing in her head, the sight of the older girl’s shoulders shaking with every hitch of her breath, and the cold,  _ cold _ object in her hand that suddenly feels so,  _ so _ heavy, pulling her entire body down. 

Now Dahyun feels like crying too. 

This is the closest she’s seen Nayeon break. And it washes over her an odd, uncomfortable sensation that tears apart what little semblance she has to a protective cloak. 

What do you do when the person you look up to, the person who seemed the most invincible to your eyes, finally breaks and falls apart?

_ Unnie…  _ The word feels like sandpaper scratching in her throat. It barely comes out. 

Dahyun can’t see from the tears beginning to cloud in her eyes but she still tries to move towards the blur of Nayeon’s figure. 

She reaches out her arms and wraps it around her unnie, holding her close. She lets Nayeon fit into the corners and crevices of her smaller body and soon there are arms wrapped around her waist, head nuzzled in the dip of her neck, tears falling and seeping through the collar of her shirt. 

They stay like that for what feels like a lifetime until the crying stops and the only sound in the room comes from the water running and Nayeon trying to catch her own breath. 

Dahyun finally finds her voice. When you see the person you look up to break, you find the courage in you to protect them too. 

She presses her cheeks against Nayeon’s temple and hugs her unnie closer. 

She doesn’t have the slightest damned clue in the world where they’ll go from here on. She doesn’t know what to do. But that doesn't stop her from telling her unnie what she needs to hear the most now.

It takes her three words. 

“We’ll be here.” 

Spoken like a hushed whisper to a sleeping child, protecting her from the rest of the world. 

“We’ll be here for you, unnie.” 

* * *

There are about a thousand things to worry about right now, and the least of them all was to concern herself with what Andy Lau movie they should watch. 

They were in the comforts of the home theater-converted-party room, choosing over a hundred DVDs stacked inside one of the many glass showcases mounted around the largest television set Dahyun has ever seen. 

The walls were padded with acoustic panels, protecting what was left of the peace and tranquility of the mansion from Sana and Momo’s howling and Jeongyeon and Jihyo’s continued game of annoying the hell out of each other. 

Dahyun is convinced utilizing the home theater as the room where they would all be staying for most of the sleepover is like killing two birds with one stone for the staff and Mr. and Mrs. Minatozaki. 

The area was big enough to pass as a living room, and therefore contain all of their seven (five, given the situation and if they were being honest) rambunctious, adrenaline-filled asses. 

Everything you could probably look for in a room was already in here. 

There was an accessible bathroom for them to use. There was a bar by the side, and a chiller stocked with a wide variety of drinks, some of which were labeled with names Dahyun didn’t even know how to pronounce. There was an anteroom converted into a mini-kitchen for them, complete with popcorn machines and food dispensers, much to Momo’s glory-filled eyes (“Holy shit. Am I in heaven?”) The leather cinema chairs were stored in another room, and in their place was a faux fur carpet laid out on the already-carpeted flooring, on top were mattresses pushed together, where they would be sleeping on. 

“We should  _ totally _ watch A Moment of Romance. Have y’all seen Jacklyn Wu in that?!” Sana exclaims, arguing with Jeongyeon’s choice of watching God of Gamblers. 

“I’m beginning to think tonight is Andy Lau-themed because you like his co-stars and not Andy himself…” Jeongyeon narrows her eyes skeptically, looking over her shoulders at Sana before turning back to the DVD collections she’s going through. 

Sana just shrugs with a cocky grin, stretches her arms on the back of the leather sofa she’s sat on, crossing her legs over the other, like a mafia Queen on her throne.

They dive into another heated argument about who’s the better Cheung (Cherie or Maggie?) And Dahyun kind of zones out from there, lets her unies settle into the comfortable familiarity of immature celebrity debates that their friendship has somehow found common ground from.

She’s seated on her share of the mattress nearest to the wall, legs crossed like an obedient little child waiting for storytime, while Mina’s lying on her side right next to her, already clad in her expensive silk pajama set, head propped up by her hand, giggling here and there at the commotion in front of them.

Right at the far other side of the room, Nayeon sits all by herself, staring in mid-air, knees hugged close to her chest. Given the on-going chaos in the room, no one seems to notice her apparent detachment nor her puffy face except forDahyun, who ends up glancing over every now and then, a surge of thoughts and worries flooding her mind even more.

In due course, she ends up zoning out for most of the movie (they end up watching The Last Romance for Maggie and Cherie Cheung, a movie  _ without  _ Andy Lau in it), and it isn't really a surprise anymore that it's Mina who first notices.

There's a hand on her lap, soft and gentle, and Dahyun meets eyes with the stardust scattered in Mina's. Everything about her has always been a breath of fresh air and right now, looking at her provides Dahyun with a minute’s worth of a blank mind, like the plastic sheet had been pulled up over her magic slate of thoughts and erased everything.

"Hey…" Mina whispers, although it sounds more like her normal speaking voice given how loud the movie is playing. 

She holds her other hand up and runs her fingers through the mess of bundles that is Dahyun's hair, tucking loose strands behind her ear before her hand rests on one of the younger girl's cheeks, caressing.

"Is everything alright?"

Dahyun ends up leaning into Mina's touch, feeling the familiar warmth from her hold. She closes her eyes, breathes in this fleeting moment of illusion that everything  _ can  _ be alright, before opening her eyes again, bleary and heavy-lidded, and forcing a nod out. 

"Yeah", her voice trembles and she fights the urge to turn and glance over at Nayeon again when Mina asks, clearly unconvinced, what's the matter.

Dahyun has never been a good liar. Especially to Mina. She has never lied to her, all in all. Aside from the times she tried convincing the both of them that she didn't have feelings for the older girl.

"I'm just worried, unnie." 

Dahyun doesn't lie, but she also won't tell someone else's truth.

Mina's eyes hold the weight of worry in them, increasing with every blink. "Do you want to talk about it?"

And really, Dahyun doesn't. She shouldn't. Even if this is Mina she's talking to, the love of–possibly–her life. This isn't something hers to tell. 

So, instead, she focuses on glancing at whose it is, at least at the  _ general _ direction of where she last saw Nayeon sitting right beside Jeongyeon, only to find that space empty now, and the worry in Dahyun's system bubbles up and increases tenfold.

Before she can even start frantically looking around, the space on the mattress beside her dips, and Dahyun watches as relief washes over and Nayeon settles down carefully, sitting up uneasily, back straight as a rod, before glancing at Dahyun–and by extension, Mina's concerned, confused gaze–and asks, "Can I sit here?" 

And there's so much clear-cut vulnerability in her tone that Dahyun feels hypnotized to nod back in silence, heart twisting painfully.

No matter how worried and scared she is, it's nothing compared to what Nayeon is probably feeling right now. It's her life that's going to change the most here after all, regardless of the decision she makes.

Somehow, having Nayeon sit beside her makes Dahyun feel less frantic and anxious. Mina has always been the understanding one, and for that Dahyun loves her even more, and she's deeply thankful she doesn't prod more and instead, settles with having Dahyun by her side quietly.

The movie goes on in a hazy motion, and Dahyun doesn't remember much about anything except Cherie Cheung's beauty and her cute little dimple by the corner of her mouth. 

At one point, there was a crying scene between the two main leads, between two best friends struck dumb by their love for the same man that it inevitably caused a rift between them too. In those scenes, Dahyun could feel Nayeon’s shoulder tremble beside her. 

She quietly reaches out for her unnie’s hand and holds it with hers, squeezing in reassurance that if she’s Cherie right now, then Dahyun’s probably Maggie. And that she will be here too. For her.

Jeongyeon doesn’t notice anything yet. She’s too absorbed in holding back her tears when another crying scene takes up the screen. 

Dahyun wonders how her unnie would take all of this in. How would she feel knowing the love of her life was  _ pregnant  _ with somebody else’s child? 

It’s a thought that haunts Dahyun deep to her core, and she doesn’t get to understand a single thing about the movie anymore. She thinks about how this could go, about how Nayeon’s decision would affect their group, about how this would affect  _ her unnie.  _

One moment their futures seemed so bright, and now it looked like a dim-lit hallway, with no assurance of what was waiting for them at the end. 

When the movie finishes, they decide to call it a night.

Nayeon, far from what Dahyun expected of her, couldn’t have made her apprehension more obvious. 

It begins when Jihyo asks where she’d be sleeping, and Sana jokingly offers the lone sofa at the corner, because the mattresses were for “couples only”. Jihyo flips her off uncharacteristically–she’s had one too many drinks of light beer–and then points at the unoccupied space beside Jeongyeon. 

“How about there? Has anyone reserved this spot?” She languidly moves over to it, crawls over the legs that obstruct her way, as if she was a snake of some sorts.

Jeongyeon pushes her body off when Jihyo haphazardly falls on her stomach, eliciting a grunt from the soccer captain. They often teased that most of Jihyo’s weight was carried by her chest. 

“If someone warned me you’d get this boozed with light beer, I wouldn’t have let you drink, Jih”, Jeongyeon huffs, pushing more of Jihyo’s body off her until the girl rolls over the mattress and falls ultimately on the floor, face-first. 

She tries to say something, probably a big  _ fuck you _ to Jeongyeon, but it’s muffled by the faux fur carpet. 

“Nayeon’s sleeping there”, Momo states while in the comforts of Sana’s cuddling. “Right, Nayeon?” 

She cranes her neck to look over her shoulder, to where the girl in question sits, far on the other end of the room. 

“Uh...about that…” 

The way her voice breaks pulls everyone’s eyes up to her, and Dahyun can feel Nayeon’s nerves all the way from where she watches, right behind. Even Jihyo looks up in all the glory of her drunken little scowl and foggy, stupefied gaze, strands of the faux fur sticking on her face. 

“You’re not going to sleep beside me?” Jeongyeon asks, and there’s sincere confusion entangled there, masked by a sort of teasing-like tone that elicits a snort from Momo, who immediately humors the drop of the atmosphere with a joke about how Nayeon’s probably gotten tired of her in bed already. 

Jeongyeon only spares her co-captain a roll of her eyes before focusing back on Nayeon, whose voice suddenly felt like it had just been sucked out of her system. 

“I...um…” Nayeon trails off, and it’s so unfamiliar to all of them how she’s stammering. She, of all people, is at a loss for words. 

Had Jihyo not been reduced to a pile of drunken mush, she would have caught up already with the situation and asked Nayeon then and there if something was wrong. 

Thankfully, Jihyo was beat. And she was now busy on her own, face planted on the carpet again, snoring her way to dreamland. 

Panic rushes up inside Dahyun, feeling the intensity of the pained waiting gaze Jeongyeon casts over at Nayeon. This pushes her to blurt out impulsively, “We have to talk about Feelings, unnie!”

And then the atmosphere in the room picks up from there. 

“Feelings?” Jeongyeon tilts her head. “The drama?” 

Dahyun nods (and hears the girl in front of her let out a heavy sigh of relief). “Yeah. You know? Bin, Hyung, and Joon. And how pretty Yuri is. And how I’m Team Hyung while unnie’s Team Joon. And how they’re probably gonna end up with—” 

“Okay, okay, fine”, Jeongyeon cuts her off with a wave of her hand, uninterested in the questionable choice of teen dramas Dahyun and Nayeon watch, the only thing they have in common the best. “Enjoy then. Momo, move your ass over so they can have space there.” 

She yanks Momo out of Sana’s embrace, much to both of their groans. Mina asks whether they should carry Jihyo over to the bed but Jeongyeon shrugs the idea off. 

“She’ll probably just fall again if we do.” 

Mina spares Jihyo a worried gaze one last time before lying down. 

In the silence and comfort of Mina’s presence beside her, Dahyun finally feels like her thoughts are finally slowing down from their wild run in her head. 

There’s about a hundred more questions left to answer, and a hundred more on its way, but Mina’s here and Dahyun feels assured with just that. 

Maybe this is something they can do. They can get through it as long as they’re together.

_ Together but not complete. _

And then just like that, Dahyun remembers Chaeyoung and thinks of her. At times like this when they’re all together, Dahyun thinks about Chaeyoung. What would she do if she were still here?

They don’t talk about her anymore. Her name has turned into some sort of vestige, a trace of the glorious memories from the past that seem to be slowly fading away. 

Sometimes, Dahyun wonders if her unnies still even remember her. 

It hasn’t been that long since she left them but nobody has mentioned a single thing about her except for Jeongyeon and Nayeon, whose relationship used to revolve around the younger girl as if she were the sun to their planets. 

Jeongyeon must have somehow felt the thought of the younger girl because it’s her who makes a passing remark at how Momo’s clinging to her like a koala, mentioning ultimately, “I’d be happy if you were Chaeyoung right now. But you’re not so get off me, Momo.” 

Momo springs away and asks, "Chaeyoung?" Her voice is dipped in genuine confusion. "Who's Chaeyoung?"

Dahyun has half the mind to convince herself this is just some sick joke again but Momo doesn't flinch in her question and there's no ounce of jest in her tone. Dahyun feels like a bucket of ice cold water had just been dumped over her head. She feels sick. 

“Momo. Seriously. I’m gonna kick you right now.” Jeongyeon says with no malice but intently spares her co-captain a narrowing glare, as if to see if she’s kidding or not, because this  _ is  _ a sick joke, and though Momo’s eyes brighten up again like some  _ eureka  _ moment (“Oh! Yeah! Chaeyoung...yeah...her…”), Dahyun doesn’t miss the way she falters and the split second where she genuinely looked lost and confused. 

Out of all of them, Momo and Chaeyoung shared the littlest amount of time together. Still, that wouldn’t easily equate to just forgetting about Chaeyoung’s entire existence that fast, right? 

_ RIGHT?!  _

Dahyun feels a bad headache coming on.

A new problem arises just as another begins.

* * *

_ (The universe works in a funny way.  _

_ It’s Dahyun who finds out about Chaeyoung first. _

_ But they’re the last ones to meet.)  _

* * *

Some time in the wee hours of the morning, one where the sun hasn’t risen yet and everyone’s competing in their own snoring fest, Dahyun feels the space beside her begin shifting. 

She’s always been a light sleeper unless otherwise called for, so when the space to her left begins tossing and moving around, she groggily forces one eye open and sees the shadow of Nayeon’s figure tiptoeing to the bathroom. 

There’s a soft thud of the toilet lid being pulled down, and then soon, the telltale sound of someone trying to puke their guts out. 

There’s an arm draped over Dahyun’s stomach. Mina doesn’t snore unlike the truck driver noises Jihyo and Jeongyeon make. Combined together they might actually impair someone’s hearing. It's only fortunate that they're somehow arranged by the loudest snorer to the who doesn’t at all.

Dahyun ever so carefully removes Mina’s spooning arm around her midriff and slips out of bed, stumbling on her way to the bathroom. 

The door isn’t locked, only pushed close. She knocks as gently as she can before slowly opening the door, peeking inside.

"Unnie?" 

It's a sight that could break anyone's heart. 

Nayeon was sitting on the floor, pale as if all the life had been drained out of her system, eyes shut close and breathing deeply. Her head rested against the wall behind her, the weight of everything probably growing unbearable to carry all on her own. 

"Unnie…" Dahyun can't help but sigh. She rubs off the remnants of sleep in her eyes before stepping inside the bathroom and reaching for the tissue dispenser. She pulls out a bunch and hands them over to the sad-looking girl. “Here you go.” 

It takes a split second of a pause before Nayeon opens her eyes and reaches for the clump of tissue. She wipes at the corners of her mouth before crumpling the tissue paper and throwing it in the general direction of the trash bin with her eyes closed again, still managing to aim perfectly and score.

Dahyun heads for the floor too, setting herself down beside the older girl. Even in her sleep-induced torpid and befuddled state, she still makes it a matter to consider maintaining space between her and her unnie, making sure Nayeon’s comfortable with her presence and proximity. 

There’s at least a ruler’s distance between them. Dahyun sits criss-crossed and copies Nayeon’s position, leaning her head back against the cold tiled wall and closing her eyes too, trying her best not to drift back to dreamland. 

Just before Dahyun’s hypothalamus inexplicably fails her and pulls her to sleep, there’s a weight that presses down against her shoulder and a feathery brush of hair that tickles against her bed-kissed skin. 

Nayeon smells like mint and strawberry-scented shampoo.  _ It must be Chaeyoung’s… _

They stay like that, with Nayeon’s head resting on Dahyun’s shoulder and Dahyun practically hand-to-hand combatting every single fiber of her being from entirely knocking her out. 

That must be it, her half-unconscious state that pushes her to recklessly ask a question she must’ve been thinking about far too much. 

"Unnie, is it Dohwan oppa's?" 

And it takes about the most awkward pregnant pause– _ no pun intended– _ of all time before Dahyun registers the shit she just asked, but Nayeon's already drawing out an exasperated sigh and shaking her head against her shoulder, and Dahyun has half the urge to jump away and gasp indignantly because  _ WHAT?!  _ and half the mind to just let out the same weary exhale because  _ ugh.  _

Ever since the bomb had been dropped earlier, new troubles only continued pelting at them like a machine gun that didn't run out of bullets.

Dahyun feels numb already, and the only thing that concerns her now is being there for Nayeon unnie. It is the top priority. Everything else comes a close second.  _ Except Mina. Mina's up there too. _

“I was drunk and sad. Two deadly combinations if you ask me.”

Nayeon speaks with a raspy voice. She sniffs and Dahyun doesn’t have the heart to look at her reflection from the glossy tile walls. She can’t bear to see the sight of her unnie crying again. 

“May I ask who then…?” 

“You probably don’t know him.” 

Dahyun expects the conversation to end there, but then Nayeon laughs wryly, almost belittling, and adds, “Heck, I don’t even know him. I just know his name.” 

“Is he like Dohwan oppa?” 

“Far from him.” Nayeon sighs. “The guy. He’s...he didn’t deserve what I did to him. I used him because I was angry. He probably thought it was love.” 

_ He must’ve been a good guy,  _ Dahyun thinks. Although having dated only one guy her entire life–as far as Dahyun knows–Nayeon had been pursued by a lot of boys, and she never held back when it came to her comments about them. She had a way with words that was always sharp and pointy at the edges when it came to the opposite sex. 

At one point in time, had it not been for the existence of her ex-boyfriend, the general consensus would’ve thought Nayeon was a misandrist. She was always vocal about her opposition of the male species.

For Dahyun to hear Nayeon speak about feeling guilty for hurting this guy she met at the party, it’s kind of shocking to say the least, yet entirely convincing of his good character at most. 

_ He must’ve been a good guy.  _

“Unnie…” Dahyun feels the ropes of sleep slowly winning her over. “Do you know how far you are?” 

Nayeon hums into her shoulder. “It’s been more than a month since the party. I’m guessing five to six weeks?” 

“When do you...um...plan to...tell the unnies? And the guy?” 

Dahyun doesn’t expect Nayeon to answer but she does. And it’s very much like her to mock the situation.

“Well I’m definitely not planning on hiding it from them until I look like I just ate an entire mini yoga ball, that’s for sure.” 

She makes a small comment about her abs that Dahyun doesn’t hear entirely but she’s sure it’s about losing them, which makes her wonder about something she’s not sure she should be asking. So she doesn’t try instead. She’s already gotten answers out of Nayeon, far more than she expected to get. 

“I’ll tell them when I’m sure, Dahyunnie. That’s to say  _ if _ Jihyo or the others won’t catch up yet.” 

In front of her, Dahyun sees a distorted reflection of Nayeon smirking to herself. “I can’t believe  _ I  _ didn’t catch up on it myself. It was so obvious. Vomiting, moodiness, lethargy. It must’ve been the stress over the competition that just got ahead of me.” 

_ The competition…  _ “Speaking of that, unnie…” 

“Yes, Dahyun.” Nayeon answers though, before she could even ask. “I will perform in spite of... _ this.  _ Even if I was showing and heavy, I still would. I’m not letting all the tears and sweat I wasted go down the drain  _ that  _ easily.” 

“But would it be good for the…um...the...”

“You can call it a baby, you know.”

“Is it, though?” 

“Is it not?” 

Dahyun shrugs her shoulders sheepishly. “I mean, I’m not good at science, unnie, but I think it’s called an embryo until a few more months. And then a fetus. And then–” 

“Just call it a living creature, oh my god.” Nayeon feigns a dramatic annoyed sigh, betrayed by the chuckle that follows by the end. 

The atmosphere in the small bathroom lightens, and Dahyun feels like she can breathe again. 

“Can I call it my bro instead?” 

Now  _ that _ has Nayeon pulling her head away from Dahyun’s shoulder. She looks at the younger girl with a bemused frown, although the corners of her lips are tugging into a whimsical smile. 

“You want to project your yearning for Chaeyoung to _this_ _living creature?"_

"No! Not that." Dahyun nearly blurts out. "I'm the youngest it's gonna get for an aunt and I don't want to be an  _ imo  _ yet, unnie _.  _ I'll be the best unnie or noona instead. So pretty please?" 

“What is with you and  _ bros _ …” 

Before Dahyun can even dive into a lengthy explanation of where she had coined the term and how much it means to her–claim backed up by thorough qualitative research, target surveying, and a detailed account of narratives–Nayeon stops her and relents, because it’s nearing 4AM already and puking out what feels like her entire guts at this point warrants at least a few hours of sleep and rest before they have to wake up and get ready for the competition again.

Nayeon won’t be getting that if she entertains Dahyun’s  _ bro _ -explaining, so she lets her be. 

“Fine, whatever. Call  _ this _ your bro.” 

And Dahyun, in her sleepy haze and hooded eyes, waves hello at the general trajectory of Nayeon’s stomach. 

Nayeon just rolls her eyes at the younger girl. She stands up with wobbly legs and languidly moves over to the sink to wash up. Everything about her movements feel and look heavy. __

Dahyun staggers to a stand behind Nayeon, moving like she just drank an entire crate of beer, trying to find her balance. She ends up watching Nayeon from the threshold, as she splashes her face with water and stares at herself in front of the mirror. 

Under the insipid light of the bathroom, Dahyun can groggily make out the cheerleader’s face blanched, sucked out of color. Her eyelids look like they carry a ton of weight on them and her shoulders sag with every breath.

The famed cheerleading captain and student council vice-president looked just about missing in the version of Nayeon that Dahyun was seeing right now.

“Dahyun-ah?” 

“Yes, unnie?” 

Nayeon meets her eyes from the reflection of the mirror. “Can we keep this between us first?”

Dahyun can’t fathom the idea of lying to her unnies, especially Mina and Jeongyeon, but this isn’t hers to tell.

“Okay, unnie. I got it.” 

“Good.” Nayeon smiles. “I want to practice first how I’ll tell your Jeongyeon unnie without shocking her.”

“How do you plan to do that?” 

“Hm. I’ll probably tell her...” Nayeon turns around and recites, “ _ ‘Hello, Yoo Jeongyeon, the love of my life. To spite you, I hooked up with someone the night of Sana’s party. It was reckless and stupid. Please don’t leave me. Oh, and I’m also pregnant, by the way. Just wanna give you a heads up’. _ How does that work?” 

Dahyun thinks pretending Nayeon just swallowed a mini yoga ball would be a better idea.

“Do you plan on giving unnie a heart attack?” 

* * *

They only get to return and stay in slumber for about three more hours before Sana’s ridiculous harp alarm resounds like some magical princess movie wake-up scene. 

Implanted in their heads that it’s the day of the talent show, no one except hungover Jihyo lags around. 

After a quick breakfast (served with delicious plates of waffles and pancakes), everyone heads to one of the living rooms to practice their routine again. They run through everything and head for the showers after lunch. 

The talent show starts at 5PM. They have enough time for hair and makeup, sending the entire north wing of the mansion into a vortex of chaos, like a downtown business district during working hours. 

One of the storage rooms was converted into a hairstyling and makeup room for them, but given how chaotic they moved around each other no matter how spacious the area was, Sana had to give each couple their own space. The Minatozaki household had more than enough rooms to spare. 

Jihyo, the only single member in the bunch, uses the bathroom far away from them. She doesn’t want to be anywhere near anyone with the quote-on-quote wrecking ball demolishing her brain at every miniscule sound and movement. 

Dahyun and Mina share a room together, much to the aforementioned’s worry because being in the same space as Mina these days takes the same effort as trying not to blow up. 

So Dahyun floods her mind with other kinds of thoughts. 

Like how bright and sunny the day is. Or how the Minatozaki mansion might probably be as big as the city hall. Or how Dahyun’s parents won’t like it if they find out she hasn’t maintained her hair properly and the ends are now splitting like a broomstick. 

She would’ve been happily busy thinking about the next color she should dye her hair to, but then Mina calls for her from the other side of the room, in front of the vintage vanity dresser she sits in front of, finishing with her makeup.

“Dahyun-ah?” 

At the mention of her name, Dahyun visibly gulps. She’d have to face Mina right now and honestly, looking at Mina is like looking at the shining light of heaven’s gate. She’s blindingly beautiful. 

“Y-Yes, unnie?” 

As expected, Dahyun’s breath is taken away. 

Mina’s clad in their performance costume already: a group shirt tucked into a yellow plaid skirt. Her hair falls in accented waves, flowing like silk, glimmering in a lighter shade of brown under the sunlight squeezing in from the window beside her.

She has curtain bangs now, a decision that proved Dahyun just when she thought Mina couldn’t get any more perfect, she still can. Makeup isn’t an issue to be concerned about. Mina still looks the same even without makeup. She’s  _ that _ beautiful. 

_ Speaking of makeup… _

“Aren’t you gonna do your face?” Mina asks, spinning the otoman around to turn to Dahyun. 

“About that. I might not anymore…?” Dahyun trails off sheepishly, warmth flooding at her cheeks. She lowers her voice to a murmur, looking down shyly, “I don’t really know how to...?” 

Mina thankfully doesn’t hear the last part. “Jihyo said to wear red lipstick. Do you want me to help you out with that?” 

Before Dahyun could even say _no_ , because _no, unnie please don’t. You make me want to blow up into butterflies_ _when you’re near,_ Mina’s already making her way over to the sofa where Dahyun sits criss-crossed, and all she can do is stay frozen in place, prepare herself for the blow that are her feelings for Myoui Mina. 

“What shade do you want?” She hovers over Dahyun, looking down as she asks. 

From this view, Dahyun feels like looking at Kingkong. Except Kingkong is a beautiful princess and she smells a lot like jasmines and vanilla. 

“I...I don’t...I don’t know? Any shade, I guess?” Dahyun stammers. Her throat feels a lot like gluing up together now and her brain can’t process anything else but Mina’s proximity. 

Then, like a dreamy nightmare, Mina crouches down until she and Dahyun are at face level, and as if Dahyun’s current inner squirms weren’t enough, the older girl leans in closer until they’re a good few inches away from each other, and Dahyun can feel the warmth of Mina’s breath tickle the flush of her cheeks. 

_ Lord, I am not your strongest soldier. _

Dahyun catches a whiff of a stronger scent of jasmines. She inevitably closes her eyes, leaving everything to her imagination. She’s never been a fan of close proximity (with exceptions, certainly), and has always been the easier one flustered among her unnies who have all mastered the art of skinship. 

When Dahyun sees a cute person, her cheeks go red. When someone stays within an arm’s length, her heart is suddenly running a marathon. There’s no need for conditions when it’s Mina. Dahyun is as good as a bomb blowing up whenever she’s simply around. 

Even with her eyes closed, Dahyun can keep track of how Mina’s  _ obviously  _ lessening the space between them. 

_ Has her eyesight gone bad now? Does she need to be THIS close? What is she even doing?! _

At first, Mina’s mint-smelling breath ghosts over Dahyun’s cheek like casper’s touch. 

Then it tickles like a feather, Dahyun contains the urge to squirm because that’ll only provoke Mina more.

And then, in a split second, Dahyun can pinpoint exactly where Mina’s breath touches the surface of her cheek, because it’s exactly the spot where all her blood is probably pooling up in by now. 

Dahyun doesn’t have any plan on opening her eyes or taking a small peek, knowing all too well the brush against her nose isn’t something she’s dreaming of anymore. It’s Mina, and which part of her? Dahyun doesn’t have the strength to find out. 

“Baby, what are you doing?” 

_ OH MYGOD HER VOICE?? BABY?! _

Suddenly, looking for her voice feels like searching for Dora’s map.  _ Where the hell is it?! _

“Uh...I...Um...Er…” 

Mina chuckles and Dahyun feels all wobbly in the legs. 

“Dahyun-ah, look at me.” 

Dahyun feels hypnotized to, so she does. And the first thing she sees are Mina’s lips, a shade of puce.

She wants to close her eyes again now. But she can’t. Somehow, her vision has ended up spotlighting Mina’s lips, and everything else in her surroundings are blacked out.

Mina slides a finger underneath Dahyun’s chin and holds it up so their eyes meet again. “You like it?” 

“H-huh?” Dahyun swallows a boulder down her throat. 

“The shade I’m wearing”, Mina chuckles. “With how you’re staring, it seems to me you like the shade too. Do you want me to apply a coat for you?” 

“A-Apply where?” 

“Your lips, silly”, Mina smiles, and then,  _ finally _ , decides to occupy the space beside Dahyun instead, taking her own seat on the sofa. 

Dahyun sucks in a breath, filling her lungs back with the stolen oxygen. 

“There’s a small problem though…” 

Dahyun glances over at Mina with a small frown, only to be met with a mischievous smirk. 

Her heart does a flip. “What?” 

“I forgot the name of the shade I used.” Mina pouts, although the playfulness in her tone betrays her. “Guess I’ll just have to improvise…” 

“Um. That’s okay, unnie. I can just–” 

But before Dahyun can even finish her own sentence, there’s a soft, fleeting peck on her lips that catches her off-guard, and before her mind registers what the hell’s happening, it’s already over and Mina’s giggling on her own. 

Dahyun looks like a deer caught by the headlights. 

“Oops. There’s a little smudge…” A thumb softly grazes over the edges of her bottom lip and it’s Mina’s and it’s soft and it smells like olives. “Okay. Good to go.” 

Dahyun’s soul has officially left her body. 

“Are you okay?” 

_ No. _

“Dahyun-ah?” 

_ Who?  _

“Do you need another coat–” 

“NO!”

The panic rushes as fast as the blush on her cheeks, and Dahyun feels guilty just by looking at the rattled expression on Mina’s face. 

She clears her throat. “I...I mean, yes. NO! I meant–no. This is good, unnie. We should...we should probably...OH MY GOD…I can’t.” Dahyun can’t even finish her own words anymore. Her thought processor is short-circuiting at the behest of the doting gaze Mina spares her, as if everything that comes out of her mouth is worth more than gold–

“You can’t what?” 

–which isn’t because half the things Dahyun say only ruin her cause more–

“I can’t think when you’re looking at me like that!”

“You like the way I look at you?” 

–and it’s really unfair because Mina becomes a sly, pure seductress like there’s an easy switch for it whilst Dahyun’s still the same little embarrassment everybody knows!

“It’s like having the Blessed Virgin Mary look at me…” 

Mina guffaws at that. “Oh my god, Dahyun…” 

Dahyun just nods, adamant on finally admitting this. “Sometimes I get the urge to do the sign of the cross whenever I see you.” 

And Mina laughs, like genuinely laughs the loudest Dahyun has probably heard from her. 

They laugh until their stomachs hurt and their cheeks get tired, and Mina’s clutching at her abdomen and wiping at a tear and this is probably the most beautiful moment (or a close second, the make out session still tops) Dahyun thinks they’ve ever shared together. 

This is beautiful. For a fleeting moment, it feels like nothing else is wrong with the world. For an entire five minutes or so of laughing, Dahyun forgets about all the troubles in her head. 

She forgets that all her unnies will be leaving her in a few months, that Mina will say goodbye to her too and she’ll have to let go of this one way or another.

It slips out of her mind that she already has a scheduled appointment with the principal of her old school regarding her transfer papers in a few weeks, that she already packed some of her things in boxes and kept them under her bed, ready for picking up once her parents drop by and start helping her move out. 

Dahyun forgets that everything will be changing and she isn’t so sure whether it’s for the better or for the worse, and she hasn’t been this unsure her entire life that she absolutely  _ hates it. _

Dahyun forgets. Within that short span of tearful laughter with Mina, she forgets they’ll be performing in a few hours a routine they prepared as eight but would be dancing as seven. She forgets about Chaeyoung for a little while, and how she’ll probably never come back again and they have no means to talk and catch up because knowing that kid, she has no idea how technology works and hotmail would be too much for her. 

In this fleeting bubble of happiness she’s managed to share with Mina, Dahyun forgets in nine months, they’ll  _ literally  _ be eight again. 

If the heavens could grant Dahyun one wish, she’d ask for this. At the very least, could it grant her a minute more of it? 

And  _ then  _ she’ll have the courage to deal with everything again. Just one more minute with Mina, and her pretty laughing and pretty gummy smile and her pretty everything.

One more minute is all Dahyun asks for. 

Even that, it couldn’t give. 

“Hey you two lovebirds.” Momo suddenly shows up, a mischievous little smile plastered on her face. “Sorry to cut your moment short. Car’s waiting downstairs already. Jihyo’s grumpy as  _ fuck _ so you better get over there now. We’re just waiting for Nayeon to finish up and we’ll go.”

With that, she leaves, and Dahyun feels like she’s free-falling to reality. 

Mina gets up, quickly stretches side-to-side, and then offers her hand. “Let’s go kick some ass?” 

“You mean perform a Jackson 5 song looking like a band of color-coded referees?”

Mina chuckles. “Yes, and then kick some ass! And win!” 

Dahyun smiles at that and takes Mina’s hand. 

Suddenly, everything else in the world feels tolerable. 

* * *

Tolerable for a good few seconds, that is. 

On their way down, Dahyun catches a sight of Nayeon from one of the slightly-opened doors, standing in front of a body mirror, looking very focused on something with her skirt. 

It doesn’t take much for Dahyun to excuse herself from Mina, telling the girl she can go ahead. Mina only pouts a little before shrugging and then padding off, down the staircase where Momo and Sana’s boisterous laughter resound, probably annoying Jihyo’s hungover ass again. 

“Unnie?” Dahyun knocks on the door. “You need some help?” 

Nayeon doesn’t even turn to look at her. “No, no. I’m good. Just...tightening this…” 

Dahyun walks inside regardless, and sees the older girl pulling at the ends of her skirt, trying to latch the hook to a tighter bar.

“Unnie, you look like you’re gonna pop.” 

“Wow. Thank you, Dahyunnie. I appreciate your kind way of telling me I gained weight”, Nayeon says with flat out sarcasm, still preoccupied sucking in more air and shrinking her very small, nearly unnoticeable bump. It’s like a small little ab. Just a single ab right over her belly button. 

“Do you think Sana has those stomach binders or something?” Nayeon wonders out loud, and Dahyun is mortified because 1) she’s pretty sure it isn’t a good idea to wear that so early on, and 2) she clearly has no idea about anything related to pregnancy so she’s a hundred percent sure she’s wrong but Nayeon looks like she’s suffocating both herself and Dahyun’s future bro there, so she intervenes. 

“Unnie, you don’t have to wear anything like that…”

“You just told me I look like I’m gonna pop.” 

Dahyun shakes her head. “I meant, because you looked like you were suffocating yourself. You don’t look...your part, you know? You don’t need to wear whatever.” 

“My part being...the selfish and reckless friend who got knocked up?” 

Dahyun doesn’t answer. Nayeon gives up on trying to smother herself (and by extension, the little living thing inside of her), much to Dahyun’s relief. 

The younger girl walks over and gives her unnie a helping hand. It’s like walking on eggshells at first, trying to judge whether being this close is okay for Nayeon or not. When she doesn’t mind Dahyun’s involvement, the latter continues with readjusting the skirt, pulling at it so the lock settles over Nayeon’s stomach comfortably, hook latched on the first, loosest bar. 

“There you go”, Dahyun steps away so Nayeon can see herself better in front of the mirror. “All better?” 

“I can breathe, yes. But I still feel like shit.” Nayeon deadpans. 

“There’s no remedy to that but at least you don’t  _ look _ like one!” Sometimes Dahyun sucks at cheering people up. 

Nayeon doesn’t seem to mind at all. She even smiles a little bit at that. 

After one last look at herself, Nayeon finally relents and they head out together. 

In their short walk down to where the car is waiting for them outside, Nayeon and Dahyun openly talk about  _ it,  _ namely about how sure Nayeon is of performing a routine that involves a lot of hopping and skedaddling around. 

“I asked  _ imo  _ about it. She said it was okay as long as I’m careful”, Nayeon responds, referring to Sana’s mom. 

“Really?” Dahyun hums. They exit the mansion through the main door, heading for the van that was waiting for them ahead. “But you know, unnie? My cousin once said moving around too much can affect the baby’s growth.” 

“The dad’s tall. I’m average height, at the very least. This’ll grow fine.” 

“Okay then”, Dahyun gives up. There’s no point in arguing when Nayeon’s convinced she’s got the height department all covered up already.

“Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you if the kid grows up barely meeting 160cm.”

“Dahyun.  _ You’re  _ barely 160cm tall.” 

“My mom danced in the 70s.” 

The gasp that Nayeon lets out is music to Dahyun's ears.

* * *

For once in her life, Mina felt magical. 

The moment they entered the campus, it was like stepping into a new realm, a fantasy land. 

The multifunctional field that occupied a vast expanse of area smack dab in the heart of their school had been magically transformed into a night carnival. 

Vibrant colors shone under the dark skies. There were bulb string lights hanging above, igniting the pathway where concession stalls were lined, student volunteers running parlor games and snack booths offering a variety of food. At the far areas of the field, there are installed mini-theme park rides like vikings, a scarily fast mini ferris wheel, and a caterpillar rollercoaster. Everything reminds Mina again how Apgujeong High is a well-off school, and if a bunch of trust fund kids planned an event, then it was only guaranteed  _ extra _ . 

Everything reminds Mina of the Miracle Strip at night, whenever her family used to travel to Texas and her parents would take her to the amusement parks and let her play around until at night. 

Jihyo and Nayeon meet up with one of the student coordinators and before Mina can even begin dancing to the next song–Mariah Carey’s Fantasy–she’s already being pulled away to the backstage where the performers are gathered and getting ready, curtains drawn close to hide the chaos happening from behind.

They aren’t late. It’s just that looking for a parking space turned into a death game and they had to run down from a block away just to get to the school because the driver couldn’t find a spot anywhere near. 

When they arrived, nearly breathless and all ruined, they’re ten minutes away from performing time and the monoblocks arranged in neat columns and rows in front of the stage were already beginning to fill up. 

They all retouch their makeup, and Mina fights the urge to improvise another coat over Dahyun’s lips in order to save time because there’s a line in front of the mirror. 

Instead of that, they stand close together, hands clasped behind their backs, giggling like two lovesick girls at anything and everything, watching as the other girls spritz ridiculous amounts of hairspray and apply 

Five minutes before they’re up, Jihyo huddles the entire group together. 

The crowd outside erupts into bellows of laughter and wondered  _ oooh _ ’s at the Gag Trio’s magic performance. 

Even amidst the noise and the chaos around them, they huddle together and blur everything out. All that matters now is them. 

“No matter what happens, girls, we did it, okay?” Jihyo tells each and every one of them in the huddle, trying to raise her voice over the chaos. 

“All the hard work we’ve done is for tonight, so let’s give our everything out there, okay?” 

Everyone nods to that, adrenaline pumping in their systems as the crowd grows louder and applause erupts, signalling the end of the Gag Trio’s performance and the introduction to theirs. 

Jihyo stretches her hand out and the others follow, palms stacked over the other. 

“We’re doing this for us.”

“And for Chaeyoung”, Dahyun adds, and there’s a beat of silence that ensues that Mina thinks shouldn’t have been there. “She would have loved to be here too.” 

Mina looks over to where Momo doesn’t hide back the little crease on her forehead or the way Sana smiles a little albeit nearly absentmindedly.

Jihyo stirs the group back to common ground.

“Yes. All of us.” She takes a deep breath. “Let’s bring home that trophy, alright?” 

And to that they all agree, counting down from three and erupting in bellows, putting into voice the adrenaline pumping in their system, the natural inclination to perform. 

In an alternate universe, Mina thinks they’ll make a good girl group. The one that could perform in sold-out arenas and travel the world together.  _ Maybe in another lifetime.  _

* * *

Dahyun spots Sana's parents sitting near the front row. 

When they're standing in their places, waiting for the music to play, Jeongyeon waves over in a direction and Dahyun spots her mom and her sister holding up a videocam, waving back animatedly. 

Even through the blinding stage lights the student coordinators managed to rent with minimal budget, Dahyun can see the faces in the crowd and how they smile at them and their performance. 

She thinks maybe this is something they can do. And maybe, in a different lifetime, they do it because they don't have to. They do it because they want to. 

Months of practicing and blood and sweat shed all come down to four minutes of performing time, at most. It's an unfair trade, but when the music starts playing and the girls begin moving their hips into the rhythm, the smile that finds its way to Dahyun's face is wide and sincere. 

This isn't more than just a performance for them anymore. Their group properly got together because of this.  _ For this. _ Just when Dahyun thought she'd traverse this world all by herself, she met six more unnies in her wake and felt the magical sensation of falling for one of them too. 

Some time along the way, she met Chaeyoung too. And while Chaeyoung didn't stay longer than how Dahyun had wanted her to–how they  _ all  _ wanted her to–she left them when everything finally felt put into place, which was more than they could ask for.

Technology was on the rise and developments were made day by day. Dahyun thinks it won't be impossible to find Chaeyoung, but knowing how the girl had left them completely no trace to follow–she wasn't in the yearbook, they never got to take her picture; nearly no one outside their group knew she existed, because Chaeyoung only interacted with them on a daily basis; and in group photos she didn't exist, because in their very first one ever taken, Chaeyoung had gotten sick and left.

_ She was a mystery.  _ She might as well be the greatest one Dahyun has ever had the opportunity to know. If she could, she'd want to try and solve it all over again. And maybe, in the near future, they'll meet again too. Dahyun will make sure they meet again.

* * *

When Sana centered during their first formation–which was some kind of line that would transition to their second–she smiled over at the audience and boys began howling like mad dogs. Dahyun never knew the power of her unnie's  _ fan club  _ until now. 

Mina gained herself a reputation too, Dahyun would learn of this during Jeongyeon's line "those pretty faces always made you stand out in the crowd". In that part, it was Jihyo's idea that they utilize Mina's being the visual of the group, and use it to their advantage. Nayeon skedaddled her way into that part, demanding she danced behind Jeongyeon too when she sang that part.

Dahyun always knew Mina had attracted the attention and the hearts of many of their schoolmates. She never says anything but there were always letters and flowers sticking out of her locker whenever she'd pass by the senior hall. 

Instead of bringing a bitter taste in her mouth and a twisting in her chest, Dahyun feels more elated and  _ honored. _ No, she won't be parading what she has with Mina to everyone's faces for the sake of her pride. Knowing what they have is theirs to keep away from the world, and all these people think they have a chance, makes Dahyun feel like she just scored the winning combination in the lottery.  _ Jackpot. _

During their dance break, where everyone could pose freely, Dahyun danced on her own. This was the part where she planned to goof off with Chaeyoung and improvise some weird dance steps together. Since her partner wasn't there anymore, Dahyun had to do it all by herself.

The moment they finished their performance, breathless and smiles permanently plastered on their faces, the crowd erupts into monstrous applause. It felt like they just performed in an arena and not the outdoor field in school.

Dahyun thinks part of the impact of their performance should be credited to the fans her unnies manage to haul. Nayeon, Mina, and Sana have fan _ boys  _ cheering for them whereas Jeongyeon, Jihyo, and Momo have fan _ girls.  _ Dahyun thinks she heard her dad shout her name in the crowd. Her parents promised to watch, they must be there somewhere. 

Even the performers they were going against with managed to join in on the clapping and cheering. The soccer girls and the cheerleading team were unstoppable in their howling, even after Jennie told them to quiet down.

Everything feels surreal, Dahyun thinks.

The moment they stepped out of the stage, the applause was still there. The emcees had to quiet everyone down before they could introduce the last performers.

"Oh my god! That was amazing!" Sana exclaims, bouncing in her steps as they make their way to a more breathable space to gather around, away from the hustle and bustle of the backstage.

Dahyun can only catch her breath as her unnies begin exchanging compliments for their performance ("Jeong, that high note was  _ sensational!"  _ "I love that heart you did at the end, Momoring!" "Mina, did you hear all those screaming when you were up in front?!")

Amidst all the fiasco and their adrenaline-pumped hearts still beating along the rhythm of the music, Dahyun and Mina's eyes meet, and there's a twinkle in Mina's eyes that makes Dahyun just want to melt into her. 

Eventually, they find each other through all the mess, and when Mina wraps her arms around Dahyun, it feels perfect, like everything's perfect again.

"Unnie…" Dahyun breathes in the familiar scent of jasmines. It's become a memory engraved in her head now, a scent she associates with home.  _ You were amazing. _

She feels Mina's lips trace over the length of her jaw, ghost over the shell of her ear, and press a kiss on her temple. 

"Dahyun-ah…" Mina whispers before pulling away ever so slightly and resting her forehead againts Dahyun's.

For a moment there, they forget where they are. It's only them now. It's only them here.

When Mina looks into her eyes, Dahyun feels like drowning. Her gaze drops to the line of her lips, watches it move as Mina tries to say something, and then end up smiling.

"Honey, did you hear me?" 

_ Honey?!  _

Dahyun stammers. "W-What again, unnie? Sorry. I was—"

"Staring at my lips?" 

"What? N-No? I was just...admiring it…?"

Mina lets out a chuckle. She pulls away from where her face is a good inch in distance from Dahyun's, and then looks up into the dark expanse of the night sky instead.

"Did you hear what I said though?" 

Dahyun sheepishly bobs her head no. She follows the smile Mina blesses the stars with.

"I said", Mina closes her eyes, beauty glowing underneath the moonlight. "The moon looks beautiful tonight, Dahyun. It looks  _ really  _ beautiful."

(Dahyun won't understand it until a year later, while she's taking Japanese classes because she writes to Mina every chance she gets, and Mina mentions the moon being beautiful more than Dahyun can ever count with her two hands.

She'll find out later Mina loves her, and they would forever debate about it. 

" _ Why didn't you just say it like a normal person?"  _

_ "Now where's the fun in that?" _

Dahyun would find that teasing Mina would inevitably become one of life's greatest joys for her. Because Mina's mentioned the moon being beautiful far before Dahyun ever told Mina she loved her and that would mean—

" _ You were the first one to say I love you?" _

And Mina would  _ always  _ get flustered about it but still nod surely.

_ "Yes, Dahyun. I loved you first.") _

* * *

They win 120,000 Won and a trophy that Dahyun holds during a photo-op with the panel of judges, including a celebrity guest in the form of Woo Heejin. 

Dahyun nearly faints when she stands beside the actress, smiling the widest she's ever stretched, all giddy and awe-struck that in one of the photos captured, Mina's caught rolling her eyes beside her.

("She wasn't  _ that  _ pretty…")

Nayeon joins Dahyun in conversation with Woo Heejin, babbling all about Feelings and asking questions they know Heejin's technically contracted not to answer ("So? Did she pick Joon?").

Mina watches beside Jeongyeon, starkly contrasting the smile on the latter's face with a small pucker of lips. While Jeongyeon's probably admiring how prettier the actress is in real life, Mina's thinking of all the ways she can land a television spot too. Because Dahyun seems to be  _ really _ into actresses these days…

_ I can probably ask mom to get in contact with that former client she worked with— _

"Myoui Mina-ssi?"

Mina knows that voice. She's heard it before, however never mentioning her name. 

When she turns around to meet who's called her, Mina feels like all the blood has been drained out of her system and the ghost of her better thinking has flown away ultimately.

She knows she's thinking too much about this. To everybody else, this is just like meeting Sana's parents, or saying hello to Jeongyeon's mom and older sister like a few minutes ago. Except this is Mrs. Kim, on her face is a loving smile that resembles a lot like Dahyun's, and  _ this  _ is different. 

Because this is Mrs. Kim, and Mina isn't in love with Sana or Jeongyeon. She is deep in love with Mrs. Kim’s daughter. If she plays her cards right, she might not have to undergo the whole monster-in-law fiasco in the far future. 

"Mina-ssi?"

_ Keep your cool, Mina. Keep your cool. _

"Mrs. Kim", Mina greets, bowing a perfect ninety-degree angle. She takes a deep breath along the process, before standing back up to meet Mrs. Kim’s smile again. "It's nice to see you again. Are you looking for Dahyun?"

“Oh, no, sweetheart.” She waves her hand. "We actually just talked to her. Her father won a shirt from one of the booth games and he’s making her change into it.”

"Oh?" Mina thinks it's cute that Dahyun’s still the little princess in her parents’ eyes. "Mr. Kim still has good aim, I see."

“And an apparent inclination to compete against the youngsters too”, Mrs. Kim jibes with a roll of her eyes. “He nearly got into an argument with the student that ran the booth! Said he was getting the shirt for his little girl and the poor kid must’ve thought Dahyun was a toddler and not a sophomore here.” 

Mina can only giggle at that, because she was never good at holding conversations especially with adults and  _ especially  _ if it’s with Dahyun’s parents. 

Mrs. Kim must have some kind of awkward radar going on because she immediately senses Mina’s fidgeting and stretches a hand out, giving Mina a pat on the back. 

“You did a great job out there, Mina. We just came by to congratulate you girls for your performance.” 

“Thank you so much, Mrs. Kim.” Mina bows her head. 

Inside her head she wishes this would be the end of their conversation, because she isn’t really prepared to go all-out trying to impress Dahyun’s parents tonight. Her body, frankly, still feels the need to project its energy to something else, say booth games with Dahyun and kissing in the secret halls, away from the crowd. 

“Apart from that…” 

_ Oh no. There’s more.  _

“I just wanted to thank you.” 

_ Oh? _

Mina’s eyes widen a little. “For what, if I may ask? I should be the one thanking you, Mrs. Kim.” 

_ For having Dahyun and making the world a whole lot more bearable to live in.  _

“Thank me?” Mrs. Kim chuckles in disbelief.

Mina nods. “For allowing Dahyun to stay a little bit more with us”, she looks down and feels the wave of gloom hit her at the remark. “We wouldn’t have been able to pull everything off without her.” 

“I was just about to thank you for that too, sweetie.” Mrs. Kim smiles. “We haven’t been in talks with Dahyun because she’s been so busy but when we saw her earlier, she looked very happy. And her smile, I don’t know if it was possible, but she always seemed to smile brighter and laugh louder when she’s with you. Thank you for giving her the chance to feel that.” 

Mina’s taken aback by the words. She feels like tearing up and it’s only to her absolute fortune that it’s dark already and the moonlight isn’t enough to make it look so obvious that she’s about to cry in front of Dahyun’s mom. 

“She gave me the chance to feel the same too.” 

“That’s why whatever happens, I wish you both stay the same.” Mrs. Kim runs a hand down Mina’s hair. The gesture reminds her of her mom that it  _ really _ makes Mina want to cry right now. 

“Even if you two go your separate ways, I hope both of you still continue to be there for each other. You’ve brought our daughter so much happiness and if this is what it takes to see her smile brighter and wider, then so be it.”

Mina feels her heart swell with emotions pulling at her chest from different directions. There’s a meaning behind Mrs. Kim’s words that she knows but can’t quite bring herself to believe so because it’s such a big matter and... _ does she know? _

“Whatever you guys decide on, we’ll be here, okay?” Behind Mrs. Kim, Mina can see her husband slowly walking over. Mrs. Kim looks over her shoulders and says something before turning back to Mina to bid her farewell. 

Mrs. Kim asks her with a look on her face.  _ Can we hug?  _ And Mina just nods, because happiness swirls inside of her like a tornado, all-encompassing, and it’s gotten rid of any semblance to fair thinking now. 

All Mina knows is that she feels happy, that’s she’s never felt this happy and loved her entire life. 

* * *

“You look good.” Mina greets her with a playful smirk on her lips. She’s leaning against the pole of one of the concession stalls in the quieter end of the field, enjoying a good piece of cotton candy. 

They’ve all agreed on spending the rest of the night with their respective  _ special someones _ , celebrating their glory-filled win with the person they love, in the night fair they helped set up and make possible. 

Had Dahyun not been prowling around for nearly half an hour now, in an oversized Voltes V shirt her father managed to win from one of the ring toss games, listening to her parents drone on and on about her room getting redecorated after her brother moved out and her Sailor Moon figurines being taken away in the process, Dahyun would have found the energy to come up with a witty retort back at Mina. But she’s tired and grumpy now (those were her prized Sailor Moon collection!), and Mina’s being awfully cute again. 

“Hello there, Steve Armstrong. Why the sour face?” Mina offers her cotton candy over, to which Dahyun grumpily grabs and takes a bite of. 

“My brother accidentally packed my Sailor Moon figurines and brought it with him to Jeju,” Dahyun huffs with a pout in the end, looking every bit the defeated child she is. “Those were my  _ everything _ , Mitang! Every penny I saved from my snack money was put into that.” 

“Aww, baby…” Mina can’t help but coo, hands immediately finding their way over to the younger girl’s cheeks, thumb softly caressing. “Don’t cry…” 

Dahyun frowns even more, swats Mina’s hands away. “I’m serious, Mitang! Those were  _ my all _ . I even wrote them in my last will and testament. ‘I give and bequeath my entire Sailor Moon collection to my future child, including all ten of my Sailor Moon figurines and my limited edition cardboard cutout of Sailor Galaxia’.”

Mina can’t even process that. “Where would we put the cutout though? In the baby’s room?” 

Dahyun doesn’t know whether she should be flustered because Mina actually considered the baby first, or frustrated because Mina’s missing out on her point. 

Her disbelief is mirrored by her slacking jaw, and Mina sighs. “Fine, fine. It goes in the baby’s room then—” 

“Unnie, no!” Dahyun blurts out with a kick of her foot. “I’m sad because my Sailor Moon figurines are gone. And my brother would probably forget to send it back until it rots in his new house or something.” 

Mina hates that she can’t hold back the giggle that escapes her lips. There’s an urge to pinch Dahyun’s cheeks and press a kiss there, but they’re in public and Mina would rather not bless the world with such a sight. That’s for them only. 

“You know…” Thankfully, while waiting, Mina had the chance to roam around the field and see the stalls herself. “Yves is helping man a game booth that gives out Sailor Moon-themed prizes. Do you want to give that a try?” 

Dahyun’s eyes gleam with the excitement of a child at a toy store, and then she remembers how her hand-eye coordination isn’t exactly the best in the world nor is it mediocre at best, so she deflates again and curses the universe for never giving her even the most average of skills.

“I suck at playing booth games, unnie. I’d probably waste all my money in that and Yves unnie would just hand me a consolation prize or something just to cheer me up.” 

An arm makes its way around Dahyun’s shoulders and suddenly, Dahyun’s engulfed in the smell of jasmines and vanilla again. 

“That’s why you have me, love.” Mina winks, and Dahyun feels all wobbly in the knees now. “I’ve trained my whole life for this moment.” 

And so Mina embarks on an adventure of a lifetime, beating the boss level of Yves’ shooting game to win the biggest prize: a Sailor Moon pillow. She wins it effortlessly, given her exceptional skills at aiming and shooting, and Dahyun looks like she just won a house and lot prize with how she jumps around in glee, shouting to the world her happiness and bragging about her Sailor Moon pillow. 

Mina feels like it’s not enough–the Sailor Moon pillow as compared to all ten figurines and a Sailor Galaxia standee–but Dahyun makes it feel like it is, and Mina thinks  _ maybe,  _ or not  _ maybe  _ but rather  _ surely,  _ she just fell in love with Dahyun even more. 

* * *

They plan to end the night just like how they began the day: together.

Jihyo is like a little kid again, munching on a piece of cotton candy while pointing around at the prizes she wants and Mina, Jeongyeon, and Sana attempt to win it for her. Momo has Sana nearly buying everything from the snack bars, from popcorn to skewers and tangsuyuk, everyone's worried she might have another stomach pumping at the rate she's going. Dahyun's just happily following everyone around, hugging her Sailor Moon pillow while keeping an eye on Nayeon who has, for the most part, contained her little secret very well. 

The fair would close at 9PM and until then, they would roam around and try every food stall and booth game, once in a while dancing to the songs that play from the PA system, now Fin.K.L.'s To My Boyfriend.

Everything's going well and they're all having fun—until Jeongyeon decides they all try the caterpillar rollercoaster before the conductor shuts it down.

Jihyo backs out almost instantly, excusing herself to buy their chicken (and beer) snacks for later so they can eat on the grassy field like a picnic by the Han river. Jeongyeon is adamant with everyone else, getting all whiny when Nayeon desperately tries to back out.

Dahyun feels her panic spike up when Nayeon looks the slightest bit considering the idea. Everyone knew she was madly in love with Jeongyeon but they never thought she'd be  _ this _ neck-deep in love! 

It was general knowledge by now, Im Nayeon absolutely  _ hated  _ theme park rides. In spite of her exceptional athleticism and high pain tolerance, she just wasn't a fan of anything that moved above the normal speed limit. But ever since Jeongyeon came along, Nayeon had begun making exemptions for a lot of things.

_ Still! This situation's different! _

"Unnie, Nayeon unnie can't ride that." Dahyun continues to argue with her Jeongyeon unnie while standing in line for the mini-roller coaster. "She was sick and she's just getting better—"

"Do you  _ really  _ want me to ride that though?" 

But Nayeon,  _ oh my god _ , just can't help herself. 

Dahyun eyes her unnie with much indignance.  _ What are you doing?! _

Nayeon spares her with a small nod before turning back to Jeongyeon. "Would it kill you if I don't?"

"Yes! Yesyesyes! Pleeeaaase, Nayeonnie~" Jeongyeon whines. "I'll hold your hand if you get nauseous."

"That doesn't do anything…?"

"Dahyun, shh! Adults are talking right now!"

Dahyun just scowls, feeling incredibly insulted by that interjection.

Jeongyeon continues blabbering random promises of making sure Nayeon's alright and holding her hand tighter, and all Dahyun can is  _ pray _ in her head that a Jeongyeon-shaped cloud hasn't shrouded Nayeon's better judgement entirely yet, because she needs to see the bigger picture here and the bigger picture includes a baby!

"Just one ride, okay?" 

But of course, evil triumphs when one's heart is weak. And  _ god knows  _ Im Nayeon's achilles' heel is Yoo Jeongyeon. 

Her unnie erupts in a celebratory feat, pulling at Nayeon's arms and hugging her tight. The only thing Nayeon can see is Dahyun's disappointed frown from over her shoulders. When they pull away from the embrace, Nayeon is yanked to the side by the younger girl.

"Unnie, what the heck?" Dahyun hisses, thankful that Jeongyeon is too engrossed in talking about her entire English essay on the history of the ferris wheel to Mina that she doesn't even notice Dahyun and Nayeon whispering to themselves.

"It's just one ride, Dahyun…"

"Unnie. Are you serious right now?" Dahyun deadpans.

Nayeon mirrors the flat glare with her own. "I am. It's not going to be that big of a deal, okay? I'm not even that far off."

"And if you start vomiting again they're gonna get suspicious already!"

"It's a ferris wheel, Dahyun. Who gets sick in that?"

"Pregnant women do. And those with motion sickness."

"Well, I'm not the other one, and like I said, not far off as well, so it's good, okay? I can...push it down." 

"That is disgusting." Dahyun frowns. "Are you actually gonna risk this much just because unnie's whining like a kid again?"

Nayeon sighs. She glances over at Jeongyeon, who has now evolved into flailing her arms and gesturing over the wholeness of the ferris wheel, nearly hitting Mina's face in the process, and turns back to Dahyun, "She's happy, okay? I don't want to take that away from her, Dahyunnie."

Well there's no point in arguing anymore to that. 

The ferris wheel slows down in front of them and the conductor opens the entrance and exit gates for the next batch of riders.

Nayeon reassures Dahyun one last time, "It's gonna be alright, okay? Besides. It's called  _ morning  _ sickness for a reason."

Dahyun forces herself to believe her unnie. 

She really shouldn't have. 

* * *

"Oh my god, is she going to be okay?"

"Isn't that Nayeon sunbaenim?"

"They shouldn't have let her ride if she was sick…"

"WALK AWAY, PEOPLE. JUST. WALK AWAY." Dahyun acts like the street enforcer, signalling for the passing students and outsiders to continue on with their lives and not mind the girl puking her guts out on the bushes.

The sounds of Nayeon's hurling nearly makes Sana want to vomit too, so she's out of the picture along with Mina and Momo, and preparing their picnic mat by the quieter end of the field instead.

Jihyo's watching with a pained yet scrutinizing gaze that has Dahyun slightly worried the gears in her unnie's head are perfectly running already and connecting the dots.

Eventually, Nayeon ends up vomiting nearly her entire insides out, and Jeongyeon, ridden with guilt and worry, runs off to buy any sort of medicine from the nearest pharmacy, in spite of both Nayeon and Dahyun's declining efforts, leaving the two with one less person to lie to.

Unfortunately for them, it's the hardest one.

"Nayeon, tell me what's wrong." Jihyo isn't asking anymore. She's demanding Nayeon tell her. "You've been like this far too long for me to believe this is all just a stomach flu."

"It's really nothing, Jih." Nayeon, though, finds it much easier to lie than Dahyun, who just keeps her silence the entire walk to where Sana, Momo, and Mina are waiting for them.

Jihyo snorts at that. "You expect me to believe that bullshit?" 

"Jihyo, I said it's nothing."

The last time Dahyun saw Jihyo and Nayeon argue, it was at the parking lot. Until now it traumatizes Dahyun deep in her bones.

Everyone sitting by the mat witnesses the cold exchange and the sudden drop in the atmosphere when they arrive. Nayeon settles far away from Jihyo as much as possible, busying herself with wiping at the corners of her mouth with a napkin.

Mina, Sana, and Momo look like three lost puppies, wary to say anything in fear of brooding up a storm, yet entirely confused and worried as well. Dahyun just wants the ground to swallow her whole. 

Across sits Jihyo, just watching intently every move Nayeon does. Dahyun pretends she's seeing things when their leader's gaze drops to Nayeon's stomach. Her expressions flicker from frustration to exasperation, and then to absolute concern. Dahyun feels like she's standing on the middle ground of a battlefield, and with how Jihyo looks at Nayeon like her head's coming up with a thousand battle strategy plans all at once, she feels like this'll be the end of her too. 

Dahyun hopes what she's thinking isn't the same as what Jihyo is, because what's in her mind right now is a test Nayeon might not know about, and even if she does, she's inclined to fail one way or another, and she just  _ prays _ Jihyo doesn't use that on them.  _ Because if she does, they'll be done for it. _

"Nayeon. One last time." Jihyo makes a move and Dahyun shuts her eyes in defeat.  _ Checkmate.  _

"Are you sure you don't have anything to say?" Jihyo's tone drops to a softer one, the kind that mothers use on their children to psychologically manipulate them into telling the truth. "We won't judge."

Dahyun watches as Nayeon finally moves her gaze to meet Jihyo's across the picnic mat, and under the perfect moonlight she sees the sad glimmer of tears that well up in her unnie's eyes. 

Nayeon looks like she's about to give in. But she bites her lip hard and shakes her head. 

Jihyo stares at her for a good second before resulting into her final move. 

"Then let me ask you one last thing…"

She grabs the beer and pushes it over to Nayeon.

"Can you drink that for me?"

Nayeon breaks there.

(Dahyun finds out later on Jihyo saw the test in the rattan trash bin inside the bathroom they used last night.) 

All of them are rendered speechless at the sight, more so when Jihyo ends up crying as well. Mina, Momo, and Sana are frozen in place, lost in thought and words.

"What is going on?" Sana asks first, saccharine voice laced with deep apprehension. 

Momo's on the verge of tears too. "What's happening?" 

But Jihyo tries to ignore them, focusing on her best friend in front of her. "Nayeon-ah…please…." 

Mina's the last to break. "Nayeon? Whatever you tell us, we'll be here, okay? So please." 

Jihyo gulps down and wipes at her tears. "Nayeon." She takes in a deep breath and  _ finally  _ asks, "Are you...are you pregnant?" 

"I—"

"You're what?" 

Jeongyeon wasn't supposed to be there. She wasn't supposed to hear. She wasn't supposed to come back so soon, carrying a plastic bag of medicines in her wake, hearing the part she wasn't supposed to. At least not yet.

And Nayeon's drained, tired deep in her bones, but she pushes herself up to a stand, and staggers over to Jeongyeon. But Jeongyeon's only looking at all of them gathered together, own expressions of shock on their faces and tears smearing their glorious smiles and twinkling eyes, and it clicks on her the answer before Nayeon can even reach out for her.

"J-Jeongyeon...N-No! Wait—"

But Nayeon can't run the extra mile anymore, not in her state, when she's this exhausted and leaning to Jeongyeon was her only source of balance.

She falls on the ground. 

The last thing Dahyun sees through her tears is Jeongyeon running away and Nayeon begging for her to come back. 

* * *

They all help Nayeon up, because she's been crying for too long and everyone's beginning to worry. 

Jihyo coaxes her to stop and catch her breath, wiping at her tears with the back of her hand. Mina and Momo stand by her side, dusting off the grass pelts and dirt sticking on her legs and hands. Dahyun and Sana stay in front of her, Sana gently tucking away the strands of hair sticking on her face and Dahyun holding up a water bottle ready for her unnie. 

All of them are in their own state of shock from the news, but somehow they find it in them to push it aside and take care of Nayeon first. It's been half an hour since then.

"We should go back to the dorms and have you rested", Jihyo says, voice strained from the physical and emotional exhaustion. 

Nobody comments about that anymore and Nayeon simply remains quiet, eyes puffy and lips still bloodshot red, staring into the unknown. 

Mina and Dahyun clean up their picnic mat, carrying the untouched food with them while Sana dusts the mat and returns it to the renting station and Momo's the one who brings their trophy.

They all walk to the dorms in heavy silence. 

It's an odd sight to see. Six girls walking down the near-desolate pathway under the muted streetlights, shoulders sagging and faces looking like they just lost something when the trophy they carried said otherwise. 

Every familiar face they pass by makes an attempt at congratulating them but the gloom of the atmosphere the girls carry around is enough to make them back out.

The dorms are quiet and nearly empty, with the fair still living the last hour of its activity and students relishing their once-in-a-lifetime welcomed liberation by partying away or heading to the nightclub lane.

They all take the elevator up to the fourth floor in silence. No one knows why they do, but there's a magnetic pull that tells them to do so. 

When the doors slide open, the first thing they see is Yoo Jeongyeon. 

_ That's why. _

Nayeon's breath hitches at the sight, and it sends a forceful yank at Dahyun's heart seeing her Jeongyeon unnie looking so distraught, the color of her shirt soaked with tears and her face all red and puffy.

"J-Jeongyeon?" 

At the mention of her name, Jeongyeon snaps out of her staring. "I…can we talk?" She looks down on the floor and kicks at the carpet. "I...I'm sorry I just ran off like that. I didn't—"

But before she can even finish, there's a weight that launches at her and wraps her in an embrace, as if holding on for dear life. It feels like the oxygen has been pumped back into their systems and just simply seeing the sight of the two together makes everyone feel like they can do this, they can try to. 

The elevator doors try to slide close but Jihyo presses the button again. "You guys should talk. We should all talk.” 

And they do. 

It's been so long since they gathered in Nayeon and Jeongyeon's room. There's a familiar feel to it yet also, an entirely new sensation. Maybe it's because there used to be three beds pressed together there and now there's only two, and there used to be a lot of traces of  _ Chaeyoung  _ around, from the only pair of shoes she owns, to the hoodie and the grandma dresses, and now everything is spot-on clean and almost de-personalized. 

When Dahyun looks at her unnies, she doesn't see the same kind of longing in their eyes when they enter. She doesn't see the same kind of wonder and unfamiliarity in their actions. This awfully looks like they don't feel the same way she does, don’t see the same state of incompleteness. 

It makes Dahyun wonder,  _ maybe I am the only one who’s still holding on to the thought of Chaeyoung?  _

They all seemed to have found their own closure with her. They all seemed to have let go of the hope that she’d still return.

Dahyun thinks.  _ Should I too?  _

She doesn’t dwell on it too much. It’s been an awfully tiring night filled with worrying and thinking and it’s just about to get more exhausting with the group meeting underway, so Dahyun takes a deep breath and pushes the thought to the side. She’ll deal with it when she can. For now, it’s all about Nayeon. 

* * *

It must be because they’re whole life they spent it fighting each other that they don’t argue anymore with this even though technically speaking, this is the only time arguing about the situation would look understandable. 

Jeongyeon and Nayeon don’t fight. They don’t throw harsh words at each other’s faces. Not because their best friends are in the same room too, witnessing the moment, but because they’re all tired and...and well, there’s really nothing they can anymore. 

Jihyo’s gotten her shit together, wiped away some snot here and there, tightened her ponytail, fixed the creases of her skirt, and got up to mediate the meeting like the leader that she is.

They treat this like it’s some sort of formal issue with the school because frankly, that’s the only way they know how to deal with the situation. 

“How far are you now?” Sana asks. She’s sitting on Jeongyeon’s bed with Momo fighting sleep beside her. “Was mama the one who found out first?” 

Nayeon nods at that, looking down. “I guessed about five to six weeks.” 

“So...at the party?” 

It’s harder when it’s Jeongyeon who asks, and her concerns aren’t targeted at the life Nayeon’s carrying but rather, towards whoever’s the biological father. 

“Yes.” 

There’s a long trail of silence there. They all had their own separate worlds at the party. Momo and Sana were (they only found out later on) too busy trying to suck each other’s faces off at one of the bathrooms; Dahyun was running around drunk; Jihyo didn’t even try to attend. It was only Mina, Jeongyeon, and Nayeon who knew what was going around, who were within each other’s reach. 

“Would you tell us...who?” Mina’s been awfully silent the entire time. Dahyun thinks it’s the weariness but a part of her also believes it’s some sort of guilt, from the party leading up to tonight. Mina’s probably thinking about all the times she could’ve been there to help, but had unknowingly chosen not to. 

“I…” Nayeon trails off, and then looks over at how Jeongyeon’s flinching at the mere thought. She draws out a deep breath. “Maybe next time?” 

_ Next time.  _

They settle into an agreement after that. Jihyo strategically devises a plan where she makes sure Nayeon has someone with her  _ always.  _ After this week, they’re going to be returning to their normal student lives and living that for a few more months before graduation. 

Nayeon has to hold it out until that. Whenever Jeongyeon and Momo have practice, Mina and Sana are to keep an eye on Nayeon and help her out at all cost. During classes and breaks, it’s Jihyo who’s in the nearest classroom, so she’ll manage that. All the other times outside of those, Jeongyeon will be there. 

Dahyun tries to ignore the painful pricking at her chest when her name isn’t mentioned. This isn’t something she should complain about. She should be thankful her unnies are all supportive, and that they’re going to do this together. 

Dahyun shouldn’t feel like she’s nothing. She has something too that they don’t. 

She was the first one to know about her little bro. 

“Tell us if something’s wrong, okay? Please, Nayeon?” Jihyo finally ends the meeting there. It’s near twelve in the midnight and everybody’s exhausted. 

Nayeon nods quietly. Jeongyeon shuffles closer to her and wraps an arm around her shoulders, holding her tight. 

“We’ll be here. Don’t worry.” 

It’s the gesture that pulls at all of them to join. They try not to squeeze the life out of Nayeon too much, knowing they have to consider someone else now too. 

When they hug together, it’s like a shield. They’re going to be protecting Nayeon from everything now, and helping her out the best way they can. This isn't going to be something Nayeon has to face alone. 

“Imagine how lucky the little thing’s gonna grow up”, Momo dreamily wonders in their hug. “Having all five of us as the coolest aunts ever.” 

Sana squeezes behind her, hugging tighter. “I’m gonna shower the baby with all the cutest clothes and toys in the world!”

“Mina’s probably gonna go start knitting baby mittens and socks now…” Jihyo teases, much to the little groan Mina lets out. 

(Again, Dahyun pushes aside the thorns wrapping around her chest.) 

When they let go, Nayeon’s finally smiling albeit faintly. She looks at all of her friends and thinks to herself how lucky she’s gotten, she managed to find five of the most wonderful girls in the entire world—with one of them a little more amazing than the others. 

“You know what I think though?” Nayeon trails off, right before everyone can usher their way out of the room. 

Jihyo looks over her shoulders. “What?” 

“I think the coolest aunt…” Nayeon smiles over at the person last in line. “...would be Dahyun.” 

“She won’t be an aunt. She’s too young”, Jeongyeon teases, much to the frown that plasters on the girl in question’s face. 

“Unnie!” Momo nearly shouts. “Dahyun’s gonna be an unnie or a noona.” 

“She said she’s gonna be a  _ bro.”  _

“Bro? Pfft.” Jeongyeon snorts at that. “I thought you only had one bro?” 

Dahyun thinks of Chaeyoung, and then of how Jeongyeon remembers, and then her mind drifts to the little life inside her unnie’s stomach. She thinks of nine more months, and all the hardships that would fit in between those, and comes up with one more certainty: 

“I can make room for one more, unnie.”

They all smile at that, and Nayeon feels a lot better, like a boulder had been lifted off her chest. When her friends finally leave, she’s in the comforts of Jeongyeon’s embrace again, and Nayeon thinks this is something she can do because she has all of the girls with her. And because she has Jeongyeon too.

_ We’ll be here _ is something she’d love to hear her entire life and spend another eternity trying to prove. 

_ Imagine how lucky the little thing’s gonna grow up having all of us together.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE TAKE TIME TO READ THIS <3 
> 
> i just want to apologize first and foremost, that this took me more than a month to put up. school is hectic and i really wanted to write too but i couldn't because of my student obligations :(( 
> 
> STILL, this was fun to write because i didnt need to cross-reference things as much as i did in the past chapters to make sure everything was aligned with spirit of 1998. 
> 
> I HOPE U GUYS ENJOYED IT! the next chapter would be the epilogue already. Mihyun's backstory was never meant to be this long huhu but i got carried away too hays it wont take as long as this did! i hope!! i will try!! the next chapter would have the graduation and a time jump. 
> 
> PLEASE DONT FORGET TO LEAVE A COMMENT AND SUBSCRIBE TO MY CHANNEL! kidding omg HAHAHA

**Author's Note:**

> #Twicein1998 
> 
> ALSO I LOVE WRITING MIHYUN NOW THEY'RE JUST ADORABLE GUYS


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